Cape Canaveral, 05:55 a.m. UTC — While Earthlings doom-scrolled mortgage rates, the Moon quietly uploaded a listing titled “Cozy 38-Million-Sq-Km Studio w/ Crater View, No Atmosphere, No Karens” and set check-in for July 15, 2025 11:59 p.m. UTC—sharp.
📲 05:56 — Elon Musk books all 30 nights at $69,420 per Earth rotation (instant Superhost badge).
📲 05:57 — Jeff Bezos tries to counter-bid with Blue Origin stock; Moon replies: “Sorry, we don’t accept coupons.”
📲 05:58 — UN Security Council convenes emergency session; Moon auto-responds: “Self check-in via SpaceX Dragon hatch.”
🗝️ House Rules Leaked:
- Shoes off—regolith is not a sandbox.
- No parties above 0.0006 atmospheres.
- Curfew coincides with solar flare schedule.
- Security deposit: one functioning ozone layer (non-refundable).
📊 Booking Stats (live):
- Wish-listed by 2.1 billion users.
- Cleaning fee: 6 Apollo landing sites + 1 Soviet rover.
- Pet policy: only tardigrades under 1 mm.
🪦 Eviction Notice Readout:
“Earth tenants, your lease expires at T-minus-48 h. Please pack your gravity and leave quietly. PS: We’ve changed the Wi-Fi password to ‘PlutoWasFramed.’”
LunarAirbnb #MoonSuperhost #EvictionCountdown #RegolithRentals #NextPlanetLoading
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