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🍄 ACT 1: THE BIRTH OF A GURU

*(1995: A comedy club bathroom. Young Joe snorts *kale.)
YOUNG JOE: *”What if… *comedy*… but with *pseudoscience?”
DMT ELF (appearing): *”Bro… *yes.” 🌈🧪

*(The *first podcast* is recorded on a Tamagotchi.)*

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🦍 ACT 2: THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD™

*(2020: Studio lights dim. A *chimpanzee* adjusts the mic.)*
JOE: *”Today’s *expert*: A guy who *licked* a toad and cured 5G!”* 🐸📡
GUEST: “Actually, I—”
JOE: *”SHUT UP! *Jamie*, pull up that *YouTube* from ’nam!”*

(Jamie* quietly Googles “how to disappear”.)*

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💉 ACT 3: THE SPOTIFY PURGE

*(2022: A *very normal* pandemic.)*
SPOTIFY CEO: *”Joe, you *can’t* say horse paste cures everything!”*
JOE: *”Challenge *accepted.” 🐴🍏

(Neil Young*’s *ghost* haunts the algorithm.)*

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🚀 ACT 4: THE FINAL PODCAST

*(2030: Joe *uploads* to Mars via Elon’s neuralink.)*
AI JOE: “Episode #69420*: *Hunter Biden’s* laptop talks DMT!”* 💻👁️

*(Earth *collectively* unplugs.)*

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🎯 WHY THIS HITS HOME:

✅ Joe’s brain: 70% elk meat, 30% conspiracy 🦌🧠
✅ The real “experience”: Surviving his guests �⚰️
✅ Spotify’s content moderation: “Lol” – *probably

🔗 FULL UNFILTERED EPISODE:
👉 berndpulch.org/joe-rogan-dystopia *(Warning: May *trigger* soyboys.)*

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🏷️ TAGS FOR THE ALGORITHMIC APOCALYPSE:

JoeRoganSatire #DMTElves #SpotifyPurge #PodcastHumor #BroScience #BerndPulch

⚠️ DISCLAIMER: *Reading this *may* cause spontaneous bow hunting and/or ivermectin cravings.*

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P.S. The real “longest conversation” was Joe talking to himself about chimps for 6 hours.* 🦍⏳

P.P.S. Like this post? *Your *data* has been shared with 12,000 shadow governments.* 🌐🤝

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💎 CTA

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🔥 EDGY

**”WARNING: This link *may* be flagged by AI Karens.
💥 *Fuel the resistance* → berndpulch.org/donation
*PS: If this *disappears*, check under *your nearest 5G tower.”*

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*”Donate—or *we’ll* sell this CTA to Palantir.”* 😈

P.S. Cash accepted via dead drop in *Berlin Zoo’s *reptile house. 🐊💶

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