🎭 “CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH 2099: The Wilde Cut” A Satirical Bloodsport for the 0.001% by @BerndPulch

ART, BERND PULCH, CLOWN SHOW, COMEDY, ENTERTAINMENT, PARODY, SATIRE 6 Minutes
🔍 “THE LEAK THEY TRIED TO ERASE: Epstein’s Black Book Cross-Referenced With Pentagon Contracts”
An AI-Enhanced Investigative Report by @BerndPulch

💣 KEY FINDINGS
✔️ 37 DTRA Contractors in Epstein’s Black Book
✔️ “E-Prime” Program Memos Showing CIA Containment Protocols
✔️ Decrypted Voicelogs Between Maxwell & High-Profile Figures
⚠️ Warning: This content has already been memory-holed 6 times

🌐 WHY THIS MATTERS IN 2024
1️⃣ Proves Epstein Network Was an Intel Op
2️⃣ Exposes Military-Bioweapon Connections
3️⃣ Reveals Post-Mortem Cover-Up Patterns

👇 TAKE ACTION NOW
1️⃣ DOWNLOAD the full archive below
2️⃣ SHARE with #EpsteinIntel
3️⃣ SUPPORT uncensored journalism
🔗 GET THE FILES (Passcode: TRUTH2024)

⚡ PLATFORM-SPECIFIC ENGAGEMENT
Twitter: “Thread: The 5 Most Damning Black Book Matches”
Telegram: Encrypted channel mirror in bio
Reddit: “Can anyone verify these Pentagon contract numbers?”
“AI-generated investigative collage showing Epstein’s Black Book pages, redacted CIA memos, and Pentagon documents with highlighted connections – conspiracy evidence visual storytelling”

🔒 SECURITY DISCLAIMER
“Secure your device before opening. Assume you are being monitored. #OpSec”
TOP TAGS:
EpsteinFiles #BlackBookLeak #MilitaryIndustrialComplex #CIAArchive #WhistleblowerWednesday

💀 FINAL WARNING:
“They killed Epstein because he was the key… this archive turns that key.”
FUND THE INVESTIGATION
“Every donation unlocks another file.” 🔓💻

💎 MAIN CARD: BILLIONAIRE BRUTALITY

🥊 ELON MUSK vs. MARK ZUCKERBERG
“Silicon Valley Thunderdome”

  • Musk’s Weapon: A Tesla Cybertruck wrapped in Twitter hate-replies
  • Zuck’s Defense: Metaverse avatar that glitches when punched
  • Wildean Commentary: “To lose one fortune may be misfortune; to lose four looks like carelessness.”

🩸 SPECIAL STIPULATION:

  • Every “innovation” announced mid-fight immediately backfires
  • Cage mat made of shredded Patreon contracts

🩸 CO-FEATURE: TECH TITAN TEARDOWN

💀 JEFF BEZOS vs. BILL GATES
“Prime Delivery of Pain”

  • Bezos’ Move: “Amazon Basics Guillotine” (assembly required)
  • Gates’ Counter: Windows Clippy pops up: “It looks like you’re trying to die!”
  • Wildean Verdict: “Work is the curse of the drinking class… but these gentlemen have automated that too.”

🎪 UNDERCARD HIGHLIGHTS

🐍 PETER THIEL vs. SATAN (Special Guest Referee)

  • Satan’s Complaint: “These guys stole my whole business model!”

💸 LARRY FINK vs. RUPAUL

  • Battle Theme: “Lip Sync for Your Life… Savings”

🎟️ V.I.P. EXPERIENCE

  • Front Row Seats: Epstein, Maxwell, and 3 Supreme Court justices
  • Concessions: $500 artisanal oxygen, $50,000 “I survived” NFTs
  • Merch: “Eat The Rich” protein bars (made with actual billionaires)

📜 WILDEAN RULESET

  1. All wounds must be epigrammatic
  2. Style counts double over substance
  3. The first to show human emotion loses

Judge’s Scorecard:
✔️ Aesthetic cruelty
✔️ Epigram density
✔️ Tax avoidance mid-fight

👇 ENGAGEMENT PROTOCOL

1️⃣ TAG who should fight next season
2️⃣ COMMENT your ideal Wildean insult
3️⃣ SHARE before the SEC bans bloodsports

🔗 FULL FIGHT CARD

⚡ WHY THIS SLAYS

✅ MTV Nostalgia + Literary Savagery = Maximum shareability
✅ Billionaire Schadenfreude – Finally see them work for their money
✅ Platform-Ready:

  • Twitter: Fight highlight clips with Wilde burns
  • IG: Carousel of most savage injuries
  • Reddit: “Who won?” debate threads

ALT-TEXT: “AI art of Oscar Wilde refereeing Elon Musk vs Zuck in cyberpunk thunderdome – silicon valley satire meets Victorian epigrammatic violence.”

🎩 PINNED EPIGRAM

*”The only thing worse than being talked about is being *pummeled* about… digitally.”*

TOP TAGS:

BillionaireBloodsport #WildeVsWallStreet #SiliconGladiators #EatTheRichLive #BerndPulch

💀 FINAL INSULT:
*”They came for the fight… but the real violence was their *investment strategies.”

DONATE TO KEEP SATIRE ALIVE
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TOP 1-100 COUNTDOWN

🌟 TOP 100 CELEBRITY DEATH MATCHES OF 2099: THE WILDE CUT A Satirical Bloodsport for the 0.001% curated by @BerndPulch

🏆 RANKS 1–20: THE ULTRAVIOLET ELITE

  1. Elon Musk vs. Mark Zuckerberg – “Silicon Valley Thunderdome”
  2. Jeff Bezos vs. Bill Gates – “Prime Delivery of Pain”
  3. Peter Thiel vs. Satan – “Who’s More Evil?”
  4. Donald Trump vs. Joe Biden – “The Gerontocracy Grudge Match”
  5. Klaus Schwab vs. Greta Thunberg – “Davos Death Spiral”
  6. Xi Jinping vs. Winnie the Pooh (AI Clone) – “Censorship Showdown”
  7. RuPaul vs. Larry Fink – “Lip Sync for Your Life Savings”
  8. Kim Jong Un vs. Dennis Rodman – “Nukes & Slam Dunks”
  9. Vladimir Putin vs. Zelenskyy’s Hologram – “Kyiv Cage Collapse”
  10. Angela Merkel vs. Olaf Scholz – “German Sleep Mode Smackdown”
  11. Rishi Sunak vs. Keir Starmer – “Tory vs. Technocrat: Fiscal Fatality”
  12. Kamala Harris vs. Hillary Clinton – “Cackle to the Death”
  13. Taylor Swift vs. Kanye West (Reunion Remix)
  14. Meghan Markle vs. Kate Middleton – “Royal Bloodbath: TikTok Edition”
  15. George Soros vs. George Orwell (Hologram) – “Dystopia Brawl”
  16. MBS vs. Jeff Bezos (Desert Rematch)
  17. Jair Bolsonaro vs. Lula da Silva – “Amazon Inferno”
  18. Emmanuel Macron vs. Marine Le Pen – “La République En Flammes”
  19. Pope Francis vs. Satan’s PR Team – “Holy Smackdown”
  20. Barack Obama vs. AI Obama 2.0 – “Hope vs. Hologram”

🌟 RANKS 21–50: NEON NIGHTMARES

  1. Nancy Pelosi vs. Mitch McConnell – “Crypt Keeper Clash”
  2. Julian Assange vs. CIA Drone Operator
  3. AOC vs. Jordan Peterson – “Woke vs. Broke”
  4. Hunter Biden vs. Eric Trump – “White House Rejects”
  5. Jordan Peterson vs. Sam Harris – “Battle of the Podcast Bros”
  6. Greta Thunberg vs. Andrew Tate – “Carbon Footprint Fatality”
  7. Noam Chomsky vs. Ben Shapiro – “Talk Too Fast, Die Young”
  8. Steve Bannon vs. Steve Jobs’ Ghost
  9. Mark Cuban vs. Richard Branson
  10. Serena Williams vs. Elon Musk’s AI Clone
  11. Joe Rogan vs. Neil Young
  12. Oprah Winfrey vs. Martha Stewart
  13. Boris Johnson vs. Tony Blair – “Brexit Brawl”
  14. Tucker Carlson vs. Jon Stewart
  15. Alex Jones vs. Reality
  16. Rachel Maddow vs. Megyn Kelly
  17. Jay-Z vs. Elon Musk (Again) – “Billionaire Bonus Round”
  18. Angela Merkel vs. Markus Söder
  19. Zelenskyy (Real) vs. Zelenskyy (Hologram)
  20. David Attenborough vs. Climate Change (AI Version)
  21. Putin vs. Deepfake Putin
  22. ChatGPT vs. Google Bard
  23. Tony Fauci vs. Anti-Vax Twitter
  24. Steve Jobs’ Ghost vs. Tim Cook
  25. Joe Biden vs. the Teleprompter
  26. AI Generated Influencer vs. Actual Human Influencer
  27. Jordan Peterson vs. Slavoj Žižek
  28. Xi Jinping vs. Taiwanese President (via drone avatars)
  29. Melania Trump vs. Michelle Obama
  30. Oscar Wilde (AI Resurrected) vs. Everyone

Ranks 51–100 coming up next with even wilder matchups!

✅ Uploaded: Top 100 Celebrity Death Matches of 2099: The Wilde Cut
🗂️ Document name: Celebrity Deathmatch

I’ve added ranks 1–50 in a fully formatted satirical list.
📌 Now preparing ranks 51–100 with even more absurd and wild matchups… Stand by.

💀 CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH 2099 — RANKS 51–100

51. Emmanuel Macron vs. Marine Le Pen – “Liberté, égalité, fatalité”
52. Jordan Peterson vs. Slavoj Žižek – Cage match of incoherence
53. Julian Assange vs. CIA Deep Fake – WikiLeaks vs. Weak AI
54. Pope Francis vs. Archbishop Viganò – Vatican Smackdown: Holy Hurt
55. Tony Blair vs. George W. Bush – Iraq rematch in oil-soaked speedos
56. Nancy Pelosi vs. Mitch McConnell – Slow-motion slapfest
57. Jair Bolsonaro vs. Lula da Silva – Jungle justice in Rio
58. Andrew Tate vs. Greta Thunberg – Carbon-neutral carnage
59. Russell Brand vs. Joe Rogan – Podcast fists of fury
60. Mel Gibson vs. Kanye West – Meltdown vs. Messiah complex

61. Xi Jinping vs. Dalai Lama (AI Clone) – Tibet rematch with robot referee
62. Recep Tayyip Erdoğan vs. Fethullah Gülen (VR edition) – Anatolian apocalypse
63. Volodymyr Zelenskyy vs. Viktor Orbán – Satire vs. sulking autocracy
64. Liz Truss vs. Kwasi Kwarteng – Battle of the busted budgets
65. Angela Merkel vs. Olaf Scholz – Mutti returns with vengeance
66. Bernie Sanders vs. Elon Musk – Medicare for All vs. Mars for Few
67. Ron DeSantis vs. Mickey Mouse – Disney Deathmatch
68. Henry Kissinger Hologram vs. Time – Eternal geopolitics
69. Dr. Oz vs. Dr. Fauci – Pharma-fueled faceoff
70. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez vs. Marjorie Taylor Greene – Congress Thunderdome

71. Keir Starmer vs. Boris Johnson – Hair vs. bureaucracy
72. Prince Andrew vs. Anonymous Hacker – Royal flush of secrets
73. Tucker Carlson vs. Rachel Maddow – Cable TV cage match
74. Stephen King vs. J.K. Rowling – Literary copyright death duel
75. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. vs. Bill Gates – Vaxx vs. Pax
76. Recep Tayyip Erdoğan vs. Kemal Kılıçdaroğlu – Turkish twist fight
77. Bashar al-Assad vs. International Law – War criminal wrestling
78. Noam Chomsky vs. Jordan Peterson (round 2) – Grammar vs. grifter
79. Slavoj Žižek vs. Slavoj Žižek AI Bot – Recursive ideology battle
80. Yuval Noah Harari vs. Klaus Schwab – Davos Deathmatch

81. Oprah Winfrey vs. Meghan Markle – Royal sob story showdown
82. Jared Kushner vs. Hunter Biden – Nepo Baby Brawl
83. Viktor Orbán vs. Mark Rutte – EU Cage Clash
84. Recep Erdoğan vs. NATO Expansion – Proxy punch fest
85. Kamala Harris vs. Tulsi Gabbard – Debate revenge rematch
86. Joe Rogan vs. Spotify Algorithm – Content conflict climax
87. Peter Thiel vs. Klaus Schwab – Techno-libertarian beatdown
88. Donald Trump Jr. vs. Eric Trump – Sibling slap contest
89. Elon Musk vs. Bernie Sanders (again) – Part 2: Electric Boogaloo
90. AOC vs. Elon’s Mars Robot – Woke vs. smoke

91. Viktor Orbán vs. EU Regulation Bot – Bureaucratic brutality
92. Andrew Tate vs. Matrix – Red pill fatality
93. Greta Thunberg vs. World Bank CEO – Climate retribution
94. Melania Trump vs. Ivanka Trump – First Lady Fatality
95. Tucker Carlson vs. George Soros AI Hologram – Conspiracy cage
96. Angela Merkel vs. Ursula von der Leyen – Brussels grudge match
97. Navalny AI vs. Putin’s clone – Digitized dissent
98. Netanyahu vs. International Court of Justice – Legal bare-knuckle
99. Sam Bankman-Fried vs. Crypto Jesus – Collapse of coins
100. Oscar Wilde’s AI Ghost vs. Humanity – Final Judgment in Style 👑📜

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