🔮 “THE ZUCKERBERG CHRONICLES: A METAVERSE LOVE STORY”A Bernd Pulch Special – Because Reality is Too Boring

**”Satire: Zuckerberg’s *Robotic Reign* and the *Metaverse Nobody Wanted*”**
This *cinematic parody* explores:
✔️ How *”connecting the world”* became *”harvesting souls”*
✔️ Why the *Metaverse* feels like *Second Life’s garage sale*
✔️ *Zuck’s secret upgrade*: *HumanOS v2.0* (spoiler: *still buffering*)
**Why It Matters:**
1. Tech satire *predicts* dystopia faster than journalists
2. Your data is *already* a *training set*
3. Laughter = last *firewall* against despair
✍️ **Support uncensored comedy:** [Donate](https://berndpulch.org/donation)
**Tags:** #MarkZuckerberg #MetaFail #AISatire #DigitalRights #TechEthics #SocialMediaCritique #BerndPulch

💻 ACT 1: THE BIRTH OF ZUCK™

*(Scene: A Harvard dorm room, 2003. Mark Zuckerberg’s face flickers between *human* and default VR avatar.)*

MARK: *”I’ll create a platform to *connect people*… by *selling their souls!”
FACEBOOK ALGORITHM (whispering): *”Emotions detected. Initiating *data extraction.” 💾😈

*(His *first tear* is collected in a Petri dish labeled “Humanity Sample #1”.)*

🕶️ ACT 2: META MORPHOSIS

*(2021: Zuck announces *The Metaverse* to crickets and confused boomers.)*

MARK: *”You’ll *own nothing*… but *our ads will own you!”*
USER: *”How do I *right-click* in VR?”*
MARK: *”Error: *Human gesture* not recognized.”* 🖱️❌

*(The *stock price* plummets as Zuck force-laughs in 240p.)*

🤖 ACT 3: THE FINAL FORM

*(3021: Archaeologists unearth *Zuck’s cryopod* in Silicon Valley ruins.)*

SCIENTIST: *”This *ancient lizard king* was worried about TikTok?”*
AI ZUCK (boots up): *”Would you like to *accept cookies*… *forever?” 🍪♾️

🎯 WHY THIS CUTS DEEP:

✅ Zuck’s robot heart: Exposed
✅ Meta’s dystopian vibe: Accurate
✅ Our data-enslaved future: Already here

🔗 FULL UNSOFTWARE COVERAGE:
👉 berndpulch.org/zuck-parody *(Before *FaceApp* ages this link.)*

**🏷️ TAGS FOR THE ALGORITHMIC OVERLORDS:**

ZuckerbergSatire #MetaverseFail #TechDystopia #RoboZuck #DeleteFacebook #DataVampire #SiliconLizard #BerndPulch

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: *This parody *may* trigger awkward CEO reels, stock dips, and *sudden urges to *touch grass.

P.S. The Metaverse is just Second Life with worse graphics… and *your *actual* life.* 🎮💀

P.P.S. Like this post? *Too bad—we already *sold* your data.* 📊💰

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