There are demons out there, y’all. An entire unseen world doing battle for everyone’s souls, and we’re just stuck here in the middle of it, eating our ramen noodles and watching reality TV. Just think, you may be possessed by a demon right now and you don’t even know it!
With a wide variety of crises like soaring gas prices, countries on the brink of starting World War 3, and Lizzo appearing in The Mandalorian, the last thing you need to be dealing with right now is demon possession. That’s why The Babylon Bee has put together this useful list to help you determine if you are, in fact, possessed by a demon.
- You’re multilingual, as of yesterday: You woke up with the ability to speak Spanish, Chinese, and the Black Speech of Mordor. Concerning!
- You are currently crawling on the ceiling: If, as you’re reading this, you’re crawling on the ceiling or levitating in any way, please seek help from the clergy.
- You order pineapple on your pizza: Unspeakable acts like this are a clear sign supernatural darkness has taken hold of someone.
- Your preferred pronouns are They/Them: For you are many.
- You don’t return your shopping cart to the corral: Only vicious, godless creatures do this.
- You have an insatiable urge to teach gender theory to kindergartners: What other explanation could there be?
- You think it’s a good idea to surgically mutilate your genitals: Non-possessed people often prefer to keep sharp objects away from their privates.
- You’ve been elected to the U.S. Congress: Not a guarantee of demon possession…but at least a 50/50 chance!
There you have it! If one or more of the items above describe you, you’re likely possessed by a demon. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!
NOT SATIRE: It’s A Modern Day Screwtape Letters! Written and directed by the filmmakers behind “God’s Not Dead” and “Unplanned,” NEFARIOUS is a supernatural thriller in the style of C.S. Lewis’s “The Screwtape Letters”.
The execution of Edward Wayne Brady is hours away, but there’s a problem. The infamous serial killer now claims he is innocent — possessed by a demon named Nefarious. Psychiatrist Dr. James Martin is rushed to the prison to interview Edward, and is unprepared for the intelligence of the man in orange sitting across from him. Is Edward faking insanity to save his life, has he truly gone mad — or is this something much, much worse?
“Captivating. Suspenseful. Beautiful. And also profound. You simply must see it.”
— Author/Filmmaker Dinesh D’Souza
— Glenn Beck