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Satirical Article

In an unprecedented act of presidential compassion (or conflict of interest, depending on who you ask), President Joe Biden has reportedly granted a full pardon to his son, Hunter Biden, citing “the importance of family unity and a strong holiday spirit.” Critics argue this move redefines “executive privilege,” while supporters claim it’s a groundbreaking endorsement of fatherly love.

The Presidential Proclamation

The White House press briefing began with Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre reading a statement from the President:
“As a nation, we believe in redemption, second chances, and, most importantly, family. This pardon isn’t just about Hunter—it’s about every son who ever borrowed his dad’s car without filling the tank.”

The proclamation was followed by the unveiling of a new initiative titled “Presidential Pardons for All,” allowing Americans to apply for free forgiveness of unpaid parking tickets and overdue library books.

The Media Circus

• Mainstream media celebrated the pardon, hailing it as “a testament to Biden’s humanity and an endearing display of fatherhood.”
• Opposition pundits, however, branded it “the nepotism Olympics.” One commentator quipped, “Why bother with courts when Dad’s got the veto pen?”

Fox News ran a segment titled “Hunter’s Escape Plan: Is America Next?” while The Onion preemptively declared the act “Satire-Proof.”

The Thanksgiving Dinner Scandal

Leaked reports suggest the pardon was finalized over turkey and cranberry sauce, where a heated Biden family debate ended with Joe muttering, “Fine, Hunter—you’re pardoned. Now pass the gravy.”

Political analysts are speculating whether this sets a precedent for a new legal strategy: “Just elect your dad.” Some even joke about “First Family Law” courses popping up at Ivy League schools.

Public Reaction

A poll conducted by Satirical Times found that 40% of Americans are indifferent, 30% are outraged, and the remaining 30% are googling, “Can pardons extend to student loans?”

Original Biden Statement:

https://t.me/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL/45836

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Tags

#BidenPardon #HunterBiden #PresidentialPrivilege #FamilyFirst #Satire #PoliticalHumor #NepotismOrLove #ThanksgivingDrama