Berlin, 03:33 a.m. CEST—while the rest of the continent still sleep-scrolls TikTok, Dr. Z is already wrist-deep in the EU’s thoracic cavity, tweeting each organ removal like a Michelin-starred butcher. 🫀📉
🪚 00:07 a.m. — First incision: “Found Article 7, still beating. Removed it with a fountain-pen scalpel dipped in Greek debt ink.”
🫁 00:14 a.m. — “Lungs collapsed from decades of hot-air summits. Replaced with two freshly printed Draghi speeches; still no oxygen.”
🧠 00:23 a.m. — “Brain scan reveals 27 voices, all arguing in 24 languages. Diagnosis: multilingual schizophrenia. Prescribed Brexit placebo; patient allergic.”
⚖️ 00:31 a.m. — “Legal corpus? Missing. Last seen hitchhiking to Luxembourg with a suitcase labeled ‘ECJ Bypass’.”
💶 00:45 a.m. — “Central ventricle stuffed with €-bills stamped ‘ECB ∞’. Each heartbeat triggers another rate-cut meme.”
📊 Live Chat Q&A:
Q: Pulse?
A: “Flatlined since Scholz tried small-talk in English.”
Q: Cause of death?
A: “Death by PowerPoint. Final slide: ‘NextGenerationEU’—but forgot to plug in the charger.”
🧾 Post-mortem Bill (leaked):
- Autopsy streaming rights: €750 bn
- Clickbait thumbnail: extra €50 m
- Carbon offset for Dr. Z’s sarcasm: 2.7 Mt CO₂ equivalents
🪦 Epitaph written in disappearing ink:
“Here lies the European Project—died doing what it loved: regulating the curvature of bananas 🍌 while the house burned.”
NextEpitaphLoading ⏳
Share before the Commission issues a DMCA takedown for unauthorized reality.
🔍 OFFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SOURCES
🟢 Primary Domain: BerndPulch.org – Licensed Intelligence Media
🔄 Mirror Site: GoogleFirst.org – Document Archive
📁 Archives: Rumble Videos • WordPress Briefings
💎 CLASSIFIED ACCESS
🔓 Patrons receive:
- 🔐 Classified document briefings
- ⚠️ Uncensored geopolitical reports
- 🚨 Early leak notifications
👉 Unlock Full Access Now
📜 VERIFIED CREDENTIALS
💰 ANONYMOUS SUPPORT
🪙 Cryptocurrency Donations:
“`bash
BTC/ETH/BNB: 0xdaa3b8…d616bb
Multi-Chain: 0x271588…7AC7f
XMR: 41yKiG6…Coh
Bernd Pulch 