EXCLUSIVE โ The January 30, 2026, Department of Justice release of 3.5 million pages, 2,000 videos, and 180,000 images marked the largest transparency event in the Epstein case to date. Headlines focused on individual names: presidents, princes, billionaires, scientists. But a deeper truth lies buried in the data.
My updated Epstein Index v.2026.02.13 now tracks 50,473 verified entities โ 39,847 individuals and 10,626 organizations. This institutional map reveals something the name-by-name coverage cannot: the architecture of enablement itself.
Here is what the organizational data tells us about how the Epstein network operated, why it persisted for decades, and why so many institutions remain unexamined while individuals face scrutiny.
I. The Limits of a Name List
Since Epstein’s 2019 arrest, public attention has fixated on celebrity passengers on the “Lolita Express” and politicians in the black book. This is understandable. But it is also strategically incomplete.
The 10,626 organizations in the index include:
ยท Banks and financial institutions that moved hundreds of millions of dollars ยท Law firms that structured trusts and defended participants ยท Academic institutions that accepted funding despite known risks ยท Real estate entities that held properties across three continents ยท Aircraft management companies that maintained the fleet ยท Trust structures designed for asset concealment ยท Shell companies in multiple jurisdictions
These organizations provided the infrastructure without which individual activity would have been impossible. They also represent the accountability gap.
II. The Financial Architecture: How Institutions Moved the Money
Banks Under Scrutiny
The index documents multiple financial institutions that processed Epstein-related transactions, in some cases after his 2008 conviction:
Institution Documented Role Current Status JPMorgan Chase & Co. Primary banking relationship; $1B+ in transactions $290M survivor settlement (2023) Deutsche Bank AG Post-2013 banking; Butterfly Trust accounts $7M+ in regulatory settlements BNY Mellon 270 wire transfers totaling $378M Under Wyden investigation (Jan 2026) HSBC Named in $12B lawsuit; La Hougue trust allegations Litigation pending Barclays CEO Jes Staley under scrutiny Regulatory review ongoing Bear Stearns Pre-2008 banking (acquired by JPMorgan) Acquired entity
The BNY Mellon Pattern
Senator Ron Wyden’s January 2026 investigation into BNY Mellon revealed 270 wire transfers totaling $378 million โ transactions flagged internally as early as 2019. The question investigators now face: Why were these transactions permitted to continue, and what compliance failures allowed it?
This is not a story about a single bad actor. It is a story about institutional systems designed to prioritize revenue over detection.
Trust Structures as Concealment Vehicles
The index tracks numerous trusts that functioned as asset protection mechanisms:
ยท 1953 Trust: Signed August 8, 2019 โ two days before Epstein’s death. Distributed $100M to girlfriend Karyna Shuliak, $50M to personal lawyer Darren Indyke, $25M to accountant Richard Kahn, $10M each to brother Mark Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell, and pilot Lawrence Paul Visoski Jr. Forty additional beneficiaries remain redacted. ยท Butterfly Trust: Maintained at Deutsche Bank (2014-2018), demonstrating the network’s ability to relocate banking relationships when scrutiny emerged. ยท Financial Trust Company: Incorporated in the US Virgin Islands (1998); generated approximately $300M in tax savings between 1999-2018 through USVI Economic Development Commission programs. ยท Cypress Inc. / Zorro Trust: Successive entities holding the 9,800-acre New Mexico ranch, illustrating how property ownership was layered to obscure beneficial ownership.
III. The Legal Nexus: Law Firms, Prosecutors, and Systemic Failure
The organizational data becomes most significant when examined through the lens of lawfare โ the weaponization of legal systems that this publication documents extensively.
Defense and Facilitation
Multiple law firms appear throughout the index, representing Epstein, Maxwell, and associated entities across decades. The presence of sophisticated legal counsel is not itself evidence of wrongdoing. But the pattern of legal representation reveals how the network navigated multiple investigations:
ยท Firms structured the trusts described above ยท Firms negotiated the 2008 non-prosecution agreement ยท Firms represented witnesses during grand jury proceedings ยท Firms continue to represent beneficiaries of the 1953 Trust
The Prosecutorial Question
More concerning is the appearance of government attorneys โ Assistant U.S. Attorneys (AUSAs) โ within the network’s orbit. The index documents connections between Epstein and prosecutors in multiple jurisdictions.
Representative Thomas Massie (R-KY) stated in February 2026 that the newly released documents contain references to six individuals “likely incriminated” whose names remain fully redacted. Representative Ro Khanna (D-CA) confirmed approximately 20 people remain completely redacted in the 3.5 million page release.
The question: Are any of these redacted individuals prosecutors, judges, or law enforcement officials who participated in investigations or prosecutions?
This is not speculation. This is a structural question about whether the justice system was compromised from within โ the very definition of lawfare.
The Legal Accountability Gap
No law firm has faced criminal prosecution for its role in structuring Epstein’s affairs. No prosecutor has been held accountable for missed opportunities to act. The organizational data suggests this is not an oversight โ it is a feature of how legal systems protect their own.
IV. The Institutional Enablers: Beyond Criminality
Academic Institutions
The index documents extensive academic engagement with Epstein, particularly post-conviction:
Institution Key Figures Documented Activity MIT Joi Ito (former Media Lab director) $800,000 in donations; fundraising continued post-conviction Harvard University Multiple faculty connections Research funding; visiting arrangements Institute for Advanced Study Martin Nowak (mathematical biologist) Primary affiliation during Epstein engagement
The MIT case is instructive. Internal emails show Epstein donated to the Media Lab while seeking to rehabilitate his reputation through academic association. University leadership was aware of his 2008 conviction. The institutional response โ “mistakes of judgment” โ reflects a pattern of minimizing institutional responsibility while individuals resigned.
Scientific Engagement
The index documents interactions with prominent scientists including:
ยท Stephen Hawking (physicist): Island visit (2006); participated in submarine tour ยท Marvin Minsky (AI pioneer): Named in Giuffre allegations (deceased, denied) ยท Noam Chomsky (linguist): MIT connection; visited Zorro Ranch ยท Lisa Randall (Harvard physicist): Corresponded with Epstein (2006) ยท Corina Tarnita (mathematician): Provided wire details for Romanian women ($10K/$5K, 2009)
The scientific community’s engagement with Epstein raises questions about institutional due diligence and the mechanisms by which reputation-laundering occurs through prestigious affiliations.
V. The Logistical Backbone: How the Network Operated
Aircraft Management
The “Lolita Express” (N908JE, a Boeing 727) made 358 documented flights. But the aircraft did not operate itself. The index tracks:
ยท Aircraft registration entities in multiple jurisdictions ยท Maintenance providers and fuel suppliers ยท Crew management companies employing pilots like Lawrence Paul Visoski Jr. ยท Flight planning services that routed aircraft to Epstein properties
Property Holdings
The index documents the organizational structures behind Epstein’s real estate portfolio:
Property Legal Entity Transacted Value Little Saint James (USVI) Unknown LLC structure Purchased $7.95M (1998); Sold (2021) Greater St. James (adjacent island) Unknown LLC structure Purchased (2005) Zorro Ranch (New Mexico) Zorro Trust / Cypress Inc. 9,800 acres Herbert N. Straus House (NYC) 9 East 71st Street LLC 51,000 sq ft townhouse Palm Beach estate Florida LLC structure $6.8M Apartment 22 Avenue Foch (Paris) French corporate structure Searched 2019
Each property was held through distinct legal entities, complicating law enforcement efforts to trace assets and creating jurisdictional barriers to investigation.
VI. The Accountability Gap: Why Institutions Remain Unscathed
The Individual-Institution Disconnect
Compare outcomes:
ยท Individuals: Ghislaine Maxwell (convicted, serving 20 years); Jean-Luc Brunel (died in custody); numerous associates publicly named and professionally damaged ยท Institutions: JPMorgan ($290M settlement, no criminal charges); Deutsche Bank ($7M settlement, no criminal charges); MIT (internal review, no legal consequences); Harvard (no consequences)
The pattern suggests institutional liability remains extraordinarily difficult to establish, even when documentary evidence demonstrates knowledge and participation.
The Lawfare Explanation
This is where the Epstein case connects to broader lawfare analysis. Legal systems are designed to adjudicate individual guilt. They struggle to address institutional complicity because:
Corporate criminal liability requires proving intent โ difficult when responsibility is distributed
Statutes of limitations expire while investigations proceed
Settlements allow institutions to resolve cases without admitting guilt
Regulatory capture means investigating agencies share personnel with regulated industries
Political connections insulate institutions from aggressive enforcement
The organizational data in the Epstein Index provides empirical support for these dynamics. It shows not just what happened, but how institutional structures prevented accountability.
VII. The 2026 Release: What the Organizational Data Reveals
The January 30, 2026 DOJ release added approximately 3.5 million pages to the public record. My processing of this material identified:
ยท Previously unknown organizational entities in offshore jurisdictions ยท Financial records showing payment flows to and from institutional accounts ยท Internal communications demonstrating institutional awareness of Epstein’s activities ยท Compliance documents revealing what banks and universities knew and when
Representative findings:
ยท BNY Mellon documents show internal discussions about Epstein-related wire transfers as early as 2015 โ four years before his arrest ยท MIT emails reveal senior administrators were advised of Epstein’s conviction but continued fundraising discussions ยท Law firm records demonstrate participation in structuring transactions that prosecutors later identified as problematic
VIII. From Data to Action: What the Organizational Map Enables
The index’s value is not merely archival. It enables:
For Journalists
ยท Identify which institutions appear most frequently in documents ยท Track institutional connections across jurisdictions ยท Document patterns of institutional behavior over time
For Regulators
ยท Map financial flows through the banking system ยท Identify compliance failures warranting investigation ยท Understand how trust structures were used for concealment
For Policymakers
ยท Document gaps in current law that permitted institutional enablement ยท Develop legislative responses targeting institutional accountability ยท Understand how the Epstein case fits broader patterns of lawfare
For Survivors and Advocates
ยท Identify institutions that may bear responsibility ยท Support civil litigation with documentary evidence ยท Demonstrate the systemic nature of the network
IX. Conclusion: Beyond the Individual
The Epstein case will be remembered for its individual names โ the famous, the powerful, the connected who appear in flight logs and address books. But that memory will be incomplete.
The 10,626 organizations in the index tell a different story. They reveal a network that could not have operated without institutional infrastructure. They show how banks moved money despite red flags, how universities provided legitimacy despite knowledge, how law firms structured concealment despite ethical obligations, and how prosecutors remained connected despite conflicts.
Understanding this institutional architecture is essential for:
ยท Preventing future networks from forming ยท Holding enablers accountable alongside actors ยท Reforming systems that permitted decades of operation ยท Comprehending lawfare as it actually functions
The individual names matter. But the organizations matter more โ because they are the structures through which individual action becomes systemic harm, and through which accountability so often escapes.
Methodology Note
This analysis draws on the Epstein Index v.2026.02.13, a consolidated database compiled from:
ยท DOJ January 2026 release (3.5M pages) ยท DOJ December 2025 release (~8,000 files) ยท Flight logs and contact books (February 2025 release) ยท Maxwell trial records (2021) ยท Unredacted “Black Book” ยท Public “Epstein Docs” GitHub repository ยท 60+ additional primary sources
Verification process: All organizational entries have been cross-referenced against at least two independent sources. Duplicate entries (~12,600) have been removed. Naming conventions have been standardized.
Total entities: 50,473 (39,847 individuals โข 10,626 organizations) Last updated: February 13, 2026
Access the Full Index
This article presents summary analysis. The complete index includes:
ยท Full organizational profiles with source citations ยท Cross-referenced connections between individuals and organizations ยท Financial data where available ยท Document excerpts and links ยท Continuous updates as new materials emerge
Supporters at patreon.com/berndpulch receive access to the complete database, advanced analytical tools, and regular updates.
About the Author
Bernd Pulch (M.A.) is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, and geopolitics. His work examines how legal systems are weaponized, how capital flows shape policy, and what democracy loses when courts become battlefields.
Full bio โ Support the investigation โ
Disclaimer
This analysis is compiled from publicly available sources for research and educational purposes. Inclusion of any individual or organization does not imply allegation of wrongdoing. Many entities appear as witnesses, professional contacts, or in contexts unrelated to alleged criminal activity. The presumption of innocence applies to all not criminally charged. Victim privacy remains paramount.
Document compiled: February 23, 2026 Public Version: v.2026.02.23
Bernd Pulch (M.A.) is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, entrepreneur, political commentator, satirist, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, real estate, and geopolitics. His work examines how legal systems are weaponized, how capital flows shape policy, how artificial intelligence concentrates power, and what democracy loses when courts and markets become battlefields. Active in the German and international media landscape, his analyses appear regularly on this platform.
Caption: ๐ฐ๏ธ๐ธ Christian Lindner, self-crowned Sky Chancellor of โNeoliberia,โ surveys Europe from his golden floating tax haven โ where champagne flows, startups are mandatory, and gravity is for the poor. โ๏ธ๐โจ
๐ฐ๏ธ๐ฅ CHRISTIAN LINDNER DECLARES โTHE REPUBLIC OF NEOLIBERIAโ: A FLOATING TAX HAVEN ABOVE EUROPE ๐ธโ๏ธ๐
A brutal satire about ego, economics, and altitude sickness.
In an unexpected 4 A.M. announcement delivered from a hovering golden helicopter, Christian Lindner proclaimed the founding of his new micro-nation: THE REPUBLIC OF NEOLIBERIA โ a fully privatized floating island drifting above the EU at 12,000 meters, โfar away from voters, consequences, and spreadsheets.โ
Lindner, wearing aviator sunglasses and a parachute made from shredded coalition agreements, declared:
โTaxes cannot reach me here. Reality cannot reach me here. And, with luck, journalists neither.โ
โ๏ธ A Nation Built on Deregulation and Clouds
Neoliberia consists of:
One gigantic luxury sky-platform
Eight champagne fountains
A runway shaped like a credit card
Several floating billboards that say: โWORK HARDER, PEASANTS.โ
Lindner announced that Neoliberiaโs constitution will be written entirely in Excel, with every citizen assigned a fiscal KPI at birth.
๐ธ Cabinet of the Sky-Elite
Lindner unveiled his ministers, all handpicked for ideological purity:
Minister of Infinite Self-Confidence: Christian Lindner
Minister of โOptimizing the Poorโ: Also Christian Lindner
Minister of Helicopter Fuel & Crypto: A drone with sunglasses
Minister of Love: A mirror
When asked if anyone else would join his administration, Lindner replied:
โIn principle yes. In practice no.โ
๐ฉ๏ธ Neoliberiaโs First Economic Policies
All laws were uploaded to the Cloud (literally).
๐ซ Every citizen must launch at least one start-up a week.
๐ณ Cash is outlawed; only LindnerCoin is accepted.
๐ฅ Welfare is replaced by motivational speeches played through loudspeakers at dawn.
๐ช Anyone earning under โฌ250,000 must parachute back to Germany immediately.
๐ฆ Banks may vote in elections. Humans may not.
๐จ Europe Reacts: Confusion, Anger, Mild Entertainment
EU officials expressed concern:
France demanded airspace fees.
Italy asked if the platform could at least offer good espresso.
Germany sighed deeply and pretended to be underground.
When asked for comment, Lindner shouted from 12,000 meters:
โLet them regulate cake! Iโm busy creating prosperity through altitude!โ
๐ฌ The Dramatic Twist
Just before sunset, a giant digital banner unfurled across the platform:
โNEOLIBERIA โ THE SKY IS THE LIMIT BECAUSE WE ELIMINATED THE FLOOR.โ
Below, commuters in Berlin looked up and wondered why their Finance Minister was circling above them in a golden blimp yelling:
โBE RICHER!โ
A child remarked, โMommy, why is the balloon screaming?โ
USP: berndpulch.org delivers cutting-edge satire while exposing state secrets, intelligence scandals, and global corruptionโall served with a side of โwhat were they thinking?โ humor, zero censorship, and multi-mirror access for unstoppable truth.
USP: berndpulch.org liefert scharfsinnige Satire, deckt Geheimdienstskandale, Korruption und absurde Machtspiele auf โ alles zensurfrei, mit mehreren Spiegeln und einem Augenzwinkern versehen.
USP: berndpulch.org combina sรกtira punzante con revelaciones sobre secretos de Estado, corrupciรณn y disparates de poder โ sin censura, con mรบltiples espejos y humor irรณnico.
USP : berndpulch.org combine satire acรฉrรฉe et rรฉvรฉlations sur les scandales dโรtat, la corruption et les absurditรฉs du pouvoir โ sans censure, avec plusieurs miroirs et humour noir.
USP: berndpulch.org unisce satira tagliente e rivelazioni su segreti di Stato, corruzione e follie del potere โ tutto senza censura, con specchi multipli e humor nero.
USP: berndpulch.org combina sรกtira afiada com revelaรงรตes sobre segredos de Estado, corrupรงรฃo e absurdos do poder โ sem censura, com mรบltiplos espelhos e humor negro.
๐ฉ๐ช๐ FROM CAVES TO KANZLERAMT: The Unlikely Visual Journey of Osama bin Laden’s Berlin Takeover ๐๐ฉ๐ช This AI-generated gallery captures the absurdly brilliant political comeback of the century. Witness how a former cave-dweller became Berlin’s most powerful leader through strategic rebranding and explosive urban renewal. ๐๏ธ SCENE 1: The Victory Speech – Addressing adoring crowds from the Fernsehturm, Osama proves that good optics beat old controversies every time. ๐ข SCENE 2: Security CEO Era – From CIA’s most wanted to Berlin’s most trusted businessman. The boardroom is the new battlefield. ๐ช SCENE 3: Campaign Rally Madness – Where falafel stands meet beer gardens, and every voter gets a free ideological makeover. ๐๏ธ SCENE 4: Urban Renewal, Osama-Style – Who needs traditional architecture when you can have missile-launcher-enhanced landmarks? OsamaForChancellor #BerlinRepublic #PoliticalSatire #AIArt #DigitalSatire #Kriegstรผchtig #TerrorRehab #BinLaden2025 #AlternativeGermany #BerlinCaliphate ๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ฅ๐ณ๏ธ๐ณโโ๏ธ
๐ฉ๐ช๐ VON HรHLEN ZUM KANZLERAMT: Osama bin Ladens ungewรถhnliche Berliner รbernahme ๐๐ฉ๐ช Diese KI-generierte Galerie zeigt das absurd brillante politische Comeback des Jahrhunderts. Sehen Sie, wie ein ehemaliger Hรถhlenbewohner durch strategisches Rebran ding Berlins mรคchtigster Leader wurde. OsamaFรผrKanzler #BerlinerRepublik #PolitischeSatire #KIKunst #DigitaleSatire #Kriegstรผchtig #TerrorReha #BinLaden2025 #AlternativesDeutschland #BerlinerKalifat ๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ฅ๐ณ๏ธ๐ณโโ๏ธ
๐ฌ๐ง English: Osama’s Berlin Republic: From Cave Dweller to Chancellor Candidate
๐ฉ๐ช Deutsch: Osamas Berliner Republik: Vom Hรถhlenbewohner zum Kanzlerkandidaten
๐ซ๐ท Franรงais: La Rรฉpublique Berlinoise d’Osama : De l’Habitant des Cavernes au Candidat Chancelier
๐ช๐ธ Espaรฑol: La Repรบblica Berlinรฉsa de Osama: De Habitante de Cavernas a Candidato a Canciller
๐ฎ๐น Italiano: La Repubblica Berlinese di Osama: Da Abitante di Caverne a Candidato Cancelliere
๐ต๐น Portuguรชs: A Repรบblica Berlinense de Osama: De Habitante de Cavernas a Candidato a Chanceler
After a stunning victory as Berlinโs mayor, Osama bin Laden unveils his ultimate comeback tour: Chancellor of Germany.
๐ธ Phase 1: Security CEO โ From CIAโs most wanted to Berlinโs most trusted. ๐ธ Phase 2: Mayor of Berlin โ Making the city kriegstรผchtig again! ๐ธ Phase 3: Bundeskanzler โ Because why stop at one city when you can derail a nation?
His platform?
ยท Economic Stimulus via Jihad Bonds ๐ฃ๐ ยท Public Transport Upgrades: Camel-to-U-Bahn Integration ๐ซโก๏ธ๐ ยท Cultural Enrichment: Mandatory Burka & Lederhosen Fusion Wear ๐ณโโ๏ธ๐
BERLIN โ In a move that left the Bundestag shaking, bin Ladenโs first 100 days saw:
ยท The Reichstag Dome replaced with a luxury cave complex. ยท Checkpoint Charlie now serving as a premium falafel stand. ยท Brandenburg Gate retrofitted with missile launchers โfor defensive aesthetics.โ
โWhy fight the West when you can lead it?โ โ Osama bin Laden, from his new office atop the Fernsehturm.
(Disclaimer: This is sharp satire. Osama bin Laden remains deceased. Berlin remainsโฆ questionable.)
๐ฉ๐ช OSAMAS BERLINER REPUBLIK: Vom Hรถhlenbewohner zum Kanzlerkandidaten ๐ฉ๐ช
Terror-Reha ist das neue Entnazifizierung!
Nach einem atemberaubenden Sieg als Berlins Bรผrgermeister kรผndigt Osama bin Laden seine ultimative Comeback-Tour an: Kanzler von Deutschland.
๐ธ Phase 1: Sicherheits-CEO โ Vom meistgesuchten CIA-Gesuchten zu Berlins vertrauenswรผrdigstem Unternehmer. ๐ธ Phase 2: Bรผrgermeister von Berlin โ Macht die Stadt wieder kriegstรผchtig! ๐ธ Phase 3: Bundeskanzler โ Warum bei einer Stadt aufhรถren, wenn man eine Nation aus den Angeln heben kann?
BERLIN โ In einer Aktion, die den Bundestag erzittern lieร, brachten bin Ladens erste 100 Tage:
ยท Die Reichstagskuppel wurde durch einen Luxus-Hรถhlenkomplex ersetzt. ยท Checkpoint Charlie dient jetzt als Premium-Falafel-Stand. ยท Das Brandenburger Tor wurde mit Raketenwerfern nachgerรผstet – “fรผr defensive รsthetik”.
“Warum den Westen bekรคmpfen, wenn man ihn fรผhren kann?” โ Osama bin Laden aus seinem neuen Bรผro im Fernsehturm.
๐ช๐ธ LA REPรBLICA BERLINESA DE OSAMA: De habitante de cuevas a candidato a canciller ๐ช๐ธ
ยกLa rehabilitaciรณn de terroristas es la nueva desnazificaciรณn!
Tras una sorprendente victoria como alcalde de Berlรญn, Osama bin Laden anuncia su gira de regreso definitiva: Canciller de Alemania.
๐ธ Fase 1: CEO de seguridad โ De ser el mรกs buscado por la CIA al empresario mรกs confiable de Berlรญn. ๐ธ Fase 2: Alcalde de Berlรญn โ ยกHaciendo la ciudad kriegstรผchtig (lista para la guerra) nuevamente! ๐ธ Fase 3: Canciller federal โ ยฟPor quรฉ detenerse en una ciudad cuando se puede descarrilar una naciรณn?
ยฟSu plataforma?
ยท Estรญmulo econรณmico mediante Bonos Yihad ๐ฃ๐ ยท Mejoras en transporte pรบblico: Integraciรณn Camello-a-U-Bahn ๐ซโก๏ธ๐ ยท Enriquecimiento cultural: Uso obligatorio de Burka y Lederhosen fusionados ๐ณโโ๏ธ๐
BERLรN โ En un movimiento que dejรณ temblando al Bundestag, los primeros 100 dรญas de bin Laden incluyeron:
ยท La cรบpula del Reichstag reemplazada por un complejo de cuevas de lujo. ยท Checkpoint Charlie ahora sirve como puesto premium de falafel. ยท La Puerta de Brandeburgo equipada con lanzamisiles “para estรฉtica defensiva”.
“ยฟPor quรฉ luchar contra Occidente cuando puedes liderarlo?” โ Osama bin Laden desde su nueva oficina en la Torre de Televisiรณn.
๐ซ๐ท LA RรPUBLIQUE BERLINOISE D’OSAMA : De l’habitant des cavernes au candidat chancelier ๐ซ๐ท
La rรฉhabilitation terroriste est la nouvelle dรฉnazification !
Aprรจs une victoire stupรฉfiante en tant que maire de Berlin, Oussama Ben Laden annonce sa tournรฉe de retour ultime : Chancelier d’Allemagne.
๐ธ Phase 1 : PDG de la sรฉcuritรฉ – De l’homme le plus recherchรฉ de la CIA ร l’homme d’affaires le plus fiable de Berlin ๐ธ Phase 2 : Maire de Berlin – Rendre la ville ร nouveau kriegstรผchtig (prรชte pour la guerre) ! ๐ธ Phase 3 : Chancelier fรฉdรฉral – Pourquoi s’arrรชter ร une ville quand on peut faire dรฉrailler une nation ?
Son programme ?
ยท Stimulation รฉconomique via les obligations jihad ๐ฃ๐ ยท Amรฉlioration des transports : intรฉgration chameau-U-Bahn ๐ซโก๏ธ๐ ยท Enrichissement culturel : tenue fusion burka-lederhosen obligatoire ๐ณโโ๏ธ๐
BERLIN – Dans un mouvement ayant fait trembler le Bundestag, les 100 premiers jours de Ben Laden ont inclus :
ยท Le dรดme du Reichstag remplacรฉ par un complexe cavernes luxueux ยท Checkpoint Charlie servant maintenant de stand de falafel premium ยท La Porte de Brandebourg รฉquipรฉe de lance-missiles “pour l’esthรฉtique dรฉfensive”
“Pourquoi combattre l’Occident quand on peut le diriger ?” – Oussama Ben Laden depuis son nouveau bureau ร la Tour de tรฉlรฉvision
Terรถr Rehabilitasyonu Yeni Nazifikasyondan Arฤฑndฤฑrmadฤฑr!
Berlin Belediye Baลkanฤฑ olarak elde ettiฤi รงarpฤฑcฤฑ zaferin ardฤฑndan Usame bin Ladin nihai comeback turunu duyuruyor: Almanya ลansรถlyesi.
๐ธ Aลama 1: Gรผvenlik CEO’su โ CIA’nin en รงok arananฤฑndan Berlin’in en gรผvenilir iล adamฤฑna. ๐ธ Aลama 2: Berlin Belediye Baลkanฤฑ โ ลehri yeniden kriegstรผchtig (savaลa hazฤฑr) yapmak! ๐ธ Aลama 3: Federal ลansรถlye โ Tek bir ลehirde neden durasฤฑn ki tรผm bir ulusu rayฤฑndan รงฤฑkarabilirken?
Programฤฑ?
ยท Cihat Tahvilleri ile Ekonomik Teลvik ๐ฃ๐ ยท Toplu Taลฤฑma Yรผkseltmesi: Deve-U-Bahn Entegrasyonu ๐ซโก๏ธ๐ ยท Kรผltรผrel Zenginleลme: Zorunlu Burka ve Lederhosen Fรผzyon Kฤฑyafeti ๐ณโโ๏ธ๐
BERLฤฐN โ Bundestag’ฤฑ titreten bir hamleyle, bin Ladin’in ilk 100 gรผnรผ ลunlarฤฑ iรงerdi:
ยท Reichstag Kubbesi lรผks bir maฤara kompleksiyle deฤiลtirildi ยท Checkpoint Charlie artฤฑk premium bir falafel standฤฑ olarak hizmet veriyor ยท Brandenburg Kapฤฑsฤฑ “savunma estetiฤi iรงin” roketatar sistemleriyle donatฤฑldฤฑ
“Batฤฑ ile neden savaลasฤฑn ki onu yรถnetebilirsin?” โ Usame bin Ladin, Televizyon Kulesi’ndeki yeni ofisinden
๐ต๐น A REPรBLICA BERLINENSE DE OSAMA: De Habitante de Cavernas a Candidato a Chanceler ๐ต๐น
Reabilitaรงรฃo Terrorista รฉ a Nova Desnazificaรงรฃo!
Apรณs uma vitรณria impressionante como prefeito de Berlim, Osama bin Laden anuncia sua turnรช de retorno definitiva: Chanceler da Alemanha.
๐ธ Fase 1: CEO de Seguranรงa โ De mais procurado da CIA a empresรกrio mais confiรกvel de Berlim. ๐ธ Fase 2: Prefeito de Berlim โ Tornando a cidade kriegstรผchtig (pronta para guerra) novamente! ๐ธ Fase 3: Chanceler Federal โ Por que parar em uma cidade quando se pode descarrilar uma naรงรฃo?
Sua plataforma?
ยท Estรญmulo Econรดmico atravรฉs de Tรญtulos da Jihad ๐ฃ๐ ยท Melhorias no Transporte: Integraรงรฃo Camelo-U-Bahn ๐ซโก๏ธ๐ ยท Enriquecimento Cultural: Uso Obrigatรณrio de Burca e Lederhosen Fundidos ๐ณโโ๏ธ๐
BERLIM โ Em um movimento que deixou o Bundestag tremendo, os primeiros 100 dias de bin Laden incluรญram:
ยท A cรบpula do Reichstag substituรญda por um complexo de cavernas de luxo ยท Checkpoint Charlie agora serve como uma barraca de falafel premium ยท Portรฃo de Brandemburgo equipado com lanรงadores de mรญsseis “para estรฉtica defensiva”
“Por que lutar contra o Ocidente quando vocรช pode liderรก-lo?” โ Osama bin Laden de seu novo escritรณrio na Torre de TV
๐ฎ๐น LA REPUBBLICA BERLINESE DI OSAMA: Da Abitante di Caverne a Candidato Cancelliere ๐ฎ๐น
La Riabilitazione Terroristica รจ la Nuova Denazificazione!
Dopo una vittoria straordinaria come sindaco di Berlino, Osama bin Laden annuncia il suo ultimo tour di ritorno: Cancelliere della Germania.
๐ธ Fase 1: CEO della Sicurezza โ Dal ricercato numero uno della CIA all’imprenditore piรน affidabile di Berlino. ๐ธ Fase 2: Sindaco di Berlino โ Rendere la cittร di nuovo kriegstรผchtig (pronta per la guerra)! ๐ธ Fase 3: Cancelliere Federale โ Perchรฉ fermarsi a una cittร quando si puรฒ far deragliare una nazione?
Il suo programma?
ยท Stimolo Economico tramite Obbligazioni Jihad ๐ฃ๐ ยท Miglioramenti ai Trasporti: Integrazione Cammello-U-Bahn ๐ซโก๏ธ๐ ยท Arricchimento Culturale: Abbigliamento Obbligatorio Burka e Lederhosen Fuso ๐ณโโ๏ธ๐
BERLINO โ In una mossa che ha fatto tremare il Bundestag, i primi 100 giorni di bin Laden hanno incluso:
ยท La cupola del Reichstag sostituita con un complesso di caverne di lusso ยท Checkpoint Charlie ora serve come chiosco di falafel premium ยท Porta di Brandeburgo equipaggiata con lanciamissili “per estetica difensiva”
“Perchรฉ combattere l’Occidente quando puoi guidarlo?” โ Osama bin Laden dal suo nuovo ufficio nella Torre della Televisione
USP: berndpulch.org delivers cutting-edge satire while exposing state secrets, intelligence scandals, and global corruptionโall served with a side of โwhat were they thinking?โ humor, zero censorship, and multi-mirror access for unstoppable truth.
USP: berndpulch.org liefert scharfsinnige Satire, deckt Geheimdienstskandale, Korruption und absurde Machtspiele auf โ alles zensurfrei, mit mehreren Spiegeln und einem Augenzwinkern versehen.
USP: berndpulch.org combina sรกtira punzante con revelaciones sobre secretos de Estado, corrupciรณn y disparates de poder โ sin censura, con mรบltiples espejos y humor irรณnico.
USP : berndpulch.org combine satire acรฉrรฉe et rรฉvรฉlations sur les scandales dโรtat, la corruption et les absurditรฉs du pouvoir โ sans censure, avec plusieurs miroirs et humour noir.
USP: berndpulch.org unisce satira tagliente e rivelazioni su segreti di Stato, corruzione e follie del potere โ tutto senza censura, con specchi multipli e humor nero.
USP: berndpulch.org combina sรกtira afiada com revelaรงรตes sobre segredos de Estado, corrupรงรฃo e absurdos do poder โ sem censura, com mรบltiplos espelhos e humor negro.
๐ BERND PULCH ARCHIVE | SECURE MIRROR 