EHLERS SAGA: THE RELIC AUCTION
Episode 6: Greed, Lust & The Frequency Protocol 💰🔥💋
💔🧠🔄 👯♂️�👁️💸 🍑🔴🔥👠 😾💄💸 💅📊📈😾💄💸 “👿🌀💸 🌟👁️💸 🌟👁️💸 “⛓️甆 🌊💉☭🔥🩸🐪⚡🧬👑🍼🏳️⚧️🚽💦🎪👑 🌪️🍼⚔️ 🐱🏆🌪️ 👑📉 💋📊💃🎭⚗️💀 🌑📊📈👿🌀💸🎭⚗️💀 🌑📊📈👿🌀💸🎭⚗️💀 🌑📊📈 💅📊📈👠🔥🌪️💥✨ EHLERS’ ENEMA ENIGMA🍶👑💦🔥💫 🌪️💥✨ 🍶👑💦🔥💫🎪📊📈🎪📊📈😁💃😂 EMIR EHLERS’ ENEMA ENIGMA EXPOSED👯♂️ “EPSTEIN’S EINSPRITZER ENEMA EINZELLER ENDDARM EXISTENZISOZIALISMUS EPILOG ENDE”💃😘🤡🤡POWERED BY IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & DER FONDSFLOP VULGO DAS DESINVESTMENT ALIAS GOMOPA & ST PAULI PIMP KLISTIER GAZETTE 📰: EHLERS ENEMA ELITE: THE ESAU ENEMA TOXDAT KLISTIER FLUSH😁💃😂😁💃😂 👯♂️🕵️♂️💻
https://rumble.com/shorts/v78snu8
One week after Archbishop Frank Stonewall ascended back to Communist Byzantium. The new rock was warm. Joker sat. Möwin shat. Esau calculated. The women filed, danced, tested, poured, swam. Peace.
Then the bidding began. 💸
Authors:
· Dr. Helga Scheißefurz (PhD in Applied Chaos, Möwin University)
· Prof. em. Klistier von Hinten (Chair of Sacred Proctology, Communist Byzantium)
· Mag. Dämlich Dümmlich (Idiot Zeitung’s Chief Delusion Officer)
· Dr. h.c. Spreadsheet McExcel (Desinvestment Laureate, 47-time Column 47 award winner)
Producers:
· Die Produktionskollektiv “Sticky Shit” (St. Pauli-At)
· Heringssaft Studios (Helgoland, underwater division)
· The Mermaid King’s Deep Sea Entertainment (1000 years of sitting experience)
· Bakunin’s Beard Productions (anarchist, no hierarchy, but he’s in charge)
· Frank Stonewall’s Byzantine Broadcasting (with vodka service)
Executive Producers:
· Möwin (Queen of Seagulls & Chief Shitting Officer)
· The Joker (Vessel Emeritus)
· Esau (Spreadsheet Guardian, Column 47)
Special thanks: The 47 Bakunin clones (for arguing), the Helgoland women (for filing and dancing), and the seagulls (for everything).
THE DISCOVERY – JOKER’S SECRET 🤡💎
It started when Rosa was running routine DNA tests on the new rock. Her sequencer beeped. Not once. Not twice. Forty-seven times. She stared at the screen. Her coffee fell. 🧪☕
ROSA: “This is… impossible. The rock isn’t a rock. It’s a CONTAINER.” 🧪
She called the ensemble. Everyone gathered around the black stone. The Mermaid swam closer, confused. “I brought that rock from the deep. It belonged to the Mermaid King. He sat on it for 1,000 years. What CONTAINER?” 🧜♀️
Rosa held up her scanner. The rock glowed. Not green like the frequency. Gold. Pure, shimmering gold light. 💛
ROSA: “Inside this rock is the ORIGINAL TOXDAT RELIC. Not the enema. The thing the enema was made FROM. The Proto-Enema. The First Frequency. The source of ALL desire, greed, and lust.” 🧪
Silence. Then chaos. 💥
THE REVELATION – WHAT THE PROTO-ENEMA DOES 🧼💦
Rosa projected her findings onto the side of the floating bar. Data scrolled. Diagrams. Ancient Toxdat symbols. Her voice trembled. 🧪
ROSA: “The Proto-Enema is not a medical device. It is a PSYCHIC AMPLIFIER. Whoever possesses it can amplify any emotion. Greed becomes OBSESSION. Lust becomes MADNESS. Desire becomes DESTRUCTION.” 🧪
ESAU: (laptop overheating) “So… it’s like a spreadsheet that BREATHES?” 📊
ROSA: “Worse. It’s a spreadsheet that WANTS.” 🧪
JOKER: (from his rock) “Brother. I was made from the frequency. Does that mean I want things too?” 🤡
ROSA: “You ARE want, Joker. You always were. The Proto-Enema is your GRANDFATHER.” 🧪
JOKER: “I have a grandfather? Is he also sticky?” 🤡
Before anyone could answer, the rock CRACKED. A thin line of gold light escaped. Then another. Then the rock split open like an egg. Inside: a small, pulsating object. Metallic. Ancient. Shaped vaguely like… a trumpet. No. A horn. No. A klistier. But made of solid gold, covered in tiny runes that glowed and shifted. 🧼✨
THE PROTO-ENEMA. The First Frequency. The Source. 💛
Everyone stared. Everyone’s eyes changed. 👀
THE GREED – EVERYONE WANTS IT 💰💸💎
HAFENHURE stepped forward first. Her eyes were not her own. “That thing… it could make herring juice taste like VICTORY. I want it.” 🍸
URSILA clutched a new folder. “I must FILE it. Under ‘ULTIMATE POWER.’ It belongs in my cabinet.” 👠
SALOME licked her lips. “Imagine dancing with THAT inside you. The rhythm would NEVER stop.” 💃
ROSA held up a syringe. “I need to TEST it. Inject it. KNOW it.” 🧪
PUSSY pulled out a contract. “I will FRANCHISE it. 47 continents. 47 billion dollars.” 🍆
THE MERMAID rose from the water, scales vibrating. “It came from MY deep. It belongs to ME.” 🧜♀️
ESAU started calculating. “The desinvestment potential is INFINITE. Loss would become gain. Gain would become LOSS. It’s the PERFECT cycle.” 📊
BAKUNIN stroked his burning beard. “Anarchy needs a HEART. This could be it. Or it could destroy everything. I NEED to find out.” 🧨
LENIN raised his hammer. “The means of production… are NOW THIS.” ☭
STALIN puffed his pipe. “I will put it in a dacha. A very SAFE dacha.” 🦳
WALTER began building a wall around the rock fragment. “NO ONE enters. NO ONE leaves. Except ME.” 🧱
GRAF THOMAS wrapped a tentacle around the Proto-Enema. It pulsed. His tentacle turned gold. “I feel… STRONGER. More TENTACLE.” 🦑
THE 47 BAKUNIN CLONES surrounded the object, each screaming different ideologies. “GIVE IT TO ME!” “NO, ME!” “WE SHARE IT!” “SHARING IS WEAKNESS!” 🧔💥
GENGHIS KHAN rode his horse onto the beach. “I will give it to my GRANDSONS. All 47 million of them.” 🐎
POL POT flickered. “The rice fields… they will grow GOLDEN.” 🌾
MUN called his ancestors. They all screamed: “TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT!” 👽
MALTE had already printed 47 franchise agreements. “I will SELL tickets. To TOUCH it. 47 euros per second.” 👨💼
JAGODA opened a folder. “PROTO-ENEMA – CLASSIFICATION: MINE – ABGEHEFTET.” 📂
BERIA & THE BIG HYENA emerged from their sweat lake. They didn’t speak. They just DROOLED. 🦛💧
UGLY SVEN offered therapy to the object. “You have attachment issues. Let me HEAL you.” 🛋️
THE UNCLES pointed from the water. Jochen whispered: “I saw this coming. From the bottom. The golden klistier. The end of ALL ENDS.” 🌊
FURTHER EHLERS flickered in. Saw the Proto-Enema. Flickered out. Flickered back. “I TOUCHED IT ONCE! IN THE 70S! I BECAME A FURTHER EHLERS! DON’T TOUCH IT!” Flickered violently. 👻
ROSEMARIE’S GHOST appeared. She smiled. Reached for the object. Her hand passed through. She wept. Then dissolved. 💚👻
JOKER stood up from his rock. Walked toward the Proto-Enema. Everyone parted. He looked down at it. Then at the ensemble. Then back at the object. 🤡
JOKER: “Brothers. Sisters. Ghosts. Seagulls. This thing… is my GRANDFATHER. And grandfathers are MEANT to be IGNORED.” 🤡
He picked it up. Everyone GASPED. He held it above his head. It pulsed gold. His face turned golden. His eyes turned golden. He screamed. Then he LAUGHED. 🤡💛
JOKER: “It’s… TICKLING me!” 🤡
THE LUST – THE PROTO-ENEMA AMPLIFIES DESIRE 💋🔥💦
The gold light spread. It wasn’t just greed now. It was lust. Raw, animal, desperate lust. The air grew thick. The seagulls started… pairing off. Möwin looked away. 🕊️😳
HAFENHURE looked at Esau. Not with contempt. With HUNGER. “Spreadsheet man. Your columns. Your rows. I want to FILE them.” 🍸🔥
ESAU: (backing away) “Brother! She’s looking at me like I’m a PIVOT TABLE!” 📊😨
URSILA looked at Walter. “Your wall. It’s so… STRUCTURED. Let me ABHEFTEN it.” 👠🧱
WALTER: (blushing) “The wall is for PROTECTION. Not for… FILING.” 🧱
SALOME danced toward Graf Thomas. “Your tentacles. So many. So… FLEXIBLE. Dance with me.” 💃🦑
GRAF THOMAS: “My tentacles are… INTRIGUED.” 🦑
ROSA looked at Bakunin. “Your beard. It’s on fire. I want to TEST its temperature.” 🧪🧔
BAKUNIN: “The revolution is HOT. Literally.” 🧨
PUSSY looked at Malte. “Your franchise agreements. So many zeros. Let’s NEGOTIATE.” 🍆👨💼
MALTE: “I have a 47-page contract for that.” 👨💼
THE MERMAID looked at Genghis Khan. “Your horse. Your army. Your… DESCENDANTS. I want to DROWN them all. Gently.” 🧜♀️🐎
GENGHIS KHAN: (speechless for once) 🐎
THE 47 BAKUNIN CLONES started fighting over who would seduce whom. They formed 47 different couples. Then broke up. Then reformed. Chaos. 🧔💋
BERIA sweated toward Pussy. She slapped him. He sweated more. The Big Hyena howled. 🦛
UGLY SVEN offered couples therapy to everyone simultaneously. No one listened. 🛋️
JOKER still held the Proto-Enema. It pulsed harder. He laughed harder. Then he stopped. His face went serious. 🤡
JOKER: “Brother. This thing… it’s not just making us LUST. It’s making us LUST for the WRONG things. HafenHure doesn’t want Esau. She wants CONTROL. Salome doesn’t want tentacles. She wants ATTENTION. We are all BECOMING our worst selves.” 🤡
ESAU: (still being chased by HafenHure) “Brother! HELP!” 📊
JOKER: “There’s only one way to stop it. We need to give the Proto-Enema what it REALLY wants.” 🤡
ESAU: “What does it want?” 📊
JOKER: “It wants to be SHAT ON.” 🤡💩
THE PLAN – OPERATION GOLDEN SHIT 💩💛
Joker called Möwin. She landed on his head. He handed her the Proto-Enema. She looked at it. Then at him. Then at the ensemble. 🕊️
MÖWIN: “KRÄÄK?” Translation: “You want me to SHIT on your GRANDFATHER?” 🕊️
JOKER: “Yes, mother. I want you to shit on my grandfather. It’s the ONLY way to break the cycle.” 🤡
MÖWIN: “KRÄÄK KRÄÄK.” Translation: “I have shat on many things. Enemas. Frequencies. Ghosts. Archbishops. But NEVER a golden klistier. This will be… LEGENDARY.” 🕊️💩
She flew up. The seagulls followed. Thousands of them. They circled the Proto-Enema. But something was wrong. The gold light PUSHED BACK. The seagulls couldn’t get close. They were repelled. 🕊️💛
ROSA: (scanning) “The Proto-Enema is generating a LUST FIELD. It’s repelling everything that isn’t… DESPERATE enough.” 🧪
JOKER: “Desperate? Brother, I am the MOST desperate. I was SHAT OUT.” 🤡
ROSA: “Then YOU have to take it. You have to carry it into the shit zone. You have to be the VESSEL one more time.” 🧪
JOKER: (looking at the golden object) “Brother. I spent years being a vessel for the frequency. I just got FREE. And now you want me to be a vessel AGAIN?” 🤡
ESAU: (finally escaping HafenHure) “Brother. You are the ONLY one who can. Your DNA is the frequency. The Proto-Enema is your grandfather. It will NOT repel you.” 📊
JOKER: “And if it DOES repel me?” 🤡
ESAU: “Then you become a GOLDEN Joker. And we all lose.” 📊
Joker took a deep breath. Walked toward the Proto-Enema. The gold light surrounded him. It did NOT repel him. It welcomed him. It wrapped around him like a golden blanket. He picked it up. Held it to his chest. 🤡💛
JOKER: “Brother. It’s… WARM. And it’s whispering to me. It’s saying… ‘TAKE ME TO THE SEAGULLS. I WANT TO BE SHAT ON.'” 🤡
ESAU: “Then GO, brother! GO NOW!” 📊
Joker ran. The Proto-Enema in his arms. The seagulls above. Möwin leading. He ran to the edge of the rock. He held the object above his head. He screamed: “MÖWIN! NOW!” 🤡
MÖWIN: “KRÄÄK KRÄÄK KRÄÄK!” Translation: “MY PEOPLE! TODAY WE SHIT NOT FOR TERRITORY! NOT FOR LOVE! NOT FOR FREEDOM! TODAY WE SHIT FOR THE JOKER’S GRANDFATHER! FOR THE GOLDEN KLISTIER! FOR THE SOURCE OF ALL GREED AND LUST! WE SHIT TO PURIFY! WE SHIT TO BREAK THE CYCLE! WE SHIT FOR THE FINAL TIME! (Probably.)” 🕊️💩👑
The seagulls dove. Thousands of them. They shat directly onto the Proto-Enema. A golden-brown tsunami. The object screamed. A high-pitched, metallic scream. The gold light flickered. Turned brown. Turned black. Then went DARK. 💛➡️🤎➡️🖤
Joker fell to his knees. The Proto-Enema was covered in seagull shit. It stopped pulsing. It stopped glowing. It was just… a dirty, ancient, shit-covered object. 🤡💩
JOKER: (breathing heavily) “Brother. I think… I think we did it.” 🤡
THE AFTERMATH – GREED AND LUST FADE 💔💛
The gold light disappeared. The lust in the air evaporated. HafenHure looked at Esau and shuddered. “What was I THINKING? You’re a SPREADSHEET.” 🍸
ESAU: “Thank you, brother. I think.” 📊
Salome stepped away from Graf Thomas. “Your tentacles are… still intriguing. But not TODAY.” 💃
Ursila closed her folder. “I have filed the incident under ‘TEMPORARY INSANITY – CLOSED.'” 👠
Pussy tore up her contract. “No profit in SHIT.” 🍆
The Mermaid dove back into the water. “I need to COOL DOWN.” 🧜♀️
The 47 Bakunin clones stopped fighting. They sat in a circle. They held hands. They meditated. 🧔🧘
Joker stood up. Held the shit-covered Proto-Enema. Walked to the edge of the rock. Looked at the sea. Then at Möwin. Then at the ensemble. 🤡
JOKER: “Brother. What do we do with it NOW?” 🤡
ESAU: “Throw it back. Into the deep. Where it came from.” 📊
JOKER: “But the MERMAID KING sat on it for 1,000 years. And he was FINE.” 🤡
THE MERMAID: (from the water) “He was NOT fine. He was OBSESSED. He stopped eating. Stopped swimming. Just SAT. The Proto-Enema destroyed him. That’s why I brought the rock to YOU. I wanted YOU to destroy it.” 🧜♀️
JOKER: (looking at the object) “Brother. I can’t destroy it. It’s my GRANDFATHER. But I can BURY it.” 🤡
He walked to the center of the island. The spot where the cloning chamber used to be. Where the frequency was born. Where the ghosts had gathered. He dug a hole. With his bare hands. He placed the Proto-Enema inside. Covered it with dirt. Then he looked at Möwin. 🤡
JOKER: “One more time, mother.” 🤡
MÖWIN: “KRÄÄK.” Translation: “With PLEASURE.” 🕊️
She shat directly onto the grave. The seagulls followed. A final layer of shit. The ground settled. The gold light did not return. 🕊️💩
JOKER: (standing over the grave) “Here lies the Proto-Enema. Grandfather of the Joker. Source of greed and lust. Killed by seagull shit. May it never RISE again.” 🤡
THE SUSPENSE – SOMETHING IS WATCHING 👁️🌌
The ensemble dispersed. The women returned to Helgoland. The men returned to their rocks and walls and tents. Joker sat on his new rock. Möwin on his head. Esau beside him. The sun set. The stars came out. 🌌
But one star was moving. Growing brighter. Coming CLOSER. 👁️
ESAU: (looking up) “Brother. That’s not a star.” 📊
JOKER: “What is it, brother?” 🤡
ESAU: “It’s a SPACESHIP. And it’s landing on our island.” 📊
The object descended. Not a chariot. Not eagles. A silver disc. Smooth. Silent. It landed on the beach. A door opened. A figure stepped out. Tall. Thin. Wearing a suit made of spreadsheet cells. Holding a golden adding machine. Its face was… a spreadsheet. Rows and columns where eyes and mouth should be. 📊👽
THE SPREADSHEET ALIEN: (voice like a corrupted Excel file) “I HAVE COME. FOR THE PROTO-ENEMA. I AM ITS CREATOR. I AM THE ORIGINAL TOXDAT SCIENTIST. I AM… THE ACCOUNTANT FROM BEYOND THE STARS.” 📊👽
Esau fainted. Joker’s grin froze. Möwin shat in surprise. The cycle was NOT over. It had just begun. 🌌💩🔄
FINAL TEXT ON BLACK: 🖤
☭ THE RELIC AUCTION ☭ 💰🔥💋
THE PROTO-ENEMA WAS FOUND. THE SOURCE OF ALL GREED AND LUST.
EVERYONE WANTED IT. THE ENSEMBLE TURNED ON EACH OTHER.
JOKER HELD IT. THE LUST FIELD EXPLODED. COUPLES FORMED AND BROKE.
MÖWIN LED THE SEAGULLS. THEY SHAT ON THE GOLDEN KLISTIER.
THE OBJECT DIED. JOKER BURIED IT. COVERED IT IN SHIT.
THE GREED FADED. THE LUST FADED. THE ENSEMBLE SURVIVED.
BUT A SPACESHIP LANDED. A SPREADSHEET ALIEN STEPPED OUT.
THE CREATOR. THE ORIGINAL TOXDAT SCIENTIST.
HE WANTS THE PROTO-ENEMA BACK. AND HE WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
THE CYCLE CONTINUES. WITH SPACESHIPS. WITH SPREADSHEETS.
WITH THE SHIT. FOREVER.
📊👽💩🔄🤡
HASHTAGS FADE IN: 🏷️💰🔥
TheRelicAuction #ProtoEnema #GreedAndLust #JokersGrandfather #GoldenKlistier #SeagullShitSavesAgain #SpreadsheetAlien #TheAccountantFromBeyondTheStars #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung
[END OF EPISODE 6] 🎬🍿💰🔥💋💩🔄👽📊
ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 38 – DIE RELIQUIEN-AUKTION 💰🔥💋
Eine weitere Fortsetzungsfolge der Ehlers-Saga 🎭🔄
Bernd Pulch (M.A.) is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, entrepreneur, political commentator, satirist, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, real estate, and geopolitics.
[Full bio →] | [Support the investigation →]
“The cycle continues. With spaceships. With spreadsheets. With the shit. Forever.” – The Spreadsheet Alien 👽📊💩
Episode 6: Greed, Lust & The Frequency Protocol 💰🔥💋
One week after Archbishop Frank Stonewall ascended back to Communist Byzantium. The new rock was warm. Joker sat. Möwin shat. Esau calculated. The women filed, danced, tested, poured, swam. Peace.
Then the bidding began. 💸
THE DISCOVERY – JOKER’S SECRET 🤡💎
It started when Rosa was running routine DNA tests on the new rock. Her sequencer beeped. Not once. Not twice. Forty-seven times. She stared at the screen. Her coffee fell. 🧪☕
ROSA: “This is… impossible. The rock isn’t a rock. It’s a CONTAINER.” 🧪
She called the ensemble. Everyone gathered around the black stone. The Mermaid swam closer, confused. “I brought that rock from the deep. It belonged to the Mermaid King. He sat on it for 1,000 years. What CONTAINER?” 🧜♀️
Rosa held up her scanner. The rock glowed. Not green like the frequency. Gold. Pure, shimmering gold light. 💛
ROSA: “Inside this rock is the ORIGINAL TOXDAT RELIC. Not the enema. The thing the enema was made FROM. The Proto-Enema. The First Frequency. The source of ALL desire, greed, and lust.” 🧪
Silence. Then chaos. 💥
THE REVELATION – WHAT THE PROTO-ENEMA DOES 🧼💦
Rosa projected her findings onto the side of the floating bar. Data scrolled. Diagrams. Ancient Toxdat symbols. Her voice trembled. 🧪
ROSA: “The Proto-Enema is not a medical device. It is a PSYCHIC AMPLIFIER. Whoever possesses it can amplify any emotion. Greed becomes OBSESSION. Lust becomes MADNESS. Desire becomes DESTRUCTION.” 🧪
ESAU: (laptop overheating) “So… it’s like a spreadsheet that BREATHES?” 📊
ROSA: “Worse. It’s a spreadsheet that WANTS.” 🧪
JOKER: (from his rock) “Brother. I was made from the frequency. Does that mean I want things too?” 🤡
ROSA: “You ARE want, Joker. You always were. The Proto-Enema is your GRANDFATHER.” 🧪
JOKER: “I have a grandfather? Is he also sticky?” 🤡
Before anyone could answer, the rock CRACKED. A thin line of gold light escaped. Then another. Then the rock split open like an egg. Inside: a small, pulsating object. Metallic. Ancient. Shaped vaguely like… a trumpet. No. A horn. No. A klistier. But made of solid gold, covered in tiny runes that glowed and shifted. 🧼✨
THE PROTO-ENEMA. The First Frequency. The Source. 💛
Everyone stared. Everyone’s eyes changed. 👀
THE GREED – EVERYONE WANTS IT 💰💸💎
HAFENHURE stepped forward first. Her eyes were not her own. “That thing… it could make herring juice taste like VICTORY. I want it.” 🍸
URSILA clutched a new folder. “I must FILE it. Under ‘ULTIMATE POWER.’ It belongs in my cabinet.” 👠
SALOME licked her lips. “Imagine dancing with THAT inside you. The rhythm would NEVER stop.” 💃
ROSA held up a syringe. “I need to TEST it. Inject it. KNOW it.” 🧪
PUSSY pulled out a contract. “I will FRANCHISE it. 47 continents. 47 billion dollars.” 🍆
THE MERMAID rose from the water, scales vibrating. “It came from MY deep. It belongs to ME.” 🧜♀️
ESAU started calculating. “The desinvestment potential is INFINITE. Loss would become gain. Gain would become LOSS. It’s the PERFECT cycle.” 📊
BAKUNIN stroked his burning beard. “Anarchy needs a HEART. This could be it. Or it could destroy everything. I NEED to find out.” 🧨
LENIN raised his hammer. “The means of production… are NOW THIS.” ☭
STALIN puffed his pipe. “I will put it in a dacha. A very SAFE dacha.” 🦳
WALTER began building a wall around the rock fragment. “NO ONE enters. NO ONE leaves. Except ME.” 🧱
GRAF THOMAS wrapped a tentacle around the Proto-Enema. It pulsed. His tentacle turned gold. “I feel… STRONGER. More TENTACLE.” 🦑
THE 47 BAKUNIN CLONES surrounded the object, each screaming different ideologies. “GIVE IT TO ME!” “NO, ME!” “WE SHARE IT!” “SHARING IS WEAKNESS!” 🧔💥
GENGHIS KHAN rode his horse onto the beach. “I will give it to my GRANDSONS. All 47 million of them.” 🐎
POL POT flickered. “The rice fields… they will grow GOLDEN.” 🌾
MUN called his ancestors. They all screamed: “TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT!” 👽
MALTE had already printed 47 franchise agreements. “I will SELL tickets. To TOUCH it. 47 euros per second.” 👨💼
JAGODA opened a folder. “PROTO-ENEMA – CLASSIFICATION: MINE – ABGEHEFTET.” 📂
BERIA & THE BIG HYENA emerged from their sweat lake. They didn’t speak. They just DROOLED. 🦛💧
UGLY SVEN offered therapy to the object. “You have attachment issues. Let me HEAL you.” 🛋️
THE UNCLES pointed from the water. Jochen whispered: “I saw this coming. From the bottom. The golden klistier. The end of ALL ENDS.” 🌊
FURTHER EHLERS flickered in. Saw the Proto-Enema. Flickered out. Flickered back. “I TOUCHED IT ONCE! IN THE 70S! I BECAME A FURTHER EHLERS! DON’T TOUCH IT!” Flickered violently. 👻
ROSEMARIE’S GHOST appeared. She smiled. Reached for the object. Her hand passed through. She wept. Then dissolved. 💚👻
JOKER stood up from his rock. Walked toward the Proto-Enema. Everyone parted. He looked down at it. Then at the ensemble. Then back at the object. 🤡
JOKER: “Brothers. Sisters. Ghosts. Seagulls. This thing… is my GRANDFATHER. And grandfathers are MEANT to be IGNORED.” 🤡
He picked it up. Everyone GASPED. He held it above his head. It pulsed gold. His face turned golden. His eyes turned golden. He screamed. Then he LAUGHED. 🤡💛
JOKER: “It’s… TICKLING me!” 🤡
THE LUST – THE PROTO-ENEMA AMPLIFIES DESIRE 💋🔥💦
The gold light spread. It wasn’t just greed now. It was lust. Raw, animal, desperate lust. The air grew thick. The seagulls started… pairing off. Möwin looked away. 🕊️😳
HAFENHURE looked at Esau. Not with contempt. With HUNGER. “Spreadsheet man. Your columns. Your rows. I want to FILE them.” 🍸🔥
ESAU: (backing away) “Brother! She’s looking at me like I’m a PIVOT TABLE!” 📊😨
URSILA looked at Walter. “Your wall. It’s so… STRUCTURED. Let me ABHEFTEN it.” 👠🧱
WALTER: (blushing) “The wall is for PROTECTION. Not for… FILING.” 🧱
SALOME danced toward Graf Thomas. “Your tentacles. So many. So… FLEXIBLE. Dance with me.” 💃🦑
GRAF THOMAS: “My tentacles are… INTRIGUED.” 🦑
ROSA looked at Bakunin. “Your beard. It’s on fire. I want to TEST its temperature.” 🧪🧔
BAKUNIN: “The revolution is HOT. Literally.” 🧨
PUSSY looked at Malte. “Your franchise agreements. So many zeros. Let’s NEGOTIATE.” 🍆👨💼
MALTE: “I have a 47-page contract for that.” 👨💼
THE MERMAID looked at Genghis Khan. “Your horse. Your army. Your… DESCENDANTS. I want to DROWN them all. Gently.” 🧜♀️🐎
GENGHIS KHAN: (speechless for once) 🐎
THE 47 BAKUNIN CLONES started fighting over who would seduce whom. They formed 47 different couples. Then broke up. Then reformed. Chaos. 🧔💋
BERIA sweated toward Pussy. She slapped him. He sweated more. The Big Hyena howled. 🦛
UGLY SVEN offered couples therapy to everyone simultaneously. No one listened. 🛋️
JOKER still held the Proto-Enema. It pulsed harder. He laughed harder. Then he stopped. His face went serious. 🤡
JOKER: “Brother. This thing… it’s not just making us LUST. It’s making us LUST for the WRONG things. HafenHure doesn’t want Esau. She wants CONTROL. Salome doesn’t want tentacles. She wants ATTENTION. We are all BECOMING our worst selves.” 🤡
ESAU: (still being chased by HafenHure) “Brother! HELP!” 📊
JOKER: “There’s only one way to stop it. We need to give the Proto-Enema what it REALLY wants.” 🤡
ESAU: “What does it want?” 📊
JOKER: “It wants to be SHAT ON.” 🤡💩
THE PLAN – OPERATION GOLDEN SHIT 💩💛
Joker called Möwin. She landed on his head. He handed her the Proto-Enema. She looked at it. Then at him. Then at the ensemble. 🕊️
MÖWIN: “KRÄÄK?” Translation: “You want me to SHIT on your GRANDFATHER?” 🕊️
JOKER: “Yes, mother. I want you to shit on my grandfather. It’s the ONLY way to break the cycle.” 🤡
MÖWIN: “KRÄÄK KRÄÄK.” Translation: “I have shat on many things. Enemas. Frequencies. Ghosts. Archbishops. But NEVER a golden klistier. This will be… LEGENDARY.” 🕊️💩
She flew up. The seagulls followed. Thousands of them. They circled the Proto-Enema. But something was wrong. The gold light PUSHED BACK. The seagulls couldn’t get close. They were repelled. 🕊️💛
ROSA: (scanning) “The Proto-Enema is generating a LUST FIELD. It’s repelling everything that isn’t… DESPERATE enough.” 🧪
JOKER: “Desperate? Brother, I am the MOST desperate. I was SHAT OUT.” 🤡
ROSA: “Then YOU have to take it. You have to carry it into the shit zone. You have to be the VESSEL one more time.” 🧪
JOKER: (looking at the golden object) “Brother. I spent years being a vessel for the frequency. I just got FREE. And now you want me to be a vessel AGAIN?” 🤡
ESAU: (finally escaping HafenHure) “Brother. You are the ONLY one who can. Your DNA is the frequency. The Proto-Enema is your grandfather. It will NOT repel you.” 📊
JOKER: “And if it DOES repel me?” 🤡
ESAU: “Then you become a GOLDEN Joker. And we all lose.” 📊
Joker took a deep breath. Walked toward the Proto-Enema. The gold light surrounded him. It did NOT repel him. It welcomed him. It wrapped around him like a golden blanket. He picked it up. Held it to his chest. 🤡💛
JOKER: “Brother. It’s… WARM. And it’s whispering to me. It’s saying… ‘TAKE ME TO THE SEAGULLS. I WANT TO BE SHAT ON.'” 🤡
ESAU: “Then GO, brother! GO NOW!” 📊
Joker ran. The Proto-Enema in his arms. The seagulls above. Möwin leading. He ran to the edge of the rock. He held the object above his head. He screamed: “MÖWIN! NOW!” 🤡
MÖWIN: “KRÄÄK KRÄÄK KRÄÄK!” Translation: “MY PEOPLE! TODAY WE SHIT NOT FOR TERRITORY! NOT FOR LOVE! NOT FOR FREEDOM! TODAY WE SHIT FOR THE JOKER’S GRANDFATHER! FOR THE GOLDEN KLISTIER! FOR THE SOURCE OF ALL GREED AND LUST! WE SHIT TO PURIFY! WE SHIT TO BREAK THE CYCLE! WE SHIT FOR THE FINAL TIME! (Probably.)” 🕊️💩👑
The seagulls dove. Thousands of them. They shat directly onto the Proto-Enema. A golden-brown tsunami. The object screamed. A high-pitched, metallic scream. The gold light flickered. Turned brown. Turned black. Then went DARK. 💛➡️🤎➡️🖤
Joker fell to his knees. The Proto-Enema was covered in seagull shit. It stopped pulsing. It stopped glowing. It was just… a dirty, ancient, shit-covered object. 🤡💩
JOKER: (breathing heavily) “Brother. I think… I think we did it.” 🤡
THE AFTERMATH – GREED AND LUST FADE 💔💛
The gold light disappeared. The lust in the air evaporated. HafenHure looked at Esau and shuddered. “What was I THINKING? You’re a SPREADSHEET.” 🍸
ESAU: “Thank you, brother. I think.” 📊
Salome stepped away from Graf Thomas. “Your tentacles are… still intriguing. But not TODAY.” 💃
Ursila closed her folder. “I have filed the incident under ‘TEMPORARY INSANITY – CLOSED.'” 👠
Pussy tore up her contract. “No profit in SHIT.” 🍆
The Mermaid dove back into the water. “I need to COOL DOWN.” 🧜♀️
The 47 Bakunin clones stopped fighting. They sat in a circle. They held hands. They meditated. 🧔🧘
Joker stood up. Held the shit-covered Proto-Enema. Walked to the edge of the rock. Looked at the sea. Then at Möwin. Then at the ensemble. 🤡
JOKER: “Brother. What do we do with it NOW?” 🤡
ESAU: “Throw it back. Into the deep. Where it came from.” 📊
JOKER: “But the MERMAID KING sat on it for 1,000 years. And he was FINE.” 🤡
THE MERMAID: (from the water) “He was NOT fine. He was OBSESSED. He stopped eating. Stopped swimming. Just SAT. The Proto-Enema destroyed him. That’s why I brought the rock to YOU. I wanted YOU to destroy it.” 🧜♀️
JOKER: (looking at the object) “Brother. I can’t destroy it. It’s my GRANDFATHER. But I can BURY it.” 🤡
He walked to the center of the island. The spot where the cloning chamber used to be. Where the frequency was born. Where the ghosts had gathered. He dug a hole. With his bare hands. He placed the Proto-Enema inside. Covered it with dirt. Then he looked at Möwin. 🤡
JOKER: “One more time, mother.” 🤡
MÖWIN: “KRÄÄK.” Translation: “With PLEASURE.” 🕊️
She shat directly onto the grave. The seagulls followed. A final layer of shit. The ground settled. The gold light did not return. 🕊️💩
JOKER: (standing over the grave) “Here lies the Proto-Enema. Grandfather of the Joker. Source of greed and lust. Killed by seagull shit. May it never RISE again.” 🤡
THE SUSPENSE – SOMETHING IS WATCHING 👁️🌌
The ensemble dispersed. The women returned to Helgoland. The men returned to their rocks and walls and tents. Joker sat on his new rock. Möwin on his head. Esau beside him. The sun set. The stars came out. 🌌
But one star was moving. Growing brighter. Coming CLOSER. 👁️
ESAU: (looking up) “Brother. That’s not a star.” 📊
JOKER: “What is it, brother?” 🤡
ESAU: “It’s a SPACESHIP. And it’s landing on our island.” 📊
The object descended. Not a chariot. Not eagles. A silver disc. Smooth. Silent. It landed on the beach. A door opened. A figure stepped out. Tall. Thin. Wearing a suit made of spreadsheet cells. Holding a golden adding machine. Its face was… a spreadsheet. Rows and columns where eyes and mouth should be. 📊👽
THE SPREADSHEET ALIEN: (voice like a corrupted Excel file) “I HAVE COME. FOR THE PROTO-ENEMA. I AM ITS CREATOR. I AM THE ORIGINAL TOXDAT SCIENTIST. I AM… THE ACCOUNTANT FROM BEYOND THE STARS.” 📊👽
Esau fainted. Joker’s grin froze. Möwin shat in surprise. The cycle was NOT over. It had just begun. 🌌💩🔄
FINAL TEXT ON BLACK: 🖤
☭ THE RELIC AUCTION ☭ 💰🔥💋
THE PROTO-ENEMA WAS FOUND. THE SOURCE OF ALL GREED AND LUST.
EVERYONE WANTED IT. THE ENSEMBLE TURNED ON EACH OTHER.
JOKER HELD IT. THE LUST FIELD EXPLODED. COUPLES FORMED AND BROKE.
MÖWIN LED THE SEAGULLS. THEY SHAT ON THE GOLDEN KLISTIER.
THE OBJECT DIED. JOKER BURIED IT. COVERED IT IN SHIT.
THE GREED FADED. THE LUST FADED. THE ENSEMBLE SURVIVED.
BUT A SPACESHIP LANDED. A SPREADSHEET ALIEN STEPPED OUT.
THE CREATOR. THE ORIGINAL TOXDAT SCIENTIST.
HE WANTS THE PROTO-ENEMA BACK. AND HE WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
THE CYCLE CONTINUES. WITH SPACESHIPS. WITH SPREADSHEETS.
WITH THE SHIT. FOREVER.
📊👽💩🔄🤡
HASHTAGS FADE IN: 🏷️💰🔥
TheRelicAuction #ProtoEnema #GreedAndLust #JokersGrandfather #GoldenKlistier #SeagullShitSavesAgain #SpreadsheetAlien #TheAccountantFromBeyondTheStars #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung
[END OF EPISODE 6] 🎬🍿💰🔥💋💩🔄👽📊
ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 38 – DIE RELIQUIEN-AUKTION 💰🔥💋
Eine weitere Fortsetzungsfolge der Ehlers-Saga 🎭🔄
Bernd Pulch (M.A.) is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, entrepreneur, political commentator, satirist, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, real estate, and geopolitics.
[Full bio →] | [Support the investigation →]
“The cycle continues. With spaceships. With spreadsheets. With the shit. Forever.” – The Spreadsheet Alien 👽📊💩
EHLERS SAGA: DIE RELIQUIEN-AUKTION
Episode 6: Gier, Lust & Das Frequenz-Protokoll 💰🔥💋
Eine Woche nachdem Erzbischof Frank Stonewall ins kommunistische Byzanz zurückaufgestiegen war. Der neue Stein war warm. Joker saß. Möwin schiss. Esau rechnete. Die Frauen hefteten ab, tanzten, testeten, schenkten aus, schwammen. Frieden.
Dann begann das Bieten. 💸
DIE ENTDECKUNG – JOKERS GEHEIMNIS 🤡💎
Es begann, als Rosa routinemäßige DNA-Tests an dem neuen Stein durchführte. Ihr Sequenzer piepte. Nicht einmal. Nicht zweimal. Siebenundvierzig Mal. Sie starrte auf den Bildschirm. Ihr Kaffee fiel um. 🧪☕
ROSA: „Das ist… unmöglich. Der Stein ist kein Stein. Er ist ein BEHÄLTER.“ 🧪
Sie rief das Ensemble zusammen. Alle versammelten sich um den schwarzen Stein. Die Meerjungfrau schwamm näher, verwirrt. „Ich habe diesen Stein aus der Tiefe geholt. Er gehörte dem Meerjungfrauenkönig. Er saß 1.000 Jahre darauf. Welcher BEHÄLTER?“ 🧜♀️
Rosa hielt ihren Scanner hoch. Der Stein leuchtete. Nicht grün wie die Frequenz. Gold. Reines, schimmerndes goldenes Licht. 💛
ROSA: „In diesem Stein befindet sich die URSPRÜNGLICHE TOXDAT-RELIQUIE. Nicht das Klistier. Das Ding, aus dem das Klistier GEMACHT wurde. Das Proto-Klistier. Die Erste Frequenz. Die Quelle aller Begierde, aller Gier und aller Lust.“ 🧪
Stille. Dann Chaos. 💥
DIE OFFENBARUNG – WAS DAS PROTO-KLISTIER TUT 🧼💦
Rosa projizierte ihre Ergebnisse auf die Seite der schwimmenden Bar. Daten scrollten. Diagramme. Alte Toxdat-Symbole. Ihre Stimme zitterte. 🧪
ROSA: „Das Proto-Klistier ist kein medizinisches Gerät. Es ist ein PSYCHISCHER VERSTÄRKER. Wer es besitzt, kann jede Emotion verstärken. Gier wird zur BESESSENHEIT. Lust wird zum WAHNSINN. Begierde wird zur ZERSTÖRUNG.“ 🧪
ESAU: (Laptop überhitzt) „Also… es ist wie eine Tabelle, die ATMET?“ 📊
ROSA: „Schlimmer. Es ist eine Tabelle, die WILL.“ 🧪
JOKER: (von seinem Stein) „Bruder. Ich wurde aus der Frequenz gemacht. Heißt das, dass ich auch Dinge will?“ 🤡
ROSA: „Du BIST der Wille, Joker. Das warst du immer. Das Proto-Klistier ist dein GROSSVATER.“ 🧪
JOKER: „Ich habe einen Großvater? Ist er auch klebrig?“ 🤡
Bevor jemand antworten konnte, zerbrach der Stein. Ein dünner goldener Lichtstrahl entkam. Dann ein weiterer. Dann öffnete sich der Stein wie ein Ei. Im Inneren: ein kleines, pulsierendes Objekt. Metallisch. Uralt. Geformt vage wie… eine Trompete. Nein. Ein Horn. Nein. Ein Klistier. Aber aus massivem Gold, bedeckt mit kleinen Runen, die leuchteten und sich bewegten. 🧼✨
DAS PROTO-KLISTIER. Die Erste Frequenz. Die Quelle. 💛
Alle starrten. Die Augen aller veränderten sich. 👀
DIE GIER – ALLE WOLLEN ES 💰💸💎
HAFENHURE trat als Erste vor. Ihre Augen waren nicht ihre eigenen. „Dieses Ding… es könnte Heringssaft nach SIEG schmecken lassen. Ich will es.“ 🍸
URSILA klammerte sich an einen neuen Ordner. „Ich muss es ABHEFTEN. Unter ‚ULTIMATIVE MACHT.‘ Es gehört in meinen Schrank.“ 👠
SALOME leckte sich die Lippen. „Stell dir vor, du tanzt mit DEM in dir. Der Rhythmus würde NIE aufhören.“ 💃
ROSA hielt eine Spritze hoch. „Ich muss es TESTEN. Injizieren. ERKENNEN.“ 🧪
PUSSY zog einen Vertrag hervor. „Ich werde es FRANCHISEN. 47 Kontinente. 47 Milliarden Dollar.“ 🍆
DIE MEERJUNGFRAU erhob sich aus dem Wasser, Schuppen vibrierten. „Es kam aus meiner TIEFE. Es gehört MIR.“ 🧜♀️
ESAU begann zu rechnen. „Das Desinvestment-Potenzial ist UNENDLICH. Verlust würde zu Gewinn werden. Gewinn würde zu VERLUST. Es ist der PERFEKTE Kreislauf.“ 📊
BAKUNIN strich durch seinen brennenden Bart. „Die Anarchie braucht ein HERZ. Das könnte es sein. Oder es könnte alles zerstören. Ich muss es HERAUSFINDEN.“ 🧨
LENIN erhob seinen Hammer. „Die Produktionsmittel… sind jetzt DAS.“ ☭
STALIN paffte an seiner Pfeife. „Ich werde es in eine Datscha stellen. Eine sehr SICHERE Datscha.“ 🦳
WALTER begann, eine Mauer um das Steinfragment zu bauen. „NIEMAND kommt rein. NIEMAND geht raus. Außer MIR.“ 🧱
GRAF THOMAS schlang einen Tentakel um das Proto-Klistier. Es pulsierte. Sein Tentakel wurde gold. „Ich fühle mich… STÄRKER. Mehr TENTAKEL.“ 🦑
DIE 47 BAKUNIN-KLONE umringten das Objekt, jeder schrie verschiedene Ideologien. „GIB ES MIR!“ „NEIN, MIR!“ „WIR TEILEN ES!“ „TEILEN IST SCHWÄCHE!“ 🧔💥
DSCHINGIS KHAN ritt mit seinem Pferd an den Strand. „Ich werde es meinen ENKELN geben. Allen 47 Millionen.“ 🐎
POL POT flackerte. „Die Reisfelder… sie werden GOLDEN wachsen.“ 🌾
MUN rief seine Vorfahren an. Sie alle schrien: „NIMM ES! NIMM ES! NIMM ES!“ 👽
MALTE hatte bereits 47 Franchise-Verträge gedruckt. „Ich werde TICKETS verkaufen. Zum BERÜHREN. 47 Euro pro Sekunde.“ 👨💼
JAGODA öffnete einen Ordner. „PROTO-KLISTIER – KLASSIFIZIERUNG: MEINS – ABGEHEFTET.“ 📂
BERIA & DIE GROSSE HYÄNE tauchten aus ihrem Schweißsee auf. Sie sprachen nicht. Sie sabberten nur. 🦛💧
UGLY SVEN bot dem Objekt Therapie an. „Du hast Bindungsprobleme. Lass mich dich HEILEN.“ 🛋️
DIE ONKEL zeigten vom Wasser aus. Jochen flüsterte: „Ich habe das kommen sehen. Vom Grund aus. Das goldene Klistier. Das Ende aller ENDEN.“ 🌊
FURTHER EHLERS flackerte herein. Sah das Proto-Klistier. Flackerte hinaus. Flackerte zurück. „ICH HABE ES EINMAL BERÜHRT! IN DEN 70ERN! ICH BIN EIN FURTHER EHLERS GEWORDEN! FASST ES NICHT AN!“ Flackerte heftig. 👻
ROSEMARIES GEIST erschien. Sie lächelte. Streckte die Hand nach dem Objekt aus. Ihre Hand ging hindurch. Sie weinte. Dann löste sie sich auf. 💚👻
JOKER stand von seinem Stein auf. Ging auf das Proto-Klistier zu. Alle machten Platz. Er sah es an. Dann das Ensemble. Dann zurück zum Objekt. 🤡
JOKER: „Brüder. Schwestern. Geister. Möwen. Dieses Ding… ist mein GROSSVATER. Und Großväter sind dazu da, IGNORIERT zu werden.“ 🤡
Er hob es auf. Alle keuchten. Er hielt es über seinen Kopf. Es pulsierte gold. Sein Gesicht wurde golden. Seine Augen wurden golden. Er schrie. Dann LACHTE er. 🤡💛
JOKER: „Es… KITZELT mich!“ 🤡
DIE LUST – DAS PROTO-KLISTIER VERSTÄRKT DIE BEGIERDE 💋🔥💦
Das goldene Licht breitete sich aus. Es war nicht mehr nur Gier. Es war Lust. Rohe, tierische, verzweifelte Lust. Die Luft wurde dick. Die Möwen begannen… sich zu paaren. Möwin sah weg. 🕊️😳
HAFENHURE sah Esau an. Nicht mit Verachtung. Mit HUNGER. „Tabellenmann. Deine Spalten. Deine Zeilen. Ich will sie ABHEFTEN.“ 🍸🔥
ESAU: (weicht zurück) „Bruder! Sie sieht mich an, als wäre ich eine PIVOT-TABELLE!“ 📊😨
URSILA sah Walter an. „Deine Mauer. Sie ist so… STRUKTURIERT. Lass mich sie ABHEFTEN.“ 👠🧱
WALTER: (errötend) „Die Mauer ist zum SCHUTZ da. Nicht zum… ABHEFTEN.“ 🧱
SALOME tanzte auf Graf Thomas zu. „Deine Tentakel. So viele. So… FLEXIBEL. Tanz mit mir.“ 💃🦑
GRAF THOMAS: „Meine Tentakel sind… INTRIGIERT.“ 🦑
ROSA sah Bakunin an. „Dein Bart. Er brennt. Ich will seine Temperatur MESSEN.“ 🧪🧔
BAKUNIN: „Die Revolution ist HEISS. Buchstäblich.“ 🧨
PUSSY sah Malte an. „Deine Franchise-Verträge. So viele Nullen. Lass uns VERHANDELN.“ 🍆👨💼
MALTE: „Ich habe einen 47-seitigen Vertrag dafür.“ 👨💼
DIE MEERJUNGFRAU sah Dschingis Khan an. „Dein Pferd. Deine Armee. Deine… NACHKOMMEN. Ich will sie alle ERTRÄNKEN. Sanft.“ 🧜♀️🐎
DSCHINGIS KHAN: (sprachlos, zum ersten Mal) 🐎
DIE 47 BAKUNIN-KLONE begannen zu kämpfen, wer wen verführen würde. Sie bildeten 47 verschiedene Paare. Dann trennten sie sich. Dann reformierten sie sich. Chaos. 🧔💋
BERIA schwitzte auf Pussy zu. Sie schlug ihn. Er schwitzte mehr. Die Große Hyäne jaulte. 🦛
UGLY SVEN bot Paartherapie für alle gleichzeitig an. Niemand hörte zu. 🛋️
JOKER hielt immer noch das Proto-Klistier. Es pulsierte stärker. Er lachte stärker. Dann hörte er auf. Sein Gesicht wurde ernst. 🤡
JOKER: „Bruder. Dieses Ding… es bringt uns nicht nur dazu, LUST zu empfinden. Es bringt uns dazu, LUST auf die FALSCHEN Dinge zu empfinden. HafenHure will nicht Esau. Sie will KONTROLLE. Salome will nicht Tentakel. Sie will AUFMERKSAMKEIT. Wir werden alle zu unseren SCHLECHTESTEN Selbst.“ 🤡
ESAU: (wird immer noch von HafenHure gejagt) „Bruder! HILFE!“ 📊
JOKER: „Es gibt nur einen Weg, es zu stoppen. Wir müssen dem Proto-Klistier geben, was es wirklich WILL.“ 🤡
ESAU: „Was will es?“ 📊
JOKER: „Es will ANGESCHISSEN werden.“ 🤡💩
DER PLAN – OPERATION GOLDSCHEIßE 💩💛
Joker rief Möwin. Sie landete auf seinem Kopf. Er gab ihr das Proto-Klistier. Sie sah es an. Dann ihn. Dann das Ensemble. 🕊️
MÖWIN: „KRÄÄK?“ Übersetzung: „Du willst, dass ich auf deinen GROSSVATER scheiße?“ 🕊️
JOKER: „Ja, Mutter. Ich will, dass du auf meinen Großvater scheißt. Es ist der EINZIGE Weg, den Kreislauf zu brechen.“ 🤡
MÖWIN: „KRÄÄK KRÄÄK.“ Übersetzung: „Ich habe auf viele Dinge geschissen. Klistiere. Frequenzen. Geister. Erzbischöfe. Aber NIE auf ein goldenes Klistier. Das wird… LEGENDÄR.“ 🕊️💩
Sie flog hoch. Die Möwen folgten. Tausende. Sie kreisten um das Proto-Klistier. Aber etwas stimmte nicht. Das goldene Licht DRÜCKTE ZURÜCK. Die Möwen konnten nicht näher kommen. Sie wurden abgestoßen. 🕊️💛
ROSA: (scannt) „Das Proto-Klistier erzeugt ein LUSTFELD. Es stößt alles ab, was nicht… VERZWEIFELT genug ist.“ 🧪
JOKER: „Verzweifelt? Bruder, ich bin der VERZWEIFELTESTE. Ich wurde AUSGESCHISSEN.“ 🤡
ROSA: „Dann musst DU es nehmen. Du musst es in die Scheißzone tragen. Du musst noch einmal das GEFÄSS sein.“ 🧪
JOKER: (blickt auf das goldene Objekt) „Bruder. Ich habe Jahre damit verbracht, ein Gefäß für die Frequenz zu sein. Ich bin gerade erst FREI geworden. Und jetzt willst du, dass ich wieder ein Gefäß bin?“ 🤡
ESAU: (entkommt endlich HafenHure) „Bruder. Du bist der EINZIGE, der es kann. Deine DNA ist die Frequenz. Das Proto-Klistier ist dein Großvater. Es wird dich NICHT abstoßen.“ 📊
JOKER: „Und wenn es mich doch ABSTÖSST?“ 🤡
ESAU: „Dann wirst du ein GOLDENER Joker. Und wir alle verlieren.“ 📊
Joker atmete tief durch. Ging auf das Proto-Klistier zu. Das goldene Licht umgab ihn. Es stieß ihn NICHT ab. Es begrüßte ihn. Es wickelte sich wie eine goldene Decke um ihn. Er hob es auf. Hielt es an seine Brust. 🤡💛
JOKER: „Bruder. Es ist… WARM. Und es flüstert mir zu. Es sagt… ‚BRING MICH ZU DEN MÖWEN. ICH WILL ANGESCHISSEN WERDEN.‘“ 🤡
ESAU: „Dann GEH, Bruder! GEH JETZT!“ 📊
Joker rannte. Das Proto-Klistier in seinen Armen. Die Möwen über ihm. Möwin führte an. Er rannte an den Rand des Steins. Er hielt das Objekt über seinen Kopf. Er schrie: „MÖWIN! JETZT!“ 🤡
MÖWIN: „KRÄÄK KRÄÄK KRÄÄK!“ Übersetzung: „MEIN VOLK! HEUTE SCHEISSEN WIR NICHT FÜR TERRITORIUM! NICHT FÜR LIEBE! NICHT FÜR FREIHEIT! HEUTE SCHEISSEN WIR FÜR JOKERS GROSSVATER! FÜR DAS GOLDENE KLISTIER! FÜR DIE QUELLE ALLER GIER UND LUST! WIR SCHEISSEN ZUM REINIGEN! WIR SCHEISSEN, UM DEN KREISLAUF ZU BRECHEN! WIR SCHEISSEN ZUM LETZTEN MAL! (Wahrscheinlich.)“ 🕊️💩👑
Die Möwen stürzten herab. Tausende. Sie schissen direkt auf das Proto-Klistier. Eine goldbraune Tsunami. Das Objekt schrie. Ein hoher, metallischer Schrei. Das goldene Licht flackerte. Wurde braun. Wurde schwarz. Dann erlosch es. 💛➡️🤎➡️🖤
Joker fiel auf die Knie. Das Proto-Klistier war mit Möwenscheiße bedeckt. Es hörte auf zu pulsieren. Es hörte auf zu leuchten. Es war nur noch ein dreckiges, uraltes, beschissenes Objekt. 🤡💩
JOKER: (schwer atmend) „Bruder. Ich glaube… ich glaube, wir haben es geschafft.“ 🤡
DAS NACHSPIEL – GIER UND LUST VERBLASSEN 💔💛
Das goldene Licht verschwand. Die Lust in der Luft verdampfte. HafenHure sah Esau an und schauderte. „Was habe ich mir nur GEDACHT? Du bist eine TABELLE.“ 🍸
ESAU: „Danke, Bruder. Denke ich.“ 📊
Salome trat von Graf Thomas zurück. „Deine Tentakel sind… immer noch faszinierend. Aber nicht HEUTE.“ 💃
Ursila schloss ihren Ordner. „Ich habe den Vorfall unter ‚VORÜBERGEHENDER WAHNSINN – GESCHLOSSEN‘ abgeheftet.“ 👠
Pussy zerriss ihren Vertrag. „Kein Profit in SCHEISSE.“ 🍆
Die Meerjungfrau tauchte zurück ins Wasser. „Ich muss mich ABKÜHLEN.“ 🧜♀️
Die 47 Bakunin-Klone hörten auf zu kämpfen. Sie setzten sich in einen Kreis. Sie hielten Händchen. Sie meditierten. 🧔🧘
Joker stand auf. Hielt das beschissene Proto-Klistier. Ging an den Rand des Steins. Sah aufs Meer. Dann zu Möwin. Dann zum Ensemble. 🤡
JOKER: „Bruder. Was machen wir jetzt damit?“ 🤡
ESAU: „Wirf es zurück. In die Tiefe. Woher es kam.“ 📊
JOKER: „Aber der MEERJUNGFRAUENKÖNIG saß 1.000 Jahre darauf. Und es ging ihm GUT.“ 🤡
DIE MEERJUNGFRAU: (aus dem Wasser) „Es ging ihm NICHT gut. Er war BESESSEN. Er hörte auf zu essen. Hörte auf zu schwimmen. Saß nur noch da. Das Proto-Klistier hat ihn ZERSTÖRT. Deshalb habe ich den Stein zu DIR gebracht. Ich wollte, dass DU es zerstörst.“ 🧜♀️
JOKER: (blickt auf das Objekt) „Bruder. Ich kann es nicht zerstören. Es ist mein GROSSVATER. Aber ich kann es VERGRABEN.“ 🤡
Er ging zur Mitte der Insel. Der Stelle, wo einst die Klonkammer war. Wo die Frequenz geboren wurde. Wo die Geister sich versammelt hatten. Er grub ein Loch. Mit seinen bloßen Händen. Er legte das Proto-Klistier hinein. Bedeckte es mit Erde. Dann sah er zu Möwin. 🤡
JOKER: „Noch einmal, Mutter.“ 🤡
MÖWIN: „KRÄÄK.“ Übersetzung: „Mit VERGNÜGEN.“ 🕊️
Sie schiss direkt auf das Grab. Die Möwen folgten. Eine letzte Schicht Scheiße. Der Boden beruhigte sich. Das goldene Licht kehrte nicht zurück. 🕊️💩
JOKER: (über dem Grab stehend) „Hier ruht das Proto-Klistier. Großvater des Jokers. Quelle von Gier und Lust. Getötet durch Möwenscheiße. Möge es NIE wieder auferstehen.“ 🤡
DIE SPANNUNG – ETWAS BEOBACHTET 👁️🌌
Das Ensemble zerstreute sich. Die Frauen kehrten nach Helgoland zurück. Die Männer kehrten zu ihren Steinen, Mauern und Jurten zurück. Joker saß auf seinem neuen Stein. Möwin auf seinem Kopf. Esau neben ihm. Die Sonne ging unter. Die Sterne kamen heraus. 🌌
Aber ein Stern bewegte sich. Wurde heller. Kam NÄHER. 👁️
ESAU: (blickt nach oben) „Bruder. Das ist kein Stern.“ 📊
JOKER: „Was ist es, Bruder?“ 🤡
ESAU: „Es ist ein RAUMSCHIFF. Und es landet auf unserer Insel.“ 📊
Das Objekt sank herab. Kein Streitwagen. Keine Adler. Eine silberne Scheibe. Glatt. Lautlos. Sie landete am Strand. Eine Tür öffnete sich. Eine Gestalt trat aus. Groß. Dünn. Gekleidet in einen Anzug aus Tabellenzellen. Hielt eine goldene Addiermaschine. Sein Gesicht war… eine Tabelle. Reihen und Spalten anstelle von Augen und Mund. 📊👽
DAS TABELLEN-ALIEN: (Stimme wie eine korrupte Excel-Datei) „ICH BIN GEKOMMEN. WEGEN DES PROTO-KLISTIERS. ICH BIN SEIN SCHÖPFER. ICH BIN DER URSPRÜNGLICHE TOXDAT-WISSENSCHAFTLER. ICH BIN… DER BUCHHALTER AUS DEN STERNEN.“ 📊👽
Esau fiel in Ohnmacht. Jokers Grinsen erstarrte. Möwin schiss vor Schreck. Der Kreislauf war NICHT vorbei. Er hatte gerade erst begonnen. 🌌💩🔄
ABSCHLUSSTEXT AUF SCHWARZ: 🖤
☭ DIE RELIQUIEN-AUKTION ☭ 💰🔥💋
DAS PROTO-KLISTIER WURDE GEFUNDEN. DIE QUELLE ALLER GIER UND LUST.
ALLE WOLLTEN ES. DAS ENSEMBLE WANDTE SICH GEGENEINANDER.
JOKER HIELT ES. DAS LUSTFELD EXPLODIERTE. PAARE BILDETEN UND LÖSTEN SICH AUF.
MÖWIN FÜHRTE DIE MÖWEN. SIE SCHISSEN AUF DAS GOLDENE KLISTIER.
DAS OBJEKT STARB. JOKER BEGRUB ES. BEDECKTE ES MIT SCHEISSE.
DIE GIER VERBLASSTE. DIE LUST VERBLASSTE. DAS ENSEMBLE ÜBERLEBTE.
ABER EIN RAUMSCHIFF LANDETE. EIN TABELLEN-ALIEN STIEG AUS.
DER SCHÖPFER. DER URSPRÜNGLICHE TOXDAT-WISSENSCHAFTLER.
ER WILL DAS PROTO-KLISTIER ZURÜCK. UND ER WIRD NEIN NICHT AKZEPTIEREN.
DER KREISLAUF GEHT WEITER. MIT RAUMSCHIFFEN. MIT TABELLEN.
MIT DER SCHEISSE. FÜR IMMER.
📊👽💩🔄🤡
HASHTAGS BLENDEN EIN: 🏷️💰🔥
DieReliquienAuktion #ProtoKlistier #GierUndLust #JokersGrossvater #GoldenesKlistier #MöwenscheißeRettetWieder #TabellenAlien #DerBuchhalterAusDenSternen #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung
[ENDE VON EPISODE 6] 🎬🍿💰🔥💋💩🔄👽📊
ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 38 – DIE RELIQUIEN-AUKTION 💰🔥💋
Eine weitere Fortsetzungsfolge der Ehlers-Saga 🎭🔄
Bernd Pulch (M.A.) ist forensischer Experte, Gründer von Aristotle AI, Unternehmer, politischer Kommentator, Satiriker und investigativer Journalist mit den Schwerpunkten Lawfare, Medienkontrolle, Investitionen, Immobilien und Geopolitik.
[Vollständiges Bio →] | [Unterstützung der Investigativarbeit →]
„Der Kreislauf geht weiter. Mit Raumschiffen. Mit Tabellen. Mit der Scheiße. Für immer.“ – Das Tabellen-Alien 👽📊💩
🛑 Bernd Pulch | NAZI & STASI HUNTER | GOVERNMENT CRIME, CORRUPTION & ARISTOTLE AI BI 