This viral-worthy parody exposes the absurdity of modern politics:
✔️ Brigitte’s Elysee skincare routine (SPF: State Pension Fraud)
✔️ How Candace Owens monetizes both sides of every culture war
✔️ Trump-Macron bromance: Like champagne meets Diet Coke
Why It’s Trending:
Politicians = reality TV cast with nuclear codes
Your tax dollars fund this circus
AI predicts 2024’s worst-timed collab
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Tags: #PoliticalSatire #GlobalGrift #WokeCapitalism #FirstLadyFails #BerndPulch #MacronTrump #DarkHumor
(Now trending in your cognitive dissonance feed)
🎭 “THE UNHOLY ALLIANCE: MACRON, MADAME, CANDACE & THE DON”
A Bernd Pulch Production – Sponsored by Cognitive Dissonance, Inc.
🇫🇷 ACT 1: BRIGITTE MACRON’S YOUTH-SUCKING WORKSHOP
(Élysée Palace basement, 2023. Brigitte Macron stands over a vat labeled “Essence of Teen Spirit.”)
BRIGITTE: *”Emmanuel, *mon amour*, drink this *teacher’s pension* smoothie… it’s 25 years young!”* 🧓→👩
MACRON: *”Oui, but first—let me *raise the retirement age* to harvest more.”* ⏳💉
*(A *DSK portrait* winks approvingly from the wall.)*
🗽 ACT 2: CANDACE OWENS’ “RED PILL” FACTORY
*(DailyWire studio. Candace Owens bottles *liberal tears* into “Woke-Be-Gone” supplements.)*
CANDACE: *”This *anti-woke* serum will own the libs… or your money back!”* 💊🔥
TRUMP (off-screen): “Very cool*! Now *inject* it into CNN!”* 📺💉
*(The *label* reveals: “Ingredients: 90% Grift, 10% Hunter’s Laptop Dust.”)*
🤝 ACT 3: THE VERSAILLES SUMMIT (OF HYPOCRISY)
*(2024: Secret meeting. Trump and Macron bond over *shared enemies.)
TRUMP: *”You *hate* Le Pen? I hate DeSantis! Let’s trade!”* ♟️
MACRON: *”Non, *zat* would be populism… but oui to shared private jets!”* ✈️💸
*(Brigitte and Candace *arm-wrestle* over *who exploits *feminism* better.)*
💥 ACT 4: THE FINAL BETRAYAL
*(2025: Candace *defects* to French Vogue, Brigitte launches a “Woke” perfume.)*
HEADLINE: “Macron* Marries Le Pen to ‘Own’ Trump“* 💍🇫🇷
TRUMP (Truth Social post): *”SAD! *Very* low T! Melania knew!”*
🎯 WHY THIS STINGS LIKE A BAGUETTE TO THE FACE:
✅ Brigitte’s age gap: Now a *UNESCO *cultural heritage site
✅ Candace’s grift: So meta it loops into wokeness
✅ Macron-Trump bromance: Like french fries in ketchup—wrong but profitable
🔗 FULL UNTRANSLATED DOSSIER:
👉 berndpulch.org/macron-owens-trump-menage *(Auto-deletes in *3…2…1…)
🏷️ TAGS FOR THE SHADOW BAN HAMMER:
BrigitteMacron #MacronTrump #CandaceOwens #GriftersBall #BerndPulch
⚠️ DISCLAIMER: *Reading this *may* cause sudden urges to run for office despite zero qualifications.*
P.S. The real “cultural exchange” was Candace learning French for “cash app only.” 💰🇫🇷
P.P.S. Like this post? *Your *data* has been sold to both Cambridge Analytica and the DGSE.* 🕵️♂️🔫
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