
The world isn’t fighting over oil or land—it’s battling for the last kebab. In this savage satire:
✔️ Iran’s “peaceful” nuclear grill ☢️
✔️ Israel’s precision hummus strikes 🎯
✔️ America’s deep-fried democracy 🍗
✔️ Russia’s special kitchen operation 🐻
✔️ China’s silent restaurant monopoly 🤫
The real WW3? A five-star Yelp war. Who gets the last laugh—or the last bite?
📢 Support fearless satire: Donate Now (berndpulch.org/donation)
🍿 CAST OF CHAOS 🍿
- 🇮🇷 IRAN: A mystical kebab chef 👳♂️🔥 whispering *”It’s not enriched uranium… it’s *extra seasoning!”
- 🇮🇱 ISRAEL: A hyper-caffeinated barista ☕️💥 turning every latte into a “precision strike.”
- 🇺🇸 USA: A steroid-pumped Uncle Sam 🦅💪 screaming “DEMOCRACY DELIVERY – TIPPED IN BOMBS!”
- 🇸🇦 ARABS: A fabulous hummus cartel 🧆✨ fighting over “who invented falafel (spoiler: everyone did).”
- 🇷🇺 RUSSIA: A drunk bear 🐻🍾 in Adidas pants selling “Crimea Timeshares – Limited Offer!”
- 🇨🇳 CHINA: A silent chess master ♟️😶 buying the board, the pieces, and your data.
💥 ACT 1: “THE MENU WARS” 💥
🇺🇸 USA: (flexing) “I’ll take a LIBERTY BURGER 🍔🎇 – hold the tyranny!”
🇮🇷 IRAN: (grilling suspiciously glowing meat) *”This reactor? No no… it’s a *kebab microwave! 👨🍳☢️”
🇮🇱 ISRAEL: (slams espresso into Iran’s tea) *”Whoopsie… *PREEMPTIVE CAFFEINATION!“ ☕️💣
🇷🇺 RUSSIA: (flips table) *”Buffet was ALWAYS mine! Also, Ukraine is *side salad.” 🥗💀
🇨🇳 CHINA: (quietly replaces UN flags with Alibaba ads) “…Special economic zone.“ �💰
🇸🇦 ARABS: (gasps collectively) *”WHO PUTS *PINEAPPLE* IN MANSAF?! 😱 THIS MEANS WAR!”* 🍍⚔️
🔄 ACT 2: “ALLIANCES? LOL.” 🔄
🇺🇸 USA: (arm-wrestles China) “Trade deficit THIS, Xi!” 💪😤
🇨🇳 CHINA: (wins via 5000-year-old debt trap) *”…You now owe *one social credit.“ 📉😏
🇷🇺 RUSSIA: (whispers to Iran) *”Let’s *cancel* NATO’s reservation… permanently. 😈”*
🇮🇷 IRAN: *”Only if you call my kebab *#1 in the Axis of Yum.“ 🍖🏆
🇸🇦 SAUDI ARABIA: (crashes in on golden jet) *”BISMIL—wait, are we *besties* with Israel now?! 🤯”* ✈️💛💙
🎭 ACT 3: “FINAL BOSS FIGHT” 🎭
🇺🇳 UN: *”CEASEFIRE! Or at least *pause for brunch!” 🍳✌️
EVERYONE: (ignores UN, launches hummus missiles & nuclear harissa) 💣🧨🔥
🇮🇱 ISRAEL: (drops mic) *”Mossad just *hacked your DoorDash*… expect *shock and awe delivery.“ 📱💀
🏁 FINAL SCENE: AFTERMATH 🏁
- 📱 TIKTOK TRENDS: #WW3Outfits 👗💣 #WhoStartedItChallenge 🤳
- 📺 CNN HEADLINE: *”Was Armageddon Sponsored By Lockheed Martin? *More at 11.“ 📡💸
- 🇷🇺 RUSSIA: (now a TikTok star) *”SPECIAL *VIRAL* OPERATION! SMASH LIKE & SUBSCRIBE!”* 👍🎥
🎤 MORAL: *Geopolitics = *Hell’s Kitchen*… but with *more nukes* and less Gordon Ramsay.* 😅🍳💥
🚨 CALL TO ACTION! 🚨
🔥 Want MORE explosive satire?
💣 Support uncensored truth!
💰 DONATE NOW: berndpulch.org/donation
*”Because the world’s *too wild* for boring news.“* 🌎💥
*(P.S.: No countries were harmed… just their *PR teams.) 😉
🔍 OFFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SOURCES
🟢 Primary Domain: BerndPulch.org – Licensed Intelligence Media
🔄 Mirror Site: GoogleFirst.org – Document Archive
📁 Archives: Rumble Videos • WordPress Briefings
💎 CLASSIFIED ACCESS
🔓 Patrons receive:
- 🔐 Classified document briefings
- ⚠️ Uncensored geopolitical reports
- 🚨 Early leak notifications
👉 Unlock Full Access Now
📜 VERIFIED CREDENTIALS
💰 ANONYMOUS SUPPORT
🪙 Cryptocurrency Donations:
“`bash
BTC/ETH/BNB: 0xdaa3b8…d616bb
Multi-Chain: 0x271588…7AC7f
XMR: 41yKiG6…Coh
