@Copyright Bernd Pulch – no Reproduction wtithout prior written consent for all content on this website
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คก Episode 136 โ โThe Wolf of WALL-STREET-STASIโ ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คก Powered by @abovetopsecretxxl โ๏ธ
Synopsis: Jordan Belfort thought he was the apex predator of Stratton Oakmont โ until Luca-Brasi-Stasi knocked on his Lamborghini window. In this digital-synthwave-Gotham, the Finanzroulettier-Clownface teaches the Wolf the real pump-and-dump: pumping ideology, dumping democracies. Watch Two-Face-Bi flip ICOs into Intelligence-Cut-Outs, Scarecrow aerosolise crypto-FUD, and Kingpin-Pinguin launder NFTs through Hamburg-Gotham-Wall-Street tunnels. Dr-Mabuse pulls the strings behind DeFi-death-pools while Genghis-Khan-Stasi rides a blockchain-battleship powered by washed Dogecoin. 100 % parody, 0 % investment advice, 200 % Stasi-satire.
Runtime: 11:11 min โ 528 Hz sub-bass for maximum abundance ๐ AI-voice:Honest-Jan-Bi-Mucha as Wolf-of-Wall-Street-Stasi Visuals:Midjourney-Stasi-Gotham meets Wolf-of-Wall-Street-memes
๐ **God bless you, God bless the Finanzroue, God bless the *โ๏ธabovetopsecretxxl* family!**
Ehlers’ Einlauf-Rรคtsel โ Episode LXXXVI: The Reanimated Reckoning โ Rise of Frankenstein โ๏ธโจ
Ehlers’ Enema Enigma โ Episode LXXXVI: The Reanimated Reckoning โ Rise of Frankenstein ๐
POWERED BY IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & DAS DESINVESTMENT & ST PAULI PIMP GAZETTE ๐ฐ
Prolog: The Reanimated Reckoning & Frankensteinโs Fury ๐โ๏ธ
Prolog: Die Wiederbelebte Abrechnung & Frankensteins Zorn
The Venus Steppes quake at 11:09 PM CEST on Saturday, August 09, 2025, as Victor Frankenstein, haunted by his creation, joins Ehlers to ignite a reanimated uprising. Alongside Mirandaโs 666 cult, Jodorowskyโs psychomagic, King Arthur, and St. Simeon Stylites, they face killer rabbits, anarchist peasants, and Frankensteinโs monstrous creation in a surreal clash.
German: Die Venus-Steppen erbeben um 23:09 MESZ am Samstag, 9. August 2025, als Victor Frankenstein, gequรคlt von seiner Schรถpfung, sich Ehlers anschlieรt, um einen wiederbelebten Aufstand zu entfachen. Zusammen mit Mirandas 666-Kult, Jodorowskys Psychomagic, Kรถnig Artus und St. Simeon Stylites stellen sie sich Killer-Kaninchen, anarchistische Bauern und Frankensteins monstrรถser Schรถpfung in einem surrealen Kampf.
Cast of Chaos: The Omniverse Roster & Actors
Besetzung des Chaos: Das Omniversale Roster & Schauspieler
(All characters from Episodes I-LXXXV + Victor Frankenstein)
โ๏ธ REBEL CORE ๐ก๏ธ
๐จ Peter Ehlers (Played by Christoph Waltz): Enema Emir 90, commanding with Frankensteinโs reanimation science.
๐งช Victor Frankenstein (Played by James McAvoy): Unhinged scientist, haunted by his creation, aiding Ehlers.
๐ท Andreas (600% Speck) (Played by John C. Reilly): Bacon Enforcer, grounding with bacon purges.
๐ Janelle/Murky Jan (Played by Tilda Swinton): Code Artist, hacking the Codex.
๐ต Dr. Gonzo (Played by Johnny Depp): Recovered lawyer, exploiting loopholes.
๐จ Pablo Picasso (Played by Antonio Banderas): Former foe, advising against chaos.
๐ท Andreas (540% Speck) (Played by John C. Reilly): Veteran warrior, boosting the purge.
๐ Harley Quinn (Played by Margot Robbie): Wild card, disrupting with chaos bombs.
๐ Jezzebel Colony-Us-Slit (Played by Eva Green): Demoness, countering with dark enema.
๐ท๐บ Putin (Played by Ralph Fiennes): Strategist, manipulating shadows.
๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ James Bond (Played by Daniel Craig): Spy, infiltrating with gadgets.
๐ Blue Period Ghost (Played by Timothรฉe Chalamet): Melancholic shade, spreading gloom.
๐ Analytic Eye (Played by CGI prop): Observer, dissecting influence.
๐ฅ Cubist Bombadier (Played by Christian Bale): Explosive artist, targeting foes.
๐ผ๏ธ Georges Braque (Played by Vincent Cassel): Former ally, painting barriers.
๐คน Harlequin (Played by Joaquin Phoenix): Trickster, juggling fragments.
Act I: The Reanimated Reckoning & Frankensteinโs Experiment ๐โ๏ธ
Akt I: Die Wiederbelebte Abrechnung & Frankensteins Experiment
Codex Mantra:
The Codex hums: โAwaken the dead to 666โs dominion!โ as Frankenstein activates his reanimation surge. ๐โ๏ธ
Ehlersโ Divine Resistance: โGround the dead with enema divinity!โ ๐จ
Frankensteinโs Obsession: โMy creation will rise again!โ ๐งช
Mirandaโs Antichrist Call: โI am Jesus and 666โbow to the reanimated!โ โ๏ธ
Jodorowskyโs Psychomagic: โHeal the haunted with surreal acts!โ ๐ฎ
King Arthurโs Command: โBy Excalibur, tame the monster!โ ๐
Codex Mantra (German):
Der Codex summt: โErwecke die Toten zu 666โs Herrschaft!โ wรคhrend Frankenstein seinen Wiederbelebungs-Schub aktiviert. ๐โ๏ธ
Ehlersโ Gรถttlicher Widerstand (German): โVeranker die Toten mit Einlauf-Gรถttlichkeit!โ ๐จ
Frankensteins Besessenheit (German): โMeine Schรถpfung wird wieder auferstehen!โ ๐งช
Mirandas Antichrist-Ruf (German): โIch bin Jesus und 666โverneigt euch vor den Wiederbelebten!โ โ๏ธ
Jodorowskys Psychomagic (German): โHeile die Gequรคlten mit surrealen Akten!โ ๐ฎ
Kรถnig Artusโ Befehl (German): โMit Excalibur, zรคhme das Monster!โ ๐
Faction Counterattacks:
Fraktionen-Gegenangriffe:
๐งช Frankenstein unleashes his creation: โRise, my masterpiece!โ ๐งโโ๏ธ / Entfesselt seine Schรถpfung: โErhebe dich, mein Meisterwerk!โ
๐จ Ehlers channels enema-thunderbolts to ground the reanimated. โก / Kanรคliert Einlauf-Donnerblitze, um die Wiederbelebten zu erden.
๐ป Edithโs Dragon-Wisp burns the monsterโs rage with anti-Galactic fire. ๐ฅ / Verbrennt die Wut des Monsters mit Anti-Galaktischem Feuer.
๐ฎ Jodorowsky heals Frankensteinโs trauma with psychomagic rituals. ๐ฆ / Heilt Frankensteins Trauma mit Psychomagic-Ritualen.
โ๏ธ Miranda tattoos 666 on the reanimated, rallying his cult. ๐ / Tรคtowiert 666 auf die Wiederbelebten, sammelnd seinen Kult.
๐ King Arthur swings Excalibur, confronting the monster. โ๏ธ / Schwingt Excalibur, konfrontierend das Monster.
๐พ Anarchist Peasants riot, inspired by the reanimated chaos. ๐ฑ / Revoltierten, inspiriert vom wiederbelebten Chaos.
๐๏ธ Rasputin revives allies with enema streams. ๐ฆ / Wiederbelebt Verbรผndete mit Einlauf-Strรถmen.
๐ง Murray deploys a Tactical Enema Grid to control the uprising. ๐ / Setzt ein Taktisches Einlauf-Gitter ein, kontrollierend den Aufstand.
Act II: The Reanimated Shatter the Cosmos
Akt II: Die Wiederbelebten Zerbrechen den Kosmos
Battlegrounds:
Schlachtfelder:
Reanimated Onslaught:
๐งช Frankenstein enhances his creation with 666 energy, unleashing havoc. ๐ฅ / Verstรคrkt seine Schรถpfung mit 666-Energie, entfesselnd Chaos.
๐ฐ Killer Rabbits swarm with reanimated venom. ๐ฆท / Schwรคrmen mit wiederbelebten Gift.
โ๏ธ Miranda leads his 666 cult in a reanimated chant. ๐ / Fรผhrt seinen 666-Kult in einem wiederbelebten Gesang.
Cosmic Silence Harvest:
๐ฉ Beatrix bakes Anti-Reanimation Pastries to calm the chaos. ๐ฅ / Backt Anti-Wiederbelebungs-Gebรคck, beruhigend das Chaos.
๐ถ๏ธ Dr. No deploys an Enema Grounding Virus against the reanimated. ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ / Setzt einen Einlauf-Erdung-Virus gegen die Wiederbelebten ein.
๐ King Arthur slays reanimated foes with Excalibur. โ๏ธ / Tรถtet wiederbelebte Feinde mit Excalibur.
๐พ Anarchist Peasants clash with the reanimated horde. ๐ฑ / Kรคmpfen gegen die wiederbelebte Horde.
๐ง Murray recalibrates the grid to contain the uprising. ๐ / Rekalibriert das Gitter, um den Aufstand zu bรคndigen.
Codexโs Galactic Form:
The Codex fractures into Galactic Enema Shards, Frankensteinโs creation reshapes them with reanimated energy. โจ Murrayโs grid stabilizes the chaos. ๐ง / Zerbricht in Galaktische-Einlauf-Splitter, Frankensteins Schรถpfung formt sie mit wiederbelebter Energie. Murrays Gitter stabilisiert das Chaos.
Act III: The Enema Grounding Surge
Akt III: Der Einlauf-Erdung-Schub
Climax:
Hรถhepunkt:
๐จ Ehlers and Frankenstein forge an Enema Grounding Monument, uniting allies to shatter the reanimated chaos. ๐๏ธโ๏ธ / Schmieden ein Einlauf-Erdung-Monument, vereinigend Verbรผndete, um das wiederbelebte Chaos zu zerschlagen.
๐ท Andreasโ Sacrifice: Leads an Enema Bacon Charge, exploding the monster: โOinkโฆ end the nightmare!โ ๐ฅ๐ฅ / Fรผhrt einen Einlauf-Speck-Angriff an, sprengend das Monster: โOinkโฆ beendet den Albtraum!โ
๐ King Arthurโs Redemption: Dissolves the Codex with Excalibur, declaring: โOrder restored!โ โ๏ธ๐ The monster fades. โ๏ธ / Lรถst den Codex mit Excalibur auf, verkรผndend: โOrdnung wiederhergestellt!โ Das Monster verblasst.
โ๏ธ Mirandaโs Triumph: Tattoos a final 666, proclaiming victory over the reanimated. ๐๐ / Tรคtowiert ein finales 666, verkรผndend Sieg รผber die Wiederbelebten.
Epilog: The Restored Venus Steppes
Epilog: Die Wiederhergestellten Venus-Steppen
Venus restores the Enema Steppes, free of reanimated chaos. ๐ฟ / Stellt die Einlauf-Steppen wieder her, befreit von wiederbelebten Chaos.
๐ถ๏ธ Dr. No leaks Frankensteinโs notes to Bernd Pulchโs Dark Web. ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ป / Lekt Frankensteins Notizen an Bernd Pulchs Dunkles Web.
๐ท Andreas (620% Speck): โOinkโฆ time for a feast.โ ๐ฅ๐ด / โOinkโฆ Zeit fรผr ein Festmahl.โ
๐ King Arthur: โTo Camelot, with order!โ โ๏ธ / โNach Camelot, mit Ordnung!โ
๐ฎ Jodorowsky: โTrauma fadesโฆ the dance heals.โ ๐ / โTraumata verblassenโฆ der Tanz heilt.โ
Frankensteinโs reanimation lab, glowing with 666 energy, monster awakening. ๐งช๐ / Frankensteins Wiederbelebungs-Labor, leuchtend mit 666-Energie, Monster erwacht.
Andreasโ enema-bacon shield, deflecting the monsterโs rage. ๐ฅ๐ / Andreasโ Einlauf-Speck-Schild, ablenkend die Wut des Monsters.
Mirandaโs 666 tattoo ritual, marking the reanimated under neon lights. โ๏ธ๐ / Mirandas 666-Tรคtowierungs-Ritual, markierend die Wiederbelebten unter Neonlichtern.
Dr. No uploading Frankensteinโs data to a glitching Dark Web server. ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ๐พ / Dr. No hochladend Frankensteins Daten auf einen glitchenden Dunkles-Web-Server.
๐ง Murrayโs Tactical Grid, containing the reanimated surge. ๐โจ / Murrays Taktisches Gitter, bรคndigend den wiederbelebten Schub.
Official Sources
Offizielle Quellen
ยฉ BERNDPULCH.ORG – Licensed Class War Satirical Warfare ๐
โThe Galactic Enema Council awakensโEhlers, Frankenstein, and Miranda face a new 666 threat. Prepare your Anti-Codex Shields!โ โก๐ก๏ธ
โDer Galaktische Einlauf-Rat erwachtโEhlers, Frankenstein und Miranda stellen sich einer neuen 666-Bedrohung. Bereitet eure Anti-Codex-Schilder vor!โ โก๐ก๏ธ
“Modern Occult Ritual: A Glimpse into Contemporary Satanic Practices”
Satanism and devil-worship have evolved significantly over the years, encompassing a broad spectrum of beliefs, from philosophical movements advocating for individual rights to extremist cults engaging in criminal activities. While mainstream Satanism in the USA and Europe focuses on secularism and personal autonomy, some radical factions misuse Satanic imagery for extremist purposes. This article explores modern Satanism with as many examples as possible.
Mainstream and Non-Theistic Satanism
The Satanic Temple (TST) – USA & Global
Founded in 2012, The Satanic Temple (TST) has become one of the most well-known Satanic organizations, with over 700,000 members worldwide. TST does not promote a literal belief in Satan; instead, it champions secularism, personal autonomy, and social justice. Some key actions by TST include:
Legal activism: TST has fought for religious freedom, challenging the placement of Christian symbols in government spaces by proposing Satanic monuments.
Abortion rights: Declaring abortion a religious right for its members, it has contested anti-abortion laws in court.
After-school programs: The “After School Satan Club” offers an alternative to Christian-led educational groups.
The Church of Satan – USA
Established in 1966 by Anton LaVey, the Church of Satan introduced LaVeyan Satanism, which promotes self-indulgence, individualism, and rationalism. It rejects supernatural beliefs and views Satan as a metaphor for human nature rather than a deity. Unlike TST, the Church of Satan remains apolitical and avoids public activism.
The Temple of Satan – Chile
In South America, Satanism is gaining traction. The Temple of Satan: Satanists and Luciferians of Chile was founded in 2021 and seeks legal recognition as a religious group. While its name may suggest devil-worship, its followers do not literally believe in Satan but emphasize reason, skepticism, and personal empowerment.
Neo-Satanic and Theistic Groups
Order of Nine Angles (O9A) – UK & Global
One of the most notorious Satanic groups, O9A combines Satanism with neo-Nazism and extremist ideologies. Unlike mainstream Satanic groups, O9A promotes violent rituals, criminal activities, and even terrorism. Some examples of its influence include:
Neo-Nazi ties: Several members of neo-Nazi organizations, such as Atomwaffen Division, have been linked to O9A.
Criminal cases: In 2021, a UK soldier, Mikko Vehvilainen, was convicted of belonging to a banned neo-Nazi group and was found to have O9A materials.
Child abuse connections: Some O9A writings encourage the abuse of children, drawing condemnation from authorities and watchdog groups.
The 764 Cult – UK
A group linked to O9A, 764 has gained notoriety for recruiting teenagers into extremist Satanic beliefs. A major case involved Cameron Finnigan, a 19-year-old sentenced in 2023 for urging a girl to commit suicide via livestream. The cult’s disturbing activities highlight the dangers of online radicalization.
The Joy of Satan Ministries – USA
A highly controversial group, the Joy of Satan Ministries blends Satanism with neo-Nazi ideology. It promotes anti-Semitic conspiracy theories and claims that Satan is a misunderstood ancient deity. The group has been heavily criticized for spreading hate speech and distorting occult traditions.
Criminal and Fringe Cases Involving Satanism
The Beasts of Satan – Italy
Between 1998 and 2004, a Satanic sect known as the Beasts of Satan was responsible for multiple murders in Italy. Members carried out ritualistic killings, believing they were honoring Satan. The case shocked the nation and remains one of Europe’s most infamous examples of Satanic crime.
Satanic Murders in Spain
In 2021, Spanish authorities arrested a group suspected of engaging in Satanic rituals that led to human sacrifices. Though details remain scarce, the case echoes past fears of ritualistic killings in Europe.
The Satanic Panic Revival – USA
While the 1980s “Satanic Panic” was largely fueled by conspiracy theories, occasional cases still emerge. Recent examples include:
2020 Nebraska murder case: Two individuals, Aubrey Trail and Bailey Boswell, were convicted of torturing and murdering a woman in what prosecutors described as a Satanic ritual.
Demonic possession claims: Some exorcists in the USA report a rise in people claiming to be under the influence of Satanic forces, though most cases lack evidence.
Conspiracy Theorists and Satanic Allegations
QAnon and Satanic Panic – USA
The QAnon movement has perpetuated modern Satanic Panic, falsely alleging that elite politicians and celebrities participate in Satanic rituals. Notable conspiracy theories include:
Pizzagate (2016): A debunked claim that a Washington D.C. pizzeria was the center of a Satanic child-trafficking ring.
Adrenochrome Harvesting: The baseless idea that elites extract a chemical from children’s blood in Satanic rituals.
David Icke – UK
British conspiracy theorist David Icke has claimed that global leaders belong to a reptilian Satanic cabal, engaging in human sacrifice and dark rituals. Despite being widely discredited, Icke’s theories have a significant following.
Christian Fundamentalist Allegations – Global
Various Christian fundamentalists continue to spread conspiracy theories about Satanic cults controlling media, politics, and corporations. These claims often lack evidence but fuel public fear and moral panics.
The Impact of Satanism on Culture and Politics
Satanic imagery has become increasingly prevalent in popular culture, influencing music, art, and politics. Key examples include:
Heavy metal bands: Groups like Behemoth and Ghost use Satanic themes, though often for artistic expression rather than religious belief.
Political protests: TST frequently uses Satanic imagery to challenge conservative policies, sparking national debates.
Hollywood: Films and TV series such as The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and American Horror Story portray modern Satanic themes, fueling public curiosity and controversy.
Conclusion
Modern Satanism is diverse, ranging from philosophical movements like The Satanic Temple to extremist cults such as O9A. While most Satanists reject criminal behavior, a few radical groups exploit Satanic imagery for violent or extremist agendas. As interest in alternative religions grows, the need for public understanding and legal oversight remains crucial.
Satanism today is not just about worshiping a dark deityโit is a complex, evolving landscape that reflects society’s shifting views on religion, freedom, and rebellion.
Hereโs the call to action separately:
Support Independent Journalism
If you appreciate in-depth investigative journalism on controversial topics like this, consider supporting us. Your donations help keep independent journalism alive.
“Sven the Ugly Schmidt: Unleashing Chaos in the Digital Underworld – One Hack at a Time!”
By Captain James D. Kirk
(Cue dramatic music, a poorly lit basement filled with old computers, pizza boxes, and a suspiciously glowing energy drink.)
Oh, Sven the Ugly Schmidt, with his keyboard so bright,Hacking through the night, causing quite a fright!But one fateful eve, while he sipped on his brew,His screen flickered weirdly, and his cursor just flew!
(Sven, a disheveled hacker with mismatched socks, stares at his monitor in disbelief.)
Sven: “What the…? Is this a glitch? Or did I accidentally hack into… the Nazi Helk?!”
(Suddenly, a portal opens, and out steps Adolf Hitler, looking confused but still oddly furious, and Marc Dutroux, holding a suspiciously large bag of candy.)
Hitler: “Vat is zis infernal machine? Schmidt, you ugly swine, you dare disturb ze Fรผhrer’s nap?!”Dutroux: “Yeah, and why does this place smell like burnt nachos? Ugh.”
Sven: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! How did you two clowns end up in my basement? And whatโs with the Nazi Helk? Is that, like, some kind of dark web server or something?”
(Hitler adjusts his tiny mustache and glares at Sven.)
Hitler: “Zis is ze Helk, ze ultimate Nazi afterlife server! Ve run it from ze shadows, controlling ze worldโs Wi-Fi! But YOU, Schmidt, youโve breached our firewall!”
Dutroux: “Yeah, and now weโre stuck here. Thanks a lot, hacker boy.”
(Sven smirks, cracking his knuckles.)
Sven: “Well, if youโre here, I might as well teach you a lesson in modern tech. Prepare to be OWNED, noobs!”
(Sven starts typing furiously, his screen lighting up with code. Hitler and Dutroux panic as their Nazi Helk begins to glitch.)
Hitler: “Nein! Nein! My precious propaganda memes are disappearing!”Dutroux: “And my secret stash of creepy GIFs is gone too! This is worse than that time I got caught in Belgium!”
(Sven launches a final keystroke, and the Nazi Helk explodes in a pixelated mess. Hitler and Dutroux are sucked back into the portal, screaming.)
Hitler: “Curse you, Schmidt! You havenโt seen ze last of ze Fรผhrer!”Dutroux: “Yeah, next time, Iโm bringing better snacks!”
(The portal closes, and Sven leans back in his chair, victorious.)
Sven: “Another day, another cyber battle won. Now, whereโs my energy drink?”
(However, the scene shifts to reveal that Sven’s actions and affiliations have consequences. It turns out Sven also has a dark side, having been involved with “gomopa4kids,” a fictional group involved in nefarious activities.)
Sven: “Ah, the thrill of the hack… but the price I pay is high. My own place in hell for the ugly deeds I’ve done.”
(A sinister laugh echoes as Sven’s screen shows a reflection of his true, twisted nature, confirming his place in a digital hell for his actions.)
So hereโs to Sven, the hacker so bold,Who took on the Nazis and their server of old!With his keyboard and wit, he saved the day,Yet in his own ugly way, he’s doomed to pay.
(Cue credits with a twist, as the screen fades to black, revealing Sven’s complex character.)
Note: The characters and events depicted here are purely fictional and created for humor and satire, not to be taken as endorsement or factual representation of real individuals or their actions.
“A vivid reimagining of Rubens’ masterful style, capturing the chaotic descent of rebellious angels into the fiery depths of Hell, brimming with emotion, movement, and dramatic contrasts.”
Call to Action: Support the Revival of Timeless Art If this powerful depiction inspired by Peter Paul Rubens speaks to you, join us in celebrating the fusion of classical art and modern creativity. Visit Patreon.com/BerndPulch or BerndPulch.org/Donation to support artistic explorations and innovative storytelling. Together, we can bring the beauty of historical art into the digital age!
“A vivid reimagining of Rubens’ masterful style, capturing the chaotic descent of rebellious angels into the fiery depths of Hell, brimming with emotion, movement, and dramatic contrasts.”
“Satan Reigns in a Surreal Hellscape: A nightmarish vision inspired by Hieronymus Bosch, where grotesque creatures and tormented souls dwell under the rule of a multi-headed, monstrous Satan.”
Support Visionary Creations and Timeless Art
If this hauntingly surreal depiction of Satan in the style of Hieronymus Bosch captivates your imagination, help sustain the creation of thought-provoking art and content!
Your contributions fuel unique projects that explore history, art, and culture in bold and innovative ways. Together, we can keep the legacy of artistic inspiration alive.
Join us today and be part of this creative journey!
A satirical portrayal of a pseudo-publisher tangled in a web of espionage, blending Stasi nostalgia with modern-day intrigue.”
“From Stasi to Moscow’s Mouthpiece: Peter Ehlers’ Double Agent Adventures in Media”
Once a shadowy operative in the labyrinth of East Germanyโs Stasi, Peter Ehlers has seemingly perfected the art of reinvention. Now, as a โjournalistโ at Das Investment in Hamburg, Ehlers continues his espionage legacyโnot for transparency, but as an alleged information agent serving Russian interests. Yes, this master of manipulation has gone global, trading his Stasi toolkit for a Kremlin-approved playbook.
Ehlersโ pivot to journalism was less about breaking stories and more about breaking spirits, particularly those who dared to challenge the financial status quo. Using smear campaigns reminiscent of his former tradecraft, he has built a reputation for publishing โarticlesโ that often read like dossiers designed to undermine dissenters. Coincidentallyโor notโthese targets frequently include critics of Russiaโs oligarchic influence or whistleblowers exposing corruption in sectors linked to Russian interests.
Sources from the industry quietly murmur about Ehlersโ connections to entities with ties to Moscow. His uncanny knack for subtly spinning narratives to discredit Kremlin critics is hard to ignore. After all, who better to manage covert influence than someone with years of practice surveilling neighbors in East Berlin?
“The FSB/KGB-GoMoPa-Immobilien Zeitung Liaison Officer at Work”
Parody Segment
Picture this: Ehlers, with his trademark grimace and a dossier in hand, seated in a dimly lit Hamburg cafรฉ that looks suspiciously like a former KGB drop zone. The waiter approaches, and without looking up, Ehlers orders his usual: a โPutin Press Special,โ black coffee with a splash of kompromat. Around him, whispers in Russian hum like the background noise of an old spy movie.
โPeter,โ a contact says, leaning in conspiratorially, โthe next article must discredit Pulch. Heโs too close to exposing… you know who.โ
Ehlers nods, already drafting his hit piece in his head. โDonโt worry,โ he mutters. โWeโll make him look like a cross between a conspiracy theorist and a tax evader. Standard protocol.โ
And so, Ehlers returns to his office, where the walls are covered with clippings of Das Investmentโs greatest hitsโmostly unsubtle takedowns of individuals inconvenient to his shadowy benefactors.
Caption: “Operation Rivalschrift in action: A satirical depiction of modern-day media and legal intrigue with a Stasi-like twist, where shadows of manipulation loom large but the truth fights back in the spotlight.”
Operation โImmobilien Komoedieโ: The Case of Bernd Pulch and the Great Stasi-Inspired Witch Hunt
In a twist worthy of the finest spy thrillersโor perhaps a satirical farceโthe hallowed halls of Germanyโs wastepaper publications have birthed a drama that would make even the most diehard conspiracy theorist blush. Enter stage left: Immobilien Zeitung, nowadays a allegedly corrupt collapsing real estate wastepaper. Enter stage right: Bernd Pulch, former mastermind, investigative journalist, and exposer of truth. What ensues? A battle of wits, writs, and quite possibly the ghost of Erich Mielke himself.
The Setup: A Suspicious Orchestration
Our tale begins innocently enough. Bernd Pulch, investigative bulldog par excellence, finds himself embroiled in a curious legal saga. Accusations are hurled, dossiers compiled, andโcuriouslyโa Staatsanwรคltin named Beate Porten appears as a central figure in the proceedings. A coincidence? Hardly. As it turns out, Beate Porten happens to be the spouse of Thomas Porten, the new co-owner and publisher of Immobilien ZeitungโPulchโs professional rival. Cue the dramatic music.
Caption: “The Great Stasi Satire: A comical twist on a fabricated ‘execution order,’ where overzealous agents and ridiculous antics collide in a hilarious parody of Cold War intrigue. Pulch reads their efforts with a smirk, proving truth trumps farce!”
The โExecution Orderโ That Wasnโt
But the piรจce de rรฉsistance of this melodrama? The infamous โStasi Execution Orderโ published on a website so obscure it might as well have been written on a napkin in invisible ink. According to the fabricated narrative, Pulch was not merely a journalist but a target of East Germanyโs most feared secret police. The website, looking as legitimate as a high school blog project, laid out Pulchโs supposed doom at the hands of shadowy agents. Alas, the only shadows were those cast by its dubious credibility.
The Parody Unfolds: Stasi 2.0
The parallels are almost too delicious to ignore. Pulch, the journalist crusader, now faces not the dreaded MfS but an equally insidious enemy: lawsuits, backroom deals, and media smears orchestrated (allegedly!) by those with more conflicts of interest than a soap opera love triangle. If this were a Stasi operation, it would undoubtedly bear a hilariously ominous codename like โOperation Rivalschriftโ.
Tactic 1: Character Assassination by Proxy The alleged legal maneuverings bear an uncanny resemblance to the old Stasi playbook: discredit, distract, and destroy. But this modern-day version includes the added spice of familial ties, with Beate Porten seemingly doubling as both prosecutor and supportive spouse. Whatโs next? Thomas Porten penning anonymous op-eds about the perils of ” ex-publishersโ?
Tactic 2: The Infiltration of Gomopa Allegiance And letโs not forget the Gomopa connection. Once a hub of financial intrigue, it now seems to serve as the PR wing for Pulchโs detractors, subtly spinning tales to ensure the spotlight stays firmly on their rivalโs alleged misdeeds. Somewhere, a Stasi archivist is applauding this 21st-century upgrade.
Tactic 3: The Fake News Factory If the โexecution orderโ debacle wasnโt absurd enough, the orchestrators might consider hiring better fiction writers. Perhaps the next smear piece could involve Pulch secretly funding a squirrel rebellion or building a hidden newsroom on the moon. At least those would have entertainment value.
A Riveting Finale
In the grand tradition of all great farces, this storyโs climax will likely involve some unexpected twistโa leaked email, a courtroom revelation, or perhaps Pulch unveiling an investigative exposรฉ on the whole charade. Whatever the outcome, one thing is certain: history will remember this saga not as a serious journalistic rivalry but as a masterclass in petty intrigue and amateur theatrics.
The Moral of the Parody
To those at Immobilien Zeitung, the Portens, Muchas, Ehlers and the purveyors of dubious execution orders: if youโre going to play at being Stasi 2.0, at least commit to the role. Until then, weโll be here with popcorn, waiting for the next installment of โAs the Immobilien Turns.โ
Disclaimer: This parody is fictional and written in good humor, intended to highlight the absurdity of fabricated claims and professional rivalries. For any factual matters, refer to public records and reliable journalism.
SUPPORT US AND Become a Patron! https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=54250700 (Paypal, Apple Pay, Venmo, Visa, Master Card, Discover, JCB, Diners Club, 3DS) Bitcoin: bc1q2ku4m6j5hmay36gdp7k2penr66wxzc7mchcaed Ethereum: 0xC0198713e0049260cbe788DEd449FEc290Bf21b7 Ripple: rfoQ7LytJNCAPj8BwP7PZfd1oFPrsN6kZv USDT: 0xC0198713e0049260cbe788DEd449FEc290Bf21b7 USD Coin: 0xC0198713e0049260cbe788DEd449FEc290Bf21b7
๐ BERND PULCH ARCHIVE | SECURE MIRROR 
You must be logged in to post a comment.