✌Les Liaisons Dangereuses 2.0: Or, “How to Seduce a Continent and Steal Its Democracy” A Modern Epistolary Parody in the Style of Choderlos de Laclos🤣

ART, BERND PULCH, BILDERBERG, COMEDY, ENTERTAINMENT, EU, EUROPE, EUROZONE, PARODY, SATIRE 4 Minutes
“When Europe’s elite write love letters in carbon credits and corruption—romance has never been so tax-exempt.”
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Letter I: The Marquise de Merkelstein to the Vicomte de Bilderberg

Berlin, Schloss Bellevue (Encrypted Telegram)
My dear Vicomte,

How deliciously wicked of you to propose we “reassign” the Greek debt to a Cypriot shell company! I’ve instructed my Bundesbank paramour to forge the documents, though he insists on a quid pro quo—something tedious involving Nord Stream 2 and a dacha in Sochi. Men, always so transactional.

But let us not neglect the true game: that simpering Belgian EU Commissioner, Baudouin de la Bureaucratie, has been sighing over my carbon neutrality pledges. I shall promise him a Green Deal… and deliver a gas pipeline to my cousin Klaus’s offshore account.

Yours in perfidy,
M.

P.S. Do remind the Spanish Infanta that her “private jet emissions” photos are still in my Dropbox.

Letter II: The Vicomte de Bilderberg to the Marquise de Merkelstein

Secret Château, Swiss Alps (Burner Phone)
Cruel Marquise,

Your Machiavellian charm intoxicates! I’ve enclosed the Davos Guest List—note the Saudi Prince’s request for a “private climate lecture” (translation: another yacht).

But let us discuss Princess Amalia of Orange. The dear girl’s Instagram post about “taxing the rich” was… unwise. I’ve tasked her TikTok manager (a former Stasi operative) to pivot her brand to “woke monarchism.” Fear not—her “accidental” OnlyFans leak will ensure compliance.

As for Baudouin, exploit him mercilessly. The man’s IQ is lower than Belgium’s GDP.

Bisous,
V.

P.P.S. The Windsors are livid about the Netflix deal. Shall we leak Harry’s Spare 2: Electric Boogaloo manuscript?

Letter III: The Chevalier D’Arc (French Tech Bro) to the Duchesse de Davos

Paris, Station F (Signal Message)
My Dearest Duchesse,

Your algorithm to replace MEPs with ChatGPT is magnifique! The Poles are already beta-testing it. But I crave a greater challenge: let us deepfake Macron endorsing Le Pen at the next G7. The ensuing chaos will crash the euro, allowing us to buy Greece (again) at a discount.

In exchange, I offer the Swiss Bank codes you “misplaced” during that Crypto Soirée.

À bientôt,
G.

P.P.S. The Queen of Denmark is asking about her “missing emeralds.” Suggest we blame Putin.

Letter IV: The Duchesse de Davos to the Chevalier D’Arc

Davos, Private Jet (Dark Web Forum)
Mon Cher Chevalier,

Your ambition is as boundless as your hairline! The deepfake scheme proceeds, but first: Silvio Berlusconi’s clone requires calibration. His latest speech about “ethical AI” nearly triggered a constitutional crisis in Malta.

As for the emeralds, I’ve framed Prince Frederik using a TikTok duet with a Belarusian escort. The tabloids will feast for weeks.

Bisous,
D.

P.S. The Bilderberg brunch is moved to Epstein’s old island. Bring sunscreen… and a burner passport.

Letter V: The Vicomte de Bilderberg to All

Epstein Island, Now “Innovation Hub” (Encrypted Email)
Deplorables,

The 2025 Agenda is finalized:

  1. Phase 1: Crash the euro via AI-generated memes.
  2. Phase 2: Blame Russia (always).
  3. Phase 3: Launch CBDC-ChatGPT Hybrid to control the plebs.

Princess Madeleine of Sweden has been “persuaded” to endorse it via a Soros-funded NGO. Her reward? A lifetime supply of IKEA meatballs and a Nobel Peace Prize (we’ve bulk-ordered them from China).

RSVP to the Coronation of King Charles III (theme: Austerity Chic).

Ciao,
V.

Postscript: The Editor’s Note

This correspondence was discovered in a Louis Vuitton trunk aboard Klaus Schwab’s submarine. Names have been redacted to protect the guilty. Support BerndPulch.org—before they memory-hole us all.

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