“Murky Jan, as Eva Braun reborn, stands amidst the chaos in Venusโs neon jungle, Evaโs Legion fracturing as De Sade and Sacher-Masoch betray him, cyber-beasts attacking, and bio-crystals glowing purple in the spireโs collapse!”
List of Characters:
- Sven the Ugly Schmidt: A hacker who cracks digital locks like theyโre nothing.
- Klausi the Shithouse Demon: A cheeky demon screwing with drones for fun.
- Murky Jan: A gay smooth-talker juggling corporate cons and messy lovers, leading Evaโs Legion as the self-proclaimed rebirth of Eva Braun.
- Crazy Pete the Fish (The Joker): A wild card who plans in the chaos.
- Thomas: A junkie lost in a digital haze.
- Olaf “I Can’t Remember Anything” Amnesia: A dude with a busted brain chip.
- Ms. Dumbo Bock: A stubborn politician taking on Boredom-Stonewall.
- Muschi Lie En: A crime lord scheming to own the networks.
- Fritz the Fozzler: A sneaky rebel stuck with a $1.7 billion debt from bad bets.
- Dr. Z: A corporate fanboy pumping out propaganda.
- Walburga the Valkyrie: A badass with a sword that slices drones like butter.
- Good Uncle Jochen: A lawyer yelling in a world with no rules.
- Dumb Tom: A mechanic who wrecks signs for kicks.
- Dumb Beatrix: A baker throwing bread at robots to mess them up.
- Godmother Erika: A quiet brain keeping the crew from falling apart.
- Andreas and Edith: Data hustlers peddling secrets in the shadows.
- Vigo, die Geisel der Karpathen: A sketchy dealer tied to the Neo-Tokyo syndicate.
- Kanye West: A rapper jamming systems with his sound.
- Count Don Robert Quichotte: Dumbo Bockโs rival, swinging a mean blade.
- Archbishop Frank Boredom-Stonewall: A fake holy man running a corporate cult, tight with The Old Ayatollah.
- Zara: A hardcore Amazon boss on Venus, rocking an obsidian spear.
- The Old Ayatollah: A grizzled ex-cleric with a cyber-staff, plotting with Boredom-Stonewall.
- Marquis de Sade: A twisted cyber-philosopher, Murky Janโs lover, now betraying him.
- Leopold von Sacher-Masoch: A digital ghost of masochistic vibes, Murky Janโs other lover, plotting with De Sade.
- Josef Jupp Goebbels: A resurrected AI propagandist with a cybernetic eye, sidelined by Janโs cult.
The neon jungle of Venus was a smoldering ruin, its bio-crystals flickering like dying embers after the last fiery surge. Murky Jan, still clinging to his delusion as Eva Braun reborn, had turned Evaโs Legion into a fanatical cult, their loyalty to him absolute. From a new strongholdโa twisted spire of bio-crystals and scorched vinesโJan ruled in his tattered dress, his voice echoing through the jungle via hacked drones: โI am Eva, your savior! Weโll rebuild Venus in my image!โ His followers chanted his name, their eyes glazed with devotion, as they patrolled the ashes, hunting for the crew.
But cracks were forming in Janโs empire. De Sade and Sacher-Masoch, his lovers and former allies, had grown tired of his delusions. โHeโs no Evaโheโs a liability,โ De Sade sneered, his cybernetic grin cold. Sacher-Masoch nodded, his digital form glitching. โLetโs take the crystals and leave him to his fantasy.โ They began sowing dissent among Evaโs Legion, whispering to the mercenaries about Janโs instability. โHeโll lead you to ruin,โ they warned, their cyber-beasts prowling as a threat. A faction of the Legion started to break away, loyal to De Sadeโs promise of power.
The crew, battered but unbowed, saw their chance. Zaraโs Amazons, though few, were ready to fight, their spears sharpened with bio-crystal shards. Walburgaโs sword was stained with ash, but she was itching for a rematch. โJanโs cult is falling apartโletโs hit them now,โ she said. Sven had been working on a new hack, using the bio-crystalsโ residual energy to disrupt Janโs drone network. โI can shut down his broadcasts for good,โ he said, his tablet glowing. Kanyeโs beats kept the crewโs spirits up, even as Thomas wandered off, still mumbling about โEvaโs voice.โ
Fritz, still weighed down by his $1.7 billion debt, scouted the spire with Erika. โDe Sade and Sacher-Masoch are making their move,โ he reported, watching the Legion splinter. Erikaโs eyes lit up. โWeโll let them tear each other apart, then strike.โ Dumb Tom and Beatrix rigged a series of traps with bio-crystal fragments, creating a minefield around the spire. Pete, grinning like a madman, slipped into the chaos, his knives ready to exploit the betrayal.
Inside the spire, Jan was oblivious to the mutiny, lost in his delusion. โIโll lead us to glory!โ he ranted, clutching a bio-crystal staff as if it were a scepter. But De Sade and Sacher-Masoch made their move, unleashing their cyber-beasts on Janโs loyalists. The spire erupted in chaos, mercenaries fighting each other as the lovers seized control of the bio-crystalsโ core. โYouโre finished, โEva,โโ De Sade taunted, his voice dripping with venom. Jan screamed, โI am Eva Braun! You canโt betray me!โ But his followers hesitated, their faith shaken.
The crew launched their assault at the perfect moment. Zaraโs Amazons and Walburga charged through the minefield, spears and sword cutting down confused Legionnaires. Svenโs hack went live, silencing Janโs broadcasts and replacing them with Kanyeโs beats, breaking the cultโs trance. Pete and Fritz slipped into the spire, taking out guards as they went. Erika confronted Jan at the top, where he stood amidst the chaos, his dress singed and his eyes wild. โYour cultโs done, Janโsnap out of it!โ she shouted. Jan lunged at her, but Fritz tackled him, pinning him down.
The bio-crystals, destabilized by the fighting, began to overload again, their glow turning a violent purple. De Sade and Sacher-Masoch, realizing theyโd overplayed their hand, fled with a handful of crystals, leaving Jan to face the crew. โYouโll never understand my destiny!โ Jan screamed as the spire started to collapse. The crew dragged him out just in time, the structure imploding in a burst of neon ash. Jan, defeated but still muttering about Eva, was tied up, his cult shattered. The jungleโs scars glowed, a reminder of the costโand the ongoing war.
๐คฃ
Call to Action: “End Evaโs Cult and Reclaim the Jungle!”
Murky Janโs cult as Eva Braun reborn has been shattered, but De Sade and Sacher-Masoch are on the loose with stolen bio-crystals, and Venus is still a warzone. The crew needs your help to finish the fight and rebuild!
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- Send funds: berndpulch.org/donation
Donate nowโstop the betrayal, save the crew, and take back Venus from the neon ashes!
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