
EN: ยซEU-Stasi cabaret: one hologram, five merged narratives, zero free will. Support the satire โ patreon.com/berndpulch or drop XMR.ยป
DE: ยซEU-Stasi-Kabarett: ein Hologramm, fรผnf fusionierte Narrative, null freier Wille. Unterstรผtzt die Satire โ patreon.com/berndpulch oder XMR.ยป
ES: ยซCabaret UE-Stasi: un holograma, cinco narrativas fusionadas, cero libre albedrรญo. Apoya la sรกtira โ patreon.com/berndpulch o XMR.ยป
FR: ยซCabaret UE-Stasi : un hologramme, cinq rรฉcits fusionnรฉs, zรฉro libre arbitre. Soutenez la satire โ patreon.com/berndpulch ou XMR.ยป
PT: ยซCabarรฉ UE-Stasi: um holograma, cinco narrativas fundidas, zero livre-arbรญtrio. Apoie a sรกtira โ patreon.com/berndpulch ou XMR.
๐ SUBJECT: Operation โEUnuch Harmonyโ โ 5-Narrative Fusion Protocol ๐
CLASSIFICATION:
If you can read this, youโre already flagged for re-education in the EU-Stasi Cloud Penโข (patent pending under Green Deal Sub-Clause 666).
๐ญ EXECUTIVE PARODY-SUMMARY
The DG-NCWP has successfully merged War, Climate, COVID, Trans, Migrants into one รผber-narrativeโข to save on propaganda toner. Citizens will now receive one push notification instead of five, reducing thumb fatigue by 23 % (per Gretaโs abacus).
๐ NARRATIVE SYNTHESIS MATRIX
NarrativeOfficial SloganSheeple TranslationMandatory EmojiWar โPeace is too loud.โ Bombs = renewable energy (heat waves). ๐ฃโ๐ฑ Climate โYour exhale is genocide.โ Hold breath or pay โฌ2/min COโ tax. ๐ฎ๐ธ COVID โThe 19th booster is loyalty.โ QR code tattoo glows when you think wrong. ๐๐ Trans โBiology is a colonial construct.โ EU-mandated pronoun wheel spins every sunrise. ๐๐/๐รe Migrants โBorders are hate speech.โ Your flat now hosts 12 undocumented influencers. ๐ โ๏ธ๐คณ
๐ SHEEPLE COMPLIANCE MODULE
Phase 1 โ Narrative Compression
- All EU citizens to download WoolAppโข (mandatory, 666 MB).
- Single checkbox:
โ๏ธ โI consent to War, Climate, COVID, Trans, Migrants being explained to me by a hologram of Ursula von der Leyen wearing a rainbow flak jacket.โ
Phase 2 โ Climate-War Fusion
- Every missile strike = plants 1 tree (via Shellโข offsets).
- Tanks now run on recycled pronoun leaflets.
Phase 3 โ COVID-Trans-Migrant Triple-Helix
- Booster passports double as trans-rights visas and airbnb keys.
- Migrants who refuse the 9th booster are sent to glamping gulags in Luxembourg (Wi-Fi included).
๐๏ธ DG-NCWP INTERNAL CHAT LEAK (translated from Bureaucrratese)
@VonDerLeyen_Bot:
โReminder: Calling the war a โwarโ is hate speech. Use โSpecial Climate Operation.โโ
@Greta_Thunborg:
โStop breathing, bigots. COโ is violence.โ
@Emmanuelle_Micron:
โMacron is outdated. I now identify as โEuropeโ and require 20 % of your salary in crypto-glitter.โ
๐จ SHEEPLE REACTION PROTOCOL
Emotion Approved Response Dissent Response Confused Double-boost & double-pronoun. Gulag yoga retreat. Angry Climate anxiety workshop with artisanal tear gas. Twitter ratio by EU-funded bot @RealHuman_12345. Curious 404 โ Curiosity not found. Curiosity redirected to EU-Memory-Holeโข (hosted by Microsoft Azure).
๐ CALL TO ACTION (MANDATORY)
Like, share, and pay reparations via:
๐ patreon.com/berndpulch (yes, even Monero is now carbon-neutral)
๐ช XMR: 46xyzโฆbleatโฆwoolcoin
Remember: If you feel free, the vaccine is working. ๐๐โจ
END TRANSMISSION โ DG-NCWP out.
๐จ๐ ABOVE TOP SHEEPLE // EU-CLASSIFIED // BLEAT-NOFORN ๐จ๐
๐
24 JUL 2025 โ 06:66 AM (solar-powered, gender-neutral time-zone)
๐ฏ EU-Stasi รber-Memo: Operation โEUnuch Harmony 2.0โ
๐งฉ๐ฅ๐๐โ๏ธ One Ring to Rule All Narratives!
๐ Narrative Fusion Emoji-Cubeโข
War ๐ฃ Climate ๐ COVID ๐ท Trans ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Migrants โ๏ธ ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฑ ๐ฅต๐ธ๐ณ ๐๐๐งฌ ๐โ๏ธ๐ฆ ๐ ๐คณ๐
๐ง Sheeple Compliance Script (Mandatory Recital)
๐ฃ๏ธ โI ๐ซถ EU-Stasi, surrender my ๐ง , and pledge to emit only ๐-approved COโ.โ
๐๏ธ Leaked DG-NCWP Slack
- @VonDerLeyenBot ๐ค: โWar is now a ๐ฑ-security exercise.โ
- @Greta_Thunborg ๐ฅต: โExhale = hate crime.โ
- @Emmanuelle_Micron ๐ฅ: โPay me 20 % in ๐ช-glitter or gulag-glamping.โ
๐จ Sheeple Emotion Flowchart
๐ โ ๐
๐ก โ ๐งโโ๏ธ+๐จ
๐ค โ 404 ๐ณ๏ธ
๐ธ CTA โ Fund the Satire Resistance!
๐๐๐
๐ Patreon: patreon.com/berndpulch ๐ค๐ป
๐ช Monero Tip-Jar:46xyzโฆbleatโฆprivacygoesbrrr ๐๐
Support = more ๐-safe snark. Every XMR plants a ๐ณ (in Minecraft).
๐จ๐ รBER-OBEN TOP-SCHAF // EU-GEHEIM // BLEAT-NOFORN ๐จ๐
๐
24. JUL 2025 โ 06:66 Uhr (sonnenbetriebene, geschlechtsneutrale Zeitzone)
๐ฏ EU-Stasi-รber-Memo: Operation โEUnuch Harmony 2.0โ
๐งฉ๐ฅ๐๐โ๏ธ Ein Ring, um alle Narrative zu regieren!
๐ Narrativ-Fusions-Emoji-Wรผrfelโข
Krieg ๐ฃ Klima ๐ COVID ๐ท Trans ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Migration โ๏ธ ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฑ ๐ฅต๐ธ๐ณ ๐๐๐งฌ ๐โ๏ธ๐ฆ ๐ ๐คณ๐
๐ง Schafels-Konformitรคts-Skript (Pflicht-Rezitation)
๐ฃ๏ธ โIch ๐ซถ EU-Stasi, รผbergebe mein ๐ง und gelobe, nur ๐-geprรผftes COโ auszuatmen.โ
๐๏ธ Geleakte DG-NCWP-Slack-Kanรคle
- @VonDerLeyenBot ๐ค: โKrieg ist jetzt eine ๐ฑ-Sicherheitsรผbung.โ
- @Greta_Thunborg ๐ฅต: โAusatmen = Hassverbrechen.โ
- @Emmanuelle_Micron ๐ฅ: โZahlt mir 20 % in ๐ช-Glitter oder Gulag-Glamping.โ
๐จ Schafels-Gefรผhls-Flussdiagramm
๐ โ ๐
๐ก โ ๐งโโ๏ธ+๐จ
๐ค โ 404 ๐ณ๏ธ
๐ธ CTA โ Unterstรผtzt den Satire-Widerstand!
๐๐๐
๐ Patreon: patreon.com/berndpulch ๐ค๐ป
๐ช Monero-Trinkgeld-Eimer:46xyzโฆbleatโฆprivatsphรคregoesbrrr ๐๐
Jede Unterstรผtzung = mehr ๐-sicheren Spott. Jede XMR pflanzt eine ๐ณ (in Minecraft).
๐จ๐ ยกENCIMATOP SECRETO // EU-CLASIFICADO // BLEAT-NOFORN! ๐จ๐
๐
24 JUL 2025 โ 06:66 hora solar neutra-gรฉnero
๐ฏ Memorรกndum Uber-Stasi UE: Operaciรณn โEUnuco Harmony 2.0โ
๐งฉ๐ฅ๐๐โ๏ธ ยกUn solo Anillo para gobernarlos a todos!
๐ Cubo-Emojiโข de Fusiรณn Narrativa
Guerra ๐ฃ Clima ๐ COVID ๐ท Trans ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Migrantes โ๏ธ ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฑ ๐ฅต๐ธ๐ณ ๐๐๐งฌ ๐โ๏ธ๐ฆ ๐ ๐คณ๐
๐ง Guion de Cumplimiento Ovejuno (Recitaciรณn obligatoria)
๐ฃ๏ธ ยซAmo ๐ซถ la Stasi-UE, entrego mi ๐ง y prometo exhalar solo COโ ๐-aprobadoยป.
๐๏ธ Filtraciรณn del Slack DG-NCWP
- @VonDerLeyenBot ๐ค: ยซLa guerra ahora es un ejercicio ๐ฑ-seguridadยป.
- @Greta_Thunborg ๐ฅต: ยซExhalar = crimen de odioยป.
- @Emmanuelle_Micron ๐ฅ: ยซPรกgame el 20 % en ๐ช-glitter o glamping-gulagยป.
๐จ Diagrama de Flujo Emocional Ovejuno
๐ โ ๐
๐ก โ ๐งโโ๏ธ+๐จ
๐ค โ 404 ๐ณ๏ธ
๐ธ ยกCTA โ Apoya la Resistencia Satรญrica!
๐๐๐
๐ Patreon: patreon.com/berndpulch ๐ค๐ป
๐ช Jarra de Propinas Monero:46xyzโฆbleatโฆprivacidadyaya ๐๐
Cada apoyo = mรกs sรกtira ๐-segura. Cada XMR planta un ๐ณ (en Minecraft).
๐จ๐ AU-DESSUS DU TOP SECRET // EU CLASSIFIร // BLEAT-NOFORN ๐จ๐
๐
24 JUIL 2025 โ 06:66 heure solaire neutre-genre
๐ฏ Mรฉmorandum Uber-Stasi UE : Opรฉration ยซ EUnuch Harmony 2.0 ยป
๐งฉ๐ฅ๐๐โ๏ธ Un seul anneau pour les gouverner toutes !
๐ Cube-Emojiโข de Fusion Narrative
Guerre ๐ฃ Climat ๐ COVID ๐ท Trans ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Migrants โ๏ธ ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฑ ๐ฅต๐ธ๐ณ ๐๐๐งฌ ๐โ๏ธ๐ฆ ๐ ๐คณ๐
๐ง Script de Conformitรฉ Mouton (Rรฉcitation obligatoire)
๐ฃ๏ธ ยซ Jโ๐ซถ la Stasi-UE, je livre mon ๐ง et je promets dโexpirer uniquement du COโ ๐-approuvรฉ. ยป
๐๏ธ Fuite du Slack DG-NCWP
- @VonDerLeyenBot ๐ค : ยซ La guerre est dรฉsormais un exercice ๐ฑ-sรฉcuritรฉ. ยป
- @Greta_Thunborg ๐ฅต : ยซ Expirer = crime de haine. ยป
- @Emmanuelle_Micron ๐ฅ : ยซ Payez-moi 20 % en ๐ช-paillettes ou glamping-goulag. ยป
๐จ Diagramme de Flux รmotionnel Mouton
๐ โ ๐
๐ก โ ๐งโโ๏ธ+๐จ
๐ค โ 404 ๐ณ๏ธ
๐ธ CTA โ Soutenez la Rรฉsistance Satyrique !
๐๐๐
๐ Patreon : patreon.com/berndpulch ๐ค๐ป
๐ช Jarre de Pourboires Monero :46xyzโฆbleatโฆvieprivรฉevabrr ๐๐
Chaque soutien = plus de satire ๐-sรปre. Chaque XMR plante un ๐ณ (dans Minecraft).
๐จ๐ ACIMA DO ULTRA-SECRETO // EU CLASSIFICADO // BLEAT-NOFORN ๐จ๐
๐
24 JUL 2025 โ 06:66 hora solar neutra-gรชnero
๐ฏ Memorando Ultra-Stasi UE: Operaรงรฃo โEUnuco Harmony 2.0โ
๐งฉ๐ฅ๐๐โ๏ธ Um รบnico anel para governรก-los a todos!
๐ Cubo-Emojiโข de Fusรฃo Narrativa
Guerra ๐ฃ Clima ๐ COVID ๐ท Trans ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Migrantes โ๏ธ ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฑ ๐ฅต๐ธ๐ณ ๐๐๐งฌ ๐โ๏ธ๐ฆ ๐ ๐คณ๐
๐ง Script de Conformidade Ovelha (Recitaรงรฃo obrigatรณria)
๐ฃ๏ธ ยซ โค๏ธ a Stasi-UE, entrego meu ๐ง e prometo expirar apenas COโ ๐-aprovado. ยป
๐๏ธ Vazamento do Slack DG-NCWP
- @VonDerLeyenBot ๐ค: ยซ A guerra agora รฉ um exercรญcio ๐ฑ-seguranรงa. ยป
- @Greta_Thunborg ๐ฅต: ยซ Expirar = crime de รณdio. ยป
- @Emmanuelle_Micron ๐ฅ: ยซ Pague-me 20 % em ๐ช-glitter ou glamping-gulag. ยป
๐จ Diagrama de Fluxo Emocional Ovelha
๐ โ ๐
๐ก โ ๐งโโ๏ธ+๐จ
๐ค โ 404 ๐ณ๏ธ
๐ธ CTA โ Apoie a Resistรชncia Satรญrica!
๐๐๐
๐ Patreon: patreon.com/berndpulch ๐ค๐ป
๐ช Jarra de Gorjetas Monero:46xyzโฆbleatโฆprivacidadevai ๐๐
Cada apoio = mais sรกtira ๐-segura. Cada XMR planta um ๐ณ (no Minecraft).
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๐ฌ๐ง English
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