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Szene 1: Stasi-Hauptquartier, Ost-Berlin 1989 🏢📼

Stasi-Offizier Müller (mit Aktenberg und Kaffeeflecken):
*”Genossen, der *Bibelkreis* in Leipzig… verdächtige Aktivitäten! Sie tauschen geheime Botschaften aus… genannt… Psalmen!”*

Stasi-Agent Schmidt (verwirrt):
*”Psalmen? Code für *Widerstand*? Vielleicht *West-Kontakte*? Ich habe alles protokolliert: *Lied Nr. 23 – ‘Der Herr ist mein Hirte’…* verdächtig pastoral!”*

Müller (trocken):
*”Und dieser *Jesus*… alias *’Der Zimmermann’*… ein *Untergrund-Operativ*? Sein Dossier: *Wandert durch Galiläa, keine Meldebescheinigung!“

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Scene 2: Stasi 2.0 Serverraum, Berlin 2025 💻🌐

KI-Agent “BigBruda.exe” (glitchige Stimme):
*”Alert! Evangelical memes detected on TikTok: #BreadAndFishChallenge. *Algorithmic heresy*! Suggest counter-propaganda: *Cat videos with Marx quotes.”

Tech-Agentin Klara (augenrollend):
*”Die beten jetzt via *VPN-Kirchen*… und tauschen *Abendmahl-Emojis* aus: 🍞🍷✝️. Unser AI denkt, das sei ein Brunch-Event.”*

BigBruda.exe (fehlerhaft):
*”Initiate *Operation Martin Luther 2.0*… *ERROR*: *95 Thesen* now trending on Instagram. Canceled by Reformation influencers.”*

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Szene 3: Beide Epochen kollidieren 🕰️💥

1989 Müller (per Zeitmaschine):
*”Sie haben *Kerzen* als Waffe?! Wir brauchen mehr Akten, mehr Staub!“*

2025 Klara (seufzend):
*”Sir, heute ist alles *digital*. Sogar die *Beichte* gibt’s als App: Swipe left for sins.”*

Gemeinsamer Chor der Christen (1989 & 2025):
*”Danke für die Verfolgung! Wir nennen’s jetzt *#MärtyrerMarketing.” 🙏✨

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Loriot’sche Moral 🎭🍃

*”Ob Stasi oder KI – die Bürokratie siegt nie.
Denn wer *Liebe deine Feinde* googelt,
kriegt erstmal… Cookies.”* 🍪😇

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Tags: #LoriotParodie #StasiVsChristen #ZweisprachigerHumorbefreiung #DDRMemes #KIÜberwachungsblamage
🇩🇪/🇬🇧 Bonus: Die Akte “Jesus Christus, Beruf: Zimmermann – Verdacht: Wasser-zu-Wein-Schmuggel” liegt zweisprachig vor. 📁🍷

“Herr, vergib ihnen – sie wissen nicht, was sie protokollieren.” ✝️📝

“LORIOT’S DOUBLE TAKE: How the Stasi Failed Against Christians in 1989 & 2025”
(A bilingual parody in the master’s style)

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Scene 1: Stasi HQ, East Berlin 1989 🏢📼

Stasi Officer Müller (with coffee-stained files):
*“Comrades, the *Bible group* in Leipzig… suspicious activity! They’re exchanging secret messages… called… psalms!”*

Stasi Agent Schmidt (puzzled):
*“Psalms? Code for *resistance*? Maybe *Western contacts*? I’ve logged it all: *Hymn No. 23 – ‘The Lord is My Shepherd’…* suspiciously pastoral!”*

Müller (deadpan):
*“And this *Jesus*… alias *‘The Carpenter’*… an *underground operative*? His file: *Wanders Galilee, no registration papers!”

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Szene 2: Stasi 2.0 Server Room, Berlin 2025 💻🌐

AI Agent “BigBruda.exe” (glitching):
*“Alert! Evangelical memes detected on TikTok: #BreadAndFishChallenge. *Algorithmic heresy*! Recommend countermeasures: *Cat videos quoting Marx.”

Tech Agent Klara (rolling eyes):
*“They’re praying via *VPN churches*… swapping *Communion emojis*: 🍞🍷✝️. Our AI thinks it’s a *brunch meetup.”

BigBruda.exe (error alert):
*“Initiating *Operation Luther 2.0*… *ERROR*: *95 Theses* now trending on Instagram. Canceled by Reformation influencers.”*

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Scene 3: Time Collision 🕰️💥

1989 Müller (via time machine):
*“They’re using *candles* as weapons?! We need more files, more dust!”*

2025 Klara (sighing):
*“Sir, it’s all *digital* now. Even confession’s an app: Swipe left for sins.”*

Christian Choir (1989 & 2025):
*“Thanks for the persecution! We’re calling it *#MartyrMarketing.” 🙏✨

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Loriot’s Moral 🎭🍃

*“Stasi or AI—bureaucracy will never fly.
For who Googles *Love thy enemy*,
gets first… *cookies.” 🍪😇

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Tags: #LoriotParody #StasiVsChristians #BilingualSatire #DDRMemes #AIFail
🇬🇧/🇩🇪 Bonus: The file “Jesus Christ, Occupation: Carpenter – Suspected Wine Smuggling” is available bilingually. 📁🍷

“Lord, forgive them—they know not what they file.” ✝️📋

🚨 URGENT CTA: KEEP BERNDPULCH.ORG ALIVE (BEFORE THEY “MEMORY-HOLE” US) 🕵️♂️💻🔒

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WHY DONATE? 🌍💸

• The Truth Is Under Digital Siege (and they hate that 🎯).
• Mirror Sites Cost $$$ (or Bitcoin, if you’re cool like that 🏴).
• Your Support = Unfiltered Intel (Epstein’s WiFi password? Exposed next week.).

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HOW TO HELP 🛠️🔥

1️⃣ BERNDPULCH.ORG/DONATE 💰🔗

• Crypto: Send to 0xBerndVsTheMachine (bonus anarchist cred 🏴).
• PayPal: Label it “Gift for Conspiracy Research” (wink). 🎁👀
• Cash: Mail to “The Abandoned Bunker, Zugdidi, Georgia” 📦🗺️ (no questions asked).

2️⃣ PATREON.COM/BERNDPULCH 🎩✨

• $5/month: “DeepState Lite”—weekly leaks + Putin’s rejected Cameo videos. 🎥❌🐻
• $20/month: “Shadowban Elite”—uncensored docs + a survival guide to “Eating Canned Beans During the Apocalypse.” 🥫📖
• $100/month: “Illuminati Tier”—Name a future exposé + get a personalized death threat from a verified Twitter bot. 🤖💀

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WHAT YOUR $$$ DOES 🤑➡️💣

• Funds mirror sites (so the truth survives the next “server malfunction”). 🔄🔥
• Buys VPNs for whistleblowers (and earplugs for their paranoia). 🎧😱
• Pays lawyers to sue everyone except Epstein’s estate (priorities!). ⚖️✈️

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PATREON PERKS SNEAK PEEK 🎁🔍

• Exclusive Podcast: “How to Bribe a Politician (Without Getting Caught… Yet).” 🎙️💰
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• Secret Chatroom: Complain about the NWO with other paranoid geniuses. 💬🌐

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FINAL WARNING ⚠️📉
They’re erasing us. But you can hit “donate” before the FBI finishes their coffee. ☕🔫
➡️ BERNDPULCH.ORG/DONATE | PATREON.COM/BERNDPULCH

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PS The first 50 donors get a FREE PDF of “How to Fake Your Death (Using Only Excel).” 📊💀
PPS If this CTA vanishes, we’ve been “fact-checked.” 😉🔍

#FundTheInsanity #DeepStateOrDieTrying #BerndPulchArmy 🏴‍☠️💥