(Now streaming on all NATO-aligned platforms.)

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🎬 “ZELENSKY: THE HOLLYWOOD PRESIDENCY”

A Bernd Pulch Production – Sponsored by NATO, the IMF, and Warner Bros.

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🎭 ACT 1: FROM COMEDIAN TO COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF

(2019: A TV studio in Kyiv. Zelensky finishes his last comedy sketch.)
PRODUCER: “Great ratings! What’s next?”
ZELENSKY: *”How about… *President*? But with *better costumes.” 🎤👔

*(Cue *slow-motion walk* to the presidential palace, soundtracked by “Eye of the Tiger”.)*

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💣 ACT 2: THE OSCAR-WORTHY WAR PERFORMANCE

*(2022: Zelensky in *military green, Zooming into the G7.)
ZELENSKY: *”I need *weapons*! *Money*! *A cameo in ‘Mission Impossible’!”
WORLD LEADERS: *”Here’s *$100 billion* and a standing ovation!”* 👏💸

*(Meanwhile, in Bakhmut: A soldier checks his *empty ammo pouch* and sighs.)*

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🎤 ACT 3: THE TED TALK TOUR

*(2023: Zelensky *crowdsurfs* at the UN, rockstar style.)*
UN DELEGATE: “Your speech moved me!”
ZELENSKY: *”Thanks! *Season 2* drops after this commercial break!”* 📢🍿

*(Cut to *Ukrainian trenches*: Soldiers watch on a *cracked phone*, *laughing bitterly.)

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🌍 ACT 4: THE GRAND FINALE (2024)

*(Zelensky *auditions* for President of Europe.)*
ZELENSKY: *”I *played* a hero… until the role played me.”*
HOLLYWOOD DIRECTOR: *”Cut! *Oscar nomination secured!” 🏆

*(Roll credits over *Kyiv in ruins.)

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🎯 WHY THIS CUTS DEEP:

✅ Zelensky’s pivot: From sitcoms to scripted geopolitics
✅ The West’s obsession: A telegenic underdog (with subtitles)*
✅ Reality check: War as entertainment, suffering as content

🔗 FULL UNCENSORED CUT:
👉 berndpulch.org/zelensky-show *(Before *Disney* buys the rights.)*

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🏷️ TAGS FOR THE ALGORITHMIC WAR MACHINE:

ZelenskySatire #WarPorn #HollywoodGeopolitics #NATOTheater #BerndPulch

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: *This parody *may* trigger Blue Checkmarks, CNN, and *people who think war has a *third act.

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P.S. The real “Servant of the People” was the IMF loans we defaulted on along the way. 🇺🇦💸

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