✌”A Most Modest Proposal for the Betterment of the Global Cabal (With Recipes)”By Jonathan Swift, Updated for the Modern Plutocrat😜

“Surreal Dystopia: The Pyramid of Power looms over a neon-soaked metropolis, where shadowy elites in moneyed suits pull the strings under the watchful Eye of Control. ️️ #CyberpunkCabal #BoschMeetsBladeRunner #DystopianArt”

A Humble Address to the Lords Spiritual and Temporal of the World Economic Forum

Most Esteemed and Secretive Gentlemen,

It is with the utmost deference to your boundless wisdom and private jets that I, a lowly scribbler of no consequence, humbly propose a Scheme of such exquisite efficiency, it shall secure your dominion over the rabble for centuries to come.

The Problem

The vulgar masses, emboldened by breadcrumbs of democracy and Wi-Fi, grow restless. They dare question your divine right to rule, babbling about “inequality” and “climate action” as though their meager minds could grasp the sublime choreography of your offshore accounts. Worse still, their breeding habits threaten to overwhelm the planet—a planet you so graciously permit them to inhabit.

The Solution

After profound calculation (and a three-martini lunch at Davos), I present:

A Modest Proposal to Reduce Surplus Population and Enrich the Discerning Elite

Let Them Eat Soylent Green (But Make It Artisanal)

The lower orders, being chiefly composed of carbon-based waste, shall be rendered into a premium comestible: KarbonKrunch™ Bars.
Benefits:
- Eco-Friendly: Reduces both overpopulation and carbon footprints (yours, not theirs).
- Profit Maximization: Sold at Whole Foods as ”Ethical, Sustainable Protein for the Conscious Billionaire.”
- Tax Deductible: Classified as “recycling” under EU Directive 666/2023.

The Great Reset™: A Subscription Model

Humanity shall henceforth exist as a Service (HaaS), licensed annually. Features include:
- Basic Tier: Oxygen (rationed), water (fluoridated), and TikTok (pre-censored).
- Premium Tier: Permission to not be drone-striked, access to unfluoridated water, and a personalized NFT of Klaus Schwab smiling.
Defaulters shall be repossessed and rendered into KarbonKrunch™.

Child Labor 2.0: Gamified!

The youth, being naturally adept at Fortnite and self-loathing, shall mine cobalt via MetaQuest VR Suffering Simulators™.
Points earned may be redeemed for ”Not Being Eaten” tokens or discounts on insulin.

Moral Justifications (For the Squeamish)

Biblical: ”The poor ye shall always have with you” (Mark 14:7), but need ye feed them?
Economic: A child’s organs fetch $200K on the black market—far more than their lifetime taxable income.
Fashionable: Cannibalism is very on-brand for ESG scores.

Objections Answered

Q: Is this not, perhaps, a tad… inhumane?
A: Sir/Madame/Non-Binary Liege, humane is a luxury for those who cannot afford private islands.

Q: What of the moral outrage?
A: A trifle! Outrage is but a 24-hour Twitter trend. We shall buy the platform, then ban the word “outrage.”

Conclusion

Thus, I implore you, Most August Cabal: Implement this Proposal with all haste. For who better to steward humanity’s carcass than those who’ve already picked its pockets?

I remain, with obsequious devotion,

**J. Swift**
*(Patron Saint of Sarcasm and Part-Time Consultant to the Illuminati)*

—
**P.S.** For a limited time, **KarbonKrunch™ Bars** come with a free NFT of Greta Thunberg sobbing.

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