---

⚰️ FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS TO HELL

1. ELON MUSK
Ticket: “Mars Colony Escape Pod”
Sin: Ruined Twitter, then tried to rebrand Hell as “X Æ A-12”
Eternal Torment: Forced to use Windows 95 in the underworld IT department

2. JEFF BEZOS
Ticket: “Prime Soul Delivery”
Sin: Pissed in bottles, then sold them as “artisanal Amazon Basics”
Eternal Torment: All packages marked “delivered” but never arrive

3. MARK ZUCKERBERG
Ticket: “Metaverse Afterlife Expansion”
Sin: Turned human connection into a data mine
Eternal Torment: Eternal eye contact with his own VR avatar

---

🛳️ SHIP AMENITIES

• Lobbyists’ Lounge: Where laws are rewritten mid-voyage
• Golden Lifeboats: (For shareholders only)
• Tax Haven Deck: 0% soul inheritance tax

Yelp Review: “1/5 stars – River Styx Wi-Fi slower than Comcast”

---

💀 SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES

• Epstein: Entertainment director
• Putin: Insisting he’s just “visiting a friend”
• Trump: Selling “I Survived Charon’s Boat” NFTs

---

👇 BOARDING CALL

1️⃣ TAG a billionaire who missed the boat
2️⃣ COMMENT which circle of hell fits their crimes
3️⃣ SHARE before Hades goes woke

🔗 FULL PASSENGER MANIFEST

---

⚡ WHY THIS SINKS ALGORITHMS

✅ Mythology Meets Modern Greed – Ancient justice for new monsters
✅ Schadenfreude Gold – Finally see karma hit the 0.1%
✅ Platform-Ready:

• Twitter: Bite-sized damnation notices
• IG: Carousel of billionaires as Greek pottery art
• Reddit: “Which billionaire deserves to steer the ship?” poll

ALT-TEXT: “AI art of Charon’s boat overloaded with billionaires – Musk arguing with Bezos over legroom, Zuckerberg getting scanned by Cerberus’ facial recognition”

---

📜 PINNED DISCLAIMER

“This is poetic justice satire. No actual billionaires were harmed (yet). #NotFinancialAdvice”

TAGS:

BillionaireTitanic #HadesIPO #LateStageCapitalism #EatTheRich #BerndPulch

---

💥 FINAL INSULT:
“They privatized heaven… now they’re overcrowding hell.”

DONATE TO SINK THE YACHT
“Every dollar is an oar to their ego.” ⚓💸

GOLDEN NUGGET VERSION:

🔥 “CHARON’S 2025 LUXURY DAMNATION CRUISE: The Ultimate Billionaire Exodus”
A Divine Comedy for the 0.001% by @BerndPulch

---

🛳️ FIRST CLASS CABINS (Soul Capacity: 1%)

1. ELON MUSK
Ticket: “Mars Escape Pod”
Damnation: Forced to explain Twitter/X algorithm to angry ghosts
Eternal Torment: Tesla touchscreen stuck in “full self-driving” mode through Hell’s traffic circles

2. JEFF BEZOS
Ticket: “Prime Soul Subscription”
Damnation: All packages marked “delivered” but lost in Limbo
Eternal Torment: Amazon warehouse AC permanently broken

3. MARK ZUCKERBERG
Ticket: “Meta Afterlife”
Damnation: VR headset only shows 2016 election memes
Eternal Torment: Mandatory eye contact with his own avatar

---

💼 BUSINESS CLASS (Soul Capacity: 9%)

4. BILL GATES
Sin: “Accidentally” created vaccine microchips that only run Windows Vista
Punishment: Blue screen of death every 7 minutes

5. WARREN BUFFETT
Sin: Turned hell into a subsidiary of Berkshire Hathaway
Punishment: Forced to invest in hellfire mutual funds

6. LARRY FINK (BlackRock)
Sin: Securitized human souls
Punishment: Eternal PowerPoints about ESG hellfire bonds

---

🛌 ECONOMY CLASS (Soul Capacity: 90%)

7. VLADIMIR PUTIN
Sin: Thought hell’s oil fields were up for grabs
Punishment: Wagner Group now runs hell’s janitorial staff

8. LARRY PAGE & SERGEY BRIN
Sin: Google search: “how to avoid eternal damnation”
Punishment: 666 unskippable brimstone ads per hour

9. MICHAEL BLOOMBERG
Sin: Bought hell’s weather control system
Punishment: Eternal ban on large sodas

---

🎭 SPECIAL GUESTS (No Ticket Required)

• EPSTEIN: Cruise director
• SAM BANKMAN-FRIED: Running hell’s casino (with fake money)
• GEORGE SOROS: Shorting heaven’s currency
• RUPERT MURDOCH: Hell’s fake news anchor
• PETER THIEL: Harvesting demon blood for immortality

---

🌋 SHIP AMENITIES

• Lobbyist Lounge: Where damnation sentences get reduced for $10M
• Tax Haven Deck: 0% soul inheritance tax
• Golden Lifeboats: (For shareholders only)
• NFT Gallery: Digital art of your sins

Yelp Review: “1/5 stars – River Styx Wi-Fi slower than Comcast”

---

👇 BOARDING CALL

1️⃣ TAG who should be passenger #101
2️⃣ COMMENT which circle of hell fits which billionaire
3️⃣ SHARE before Hades gets woke

🔗 FULL PASSENGER MANIFEST

---

⚡ WHY THIS SINKS ALGORITHMS

✅ 100+ Billionaires Named – Maximum schadenfreude
✅ Mythology Meets Modern Greed – Ancient justice for new monsters
✅ Platform-Ready:

• Twitter: Bite-sized damnation notices
• IG: Carousel of billionaires as Greek pottery art
• Reddit: “Who deserves to steer the ship?” poll

ALT-TEXT: “AI art of Charon’s overloaded boat – Musk and Bezos fighting over legroom, Zuckerberg getting facial-recognition scanned by Cerberus, Gates debugging hell’s OS”

---

📜 PINNED DISCLAIMER

“This is poetic justice satire. No actual billionaires were harmed (yet). #NotFinancialAdvice”

TAGS:

BillionaireTitanic #HadesIPO #EatTheUltraRich #LateStageHell #BerndPulch

---

💥 FINAL INSULT:
“They privatized heaven… now they’re gentrifying hell.”

DONATE TO SINK THE YACHT
“Every dollar is an oar to their ego.” ⚓💸

Here’s a high-conversion CTA tailored for crypto-savvy supporters, combining urgency with dark humor:

---

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⚠️ WHY THIS MATTERS:
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✔️ Patreon funds keep servers alive
✔️ They want this info GONE

---

🚨 EMERGENCY DONATION PROTOCOL

1️⃣ CLICK BerndPulch.org/donation
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3️⃣ SHARE this link like it’s a state secret

“We’re not just exposing hell – we’re building heaven’s backup drive.”

---

⚡ WHY THIS WORKS

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✅ Urgency (Ties donations directly to leak output)

ALT-TEXT: “Support BerndPulch – Patreon for monthly intel, Monero for anonymous whistleblower funding. Every donation fights censorship.”

TAGS: #FundTheResistance #MoneroMonday #PatreonLeaks #OpSecDonate

---

💀 FINAL WARNING:
*”They ban accounts. They freeze funds. They *can’t* stop Monero.”*

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