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The Weekend Confidential: Bernd Pulchโ€™s Paper Chase

A Tour dโ€™Horizon Through the Westโ€™s Leakiest Kremlin Vault

By [REDACTED] | Saturday Essay, 1 February 2025


I. The Gatekeeper

Bernd Pulch does not look like a man who keeps the Kremlinโ€™s secrets.

On a drizzle-soaked morning in Berlin-Mitte, he greets me in a windowless coworking suite that smells of espresso and toner. The walls are bare except for a single A-4 sheet: a 1985 KGB travel warrant, its purple stamp still vivid.

โ€œEveryone thinks the files are in Moscow. Theyโ€™re not. Theyโ€™re here, here and here. And most of them are free.โ€

For seventeen years Pulch has run BerndPulch.org, a no-budget blog that has become the unofficial card catalogue of Sovietโ€”and now Russianโ€”intelligence leaks. What started as a hobbyist scrape of open-source documents has metastasised into a one-man research service used by sanctions lawyers, investigative reporters and, he claims, โ€œat least three Western intel agencies who never say hello but always download the excel.โ€

Today he is my guide through what he calls โ€œthe Westโ€™s leakiest Kremlin vault,โ€ a constellation of servers from Cambridge to California that house everything from a 639-page KGB training manual to the FSBโ€™s own after-action report on the 2015 โ€œCycloneโ€ cyber drill. The tour is chronological, beginning with Cheka stationery and ending with a 2024 FSB fax on drone-countermeasures that arrived, Pulch insists, โ€œstill warm.โ€


II. Stop 1 โ€“ DocumentCloud, San Francisco

We open with a mouse click.

The first hit is a four-page KGB circular dated 12 March 1992, instructing border guards to confiscate โ€œall undeclared magnetic mediaโ€ leaving the newly minted Russian Federation. Pulch zooms in on a signature: Colonel V. V. Pronin, later deputy director of the FSBโ€™s economic-security branch. โ€œSame man, new badge,โ€ he shrugs. โ€œAgencies die; personnel rosters donโ€™t.โ€

Next comes the 34-page โ€œCycloneโ€ deckโ€”slide after slide of network topologies and red-team timelines. The FSB classified it โ€œOfitsialโ€™no-Sluzhebnoyeโ€ (official-use only), yet it sits on a public server between a California water boardโ€™s ozone report and an Alabama school-district RFP. โ€œThe cloud has no memory,โ€ Pulch says, โ€œbut it never forgets.โ€


III. Stop 2 โ€“ The Holocaust Museum, Washington

If DocumentCloud is the flea market, the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum is the vault.

Pulch shares his screen: 55 microfilm reels, digitised at 600 dpi, containing Cheka interrogations of Nazi camp guards in Minsk and Kiev. One file, 143 handwritten pages, records the 1946 deposition of Feodor Fedorenko, later extradited from the U.S. and executed. The margins bear violet NKVD stampsโ€”tridents and swordsโ€”inked long before the agency rebranded as the KGB.

โ€œThese reels are the genealogical gold standard,โ€ Pulch says. โ€œYet 90% of the visitors are family historians, not counter-intelligence guys.โ€ He clicks on a red-tabbed spreadsheet he compiled: every FSB/KGB surname that appears in the reels, cross-indexed with todayโ€™s Russian corporate registries. โ€œSame surnames pop up on the boards of defence contractors. Memory is hereditary.โ€


IV. Stop 3 โ€“ Harvard Yard, Cambridge

We jump to the Cold War Studies archive.

Here the crown jewel is a 639-page KGB internal history, never meant for outsiders. Pulch scrolls to page 417: a chart of โ€œAgent Networks in NATO Countries, 1975-1985.โ€ Codenames like โ€œDynamoโ€ and โ€œSapphireโ€ sit beside columns labelled โ€œSource Accessโ€ and โ€œCompromise Risk.โ€ One entry, โ€œSource G-10,โ€ is annotated โ€œSpouse employed U.S. Senate staff.โ€ Pulch freezes the frame. โ€œThatโ€™s still a live cable, my friend.โ€

He forwards me a zipped copy. I ask whether hosting it is legal. โ€œHarvard hosts it,โ€ he replies. โ€œI just point.โ€


V. Stop 4 โ€“ The Churchill Archive, Cambridge (UK)

The Mitrokhin haul is less orderlyโ€”25,000 pages of handwritten notes, photographed in haste after the archivist defected in 1992. Pulchโ€™s contribution is a searchable index: 4,300 named agents, 1,200 operations, 47 countries.

He lingers on โ€œOperation PANDORA,โ€ a 1974 plan to hide explosives in West German churches. The margin reads: โ€œAwait order from Centreโ€”likely during NATO exercise.โ€ Pulchโ€™s footnote: โ€œCheck calendar for 1974 NATO REFORGER.โ€ He did; the dates overlap. โ€œCoincidence is a luxury item,โ€ he says.


VI. Stop 5 โ€“ Back to Moscow, Virtually

No tour ends without the source. Pulch pulls up the FSB Central Archiveโ€™s public-facing portalโ€”little more than a postal address and a pdf application form. Since 2020 he has filed 112 requests; four yielded documents, all post-1953. The most recent is a 1963 memo rehabilitating a Gulag linguist who once translated for Kim Philby.

โ€œRussiaโ€™s archival window is cracked, not open,โ€ he says. โ€œBut every denial gives me metadataโ€”what they still fear.โ€


VII. The Business Model

Pulch claims the blog nets โ€œmaybe pocket changeโ€ in referral fees. His real income, he admits, comes from bespoke research: โ‚ฌ2,000 for a due-diligence memo, โ‚ฌ5,000 for an โ€œasset traceโ€ on a Russian oligarch. He shows me a 2024 invoice redacted to a single line: โ€œKGB surname cross-checkโ€”30 hours.โ€

Is he worried about retaliation? He taps a 2019 German intelligence bulletin taped to the wall warning of โ€œRussian hostile activity against open-source researchers.โ€ Below it hangs a postcard: the Kremlin at sunset, postmark Sochi. No message. โ€œI collect souvenirs,โ€ he smiles.


VIII. The Take-away

As the screen fades to black, Pulch offers a coda. He produces a fresh thumb driveโ€”orange, no labelโ€”and drops it in my hand. โ€œYour flight reading,โ€ he says. Inside are 1.8 gigabytes: every FSB and KGB file he has harvested since January, sorted by year, by agency, by blood type where listed.

The modern Kremlin, he argues, is not a black box; it is a palimpsestโ€”each new agency writing over the last, never quite erasing what came before. โ€œIf you know where to look,โ€ he says, ushering me out, โ€œthe past clicks โ€˜refreshโ€™ every morning.โ€

Outside, Berlinโ€™s drizzle has turned to sleet. I pocket the drive and hail a cab. Somewhere in Moscow, an FSB archivist is locking a steel door. The lock is new; the key is old.

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This exclusive copyright and media protection explicitly covers all disclosures, archives, and narratives related to:

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Name & Academic Degrees: Bernd Pulch, M.A. (Magister of Journalism, German Studies and Comparative Literature)
Official Titles: Director, Senior Investigative Intelligence Analyst & Lead Data Archivist

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This is a verified mirror of the Bernd Pulch Master Archive. Due to documented attempts of information suppression (Case: IZ-Vacuum), this data is distributed across multiple global nodes (.org, .com, .wordpress.com) to ensure public access to critical market transparency records under the EU Whistleblower Protection Directive.

MASTERSSON DOSSIER – COMPREHENSIVE DISCLAIMER

GLOBAL INVESTIGATIVE STANDARDS DISCLOSURE

I. NATURE OF INVESTIGATION
This is a forensic financial and media investigation, not academic research or journalism. We employ intelligence-grade methodology including:

ยท Open-source intelligence (OSINT) collection
ยท Digital archaeology and metadata forensics
ยท Blockchain transaction analysis
ยท Cross-border financial tracking
ยท Forensic accounting principles
ยท Intelligence correlation techniques

II. EVIDENCE STANDARDS
All findings are based on verifiable evidence including:

ยท 5,805 archived real estate publications (2000-2025)
ยท Cross-referenced financial records from 15 countries
ยท Documented court proceedings (including RICO cases)
ยท Regulatory filings across 8 global regions
ยท Whistleblower testimony with chain-of-custody documentation
ยท Blockchain and cryptocurrency transaction records

III. LEGAL FRAMEWORK REFERENCES
This investigation documents patterns consistent with established legal violations:

ยท Market manipulation (EU Market Abuse Regulation)
ยท RICO violations (U.S. Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act)
ยท Money laundering (EU AMLD/FATF standards)
ยท Securities fraud (multiple jurisdictions)
ยท Digital evidence destruction (obstruction of justice)
ยท Conspiracy to defraud (common law jurisdictions)

IV. METHODOLOGY TRANSPARENCY
Our approach follows intelligence community standards:

ยท Evidence triangulation across multiple sources
ยท Pattern analysis using established financial crime indicators
ยท Digital preservation following forensic best practices
ยท Source validation through cross-jurisdictional verification
ยท Timeline reconstruction using immutable timestamps

V. TERMINOLOGY CLARIFICATION

ยท “Alleged”: Legal requirement, not evidential uncertainty
ยท “Pattern”: Statistically significant correlation exceeding 95% confidence
ยท “Network”: Documented connections through ownership, transactions, and communications
ยท “Damage”: Quantified financial impact using accepted economic models
ยท “Manipulation”: Documented deviations from market fundamentals

VI. INVESTIGATIVE STATUS
This remains an active investigation with:

ยท Ongoing evidence collection
ยท Expanding international scope
ยท Regular updates to authorities
ยท Continuous methodology refinement
ยท Active whistleblower protection programs

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This work is protected under:

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ยท First Amendment principles (U.S.)
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VIII. CONFLICT OF INTEREST DECLARATION
No investigator, researcher, or contributor has:

ยท Financial interests in real estate markets covered
ยท Personal relationships with investigated parties
ยท Political affiliations influencing findings
ยท Commercial relationships with subjects of investigation

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All source materials are preserved through:

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This is not speculation. This is documented financial forensics.
The patterns are clear. The evidence is verifiable. The damage is quantifiable.

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This digital repository serves as a secure, redundant mirror for the Bernd Pulch Master Archive. All data presented herein, specifically the 3,659 verified records, are part of an ongoing investigative audit regarding market transparency and data integrity in the European real estate sector.

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๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฃ SPY HARDER โ€“ EPISODE III: โ€œTHE YOGURT FILESโ€

๐ŸŽฌ SPY HARDER: Merz Mission Mayhem! โ€“ James Bondi teams up with Chancellor Friedrich Merz in a chaotic crusade through Berlinโ€™s bureaucracy, crypto cabals, and currywurst conspiracies! ๐Ÿ•ถ๏ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ’ฅ

๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฃ SPY HARDER โ€“ EPISODE III: โ€œTHE YOGURT FILESโ€

Stasi meets QAnon in a Lidl parking lot

By Agent James Bondi

In a nondescript surveillance van disguised as a vegan food truck, Agent Peter Ehlers, codename โ€œCabbage Whisperer,โ€ receives a coded message via expired yogurt container:

“THE GOAT BLEATS IN BULGARIA. REPEAT: THE GOAT BLEATS IN BULGARIA.”

Instantly, Ehlers knows itโ€™s time to activate Protocol Schnitzel.

He contacts Agent Janelle, his blind crypto-hacker lover and part-time deepfake influencer, who has recently uncovered that Angela Merkel is actually five AI-generated clones of Otto von Bismarck.

Meanwhile, Stalinโ€™s Clone is attempting to infiltrate the European Parliament via Tinder. His bio:

โ€œDictator. Gym rat. Panzer romantic. Letโ€™s nationalize the night together.โ€

๐Ÿ” Back at HQ, James Bondi (code name: โ€œGhost of BNDโ€) deciphers an intercepted chat between Friedrich Merz and Kim Jong Un debating who has the better hairline encryption algorithm.

Suddenly, a drone shaped like Ursula von der Leyenโ€™s head crashes into the bunker. It contains a USB stick labeled simply:

โ€œPROJECT SPYHARDER: OPERATION SAUERKRAUT OMEGAโ€

Inside the files?

  • The EU’s secret plan to ban emotions by 2030.
  • A video of Macron rehearsing tears in front of a mirror.
  • Greta Thunberg revealed as a weather satellite prototype gone rogue.

As the agents go rogue across Europe โ€” hacking Tesla charging stations, bribing Vatican squirrels, and smuggling microchips in bratwurst โ€” the message is clear:

โ€œTrust no one. Especially if theyโ€™re wearing socks with sandals.โ€


๐Ÿ“ฃ Call to Action:

๐Ÿ“ก Support the last bastion of real satire before satire itself is outlawed as misinformation.
๐Ÿง  Visit berndpulch.org โ€“ where the truth is encrypted, and the laughs are state-sponsored.


๐ŸŒ WordPress Tags (English & German):

spy parody, intelligence satire, James Bondi, EU madness, North Korea jokes, Merkel AI, Macron meme, BND, NATO satire, fake news parody, Stasi reboot, Geheimdienst Satire, Ursula von der Leyen Drohne, Spionagehumor, Eurokrise, Politischer Wahnsinn, Friedrich Merz

โœŒ


๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฃ SPY HARDER โ€“ EPISODE III: โ€žTHE YOGURT FILESโ€œ

Stasi trifft QAnon auf einem Lidl-Parkplatz

Von Agent James Bondi

In einem unauffรคlligen รœberwachungswagen, der als veganer Foodtruck getarnt ist, erhรคlt Agent Peter Ehlers, Codename โ€žKohlflรผstererโ€œ, eine verschlรผsselte Nachricht รผber einen abgelaufenen Joghurtbecher:

โ€žDIE ZIEGE MECKERT IN BULGARIEN. WIEDERHOLUNG: DIE ZIEGE MECKERT IN BULGARIEN.โ€œ

Sofort weiรŸ Ehlers: Es ist Zeit, Protokoll Schnitzel zu aktivieren.

Er kontaktiert Agentin Janelle, seine blinde Crypto-Hacker-Geliebte und Teilzeit-Deepfake-Influencerin, die kรผrzlich aufgedeckt hat, dass Angela Merkel in Wahrheit fรผnf KI-generierte Klone von Otto von Bismarck ist.

Wรคhrenddessen versucht Stalins Klon, รผber Tinder in das Europรคische Parlament einzudringen. Sein Profil:

โ€žDiktator. Gym-Ratte. Panzer-Romantiker. Lass uns die Nacht verstaatlichen.โ€œ

๐Ÿ” Zurรผck im Hauptquartier entschlรผsselt James Bondi (Codename: โ€žGeist des BNDโ€œ) einen abgefangenen Chat zwischen Friedrich Merz und Kim Jong Un, in dem sie diskutieren, wer den besseren Haargrenzen-Verschlรผsselungsalgorithmus hat.

Plรถtzlich stรผrzt eine Drohne in Form von Ursula von der Leyens Kopf in den Bunker. An Bord: ein USB-Stick mit der Aufschrift:

โ€žPROJEKT SPYHARDER: OPERATION SAUERKRAUT OMEGAโ€œ

In den Dateien?

  • Der geheime EU-Plan, Emotionen bis 2030 zu verbieten.
  • Ein Video von Macron, der vor einem Spiegel Trรคnen probt.
  • Greta Thunberg, enthรผllt als ein abtrรผnniger Wettersatelliten-Prototyp.

Wรคhrend die Agenten in ganz Europa auรŸer Kontrolle geraten โ€“ Tesla-Ladestationen hacken, Vatikan-Eichhรถrnchen bestechen und Mikrochips in Bratwรผrsten schmuggeln โ€“ ist die Botschaft klar:

โ€žVertrau niemandem. Besonders nicht denen mit Socken in Sandalen.โ€œ

๐Ÿ“ฃ Handlungsaufruf:

๐Ÿ“ก Unterstรผtzt die letzte Bastion echter Satire, bevor Satire selbst als Desinformation verboten wird.
๐Ÿง  Besucht berndpulch.org โ€“ wo die Wahrheit verschlรผsselt und die Lacher staatlich finanziert sind.

๐ŸŒ WordPress-Tags (Deutsch & Englisch):

Spionage-Parodie, Geheimdienst-Satire, James Bondi, EU-Wahnsinn, Nordkorea-Witze, Merkel-KI, Macron-Meme, BND, NATO-Satire, Fake-News-Parodie, Stasi-Reboot, Intelligence Humor, Eurokrise, Politischer Irrsinn, Friedrich Merz, Ursula von der Leyen Drohne



โœŒ

BONUS:


๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช SPY HARDER: Operation Kanzlerchaos mit Friedrich Merz und James Bondi

Berlin, Bundesnachrichtendienst HQ โ€“
In einem streng geheimen, vรถllig aus dem Ruder gelaufenen Spionageeinsatz stรผrzt sich der berรผchtigte Agent James Bondi in sein neuestes Abenteuer โ€“ diesmal Seite an Seite mit keinem Geringeren als dem deutschen Kanzler Friedrich Merz. Der Titel: โ€žSPY HARDER: Merz Mission Mayhemโ€œ. ๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ•ถ๏ธ๐Ÿบ

Nach der Entfรผhrung von EU-Crypto-Kommissarin Elvira von Blockchain durch ein Kartell aus veganen Oligarchen, TikTok-Agenten und Hobby-Philosophen aus Davos, wird Berlin zum Brennpunkt der Weltpolitik.

Merz, bewaffnet mit nichts als einem ausgedruckten Steuerkonzept von 2005, einer zynischen Stirnfalte und einem Blackberry von der CDU-Basis, unterstรผtzt Bondi im Kampf gegen das sogenannte โ€žNetzwerk der postfaktischen Schurkenโ€œ.

Highlights der Mission:

  • Die Verfolgungsjagd mit E-Rollern durch den Bundestag.
  • Die Entschlรผsselung von ChatGPT-Prompt-Terroristen.
  • Ein Duell mit Robert Habeck im literarischen Boxring.

Merz glรคnzt mit der Taktik:

โ€žIch sage nichts โ€“ und das mit voller Absicht.โ€œ
Wรคhrend Bondi die Action liefert, liefert Merz โ€ฆ Reden. Viele. Sehr lange.

Das Finale? Eine hochbrisante Currywurst-Verkostung im Kanzlerbunker, live รผbertragen auf RT TikTok.


๐Ÿ“ข Fazit:
Die Republik bebt โ€“ zwischen Bondi’s explodierenden Manschettenknรถpfen und Merzโ€™ kaltem neoliberalen Charme bleibt kein Geheimdienst unรผberwacht.


Tags (Deutsch & Englisch):
Spionage-Satire, James Bondi, Friedrich Merz, Kanzlerparodie, BerndPulch.org, politische Satire, BND Humor, Bundesregierung ironisch, SPY HARDER Serie, EU Politik, deep state Komรถdie, crypto satire, German politics spoof, satire Germany, Merz Bond Parody


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