https://rumble.com/v75qodw-432905972.html

8:30 AM 🛏️: Wakes up. Accidentally turns his silk sheets into gold foil. They shatter when he sits up. The royal physician has added “golden dandruff” to his chart. Breakfast is now served on a single-use clay plate that he’s not allowed to touch. His daughter refuses to make eye contact. 📋👨‍⚕️💔

9:15 AM 🏛️: Arrives at the Royal Asset Management Office. His deputy greets him with a 40-foot pole. “Sir, the Handshake Protocol remains in effect. Your signature on these decrees?” Midas signs with a stylus held in his teeth. The documents remain paper. A small victory. 📜🦷✨

10:30 AM 📊: Q4 touch-to-gold conversion metrics are in. Efficiency: 100%. Selectivity: 0%. The Head of Risk Management presents a slide titled “Unintended Consequences Dashboard.” Current liabilities: 12 servants (frozen), 3 swans (gilded), 1 throne (now a decorative hazard). “We’re seeing ‘scope creep’ in your power, sire.” Midas stares at his hands. They glow faintly. 👐📈😬

11:45 AM ⚖️: Emergency council meeting. The Treasurer is frantic. “Sire, you’ve turned the tax revenue into solid gold. We can’t spend it. The economy is grinding to a halt because every coin you touch becomes a non-fungible paperweight.” Midas suggests they “just melt it down.” The Treasurer weeps. “THAT’S NOT HOW CURRENCY WORKS.” 💰🔄😭

1:00 PM 🥗: Lunch alone. Again. The royal chef slides a plate of golden olives across the floor using a broom. They are actual gold. Inedible. Midas watches his reflection in a golden goblet that was, three hours ago, his favorite court jester. The jester’s last joke was “at least you’ll never lose your keys.” 🫒👑🔑

2:30 PM 👨‍👧: Family therapy session in the courtyard. His daughter stands behind a lead-lined shield. A therapist (hired from a neighboring kingdom, strictly by written correspondence) conducts the session via scroll. “Daddy, I just want a hug.” Midas looks at his hands. “How about I… wave at you? From here. Very enthusiastically.” The therapist notes “avoidant attachment style” in her billing. 📝🛡️😔

3:45 PM 🔬: R&D review. The court alchemist presents “Project Reverse Midas.” Early results show that soaking his hands in virgin olive oil for six hours reduces the conversion radius from direct contact to “aggressive proximity.” Midas agrees to nightly oil soaks. The alchemist bills it to “Mental Health & Wellness.” 🫒🔬✅

5:00 PM 💼: Succession planning. The royal counsel presents a memo: “Heir Presumptive Contingencies in the Event of Accidental Throne Touching.” It includes a diagram of who sits where during council meetings to minimize his contact with furniture. Midas signs it with his elbow. 📄💺🚫

6:30 PM 🌅: Sunset in the garden. Everything is gold. The roses. The fountain. The bees. The bees are just… golden specks now. They do not move. Midas sits on a marble bench (safe, for now) and watches the sky. It is the only thing he cannot reach. A servant approaches carefully, holding a letter on a stick. “Threat assessment, sire.” 👑🌇🐝

6:32 PM 📜: The letter reads: “ALERT: Neighboring king rumors you have become ‘economically destabilizing.’ Coalition forming to ‘quarantine the contagion.’ Threat level: ELEVATED. Recommendation: Gloves.” Midas looks at his hands one more time. The glow seems brighter now. Or maybe that’s just the sunset. 🌄🧤⚠️

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Headline:

“I Can Turn Anything to Gold. My Daughter Won’t Let Me Read Her Bedtime Stories Anymore.” 👨‍👧🪙📖 #MidasTouch #GiftAndCurse #AlchemistProblems

Caption:

“They said my power would make the kingdom rich. Now the treasury is frozen, the swans are statues, and HR wants me to sign a ‘No Unsupervised Contact’ agreement. Some gifts come with fine print.” 👑📝😤 #KingMidas #TouchToGold #RiskLiability

Tags:

KingMidas #MidasTouch #GreekMythology #FairyTaleFinance #CorporateSatire #AncientGreece #RoyalTreasury #CurrencyCrisis #GoldStandard #AssetManagement #RiskManagement #UnintendedConsequences #FamilyTherapy #AttachmentIssues #SuccessionPlanning #ThroneHazards #WorkplaceSafety #NoHugPolicy #Alchemy #GiftAndCurse #ProcessInnovation #Q4Results #EconomicDestabilization #ContainmentProtocol #Gloves #AvoidantAttachment #LeadShield #Bees #GoldenBees 🏛️🪙👑📉💔🛡️🐝🧤

Bernd Pulch (M.A.) is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, entrepreneur, political commentator, satirist, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, real estate, and geopolitics. His work examines how legal systems are weaponized, how capital flows shape policy, how artificial intelligence concentrates power, and what democracy loses when courts and markets become battlefields. Active in the German and international media landscape, his analyses appear regularly on this platform.

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