List of Characters:
- Sven the Ugly Schmidt: A hacker who breaks into digital systems, regaining focus from the curse.
- Klausi the Shithouse Demon: A playful demon who messes with drones, calming his urges.
- Murky Jan: A smooth-talker who tricks corporate leaders, redirecting his charm.
- Crazy Pete the Fish (The Joker): A wild planner who thrives in chaos, steadying his affections.
- Thomas: A drug user lost in a digital fog, clearing his haze.
- Olaf “I Can’t Remember Anything” Amnesia: A forgetful guy with a broken neural implant, less distracted.
- Ms. Dumbo Bock: A determined politician, refocusing her drive.
- Muschi Lie En: A crime boss plotting to control networks, regaining her edge.
- Fritz the Fozzler: A secretive rebel, sharpening his resolve.
- Dr. Z: A propaganda supporter, analyzing threats again.
- Walburga the Valkyrie: A warrior with a powerful sword, back to fighting form.
- Good Uncle Jochen: A lawyer arguing in a lawless world, serious once more.
- Dumb Tom: A mechanic who sabotages signs, fixing more than flirting.
- Dumb Beatrix: A baker who distracts robots, baking for survival.
- Godmother Erika: A quiet strategist, leading the cure effort.
- Andreas and Edith: Data traders selling secrets, trading info over kisses.
- Vigo, die Geisel der Karpathen: A shady dealer with gangs, scheming anew.
- Kanye West: A rapper disrupting systems, rapping for battle.
- Count Don Robert Quichotte: Dumbo Bock’s rival, wielding his blade with purpose.
- Archbishop Frank Boredom-Stonewall: A fake preacher and corporate leader, plotting with The Old Ayatollah.
- Zara: A tough Amazon leader on Venus with an obsidian spear, guarding her domain.
- The Old Ayatollah: A stern, bearded ex-cleric, allied with Boredom-Stonewall, wielding a cyber-staff.
Episode: “The Jungle’s Revenge”
The golden jungle of Venus smoked with drone wreckage, the crew catching their breath after the last attack. Their nymphomaniac curse lingered, but Erika’s tweak to the nanobots had dulled it—Sven could hack without winking, Walburga fought without giggling, and Kanye rapped war anthems instead of love songs. “We’re back,” Sven said, wiping sweat from his brow. “Mostly.”
Zara crossed her arms, her Amazons—half-naked warriors with glowing implants—standing guard. “You’ve got your heads back, but you’re still trouble. Boredom-Stonewall’s drones keep coming—why?” Erika held up The Old Ayatollah’s staff, taken in the last fight. “This has answers. Sven, crack it.”
Sven plugged into the staff, pulling data. “It’s a comms link—Boredom-Stonewall and The Ayatollah are planning something big. They’re not just after us—Venus has a resource they want.” The screen flickered, showing a map of the jungle with a marked zone: a hidden vein of bio-crystals, powering the Amazons’ tech and the planet’s ecosystem.
Klausi zapped a vine. “Crystals? That’s why they’re here?” Zara nodded. “Those crystals keep us alive. If they take them, Venus dies.” Walburga gripped her sword. “Then we stop them.”
Before they could plan, the ground shook—massive, insect-like machines erupted from the soil, their metal shells gleaming with Boredom-Stonewall’s logo. The Old Ayatollah’s voice boomed from one, “Fools! These harvesters will strip your world bare!” A hologram of Boredom-Stonewall appeared. “Profit demands sacrifice—Venus is ours.”
The crew sprang into action. Walburga and Pete slashed at a harvester’s legs, toppling it. Kanye’s beats scrambled their sensors, while Dumb Tom and Beatrix rigged a bomb from jungle scraps. Muschi and Fritz flanked another, planting charges. Sven hacked a third, redirecting it into a pit. “Take that, you oversized bug!” he yelled.
Zara’s Amazons speared the machines, but more emerged. Erika traced the staff’s signal. “They’re controlled from a base nearby—Ayatollah’s there.” She led a team—Quichotte, Jochen, and Dr. Z—through the ferns. They found a bunker, The Ayatollah inside, his staff plugged into a console. “You’re too late,” he sneered, unleashing a gas cloud. Quichotte charged, blade clashing with staff, until Jochen tackled him, shouting, “Illegal tech!” Dr. Z grabbed the console, muttering, “Fascinating design,” and shut it down.
The harvesters froze, but Boredom-Stonewall’s hologram laughed. “A delay, not a defeat. We’ll return.” The Ayatollah escaped in the chaos, vanishing into the jungle.
Back at camp, Sven used the staff to purge the last nanobots, fully curing the crew. “No more flirting with drones,” he sighed. Zara softened. “You saved our crystals—for now. Stay and fight, or go.” Walburga grinned. “We’re not done with them.”
A distant hum warned of more trouble ahead.
Call to Action: “Help the Crew Defend Venus from Boredom-Stonewall!”
The crew’s cured, but Boredom-Stonewall and The Old Ayatollah are stripping Venus’s crystals with harvesters. Sven’s hacking, Walburga’s fighting, and Zara’s Amazons need your support to stop them! Donate now, or the jungle falls!
Join the fight on Patreon: patreon.com/berndpulch
Send funds to save Venus: berndpulch.org/donation
Back them today—keep Boredom-Stonewall’s greed at bay!
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