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🛰️🔥 CHRISTIAN LINDNER DECLARES “THE REPUBLIC OF NEOLIBERIA”: A FLOATING TAX HAVEN ABOVE EUROPE 💸☁️🚁

A brutal satire about ego, economics, and altitude sickness.

In an unexpected 4 A.M. announcement delivered from a hovering golden helicopter, Christian Lindner proclaimed the founding of his new micro-nation:
THE REPUBLIC OF NEOLIBERIA — a fully privatized floating island drifting above the EU at 12,000 meters, “far away from voters, consequences, and spreadsheets.”

Lindner, wearing aviator sunglasses and a parachute made from shredded coalition agreements, declared:

“Taxes cannot reach me here. Reality cannot reach me here. And, with luck, journalists neither.”

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☁️ A Nation Built on Deregulation and Clouds

Neoliberia consists of:

• One gigantic luxury sky-platform
• Eight champagne fountains
• A runway shaped like a credit card
• Several floating billboards that say:
  “WORK HARDER, PEASANTS.”

Lindner announced that Neoliberia’s constitution will be written entirely in Excel, with every citizen assigned a fiscal KPI at birth.

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💸 Cabinet of the Sky-Elite

Lindner unveiled his ministers, all handpicked for ideological purity:

• Minister of Infinite Self-Confidence: Christian Lindner
• Minister of “Optimizing the Poor”: Also Christian Lindner
• Minister of Helicopter Fuel & Crypto: A drone with sunglasses
• Minister of Love: A mirror

When asked if anyone else would join his administration, Lindner replied:

“In principle yes. In practice no.”

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🛩️ Neoliberia’s First Economic Policies

All laws were uploaded to the Cloud (literally).

1. 🛫 Every citizen must launch at least one start-up a week.
2. 💳 Cash is outlawed; only LindnerCoin is accepted.
3. 🥂 Welfare is replaced by motivational speeches played through loudspeakers at dawn.
4. 🪂 Anyone earning under €250,000 must parachute back to Germany immediately.
5. 🏦 Banks may vote in elections. Humans may not.

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🚨 Europe Reacts: Confusion, Anger, Mild Entertainment

EU officials expressed concern:

• France demanded airspace fees.
• Italy asked if the platform could at least offer good espresso.
• Germany sighed deeply and pretended to be underground.

When asked for comment, Lindner shouted from 12,000 meters:

“Let them regulate cake! I’m busy creating prosperity through altitude!”

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🎬 The Dramatic Twist

Just before sunset, a giant digital banner unfurled across the platform:

“NEOLIBERIA — THE SKY IS THE LIMIT BECAUSE WE ELIMINATED THE FLOOR.”

Below, commuters in Berlin looked up and wondered why their Finance Minister was circling above them in a golden blimp yelling:

“BE RICHER!”

A child remarked,
“Mommy, why is the balloon screaming?”

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