๐ฅ DR Z & IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) โ EXCLUSIVE NEXT EPISODE ๐ฅ
๐ป๐โโ๏ธ “EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION” ๐ป๐โโ๏ธ
๐ฌ๐๐ PARIS SรANCE โ THE CONTINENTAL CROWN ๐ฌ๐๐
https://rumble.com/v76l44w-from-versailles-to-the-eiffel-tower-maries-revenge.-.html
๐๐ก๏ธ๐ WHERE EUROPEAN LEGENDS RISE FROM HISTORY ๐๐ก๏ธ๐
Powered by Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel, Messalina’s Slave Empire, the Reichstag Spectral Catering Corps, Hollywood Ghost Productions & now THE EUROPEAN AFTERLIFE ALLIANCE ๐๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐๐๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฝ๐ธ
Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP ๐๐คก๐
๐ SIX MONTHS AFTER HOLLYWOOD. PARIS. THE EIFFEL TOWER. MIDNIGHT. ๐
The ghosts of EUROPEAN LEGENDS have gathered. They watched America win. They want the CONTINENTAL CROWN.
Messalina has ARRIVED with her entire empire. Tiberius is ready. The Reichstag ghosts are BACK. The South American legends are GUEST JUDGING. The American legends are WATCHING.
Dr. Z has set up his kitchen at the EIFFEL TOWER โ 300 meters above Paris. The ghosts are floating. The stakes are HIGHER THAN EVER.
๐ฌ THE COMPLETE CAST โ EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT (GHOST EDITION) ๐ฌ
๐ CORE CAST (THE LIVING โ RETURNING)
Character Actor Emoji Status
Sylvia Schnackselburger Monica Bellucci ๐๐ก๐ Ex-goddess, media mogul, now PRODUCING THE EUROPEAN VERSION
Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler (Dr. Z) Michael Fassbender ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐จโ๐ณ Saint, celebrity chef, now EIFFEL TOWER HEAD CHEF
Janelle Varon Zendaya ๐ป๐๐ฑ Forensic analyst, now TRACKING EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Markus Ehlers Dev Patel ๐ก๏ธ๐๐ฟ Colon safety consultant, now EUROPEAN GHOST SAFETY ADVISOR
Salome Volkov Anya Taylor-Joy ๐๐ฎ๐ฉโ๐ณ Pattern recognizer, now SEES EUROPEAN GHOST RECIPES
Dona Espinha Wagner Moura โ๏ธ๐ฐ๐ Dr. Z’s wife, now JEALOUS OF EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Wotan Mads Mikkelsen ๐๏ธ๐๐ท Sommelier, now VERY HUNGOVER IN PARIS
The Gray Mercedes James Spader & Christoph Waltz ๐๐๐งพ Auditing EUROPEAN TRANSACTIONS
The Seedpod Creature CGI ๐ฑ๐ค๐ณ๏ธ Has OPINIONS about Europe, NOW RUNNING FOR EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT
The Schicklgruber Singers Girl Group ๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐ง๐ท๐ค Now singing FRENCH CHANSONS
Achรฉ & The Pygmy Collective Lupita Nyong’o ๐ด๐๏ธ๐ค Keepers of the Real, CONFUSED BY FRANCE
Loba รlodie Yung ๐๐ Translator, now PARIS GHOST TRANSLATOR
Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (Ghost) Daniel Brรผhl ๐๐๏ธ๐ป๐ Visionary, now PARIS RESIDENT GHOST
Freya Cate Blanchett ๐ฆ
โ๏ธ๐ Goddess of Intervention, WATCHING IN HORROR
Adolf Sharkler (President of Afterlife) Andy Serkis ๐ฆ๐โญ Journaling, now JUDGING EUROPEAN GHOST COOKING
General “Buck” Turgidson John C. Reilly ๐๏ธ๐๐ซ๐ท Lost, found in Paris, now EIFFEL TOWER TOURIST
President Merkin Muffley Charles Dance ๐ฆ
๐๐ Issuing EUROPEAN GHOST SANCTIONS
The Ku Klux Klan Motion-Capture Mob ๐ฅ๐ป๐งถ Weaving “EUROPEAN PROTEST” bracelets
Keith Flint (Posthumous CGI) CGI โ๏ธ๐ฅ๐ต Providing the beat for ALL SHOWS
Mama Wati Angela Bassett ๐๐ฅ๐ฉโ๐ณ GHOST KITCHEN CONSULTANT
Kikazi Florence Kasumba โ๏ธ๐๐ก๏ธ GHOST SECURITY
Nyoka Thuso Mbedu ๐๐ฟ๐ฅ GHOST INGREDIENT CONSULTANT
๐ป REICHSTAG GHOSTS (BACK FOR EUROPE)
Ghost Character Actor Emoji Status
Ratbert Rattenhuber Sepp Heldenschwanz ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฆ Security ghost, CONFUSED BY FRANCE
Onan Pain Pimmler Hermit Boring ๐ซ๐ป๐ Method-acting ghost, now METHOD-ACTING FRENCH
Heidi Pimmler Smart Marty ๐ฉโ๐ง๐ป๐ฅ Method-acting ghostess, now COMPETING IN FRENCH
Heini Pimmler Ernst “Pussy” Roemer ๐จโ๐ฆ๐ป๐ก Method-acting ghost, now ARGUING IN FRENCH
Muschi Reifenstahl Walburga the Valkyrie ๐ฅ๐ป๐ Director ghost, now DIRECTING PARIS
Clara Petacci Penรฉlope Cruz ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐ Resident chef, now TEACHING FRENCH COOKS PASTA
Muschi Wuschi Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ฏ๐ป๐ค Greek chorus, now COMMENTATING ON FRANCE
Muschi Mussolini 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐ค Fascist chorus, now JUDGING FRENCH PASTA
Edith Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ป๐ป๐ค Radio chorus, now FRENCH COMMENTARY
San Fran “Muschi” Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐๐ป๐ค Hippie chorus, now CONFUSED BY PARIS
Pussy Robespierre Trans Schwanz โ๏ธ๐ป๐ช Revolution ghost, now BACK WHERE IT STARTED
Caligula The Schwanz Who Laughs ๐๐ป๐ Emperor ghost, now LOVING PARISIAN EXCESS
The Mussy Who Weeps The Schwanz Who Laughs ๐ญ๐ป๐ญ Weeping ghost, now WEEPING OVER FRENCH ONIONS
Trans Schwanz Trans Schwanz โง๏ธ๐ปโ๏ธ Androgynous ghost, now FINDING PARIS FREEING
The Schwanz Who Laughs The Schwanz Who Laughs ๐๐ป๐ช Laughing ghost, now LAUGHING AT FRENCH POLITICS
๐ SOUTH AMERICAN LEGENDS (GUEST JUDGES)
Legend Actor Emoji Status
Xica da Silva (Brazil โ WINNER) Taรญs Araรบjo ๐ง๐ท๐๐ International icon, now HEAD JUDGE IN EUROPE
Evita Perรณn (Argentina) รrsula Corberรณ ๐ฆ๐ท๐๐ Ghost, now CRITIQUING EUROPEAN AMBITION
La Quintrala (Chile) Daniela Vega ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ช Murderess, now JUDGING EUROPEAN VIOLENCE
La Llorona (Regional Legend) Cecilia Suรกrez ๐๐ป๐ข Weeping woman, now WEEPING AT THE EIFFEL TOWER
Carmen Miranda (Fruit Hat Icon โ CGI) Ana de Armas (CGI) ๐๐๐ค Performing, now PARIS ENTERTAINMENT
Frida Kahlo (Artist โ CGI) Eiza Gonzรกlez (CGI) ๐จ๐ค๐ฉโ๐จ Artist, now PAINTING EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Diego Maradona’s Ghost CGI โฝ๐ป๐ท Commentating, now CONFUSED BY RUGBY
Gabriel Garcรญa Mรกrquez’s Ghost CGI ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Writing, now WRITING EUROPEAN MAGICAL REALISM
The Andes Cannibals Motion-Capture ๐ค๐๐๏ธ Caterers, now CATERING FOR EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Pablo Escobar’s Hippos CGI Hippos ๐ฆ๐๐ฃ๏ธ They came too, OPINIONS ABOUT FRANCE
๐ NAZI MISTRESSES (GHOST EDITION โ RETURNING)
Mistress Actor Emoji Status
Eva Braun Margot Robbie ๐๐ป๐ซ Guest judge, now JUDGING EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Magda Goebbels Cate Blanchett (dual) ๐ญ๐ปโ ๏ธ Puppet tour, now PUPPETS MEET PARIS
Unity Mitford Saoirse Ronan ๐โโ๏ธ๐ป๐ Hypnotic commentator, now HYPNOTIZED BY PARIS
Geli Raubal Dakota Fanning ๐ป๐ซ๐ Ghostly correspondent, now IN PARIS
Emmy Goering Helena Bonham Carter ๐ญ๐ป๐ฆ Fur consultant, now PARIS FUR CONSULTANT
Margherita Sarfatti Salma Hayek ๐๐ปโก๏ธ Head writer, now WRITING EUROPEAN GHOST SCRIPTS
Leni Riefenstahl Scarlett Johansson ๐ฅ๐ป๐ Director, now FILMING PARIS GHOSTS
๐๏ธ ANCIENT GHOSTS (RETURNING)
Ancient Ghost Actor Emoji Status
Messalina (Roman Empress) Eva Green ๐๐๐ Empress, now RUNNING EUROPEAN PRODUCTION
Tiberius the Tiger CGI (Ian McKellen voice) ๐
โญ๐ Restaurant critic, now JUDGING EUROPEAN GHOST FOOD
David Airwing Christoph Waltz ๐๏ธ๐น๐ป Hacking, now HACKING EUROPEAN GHOST FREQUENCIES
Judge Roland Freisler Bruno Ganz โ๏ธ๐ฑ๐จโโ๏ธ Guest judge, now JUDGING EUROPEANS
๐บ๐ธ AMERICAN LEGENDS (GUEST OBSERVERS)
American Legend Actor Emoji Status
Marilyn Monroe Ana de Armas ๐๐๐ Winner, now GUEST OBSERVER IN PARIS
Jacqueline Kennedy Natalie Portman ๐๐๏ธ๐ Runner-up, now WATCHING EUROPE
Elvis Presley CGI ๐๐ป๐ธ Best King, now PERFORMING AT EIFFEL TOWER
Freddie Mercury CGI ๐๐ป๐ค Best Musician, now SINGING WITH FRENCH GHOSTS
James Dean CGI ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ Best Rebel, now REBELLING IN PARIS
Michael Jackson CGI ๐ด๏ธ๐ปโญ Best Dancer, now MOONWALKING ON EIFFEL TOWER
Whitney Houston CGI ๐ค๐ปโจ Best Vocalist, now SINGING FRENCH BALLADS
Abraham Lincoln Daniel Day-Lewis (CGI) ๐ฉ๐ป๐ Best President, now OBSERVING FRENCH DEMOCRACY
Harriet Tubman Cynthia Erivo ๐๐ปโญ Best Activist, now INSPECTING FRENCH FREEDOM
Rosa Parks Viola Davis ๐๐ปโ Best Activist, now SITTING IN PARIS CAFES
Martin Luther King Jr. CGI โ๐ป๐๏ธ Best Activist, now DREAMING IN FRENCH
Malcolm X CGI โ๐ป๐ฅ Best Activist, now ANALYZING FRENCH COLONIALISM
Jim Morrison CGI ๐ค๐ป๐ท Best Poet, now BACK WHERE HE DIED (Paris)
๐ช๐บ EUROPEAN LEGENDS โ NEW CAST (40+)
European Legend Actor Emoji Signature Dish Status
Marie Antoinette Lรฉa Seydoux ๐๐ฐ๐ป Let Them Eat Cake (Brioche) WINNER
Napoleon Bonaparte Vincent Cassel โ๏ธ๐ป Empire Beef Wellington RUNNER-UP
Joan of Arc Adรจle Exarchopoulos ๐ฅ๐ปโ๏ธ Heavenly Chicken (with voices) RUNNER-UP
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Christoph Waltz (dual) ๐ผ๐ป Magic Flute Pasta RUNNER-UP
Ludwig van Beethoven Daniel Brรผhl (dual) ๐น๐ป Deafening Dumplings COMPETITOR
Vincent van Gogh Mathieu Amalric ๐จ๐ป๐ป Sunflower Risotto COMPETITOR
William Shakespeare Ralph Fiennes ๐ญ๐ป๐ Hamlet’s Soliloquy Soup BEST POET
Queen Elizabeth I Cate Blanchett (triple) ๐๐ป๐ฐ Virgin Queen Pudding BEST MONARCH
King Henry VIII Damian Lewis ๐๐ป๐ Six Wives Roast COMPETITOR
Anne Boleyn Natalie Dormer ๐๐ป๐ Headless Horseradish COMPETITOR
Winston Churchill Gary Oldman ๐ท๐ป๐ฌ๐ง Victory Pie (with cognac) BEST BRIT
Charles de Gaulle Lambert Wilson ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท French Resistance Stew BEST FRENCH
Claude Monet Omar Sy ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ Water Lily Consommรฉ BEST IMPRESSIONIST
Edgar Degas Gaspard Ulliel ๐ฉฐ๐ป๐จ Ballerina Bites COMPETITOR
Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec Jean Dujardin ๐จ๐ป๐ฅ Moulin Rouge Ratatouille COMPETITOR
Coco Chanel Marion Cotillard ๐๐ปโจ Little Black Dress Cake BEST FASHION
Edith Piaf Marion Cotillard (dual) ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien Tart BEST CHANSON
Charles Aznavour Omar Sy (dual) ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท La Bohรจme Bouillabaisse COMPETITOR
Serge Gainsbourg Vincent Cassel (dual) ๐ค๐ป๐ฌ Je T’Aimeโฆ Moi Non Plus Pรขtรฉ COMPETITOR
Brigitte Bardot Lรฉa Seydoux (dual) ๐๐ป๐ฝ BB Salad (with attitude) COMPETITOR
Catherine Deneuve Juliette Binoche ๐๐ปโจ Belle de Jour Crรชpes COMPETITOR
Alain Delon Gaspard Ulliel (dual) ๐ฌ๐ป๐ Le Samouraรฏ Sushi (French-Japanese) COMPETITOR
Jean-Paul Belmondo Jean Dujardin (dual) ๐ฌ๐ป๐๏ธ Breathless Baguette COMPETITOR
Franรงois Truffaut Lambert Wilson (dual) ๐ฅ๐ป๐ฌ 400 Blows Beef Bourguignon COMPETITOR
Jean-Luc Godard Mathieu Amalric (dual) ๐ฅ๐ป๐ฝ๏ธ Breathless Bouillabaisse COMPETITOR
Voltaire Philippe Torreton ๐๐ปโก Candide’s Optimistic Omelette BEST PHILOSOPHER
Jean-Jacques Rousseau Jรฉrรฉmie Renier ๐๐ป๐ฟ Social Contract Soup COMPETITOR
Victor Hugo Gรฉrard Depardieu ๐๐ป๐ Les Misรฉrables Cassoulet BEST WRITER
Alexandre Dumas Gรฉrard Depardieu (dual) ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Three Musketeers Stew COMPETITOR
Gustave Eiffel Guillaume Canet ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ผ Tower Tart (Eiffel-shaped) BEST ENGINEER
Claude Debussy Raphaรซl Personnaz ๐น๐ป๐ Clair de Lune Crรจme Brรปlรฉe BEST COMPOSER
Maurice Ravel Raphaรซl Personnaz (dual) ๐น๐ป๐ Bolรฉro Baked Alaska COMPETITOR
Camille Claudel Anaรฏs Demoustier ๐จ๐ป๐ Rodin’s Muse Mousse COMPETITOR
Auguste Rodin Vincent Lindon ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ The Thinker’s Thyme Chicken COMPETITOR
Georges Clemenceau Andrรฉ Dussollier ๐ณ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท Tiger Stew (with bite) COMPETITOR
Jean Jaurรจs Thierry Lhermitte โ๐ป๐๏ธ Peace Pasta COMPETITOR
Simone de Beauvoir Sandrine Kiberlain ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Second Sex Soufflรฉ BEST FEMINIST
Jean-Paul Sartre Denis Podalydรจs ๐๐ป๐ค Existentialist Eel COMPETITOR
Albert Camus Omar Sy (triple) ๐๐ป๐๏ธ The Stranger’s Couscous COMPETITOR
Marcel Proust Denis Podalydรจs (dual) ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ Madeleine Moments BEST MEMORY
Gustave Flaubert Thierry Lhermitte (dual) ๐๐ปโค๏ธ Madame Bovary Brie COMPETITOR
รmile Zola Andrรฉ Dussollier (dual) ๐๐ป๐ฐ J’Accuseโฆ This Soup! COMPETITOR
Louis XIV Lambert Wilson (triple) ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Sun King Soufflรฉ BEST ROYAL
Marie de Mรฉdicis Isabelle Huppert ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐น Italian Queen Pasta COMPETITOR
Catherine de’ Medici Isabelle Huppert (dual) ๐๐ป๐ Florentine Feast COMPETITOR
Charlemagne Vincent Lindon (dual) โ๏ธ๐ป๐ Holy Roman Empire Stew COMPETITOR
Vercingรฉtorix Omar Sy (quadruple) โ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท Gaul’s Last Stand Stew COMPETITOR
Asterix CGI ๐บ๐ปโ๏ธ Magic Potion Soup BEST COMIC
Obelix CGI ๐บ๐ป Menhir Mush Falling into MENHIR
๐ THE LOVE DODECAGON (NOW A LOVE TETRAKOSAHEDRON โ 14 SIDES)
Player Role Actor In Love Withโฆ Emoji
Janelle Producer Zendaya Ehlers (still) ๐ป๐
Markus Ehlers Financier Dev Patel Eva Schwarz (still obsessed) ๐ก๏ธ๐๐ป
Eva Schwarz Secret Mistress Eva Schwarz Dead SS Officer (still) ๐ป๐โฐ๏ธ
Muschi Reifenstahl Director Walburga Eva Schwarz (muse) ๐ฅ๐๐ป
The Schwanz Who Laughs Actor The Schwanz Janelle (still trying) ๐๐๐ป
Hermit Boring Actor Hermit CATERING (always) ๐ซ๐๐
Clara Petacci Mistress Ghost Penรฉlope Cruz Dr. Z (still flirting) ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐๐ง
Xica da Silva Queen Taรญs Araรบjo HER CROWN (but Dr. Z is cute) ๐ง๐ท๐๐๐ง
Ratbert Rattenhuber Security Ghost Sepp ORDER (still none) ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐
The Mussy Who Weeps Emotional Ghost The Schwanz ATTENTION (still weeping) ๐ญ๐ป๐๐
Marilyn Monroe American Ghost Ana de Armas JFK? Elvis? Alain Delon? ๐๐ป๐๐ค
James Dean American Ghost CGI Marilyn? Jim Morrison? ๐๏ธ๐ป๐๐
Elvis Presley American Ghost CGI Marilyn? French Women? ๐๐ป๐๐ธ
Jim Morrison American Ghost CGI Paris? Himself? DEATH? ๐ค๐ป๐
Marie Antoinette French Ghost Lรฉa Seydoux Napoleon? Louis? CAKE? ๐๐ฐ๐
Napoleon French Ghost Vincent Cassel Marie Antoinette? JOSEPHINE? โ๏ธ๐ป๐
Joan of Arc French Ghost Adรจle GOD? The voices? HER ARMOR? ๐ฅ๐ป๐
Mozart Austrian Ghost Christoph Waltz SALIERI? MUSIC? HIMSELF? ๐ผ๐ป๐
๐๏ธ PRIMARY LOCATION: THE EIFFEL TOWER, PARIS
Set Description:
The Eiffel Tower โ TRANSFORMED into a MASSIVE VERTICAL KITCHEN. Each level is a different COOKING STATION. The ground level: FRENCH COMFORT FOOD. The first level: EUROPEAN FUSION. The second level: ROYAL CUISINE. The top level: THE JUDGES’ THRONE ROOM, 300 meters above Paris.
Key Areas:
ยท Ground Level Kitchen: French bistro stations. Baguettes. Cheese. Wine. Joan of Arc’s grill. Napoleon’s war kitchen.
ยท First Level Fusion: European mix. Mozart’s pasta station. Shakespeare’s British corner. Van Gogh’s Dutch oven.
ยท Second Level Royal: Kings and queens. Marie Antoinette’s bakery. Louis XIV’s feast hall. Henry VIII’s roast pit.
ยท Top Level Judging: Glass floor. 360-degree Paris view. Tiberius’s throne. Xica’s diamond podium. Messalina’s command center.
ยท The Seine Below: Ghost boats. Floating spectators. The Gray Mercedes parked on a barge.
Visual Elements:
ยท Eiffel Tower lit in ectoplasmic violet and gold
ยท Ghosts floating between levels
ยท Paris skyline at midnight
ยท Eiffel’s sparkle EVERY HOUR (ghost-powered)
ยท The Seine glowing with spectral light
ยท Baguette-shaped clouds
Color Palette:
ยท Parisian twilight blue
ยท Eiffel gold
ยท Ectoplasmic violet
ยท French flag tricolor (bleu, blanc, rouge)
ยท Champagne sparkle
Atmosphere:
ยท Accordion music mixed with ghostly wails
ยท The smell of baguettes, cheese, and ectoplasm
ยท Edith Piaf covers by ghost choirs
ยท A feeling of HISTORY, ROMANCE, and COMPETITION
๐ SCENE-BY-SCENE BREAKDOWN
SCENE 1: THE EIFFEL TOWER โ NIGHT ๐ (0:00-10:00)
Visual: EXTREME WIDE SHOT โ Eiffel Tower, Paris. Midnight. Ectoplasmic mist surrounds the tower. Ghosts floating at every level.
Audio: Keith Flint remix of “La Vie en Rose” โ distorted, ethereal.
Action:
MESSALINA (Eva Green, imperial purple gown, standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower) raises her arms.
MESSALINA: “Welcome to PARIS. Welcome to the HEART OF EUROPE. Welcome toโฆ EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION!” ๐๐๐
TIBERIUS THE TIGER (CGI, Ian McKellen voice) appears beside her, roaring into the Paris night.
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS FOR PARIS! FIVE PAWS FOR EUROPE! FIVE PAWS FOR EVERYONE!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
DR. Z (Michael Fassbender, chef whites, Eiffel Tower sparkling behind him) stands on the first level.
DR. Z: “We’ve cooked with survivors. We’ve cooked with Reichstag ghosts. We’ve cooked with American legends. Nowโฆ we cook with EUROPEAN HISTORY. The stakes? THE CONTINENTAL CROWN.” ๐ง ๐จโ๐ณ๐ช๐บ
XICA DA SILVA (Taรญs Araรบjo, diamonds, crown, at the judges’ table on top) nods.
XICA: “I won South America. I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. This is the ULTIMATE test.” ๐๐ง๐ท
CLARA PETACCI (Penรฉlope Cruz, floating, 1940s glamour) stirs a spectral pot.
CLARA: “I’m ITALIAN. I BELONG in Europe. Finally, I’m HOME. Mussolini marinaraโฆ meets FRENCH CUISINE. Magnifico!” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐
SYLVIA SCHNACKSELBURGER (Monica Bellucci, golden gown, descending from a ghost helicopter) lands on the tower.
SYLVIA: “South America. North America. Now EUROPE. My empire EXPANDS. My production REACHES new heights. LITERALLY.” ๐๐ก๐
Camera: Drone shot circling the Eiffel Tower, revealing HUNDREDS of European ghosts gathering on every level.
SCENE 2: THE EUROPEAN GHOSTS ARRIVE ๐ป๐ช๐บ (10:00-25:00)
Visual: The Eiffel Tower. GHOST LEGENDS arriving from every direction. Each with signature style.
Action โ MONTAGE OF ARRIVALS:
MARIE ANTOINETTE (Lรฉa Seydoux) descends from the sky in an 18th-century gown, holding a cake.
MARIE ANTOINETTE: “Let them eat CAKE? No. Let them COMPETE. Let them COOK. Let them WIN. I’ve waited 200 years for this.” ๐๐ฐ๐ป
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE (Vincent Cassel) marches up the tower, hand in coat, tiny but FIERCE.
NAPOLEON: “I conquered Europe. Now I will conquerโฆ THE KITCHEN. With strategy. With ambition. With SAUCE. No one can stop me. Except maybe the BRITISH.” โ๏ธ๐ป
JOAN OF ARC (Adรจle Exarchopoulos) floats in armor, sword raised, eyes glowing.
JOAN OF ARC: “I heard God’s voice. Now I hearโฆ RECIPES. They sayโฆ COOK. They sayโฆ WIN. They sayโฆ USE GARLIC. I trust the voices.” ๐ฅ๐ปโ๏ธ
WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART (Christoph Waltz) floats with a quill, composing in the air.
MOZART: “I write music. Now I writeโฆ MENUS. Symphonies of FLAVOR. Operas of TASTE. This will be my GREATEST composition.” ๐ผ๐ป
LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN (Daniel Brรผhl) floats, frustrated, hands over ears.
BEETHOVEN: “I can’t hear. But I can TASTE. I will judge with my TONGUE. My PALATE. My SOUL. The flavors will be my MUSIC.” ๐น๐ป
VINCENT VAN GOGH (Mathieu Amalric) floats with a palette, missing ear.
VAN GOGH: “I paint. Now I COOK. With PASSION. With MADNESS. With POTATOES. I have OPINIONS about potatoes. STARRY NIGHT potatoes.” ๐จ๐ป๐ป
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (Ralph Fiennes) appears with a quill, dramatic.
SHAKESPEARE: “To cook, or not to cook? THAT is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous RECIPESโฆ” ๐ญ๐ป๐
QUEEN ELIZABETH I (Cate Blanchett, triple role) floats in royal gown, ruff collar.
ELIZABETH I: “I ruled England for 44 years. I never married. I devoted myself to my COUNTRY. Now I devote myself to COOKING. The VIRGIN QUEEN PUDDING.” ๐๐ป๐ฐ
KING HENRY VIII (Damian Lewis) arrives with six ghost wives.
HENRY VIII: “I had six wives. I divorced two. I executed two. One died. One survived. Now I have SIX DISHES. One for each. They all taste likeโฆ POWER.” ๐๐ป๐
ANNE BOLEYN (Natalie Dormer) floats, holding her head.
ANNE BOLEYN: “He executed me. But I’m BACK. With HORSERADISH. And ATTITUDE.” ๐๐ป๐
WINSTON CHURCHILL (Gary Oldman) floats with a cigar and brandy.
CHURCHILL: “We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the KITCHEN. With COGNAC. And VICTORY.” ๐ท๐ป๐ฌ๐ง
CHARLES DE GAULLE (Lambert Wilson) floats tall, arms raised.
DE GAULLE: “France is my country. French cuisine is my PASSION. I will win for FRANCE. With RESISTANCE STEW.” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
CLAUDE MONET (Omar Sy) floats with a paintbrush.
MONET: “I painted water lilies. Now I cook WATER LILY CONSOMMร. It’s IMPRESSIONIST. It’s DELICIOUS. It’s ART.” ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ
EDGAR DEGAS (Gaspard Ulliel) floats with a ballerina ghost.
DEGAS: “I painted dancers. Now I cook BALLERINA BITES. Small. Elegant. PERFECT.” ๐ฉฐ๐ป๐จ
HENRI DE TOULOUSE-LAUTREC (Jean Dujardin) floats with a champagne glass.
TOULOUSE-LAUTREC: “I painted the Moulin Rouge. Now I cook MOULIN ROUGE RATATOUILLE. With CAN-CAN. And CABARET.” ๐จ๐ป๐ฅ
COCO CHANEL (Marion Cotillard) floats in a little black dress.
CHANEL: “Fashion is architecture. Cooking is FASHION. My LITTLE BLACK DRESS CAKE will WIN. Elegance. Simplicity. GENIUS.” ๐๐ปโจ
EDITH PIAF (Marion Cotillard, dual) floats with a microphone.
PIAF: “Non, je ne regrette rien. I regret NOTHING. Not my life. Not my death. Not my TART. My NON, JE NE REGRETTE RIEN TART.” ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท
CHARLES AZNAVOUR (Omar Sy, dual) floats, singing.
AZNAVOUR: “La Bohรจmeโฆ LA BOUILLABAISSE! My song. My soup. My VICTORY.” ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท
SERGE GAINSBOURG (Vincent Cassel, dual) floats with a cigarette.
GAINSBOURG: “Je t’aimeโฆ moi non plus. I love youโฆ me neither. My PรTร is CONTROVERSIAL. Like me. Like my MUSIC.” ๐ค๐ป๐ฌ
VOLTAIRE (Philippe Torreton) floats with a book.
VOLTAIRE: “I may disagree with what you cook, but I will defend to the death your right to COOK it. My OPTIMISTIC OMELETTE.” ๐๐ปโก
VICTOR HUGO (Gรฉrard Depardieu) floats with a massive book.
HUGO: “Les Misรฉrables. My masterpiece. My CASSOULET is also a masterpiece. Long. Complex. EMOTIONAL.” ๐๐ป๐
ALEXANDRE DUMAS (Gรฉrard Depardieu, dual) floats with a sword.
DUMAS: “The Three Musketeers. One for all, all for ONE DISH. My THREE MUSKETEERS STEW.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
GUSTAVE EIFFEL (Guillaume Canet) floats next to his tower.
EIFFEL: “I built this tower. Now I cook TOWER TART. Eiffel-shaped. Golden. MAGNIFICENT.” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ผ
CLAUDE DEBUSSY (Raphaรซl Personnaz) floats with a piano.
DEBUSSY: “Clair de Lune. My most famous piece. My CLAIR DE LUNE CRรME BRรLรE is alsoโฆ MOONLIT.” ๐น๐ป๐
MAURICE RAVEL (Raphaรซl Personnaz, dual) floats, conducting.
RAVEL: “Bolรฉro. Repetition. Intensity. CLIMAX. My BOLรRO BAKED ALASKA is the SAME. Building. Building. EXPLOSION.” ๐น๐ป๐
AUGUSTE RODIN (Vincent Lindon) floats with a sculpture.
RODIN: “The Thinker. He thinks. He COOKS. My THINKER’S THYME CHICKEN requires THOUGHT.” ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ
CAMILLE CLAUDEL (Anaรฏs Demoustier) floats with clay.
CLAUDEL: “I was Rodin’s muse. Now I am my OWN muse. My RODIN’S MOUSE MOUSSE is DELICIOUS and COMPLICATED.” ๐จ๐ป๐
SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR (Sandrine Kiberlain) floats with a book.
BEAUVOIR: “One is not born, but rather becomes, a COOK. My SECOND SEX SOUFFLร rises. Like WOMEN.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE (Denis Podalydรจs) floats, smoking.
SARTRE: “Hell is other peopleโฆ in the KITCHEN. My EXISTENTIALIST EEL asks: TO BE or NOT TO BEโฆ COOKED?” ๐๐ป๐ค
ALBERT CAMUS (Omar Sy, triple) floats with a cigarette.
CAMUS: “Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee? I chose COUSCOUS. My THE STRANGER’S COUSCOUS is ABSURD. And DELICIOUS.” ๐๐ป๐๏ธ
MARCEL PROUST (Denis Podalydรจs, dual) floats with a madeleine.
PROUST: “The madeleine. It brought back memories. My MADELEINE MOMENTS bring back TASTE. And TIME.” ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ
LOUIS XIV (Lambert Wilson, triple) floats in royal robes.
LOUIS XIV: “I am the SUN KING. My SOUFFLร is the SUN. It rises. It shines. It WINS.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
MARIE DE MรDICIS (Isabelle Huppert) floats with Italian flair.
MARIE DE MรDICIS: “I brought Italian cuisine to France. Now I bring ITALIAN PASTA to the competition. My FLORENTINE FEAST.” ๐๐ป๐
CATHERINE DE’ MEDICI (Isabelle Huppert, dual) floats with a fork.
CATHERINE DE’ MEDICI: “I introduced forks to France. Now I introduce FLAVOR. My MEDICI MARINARA.” ๐๐ป
CHARLEMAGNE (Vincent Lindon, dual) floats with a sword.
CHARLEMAGNE: “Holy Roman Emperor. Conqueror. COOK. My HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE STEW feeds an EMPIRE.” โ๏ธ๐ป๐
VERCINGรTORIX (Omar Sy, quadruple) floats with a sword.
VERCINGรTORIX: “I fought Caesar. I lost. But I’m BACK. My GAUL’S LAST STAND STEW will NOT lose.” โ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท
ASTERIX (CGI) floats with a magic potion.
ASTERIX: “I’m a Gaul. I’m small. I’m FIERCE. My MAGIC POTION SOUP gives SUPERPOWERS. And FLAVOR.” ๐บ๐ปโ๏ธ
OBELIX (CGI) floats, falling into things.
OBELIX: “I like menhirs. I like food. I FALL into food. My MENHIR MUSH is HEAVY. Like me.” ๐บ๐ป
SCENE 3: THE REICHSTAG GHOSTS RETURN (VISITING EUROPE) ๐ป๐ฉ๐ช (25:00-28:00)
Visual: A spectral bus with German flags. REICHSTAG GHOSTS pile out, still confused.
Action:
RATTENHUBER (Sepp Heldenschwanz) looks at the Eiffel Tower.
RATTENHUBER: “We were in Berlin. Then Hollywood. Now PARIS. This isโฆ INTERNATIONAL haunting.” ๐ฎ๐ป๐ต
ONAN PAIN PIMMLER (Hermit Boring) clutches his chest.
ONAN: “My motivation! My FRENCH motivation! It’sโฆ BAGUETTES? CROISSANTS? I DON’T KNOW!” ๐ซ๐ป๐
HEIDI & HEINI (Smart Marty & Ernst “Pussy” Roemer) argue in French with German accents.
HEIDI: “Tu utilises TROP de beurre!”
HEINI: “Je n’utilise pas ASSEZ de beurre! Nous sommes en FRANCE!”
HEIDI: “Nous sommes des FANTรMES! Nous n’avons pas besoin de BEURRE!”
HEINI: “Alors pourquoi nous DISPUTONS-nous?”
HEIDI: “Je ne me SOUVIENS pas!” ๐ฉโ๐ง๐ป๐จโ๐ฆ๐ป๐ฅ
MUSCHI REIFENSTAHL (Walburga the Valkyrie) floats above the tower.
MUSCHI: “PARIS! The city of LIGHT! The city of CINEMA! I will direct EVERYONE! In FRENCH!” ๐ฅ๐ป๐
CLARA PETACCI (Penรฉlope Cruz) greets them.
CLARA: “Benvenuti, Reichstag ghosts! You are in FRANCE now! The food is MAGNIFICENT! But Italian is BETTER!” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐
THE MUSCHI QUARTET (999 Schickse Schicklgrubers) sigh collectively.
MUSCHI QUARTET: “The baguettesโฆ the BAGUETTESโฆ” ๐ฏ๐ป๐ฅ
PUSSY ROBESPIERRE (Trans Schwanz) looks at the French Revolution monuments.
PUSSY: “The revolutionโฆ STARTED here. I’m HOME. But EVERYTHING is different.” โ๏ธ๐ป
CALIGULA (The Schwanz Who Laughs) grins.
CALIGULA: “I LOVE IT! French excess! Wine! Cheese! GOLD! This is MY kind of place!” ๐๐ป๐
THE MUSSY WHO WEEPS (The Schwanz Who Laughs) cries.
THE MUSSY: “The romanceโฆ the ROMANCEโฆ I can’t HANDLE it!” ๐ญ๐ป
TRANS SCHWANZ (Trans Schwanz) smiles.
TRANS SCHWANZ: “France isโฆ FREEING. Libertรฉ, รฉgalitรฉ, fraternitรฉโฆ and ASPIC.” โง๏ธ๐ป
THE SCHWANZ WHO LAUGHS (The Schwanz Who Laughs) laughs hysterically.
THE SCHWANZ: “French politics! FRENCH POLITICS! It’s HILARIOUS! Even funnier than AMERICAN politics!” ๐๐ป
SCENE 4: THE AMERICAN LEGENDS ARRIVE (GUEST OBSERVERS) ๐ป๐บ๐ธ (28:00-32:00)
Visual: A ghost Concorde lands at the tower. AMERICAN LEGENDS disembark.
Action:
MARILYN MONROE (Ana de Armas) floats out first, dress flowing.
MARILYN: “Paris. The city of LOVE. And CROISSANTS. And COMPETITION. I won America. Now I WATCH Europe.” ๐๐๐
JACKIE KENNEDY (Natalie Portman) follows, elegant.
JACKIE: “I’ve always loved Paris. Now I love it as a GHOST. And as a RUNNER-UP. Watching. Learning.” ๐๐๏ธ๐
ELVIS PRESLEY (CGI) steps out with a cape.
ELVIS: “Thank you. Thank you very much. The KING is in PARIS. For CROISSANTS. And COMPETITION.” ๐๐ป๐ธ
FREDDIE MERCURY (CGI) throws his arm up.
FREDDIE: “MAMA, we just killed in AMERICA! Now we’re in PARIS! BONJOUR! Let’s WATCH some COOKING!” ๐๐ป๐ค
JAMES DEAN (CGI) leans on the tower.
JAMES: “Paris. Rebels belong here. I’ll WATCH. And be COOL.” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐
MICHAEL JACKSON (CGI) moonwalks around the tower.
MICHAEL: “Hee hee! PARIS! THRILLER in FRENCH! I’m WATCHING!” ๐ด๏ธ๐ปโญ
WHITNEY HOUSTON (CGI) sings.
WHITNEY: (Singing) “AND I-IIII-IIII-IIIIโฆ will always loveโฆ PARIS!” ๐ค๐ปโจ
ABRAHAM LINCOLN (Daniel Day-Lewis CGI) observes.
LINCOLN: “Four score and seven years agoโฆ I was in America. Now I’m in PARIS. Observing FRENCH democracy. And COOKING.” ๐ฉ๐ป๐
HARRIET TUBMAN (Cynthia Erivo) nods.
HARRIET: “France has a history of freedom. I’m here to OBSERVE. And TASTE.” ๐๐ปโญ
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. (CGI) smiles.
MLK: “I have a DREAMโฆ that one day, AMERICAN and EUROPEAN ghosts will cook together. In PARIS. In PEACE.” โ๐ป๐๏ธ
MALCOLM X (CGI) analyzes.
MALCOLM X: “French colonialism. French revolution. French CUISINE. I’m ANALYZING. And TASTING.” โ๐ป๐ฅ
JIM MORRISON (CGI) floats, emotional.
JIM: “I died in Paris. In 1971. In a bathtub. Now I’m BACK. As a GHOST. As a COMPETITOR. As a JUDGE. The doors of perceptionโฆ lead to PARIS.” ๐ค๐ป
SCENE 5: THE SOUTH AMERICAN LEGENDS JUDGE ๐๐ง๐ท (32:00-35:00)
Visual: Judges’ table at the top of the Eiffel Tower. 360-degree Paris view.
Action:
XICA DA SILVA (Taรญs Araรบjo) sits at center, diamonds glowing.
XICA: “I won South America. I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. This is the PINNACLE. The ULTIMATE test of survival and death.” ๐๐ง๐ท
EVITA PERรN (รrsula Corberรณ) floats beside her.
EVITA: “Argentina. South America. Now EUROPE. I’ve campaigned everywhere. Now I JUDGE.” ๐ฆ๐ท๐๐
LA QUINTRALA (Daniela Vega) holds a knife.
LA QUINTRALA: “Chile. Murder. Now FRENCH murder? I’m READY.” ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ช
LA LLORONA (Cecilia Suรกrez) weeps.
LA LLORONA: “Paris is BEAUTIFUL. It makes me WEEP. Happy tears. Sad tears. ALL tears.” ๐๐ป๐ข
CARMEN MIRANDA (Ana de Armas CGI) performs.
CARMEN: (Singing) “BONJOUR! I’m CARMEN! With FRUIT! On my HEAD! In PARIS!” ๐๐๐ค
FRIDA KAHLO (Eiza Gonzรกlez CGI) paints.
FRIDA: “I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. I paint every dish. Every ghost. Every FLAVOR.” ๐จ๐ค๐ฉโ๐จ
DIEGO MARADONA’S GHOST (CGI) commentates.
MARADONA: “I was confused by baseball. Now I’m confused by RUGBY. But the FOOD? GOAL!” โฝ๐ป
GABRIEL GARCรA MรRQUEZ’S GHOST (CGI) writes.
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: “Magical realismโฆ in PARIS. With BAGUETTES. And GHOSTS. Magnifique.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
PABLO ESCOBAR’S HIPPOS (CGI Hippos) float on the Seine.
HIPPOS: (In unison) “We have OPINIONS about FRANCE. The cheese. The wine. The BAGUETTES. OUI.” ๐ฆ๐๐ฃ๏ธ
SCENE 6: THE NAZI MISTRESSES JUDGE ๐๐ฉ๐ช (35:00-37:00)
Action:
EVA BRAUN (Margot Robbie) floats elegantly.
EVA BRAUN: “I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. History is COMPLICATED. But cooking is SIMPLE.” ๐๐ป๐ซ
MAGDA GOEBBELS (Cate Blanchett) manipulates puppets.
MAGDA: “My puppets are FRENCH now. They speak FRENCH. They judge FRENCH food. MAGNIFIQUE.” ๐ญ๐ปโ ๏ธ
UNITY MITFORD (Saoirse Ronan) floats, hypnotized.
UNITY: “Parisโฆ is BEAUTIFUL. I’m HYPNOTIZED. By the food. The fashion. The GHOSTS.” ๐โโ๏ธ๐ป๐
GELI RAUBAL (Dakota Fanning) reports.
GELI: “I’m your GHOSTLY CORRESPONDENT in Paris. The food is AMAZING. The drama is INTENSE.” ๐ป๐ซ๐
EMMY GOERING (Helena Bonham Carter) consults on fur.
EMMY: “French fur. French fashion. French FOOD. I APPROVE.” ๐ญ๐ป๐ฆ
MARGHERITA SARFATTI (Salma Hayek) writes scripts.
MARGHERITA: “I’m writing the EUROPEAN GHOST SCRIPTS. It’s EPIC. It’s HISTORICAL. It’s DELICIOUS.” ๐๐ปโก๏ธ
LENI RIEFENSTAHL (Scarlett Johansson) films.
LENI: “I’m filming EVERYTHING. The tower. The ghosts. The food. My MAGNUM OPUS. IN FRENCH.” ๐ฅ๐ป๐
SCENE 7: THE CHALLENGE ANNOUNCED ๐ฅ๐ฉโ๐ณ (37:00-42:00)
Visual: Top of the Eiffel Tower. Dr. Z center. Messalina above. All ghosts gathered. Paris glittering below.
Action:
DR. Z: (Standing at a giant stove) “Tonight’s challenge โ EUROPEAN ROYAL CUISINE. With a GHOSTLY TWIST. Each contestant must prepare a dish that represents their LEGACY. Their COUNTRY. Their AFTERLIFE.” ๐ง ๐จโ๐ณ๐ช๐บ
MESSALINA: (From the top) “The rules are SIMPLE. Cook. Impress. WIN. The crown goes to EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION!” ๐๐๐
TIBERIUS: (Roaring) “I will judge with PAWS! Five paws is TRANSCENDENT! Four is EXCELLENT! Three isโฆ ADEQUATE. Two is DISAPPOINTING. One isโฆ POURQUOI รTES-VOUS ICI?” ๐ โญ๐ซ๐ท
XICA: (At judge’s table) “I won South America. I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. Show me your SOUL. Your HISTORY. Your FLAVOR.” ๐๐ง๐ท
CLARA: (Floating) “And I, Clara Petacci, will judge with ITALIAN PASSION. Your pasta must be PERFECT. Your sauce must be SOULFUL. Even if you’re FRENCH.” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Journaling) “I will record EVERYTHING. The flavors. The failures. THE TRUTH. In FRENCH.” ๐ฆ๐๐ซ๐ท
FREISLER: (Screaming) “I WILL JUDGE WITH FURY! WITH PASSION! WITH TERROR! COOK FOR YOUR AFTERLIVES!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
Camera: Slow-motion as 40+ European ghosts step forward to their stations on every level of the Eiffel Tower. Paris sparkles. Cooking begins.
SCENE 8: THE COOKING BEGINS โ MONTAGE ๐ฅ๐ฉโ๐ณ๐ป (42:00-65:00)
Visual: MONTAGE SEQUENCE. 23 minutes. Absolute CHAOS. Ghosts floating between tower levels. French music. Ectoplasm.
Action โ EUROPEAN LEGENDS COOKING:
MARIE ANTOINETTE (Lรฉa Seydoux):
Marie at her bakery station on Level 2, surrounded by cakes.
MARIE: “Let them eat CAKE! My BRIOCHE is ROYAL. It’s RICH. It’sโฆ WHAT THEY SAID I SAID.” ๐๐ฐ
Her cake rises perfectly. Ghost butterflies surround it.
NAPOLEON (Vincent Cassel):
Napoleon commands his kitchen like a battlefield.
NAPOLEON: “BEEF WELLINGTON! My EMPIRE dish! With STRATEGY! With AMBITION! With SAUCE!” โ๏ธ
He salutes the beef. It salutes back.
JOAN OF ARC (Adรจle Exarchopoulos):
Joan grills chicken while listening to voices.
JOAN: “The voices sayโฆ TURN THE CHICKEN. The voices sayโฆ ADD THYME. The voices sayโฆ YOU’RE WINNING.” ๐ฅ๐ป
Her chicken glows with divine light.
MOZART (Christoph Waltz):
Mozart composes while pasta boils.
MOZART: “Magic Flute PASTA! Each note is a NOODLE! Each melody is SAUCE! This is OPERA on a PLATE!” ๐ผ๐ป
The pasta dances.
BEETHOVEN (Daniel Brรผhl):
Beethoven pounds dumplings dramatically.
BEETHOVEN: “I can’t HEAR! But I can FEEL! My DUMPLINGS have RHYTHM! My DUMPLINGS have SOUL!” ๐น๐ป
He throws flour in the air like a conductor.
VAN GOGH (Mathieu Amalric):
Van Gogh paints while risotto cooks.
VAN GOGH: “Sunflower RISOTTO! Yellow! Bright! PASSIONATE! Like my PAINTINGS! Like my EAR!” ๐จ๐ป๐ป
The risotto looks like a Van Gogh.
SHAKESPEARE (Ralph Fiennes):
Shakespeare recites while soup simmers.
SHAKESPEARE: “To cook, or not to cook? THAT is the question. Whether ’tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous RECIPESโฆ” ๐ญ๐ป
The soup weeps dramatically.
ELIZABETH I (Cate Blanchett):
Elizabeth prepares pudding with royal dignity.
ELIZABETH I: “Virgin Queen PUDDING. Untouched. Pure. ROYAL. Like me. Like my REIGN.” ๐๐ป
The pudding glows with Tudor light.
HENRY VIII (Damian Lewis):
Henry roasts meat with six wives watching.
HENRY VIII: “SIX WIVES ROAST! One for each! Anne! Catherine! Jane! Anne! Catherine! Katherine! They all TASTE different!” ๐๐ป
The wives glare. The roast sweats.
ANNE BOLEYN (Natalie Dormer):
Anne prepares horseradish with attitude.
ANNE BOLEYN: “Headless HORSERADISH! He took my HEAD. But he can’t take my FLAVOR. Or my NECK.” ๐๐ป
She holds her head while stirring.
CHURCHILL (Gary Oldman):
Churchill prepares pie with cognac.
CHURCHILL: “VICTORY PIE! With COGNAC! We shall fight on the beaches! We shall fight in the KITCHEN! We shall NEVER SURRENDER this PIE!” ๐ท๐ป
The pie has a cigar.
DE GAULLE (Lambert Wilson):
De Gaulle prepares stew with resistance.
DE GAULLE: “FRENCH RESISTANCE STEW! We resisted the Germans! We resist BAD RECIPES! Vive la FRANCE! Vive la STEW!” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
The stew stands tall.
MONET (Omar Sy):
Monet prepares consommรฉ like a painting.
MONET: “Water Lily CONSOMMร! Clear! Beautiful! IMPRESSIONIST! You see the LILIES! You TASTE the LILIES!” ๐จ๐ป
The consommรฉ reflects the Eiffel Tower.
DEGAS (Gaspard Ulliel):
Degas prepares tiny ballerina bites.
DEGAS: “Ballerina BITES! Small! Elegant! PERFECT! Like my DANCERS! Like my ART!” ๐ฉฐ๐ป
Each bite does a pirouette.
TOULOUSE-LAUTREC (Jean Dujardin):
Toulouse-Lautrec prepares ratatouille with cabaret.
TOULOUSE-LAUTREC: “Moulin Rouge RATATOUILLE! With CAN-CAN! With CABARET! With CHAMPAGNE!” ๐จ๐ป๐ฅ
The ratatouille kicks its legs.
CHANEL (Marion Cotillard):
Chanel prepares cake like fashion.
CHANEL: “Little Black Dress CAKE! Elegant! Simple! TIMELESS! Every bite is FASHION.” ๐๐ปโจ
The cake wears a pearl necklace.
PIAF (Marion Cotillard, dual):
Piaf prepares tart while singing.
PIAF: (Singing) “Non, je ne regrette RIEN! Ni la TARTE! Ni la VIE! RIEN DU TOUT!” ๐ค๐ป
The tart weeps with joy.
AZNAVOUR (Omar Sy, dual):
Aznavour prepares bouillabaisse while singing.
AZNAVOUR: (Singing) “La Bohรจmeโฆ LA BOUILLABAISSE! Elle est MAGNIFIQUE! Elle est DELICIEUSE!” ๐ค๐ป
The bouillabaisse harmonizes.
GAINSBOURG (Vincent Cassel, dual):
Gainsbourg prepares pรขtรฉ with a cigarette.
GAINSBOURG: “Je t’aimeโฆ moi non plus PรTร. It’s CONTROVERSIAL. It’s SEXY. It’s FRENCH.” ๐ค๐ป๐ฌ
The pรขtรฉ smokes.
VOLTAIRE (Philippe Torreton):
Voltaire prepares an omelette with philosophy.
VOLTAIRE: “OPTIMISTIC OMELETTE! I may disagree with what you eat, but I will defend to the death your right to EAT it!” ๐๐ปโก
The omelette is enlightened.
HUGO (Gรฉrard Depardieu):
Hugo prepares cassoulet like a novel.
HUGO: “Les Misรฉrables CASSOULET! Long! Complex! EMOTIONAL! Every bean is a CHAPTER!” ๐๐ป
The cassoulet weeps for France.
DUMAS (Gรฉrard Depardieu, dual):
Dumas prepares stew with musketeers.
DUMAS: “Three Musketeers STEW! One for all! All for ONE STEW! With SWORDS! With HONOR!” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
The stew duels.
EIFFEL (Guillaume Canet):
Eiffel prepares a tower-shaped tart.
EIFFEL: “TOWER TART! Eiffel-shaped! Golden! MAGNIFICENT! Like my TOWER! Like my LEGACY!” ๐๏ธ๐ป
The tart sparkles every hour.
DEBUSSY (Raphaรซl Personnaz):
Debussy prepares crรจme brรปlรฉe with moonlight.
DEBUSSY: “Clair de Lune CRรME BRรLรE! Moonlit! Dreamy! IMPRESSIONIST!” ๐น๐ป
The caramelized sugar sounds like moonlight.
RAVEL (Raphaรซl Personnaz, dual):
Ravel prepares baked Alaska with intensity.
RAVEL: “Bolรฉro BAKED ALASKA! Repetition! Intensity! CLIMAX! It BUILDS! And BUILDS! And EXPLODES!” ๐น๐ป
The baked Alaska crescendos.
RODIN (Vincent Lindon):
Rodin prepares chicken with thought.
RODIN: “Thinker’s THYME CHICKEN! It THINKS! It COOKS! It SCULPTS FLAVOR!” ๐จ๐ป
The chicken poses thoughtfully.
CLAUDEL (Anaรฏs Demoustier):
Claudel prepares mousse with emotion.
CLAUDEL: “Rodin’s Muse MOUSSE! Delicate! Complicated! PASSIONATE! Like my RELATIONSHIP! Like my ART!” ๐จ๐ป
The mousse has feelings.
BEAUVOIR (Sandrine Kiberlain):
Beauvoir prepares soufflรฉ with feminism.
BEAUVOIR: “Second Sex SOUFFLร! One is not born, but rather becomes, a SOUFFLร. It RISES. Like WOMEN.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
The soufflรฉ rises triumphantly.
SARTRE (Denis Podalydรจs):
Sartre prepares eel with existentialism.
SARTRE: “EXISTENTIALIST EEL! It asks: TO BE or NOT TO BEโฆ COOKED? The eel CHOOSES. It is FREE.” ๐๐ป๐ค
The eel contemplates.
CAMUS (Omar Sy, triple):
Camus prepares couscous with absurdism.
CAMUS: “The Stranger’s COUSCOUS! Should I eat it, or not? It’s ABSURD. It’s DELICIOUS. It EXISTS.” ๐๐ป๐๏ธ
The couscous shrugs.
PROUST (Denis Podalydรจs, dual):
Proust prepares madeleines with memory.
PROUST: “MADELEINE MOMENTS! Each bite brings back MEMORIES! Childhood! Time! LOST TIME!” ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ
The madeleines trigger flashbacks.
LOUIS XIV (Lambert Wilson, triple):
Louis XIV prepares soufflรฉ like the sun.
LOUIS XIV: “SUN KING SOUFFLร! I am the SUN! My SOUFFLร is the SUN! It RISES! It SHINES! It WINS!” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
The soufflรฉ blinds everyone.
MARIE DE MรDICIS (Isabelle Huppert):
Marie prepares pasta with Italian flair.
MARIE DE MรDICIS: “FLORENTINE FEAST! I brought Italian cuisine to France! Now I bring it to the COMPETITION!” ๐๐ป๐
The pasta dances the tarantella.
CATHERINE DE’ MEDICI (Isabelle Huppert, dual):
Catherine prepares marinara with forks.
CATHERINE DE’ MEDICI: “MEDICI MARINARA! I introduced forks to France! Now I introduce FLAVOR! With FORKS!” ๐๐ป
The marinara forks itself.
CHARLEMAGNE (Vincent Lindon, dual):
Charlemagne prepares stew for an empire.
CHARLEMAGNE: “HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE STEW! It feeds KINGS! It feeds QUEENS! It feeds an EMPIRE!” โ๏ธ๐ป๐
The stew has a crown.
VERCINGรTORIX (Omar Sy, quadruple):
Vercingรฉtorix prepares stew with defiance.
VERCINGรTORIX: “GAUL’S LAST STAND STEW! I fought Caesar! I lost! But this STEW WILL NOT LOSE!” โ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท
The stew throws axes.
ASTERIX (CGI):
Asterix prepares soup with magic.
ASTERIX: “MAGIC POTION SOUP! It gives SUPERPOWERS! It gives FLAVOR! It gives VICTORY!” ๐บ๐ป
The soup glows with power.
OBELIX (CGI):
Obelix prepares mush by falling into it.
OBELIX: “MENHIR MUSH! I FALL into it! It’s HEAVY! Like MENHIRS! Like ME!” ๐บ๐ป
He falls. The mush is perfect.
SCENE 9: THE LOVE TETRAKOSAHEDRON EXPLODES ๐๐ฅ (65:00-75:00)
Visual: Interspersed with cooking. Emotional confrontations on every level of the Eiffel Tower.
Action:
JANELLE (on massive screen at ground level) watches Ehlers on Level 2.
JANELLE: “Ehlers! You’re staring at Eva Schwarz! She’s a GHOST! A EUROPEAN ghost now! At the EIFFEL TOWER!” ๐ป๐ฑ
EHLERS (Dev Patel, on Level 2, mesmerized by Eva) holds a baguette uselessly.
EHLERS: “But she’s TRANSCENDENT. And her RECIPE wasโฆ INSPIRING. And she’sโฆ FLOATING. In PARIS.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ป๐
EVA SCHWARZ (floating, noir, sipping ghost champagne) glances down.
EVA SCHWARZ: “Heinrich? No. But this FINANCIER isโฆ PERSISTENT. And he’s in PARIS. For ME.” ๐ป๐
MUSCHI REIFENSTAHL floats between them.
MUSCHI: “Eva! My MUSE! Cook for ME in PARIS! I’ll direct your SAUCE! In FRENCH!” ๐ฅ๐ป๐
THE SCHWANZ WHO LAUGHS (on screen, from Berlin) waves frantically.
THE SCHWANZ: “Janelle! I’m still laughing! For YOU! Come to Paris! I’ll meet you at the TOWER!” ๐๐ป๐
JANELLE: “I don’t want LAUGHTER! I want EHLERS! And COLON SAFETY! In PARIS!” ๐ป๐ญ
HERMIT BORING (eating French ghost catering on Level 1) moans with pleasure.
HERMIT: “This French cateringโฆ BETTER than American catering. BETTER than Reichstag catering. The CROISSANTSโฆ I’m in LOVE.” ๐ซ๐ฅ๐
CLARA PETACCI (floating near Dr. Z on the top level) touches his arm.
CLARA: “Ezekielโฆ Dona is in Berlin. I’m in PARIS. With MARIE ANTOINETTE. With NAPOLEON. With FRENCH CHEESE. We could have something. ITALIAN AND SAINT. In FRANCE.” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐๐ง
XICA DA SILVA (appearing behind them, diamonds flashing) crosses her arms.
XICA: “Clara. He’s MARRIED. To DONA. Respect the RING. Respect the THERAPY. Respect the GROWTH. Even in PARIS.” ๐๐ค
CLARA: “Dona can SHARE. Paris is ROMANTIC. There’s ROOM for EVERYONE.” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐
MARIE ANTOINETTE (floating over, cake in hand) joins.
MARIE: “Darlings. Love is COMPLICATED. I married Louis. I lost my HEAD. But I never lost my TASTE for CAKE. And ROMANCE.” ๐๐ฐ๐
NAPOLEON (floating over, hand in coat) appears.
NAPOLEON: “I conquered Europe. But I never conquered LOVE. Josephine. Marie. COOKING. It’s all the SAME. Passion. Strategy. VICTORY.” โ๏ธ๐ป๐
JOAN OF ARC (floating, armor glowing) listens.
JOAN: “The voices sayโฆ LOVE is COMPLICATED. The voices sayโฆ FOCUS on COOKING. The voices sayโฆ I need THERAPY.” ๐ฅ๐ป
MARILYN MONROE (floating from the American section) arrives.
MARILYN: “Darlings. I’ve watched this LOVE DODECAGON since Berlin. Since Hollywood. Now PARIS. It NEVER ends. And that’s BEAUTIFUL.” ๐๐๐
JAMES DEAN (leaning on the tower) appears.
JAMES: “Rebel without a cause? I have a CAUSE now. MARILYN. In PARIS. Let’s ride into the sunset. Or the SEINE.” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐
ELVIS PRESLEY (appearing, cape flowing) arrives.
ELVIS: “Thank you. Thank you very much. Marilyn, baby, the KING is in PARIS. Forget the rebel. Choose the KING. With CROISSANTS.” ๐๐ป๐๐ธ
JIM MORRISON (floating, whiskey in hand) watches.
JIM: “I died in Paris. In a bathtub. Now I’m BACK. And Marilyn is HERE. The doors of perceptionโฆ lead to MARILYN.” ๐ค๐ป๐
MARILYN: “Boys. I’m a GHOST. I’m OBSERVING. I’m not COMPETING. I’m not LOVING. I’m justโฆ WATCHING.” ๐๐ค
JFK’S GHOST (appearing) clears his throat.
JFK: “Marilynโฆ babyโฆ ask not what your country can do for youโฆ ask what WE can do in PARIS.” ๐๐ป๐
MARILYN: “Jack. You’re DEAD. I’m DEAD. It’s OVER. Even in PARIS.” ๐๐
DR. Z: (Head in hands, surrounded by ghosts on the top level) “The Love Dodecagon is now a Loveโฆ I’VE LOST COUNT. I’m just a CHEF. At the EIFFEL TOWER. In PARIS. This is my LIFE now.” ๐ง ๐ต
WOTAN: (Appearing with French wine) “Drink. Paris does this to EVERYONE. Even GODS. Even GHOSTS. Even CHEFS. Especially CHEFS.” ๐๏ธ๐ท๐ซ๐ท
DONA ESPINHA: (On screen from Berlin) “Ezekiel! I’m watching! Don’t let Clara flirt! Don’t let Marie offer cake! Don’t let Napoleon invade! COOK!” โ๏ธ๐ป
Camera: Split screen chaos. 14-way emotional collapse. The Eiffel Tower sparkles with romantic confusion.
SCENE 10: THE JUDGES TASTE โ PART 1 ๐ฝ๏ธ๐ปโญ (75:00-95:00)
Visual: Judge’s table at the top of the Eiffel Tower. 360-degree Paris view. Xica center. Clara floating. Tiberius in a throne. Adolf Sharkler journaling. Freisler screaming. Frida painting. Maradona commentating. Garcรญa Mรกrquez writing. Schicklgruber Singers harmonizing in French.
Action โ DISHES PRESENTED:
MARIE ANTOINETTE’S LET THEM EAT CAKE (BRIOCHE):
Marie presents her golden brioche. It glows. Ghost butterflies surround it.
MARIE: “Let them eat CAKE! My brioche is ROYAL. It’s RICH. It’s what they THINK I said.” ๐๐ฐ
TIBERIUS: (Tasting) “Fluffy. Buttery. DECADENT. Like the FRENCH COURT. FOUR PAWS.” ๐ โญ
FREISLER: (Screaming) “THIS IS WHAT THE REVOLUTION FOUGHT AGAINST! AND IT’S DELICIOUS! 10!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
XICA: “Elegant. Rich. HISTORICAL. 9/10.” ๐
NAPOLEON’S EMPIRE BEEF WELLINGTON:
Napoleon presents, hand in coat.
NAPOLEON: “Beef Wellington. My EMPIRE dish. With STRATEGY. With AMBITION. With SAUCE.” โ๏ธ
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Tasting) “Conquest on a PLATE. The beef SURRENDERS. The pastry RESISTS. Perfect balance. Four fins.” ๐ฆ๐
CLARA: “Mamma mia, this is POWER. The Italians RESPECT this dish.” ๐ฎ๐น
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Very NAPOLEONIC.” ๐
JOAN OF ARC’S HEAVENLY CHICKEN (WITH VOICES):
Joan presents, glowing.
JOAN: “Heavenly chicken. The voices told me how to cook it. They saidโฆ USE THYME. They were RIGHT.” ๐ฅ๐ป
MARADONA’S GHOST: (Tasting) “I hear VOICES too! They sayโฆ THIS IS GOAL! DIVINE chicken!” โฝ
FRIDA KAHLO: (Painting while tasting) “The light. The flavor. The VOICES. Five paintbrushes.” ๐จ๐ค
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! DIVINE AND DELICIOUS!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
MOZART’S MAGIC FLUTE PASTA:
Mozart presents, composing.
MOZART: “Magic Flute pasta. Each note is a NOODLE. Each melody is SAUCE. This is OPERA on a PLATE.” ๐ผ๐ป
GARCรA MรRQUEZ’S GHOST: (Writing) “The pastaโฆ it SINGS. It DANCES. Magical realismโฆ in NOODLE form.” ๐๐ป
SCHICKLGRUBER SINGERS: (Harmonizing) “Pastaโฆ PASTAโฆ magic PASTAโฆ” ๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐ถ
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! OPERATIC AND DELICIOUS!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
BEETHOVEN’S DEAFENING DUMPLINGS:
Beethoven presents, frustrated.
BEETHOVEN: “Dumplings! I can’t HEAR! But I can FEEL! These dumplings have RHYTHM!” ๐น๐ป
FREISLER: (Tasting, screaming) “I CAN HEAR THEM! THE DUMPLINGS ARE SCREAMING! 10!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
FRIDA: “The texture. The passion. The DEAFNESS. Beautiful.” ๐จ
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Loud AND delicious.” ๐
VAN GOGH’S SUNFLOWER RISOTTO:
Van Gogh presents, passionate.
VAN GOGH: “Sunflower risotto! Yellow! Bright! PASSIONATE! Like my paintings! Like my EAR!” ๐จ๐ป
FRIDA: (Tasting, crying) “The yellowโฆ I TASTE the yellow. The passionโฆ I FEEL it. This is ART.” ๐จ๐ค
MARADONA: “Tastes likeโฆ a MASTERPIECE. With RICE.” โฝ
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! VINCENT WOULD BE PROUD!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
SHAKESPEARE’S HAMLET’S SOLILOQUY SOUP:
Shakespeare presents, dramatic.
SHAKESPEARE: “To eat, or not to eat? THAT is the question. This soup asks it. And ANSWERS it.” ๐ญ๐ป
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: (Writing) “The soupโฆ it SPEAKS. It says ‘alas, poor YORICKโฆ I knew himโฆ as FLAVOR.’ Magical.” ๐
SCHICKLGRUBER SINGERS: (Harmonizing) “Soupโฆ SOUPโฆ Shakespeare SOUPโฆ” ๐ฏโโ๏ธ
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Dramatic AND soupy.” ๐
ELIZABETH I’S VIRGIN QUEEN PUDDING:
Elizabeth presents, royal.
ELIZABETH I: “Virgin Queen pudding. Untouched. Pure. ROYAL. Like me. Like my REIGN.” ๐๐ป
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Tasting) “Elegant. Restrained. POWERFUL. Like the TUDOR dynasty. Four fins.” ๐ฆ
CLARA: “Mamma mia, this is REGAL. The Italians SALUTE.” ๐ฎ๐น
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Very ELIZABETHAN.” ๐
HENRY VIII’S SIX WIVES ROAST:
Henry presents, surrounded by six ghost wives.
HENRY VIII: “Six wives roast! One for each! They all taste DIFFERENT! They all tasteโฆ MINE.” ๐๐ป
FREISLER: (Tasting, screaming) “ANNE! CATHERINE! JANE! I TASTE THEM ALL! AND THEY’RE ALL DELICIOUS! 10!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
FRIDA: “The complexity. The HISTORY. The POLITICS. On a PLATE.” ๐จ
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Very HENRY. Very DANGEROUS.” ๐
ANNE BOLEYN’S HEADLESS HORSERADISH:
Anne presents, holding her head.
ANNE BOLEYN: “Headless horseradish. He took my HEAD. But he can’t take my FLAVOR. Or my NECK.” ๐๐ป
MARADONA: (Tasting) “Spicy. Sharp. REVENGE-FLAVORED. GOAL!” โฝ
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: “Magical realismโฆ with HORSERADISH. And a HEAD. Magnifique.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Bold AND beheaded.” ๐
CHURCHILL’S VICTORY PIE:
Churchill presents, with cognac and cigar.
CHURCHILL: “Victory pie! With cognac! We shall fight on the beaches! We shall fight in the kitchens! We shall NEVER surrender this PIE!” ๐ท๐ป
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Tasting) “Tastes likeโฆ BRITISH defiance. And COGNAC. Four fins.” ๐ฆ
SCHICKLGRUBER SINGERS: (Harmonizing) “Pieโฆ PIEโฆ victory PIEโฆ” ๐ฏโโ๏ธ
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! CHURCHILL WOULD APPROVE!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
DE GAULLE’S FRENCH RESISTANCE STEW:
De Gaulle presents, tall.
DE GAULLE: “French resistance stew! We resisted the Germans! We resist BAD RECIPES! Vive la FRANCE! Vive la STEW!” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
CLARA: (Tasting) “Mamma mia, this is FRANCE. In a bowl. The Italians APPLAUD.” ๐ฎ๐น
MARADONA: “Tastes likeโฆ LIBERTY. And BEEF.” โฝ
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! VIVE LA STEW!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
SCENE 11: THE JUDGES TASTE โ PART 2 ๐ฝ๏ธ๐ปโญ (95:00-115:00)
Action โ MORE DISHES:
MONET’S WATER LILY CONSOMMร:
Monet presents, artistic.
MONET: “Water lily consommรฉ! Clear! Beautiful! IMPRESSIONIST! You see the LILIES! You TASTE the LILIES!” ๐จ๐ป
FRIDA: (Tasting) “I SEE the water lilies. I FEEL the light. This is ART in LIQUID form.” ๐จ๐ค
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: “Magical realismโฆ in CONSOMMร. The lilies FLOAT. In my MOUTH.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! IMPRESSIONIST AND DELICIOUS!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
DEGAS’S BALLERINA BITES:
Degas presents tiny bites that dance.
DEGAS: “Ballerina bites! Small! Elegant! PERFECT! Like my dancers! Like my ART!” ๐ฉฐ๐ป
SCHICKLGRUBER SINGERS: (Harmonizing) “Bitesโฆ BITESโฆ ballerina BITESโฆ” ๐ฏโโ๏ธ
FREISLER: (Tasting, screaming) “THEY DANCE IN MY MOUTH! THEY PIR
๐๐ก๏ธ๐ WHERE EUROPEAN LEGENDS RISE FROM HISTORY ๐๐ก๏ธ๐
Powered by Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel, Messalina’s Slave Empire, the Reichstag Spectral Catering Corps, Hollywood Ghost Productions & now THE EUROPEAN AFTERLIFE ALLIANCE ๐๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐๐๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฝ๐ธ
Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP ๐๐คก๐
๐ SIX MONTHS AFTER HOLLYWOOD. PARIS. THE EIFFEL TOWER. MIDNIGHT. ๐
The ghosts of EUROPEAN LEGENDS have gathered. They watched America win. They want the CONTINENTAL CROWN.
Messalina has ARRIVED with her entire empire. Tiberius is ready. The Reichstag ghosts are BACK. The South American legends are GUEST JUDGING. The American legends are WATCHING.
Dr. Z has set up his kitchen at the EIFFEL TOWER โ 300 meters above Paris. The ghosts are floating. The stakes are HIGHER THAN EVER.
๐ฌ THE COMPLETE CAST โ EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT (GHOST EDITION) ๐ฌ
๐ CORE CAST (THE LIVING โ RETURNING)
Character Actor Emoji Status
Sylvia Schnackselburger Monica Bellucci ๐๐ก๐ Ex-goddess, media mogul, now PRODUCING THE EUROPEAN VERSION
Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler (Dr. Z) Michael Fassbender ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐จโ๐ณ Saint, celebrity chef, now EIFFEL TOWER HEAD CHEF
Janelle Varon Zendaya ๐ป๐๐ฑ Forensic analyst, now TRACKING EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Markus Ehlers Dev Patel ๐ก๏ธ๐๐ฟ Colon safety consultant, now EUROPEAN GHOST SAFETY ADVISOR
Salome Volkov Anya Taylor-Joy ๐๐ฎ๐ฉโ๐ณ Pattern recognizer, now SEES EUROPEAN GHOST RECIPES
Dona Espinha Wagner Moura โ๏ธ๐ฐ๐ Dr. Z’s wife, now JEALOUS OF EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Wotan Mads Mikkelsen ๐๏ธ๐๐ท Sommelier, now VERY HUNGOVER IN PARIS
The Gray Mercedes James Spader & Christoph Waltz ๐๐๐งพ Auditing EUROPEAN TRANSACTIONS
The Seedpod Creature CGI ๐ฑ๐ค๐ณ๏ธ Has OPINIONS about Europe, NOW RUNNING FOR EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT
The Schicklgruber Singers Girl Group ๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐ง๐ท๐ค Now singing FRENCH CHANSONS
Achรฉ & The Pygmy Collective Lupita Nyong’o ๐ด๐๏ธ๐ค Keepers of the Real, CONFUSED BY FRANCE
Loba รlodie Yung ๐๐ Translator, now PARIS GHOST TRANSLATOR
Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (Ghost) Daniel Brรผhl ๐๐๏ธ๐ป๐ Visionary, now PARIS RESIDENT GHOST
Freya Cate Blanchett ๐ฆ
โ๏ธ๐ Goddess of Intervention, WATCHING IN HORROR
Adolf Sharkler (President of Afterlife) Andy Serkis ๐ฆ๐โญ Journaling, now JUDGING EUROPEAN GHOST COOKING
General “Buck” Turgidson John C. Reilly ๐๏ธ๐๐ซ๐ท Lost, found in Paris, now EIFFEL TOWER TOURIST
President Merkin Muffley Charles Dance ๐ฆ
๐๐ Issuing EUROPEAN GHOST SANCTIONS
The Ku Klux Klan Motion-Capture Mob ๐ฅ๐ป๐งถ Weaving “EUROPEAN PROTEST” bracelets
Keith Flint (Posthumous CGI) CGI โ๏ธ๐ฅ๐ต Providing the beat for ALL SHOWS
Mama Wati Angela Bassett ๐๐ฅ๐ฉโ๐ณ GHOST KITCHEN CONSULTANT
Kikazi Florence Kasumba โ๏ธ๐๐ก๏ธ GHOST SECURITY
Nyoka Thuso Mbedu ๐๐ฟ๐ฅ GHOST INGREDIENT CONSULTANT
๐ป REICHSTAG GHOSTS (BACK FOR EUROPE)
Ghost Character Actor Emoji Status
Ratbert Rattenhuber Sepp Heldenschwanz ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฆ Security ghost, CONFUSED BY FRANCE
Onan Pain Pimmler Hermit Boring ๐ซ๐ป๐ Method-acting ghost, now METHOD-ACTING FRENCH
Heidi Pimmler Smart Marty ๐ฉโ๐ง๐ป๐ฅ Method-acting ghostess, now COMPETING IN FRENCH
Heini Pimmler Ernst “Pussy” Roemer ๐จโ๐ฆ๐ป๐ก Method-acting ghost, now ARGUING IN FRENCH
Muschi Reifenstahl Walburga the Valkyrie ๐ฅ๐ป๐ Director ghost, now DIRECTING PARIS
Clara Petacci Penรฉlope Cruz ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐ Resident chef, now TEACHING FRENCH COOKS PASTA
Muschi Wuschi Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ฏ๐ป๐ค Greek chorus, now COMMENTATING ON FRANCE
Muschi Mussolini 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐ค Fascist chorus, now JUDGING FRENCH PASTA
Edith Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ป๐ป๐ค Radio chorus, now FRENCH COMMENTARY
San Fran “Muschi” Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐๐ป๐ค Hippie chorus, now CONFUSED BY PARIS
Pussy Robespierre Trans Schwanz โ๏ธ๐ป๐ช Revolution ghost, now BACK WHERE IT STARTED
Caligula The Schwanz Who Laughs ๐๐ป๐ Emperor ghost, now LOVING PARISIAN EXCESS
The Mussy Who Weeps The Schwanz Who Laughs ๐ญ๐ป๐ญ Weeping ghost, now WEEPING OVER FRENCH ONIONS
Trans Schwanz Trans Schwanz โง๏ธ๐ปโ๏ธ Androgynous ghost, now FINDING PARIS FREEING
The Schwanz Who Laughs The Schwanz Who Laughs ๐๐ป๐ช Laughing ghost, now LAUGHING AT FRENCH POLITICS
๐ SOUTH AMERICAN LEGENDS (GUEST JUDGES)
Legend Actor Emoji Status
Xica da Silva (Brazil โ WINNER) Taรญs Araรบjo ๐ง๐ท๐๐ International icon, now HEAD JUDGE IN EUROPE
Evita Perรณn (Argentina) รrsula Corberรณ ๐ฆ๐ท๐๐ Ghost, now CRITIQUING EUROPEAN AMBITION
La Quintrala (Chile) Daniela Vega ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ช Murderess, now JUDGING EUROPEAN VIOLENCE
La Llorona (Regional Legend) Cecilia Suรกrez ๐๐ป๐ข Weeping woman, now WEEPING AT THE EIFFEL TOWER
Carmen Miranda (Fruit Hat Icon โ CGI) Ana de Armas (CGI) ๐๐๐ค Performing, now PARIS ENTERTAINMENT
Frida Kahlo (Artist โ CGI) Eiza Gonzรกlez (CGI) ๐จ๐ค๐ฉโ๐จ Artist, now PAINTING EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Diego Maradona’s Ghost CGI โฝ๐ป๐ท Commentating, now CONFUSED BY RUGBY
Gabriel Garcรญa Mรกrquez’s Ghost CGI ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Writing, now WRITING EUROPEAN MAGICAL REALISM
The Andes Cannibals Motion-Capture ๐ค๐๐๏ธ Caterers, now CATERING FOR EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Pablo Escobar’s Hippos CGI Hippos ๐ฆ๐๐ฃ๏ธ They came too, OPINIONS ABOUT FRANCE
๐ NAZI MISTRESSES (GHOST EDITION โ RETURNING)
Mistress Actor Emoji Status
Eva Braun Margot Robbie ๐๐ป๐ซ Guest judge, now JUDGING EUROPEAN GHOSTS
Magda Goebbels Cate Blanchett (dual) ๐ญ๐ปโ ๏ธ Puppet tour, now PUPPETS MEET PARIS
Unity Mitford Saoirse Ronan ๐โโ๏ธ๐ป๐ Hypnotic commentator, now HYPNOTIZED BY PARIS
Geli Raubal Dakota Fanning ๐ป๐ซ๐ Ghostly correspondent, now IN PARIS
Emmy Goering Helena Bonham Carter ๐ญ๐ป๐ฆ Fur consultant, now PARIS FUR CONSULTANT
Margherita Sarfatti Salma Hayek ๐๐ปโก๏ธ Head writer, now WRITING EUROPEAN GHOST SCRIPTS
Leni Riefenstahl Scarlett Johansson ๐ฅ๐ป๐ Director, now FILMING PARIS GHOSTS
๐๏ธ ANCIENT GHOSTS (RETURNING)
Ancient Ghost Actor Emoji Status
Messalina (Roman Empress) Eva Green ๐๐๐ Empress, now RUNNING EUROPEAN PRODUCTION
Tiberius the Tiger CGI (Ian McKellen voice) ๐
โญ๐ Restaurant critic, now JUDGING EUROPEAN GHOST FOOD
David Airwing Christoph Waltz ๐๏ธ๐น๐ป Hacking, now HACKING EUROPEAN GHOST FREQUENCIES
Judge Roland Freisler Bruno Ganz โ๏ธ๐ฑ๐จโโ๏ธ Guest judge, now JUDGING EUROPEANS
๐บ๐ธ AMERICAN LEGENDS (GUEST OBSERVERS)
American Legend Actor Emoji Status
Marilyn Monroe Ana de Armas ๐๐๐ Winner, now GUEST OBSERVER IN PARIS
Jacqueline Kennedy Natalie Portman ๐๐๏ธ๐ Runner-up, now WATCHING EUROPE
Elvis Presley CGI ๐๐ป๐ธ Best King, now PERFORMING AT EIFFEL TOWER
Freddie Mercury CGI ๐๐ป๐ค Best Musician, now SINGING WITH FRENCH GHOSTS
James Dean CGI ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ Best Rebel, now REBELLING IN PARIS
Michael Jackson CGI ๐ด๏ธ๐ปโญ Best Dancer, now MOONWALKING ON EIFFEL TOWER
Whitney Houston CGI ๐ค๐ปโจ Best Vocalist, now SINGING FRENCH BALLADS
Abraham Lincoln Daniel Day-Lewis (CGI) ๐ฉ๐ป๐ Best President, now OBSERVING FRENCH DEMOCRACY
Harriet Tubman Cynthia Erivo ๐๐ปโญ Best Activist, now INSPECTING FRENCH FREEDOM
Rosa Parks Viola Davis ๐๐ปโ Best Activist, now SITTING IN PARIS CAFES
Martin Luther King Jr. CGI โ๐ป๐๏ธ Best Activist, now DREAMING IN FRENCH
Malcolm X CGI โ๐ป๐ฅ Best Activist, now ANALYZING FRENCH COLONIALISM
Jim Morrison CGI ๐ค๐ป๐ท Best Poet, now BACK WHERE HE DIED (Paris)
๐ช๐บ EUROPEAN LEGENDS โ NEW CAST (40+)
European Legend Actor Emoji Signature Dish Status
Marie Antoinette Lรฉa Seydoux ๐๐ฐ๐ป Let Them Eat Cake (Brioche) WINNER
Napoleon Bonaparte Vincent Cassel โ๏ธ๐ป Empire Beef Wellington RUNNER-UP
Joan of Arc Adรจle Exarchopoulos ๐ฅ๐ปโ๏ธ Heavenly Chicken (with voices) RUNNER-UP
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Christoph Waltz (dual) ๐ผ๐ป Magic Flute Pasta RUNNER-UP
Ludwig van Beethoven Daniel Brรผhl (dual) ๐น๐ป Deafening Dumplings COMPETITOR
Vincent van Gogh Mathieu Amalric ๐จ๐ป๐ป Sunflower Risotto COMPETITOR
William Shakespeare Ralph Fiennes ๐ญ๐ป๐ Hamlet’s Soliloquy Soup BEST POET
Queen Elizabeth I Cate Blanchett (triple) ๐๐ป๐ฐ Virgin Queen Pudding BEST MONARCH
King Henry VIII Damian Lewis ๐๐ป๐ Six Wives Roast COMPETITOR
Anne Boleyn Natalie Dormer ๐๐ป๐ Headless Horseradish COMPETITOR
Winston Churchill Gary Oldman ๐ท๐ป๐ฌ๐ง Victory Pie (with cognac) BEST BRIT
Charles de Gaulle Lambert Wilson ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท French Resistance Stew BEST FRENCH
Claude Monet Omar Sy ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ Water Lily Consommรฉ BEST IMPRESSIONIST
Edgar Degas Gaspard Ulliel ๐ฉฐ๐ป๐จ Ballerina Bites COMPETITOR
Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec Jean Dujardin ๐จ๐ป๐ฅ Moulin Rouge Ratatouille COMPETITOR
Coco Chanel Marion Cotillard ๐๐ปโจ Little Black Dress Cake BEST FASHION
Edith Piaf Marion Cotillard (dual) ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien Tart BEST CHANSON
Charles Aznavour Omar Sy (dual) ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท La Bohรจme Bouillabaisse COMPETITOR
Serge Gainsbourg Vincent Cassel (dual) ๐ค๐ป๐ฌ Je T’Aimeโฆ Moi Non Plus Pรขtรฉ COMPETITOR
Brigitte Bardot Lรฉa Seydoux (dual) ๐๐ป๐ฝ BB Salad (with attitude) COMPETITOR
Catherine Deneuve Juliette Binoche ๐๐ปโจ Belle de Jour Crรชpes COMPETITOR
Alain Delon Gaspard Ulliel (dual) ๐ฌ๐ป๐ Le Samouraรฏ Sushi (French-Japanese) COMPETITOR
Jean-Paul Belmondo Jean Dujardin (dual) ๐ฌ๐ป๐๏ธ Breathless Baguette COMPETITOR
Franรงois Truffaut Lambert Wilson (dual) ๐ฅ๐ป๐ฌ 400 Blows Beef Bourguignon COMPETITOR
Jean-Luc Godard Mathieu Amalric (dual) ๐ฅ๐ป๐ฝ๏ธ Breathless Bouillabaisse COMPETITOR
Voltaire Philippe Torreton ๐๐ปโก Candide’s Optimistic Omelette BEST PHILOSOPHER
Jean-Jacques Rousseau Jรฉrรฉmie Renier ๐๐ป๐ฟ Social Contract Soup COMPETITOR
Victor Hugo Gรฉrard Depardieu ๐๐ป๐ Les Misรฉrables Cassoulet BEST WRITER
Alexandre Dumas Gรฉrard Depardieu (dual) ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Three Musketeers Stew COMPETITOR
Gustave Eiffel Guillaume Canet ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ผ Tower Tart (Eiffel-shaped) BEST ENGINEER
Claude Debussy Raphaรซl Personnaz ๐น๐ป๐ Clair de Lune Crรจme Brรปlรฉe BEST COMPOSER
Maurice Ravel Raphaรซl Personnaz (dual) ๐น๐ป๐ Bolรฉro Baked Alaska COMPETITOR
Camille Claudel Anaรฏs Demoustier ๐จ๐ป๐ Rodin’s Muse Mousse COMPETITOR
Auguste Rodin Vincent Lindon ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ The Thinker’s Thyme Chicken COMPETITOR
Georges Clemenceau Andrรฉ Dussollier ๐ณ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท Tiger Stew (with bite) COMPETITOR
Jean Jaurรจs Thierry Lhermitte โ๐ป๐๏ธ Peace Pasta COMPETITOR
Simone de Beauvoir Sandrine Kiberlain ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Second Sex Soufflรฉ BEST FEMINIST
Jean-Paul Sartre Denis Podalydรจs ๐๐ป๐ค Existentialist Eel COMPETITOR
Albert Camus Omar Sy (triple) ๐๐ป๐๏ธ The Stranger’s Couscous COMPETITOR
Marcel Proust Denis Podalydรจs (dual) ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ Madeleine Moments BEST MEMORY
Gustave Flaubert Thierry Lhermitte (dual) ๐๐ปโค๏ธ Madame Bovary Brie COMPETITOR
รmile Zola Andrรฉ Dussollier (dual) ๐๐ป๐ฐ J’Accuseโฆ This Soup! COMPETITOR
Louis XIV Lambert Wilson (triple) ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Sun King Soufflรฉ BEST ROYAL
Marie de Mรฉdicis Isabelle Huppert ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐น Italian Queen Pasta COMPETITOR
Catherine de’ Medici Isabelle Huppert (dual) ๐๐ป๐ Florentine Feast COMPETITOR
Charlemagne Vincent Lindon (dual) โ๏ธ๐ป๐ Holy Roman Empire Stew COMPETITOR
Vercingรฉtorix Omar Sy (quadruple) โ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท Gaul’s Last Stand Stew COMPETITOR
Asterix CGI ๐บ๐ปโ๏ธ Magic Potion Soup BEST COMIC
Obelix CGI ๐บ๐ป Menhir Mush Falling into MENHIR
๐ THE LOVE DODECAGON (NOW A LOVE TETRAKOSAHEDRON โ 14 SIDES)
Player Role Actor In Love Withโฆ Emoji
Janelle Producer Zendaya Ehlers (still) ๐ป๐
Markus Ehlers Financier Dev Patel Eva Schwarz (still obsessed) ๐ก๏ธ๐๐ป
Eva Schwarz Secret Mistress Eva Schwarz Dead SS Officer (still) ๐ป๐โฐ๏ธ
Muschi Reifenstahl Director Walburga Eva Schwarz (muse) ๐ฅ๐๐ป
The Schwanz Who Laughs Actor The Schwanz Janelle (still trying) ๐๐๐ป
Hermit Boring Actor Hermit CATERING (always) ๐ซ๐๐
Clara Petacci Mistress Ghost Penรฉlope Cruz Dr. Z (still flirting) ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐๐ง
Xica da Silva Queen Taรญs Araรบjo HER CROWN (but Dr. Z is cute) ๐ง๐ท๐๐๐ง
Ratbert Rattenhuber Security Ghost Sepp ORDER (still none) ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐
The Mussy Who Weeps Emotional Ghost The Schwanz ATTENTION (still weeping) ๐ญ๐ป๐๐
Marilyn Monroe American Ghost Ana de Armas JFK? Elvis? Alain Delon? ๐๐ป๐๐ค
James Dean American Ghost CGI Marilyn? Jim Morrison? ๐๏ธ๐ป๐๐
Elvis Presley American Ghost CGI Marilyn? French Women? ๐๐ป๐๐ธ
Jim Morrison American Ghost CGI Paris? Himself? DEATH? ๐ค๐ป๐
Marie Antoinette French Ghost Lรฉa Seydoux Napoleon? Louis? CAKE? ๐๐ฐ๐
Napoleon French Ghost Vincent Cassel Marie Antoinette? JOSEPHINE? โ๏ธ๐ป๐
Joan of Arc French Ghost Adรจle GOD? The voices? HER ARMOR? ๐ฅ๐ป๐
Mozart Austrian Ghost Christoph Waltz SALIERI? MUSIC? HIMSELF? ๐ผ๐ป๐
๐๏ธ PRIMARY LOCATION: THE EIFFEL TOWER, PARIS
Set Description:
The Eiffel Tower โ TRANSFORMED into a MASSIVE VERTICAL KITCHEN. Each level is a different COOKING STATION. The ground level: FRENCH COMFORT FOOD. The first level: EUROPEAN FUSION. The second level: ROYAL CUISINE. The top level: THE JUDGES’ THRONE ROOM, 300 meters above Paris.
Key Areas:
ยท Ground Level Kitchen: French bistro stations. Baguettes. Cheese. Wine. Joan of Arc’s grill. Napoleon’s war kitchen.
ยท First Level Fusion: European mix. Mozart’s pasta station. Shakespeare’s British corner. Van Gogh’s Dutch oven.
ยท Second Level Royal: Kings and queens. Marie Antoinette’s bakery. Louis XIV’s feast hall. Henry VIII’s roast pit.
ยท Top Level Judging: Glass floor. 360-degree Paris view. Tiberius’s throne. Xica’s diamond podium. Messalina’s command center.
ยท The Seine Below: Ghost boats. Floating spectators. The Gray Mercedes parked on a barge.
Visual Elements:
ยท Eiffel Tower lit in ectoplasmic violet and gold
ยท Ghosts floating between levels
ยท Paris skyline at midnight
ยท Eiffel’s sparkle EVERY HOUR (ghost-powered)
ยท The Seine glowing with spectral light
ยท Baguette-shaped clouds
Color Palette:
ยท Parisian twilight blue
ยท Eiffel gold
ยท Ectoplasmic violet
ยท French flag tricolor (bleu, blanc, rouge)
ยท Champagne sparkle
Atmosphere:
ยท Accordion music mixed with ghostly wails
ยท The smell of baguettes, cheese, and ectoplasm
ยท Edith Piaf covers by ghost choirs
ยท A feeling of HISTORY, ROMANCE, and COMPETITION
๐ SCENE-BY-SCENE BREAKDOWN
SCENE 1: THE EIFFEL TOWER โ NIGHT ๐ (0:00-10:00)
Visual: EXTREME WIDE SHOT โ Eiffel Tower, Paris. Midnight. Ectoplasmic mist surrounds the tower. Ghosts floating at every level.
Audio: Keith Flint remix of “La Vie en Rose” โ distorted, ethereal.
Action:
MESSALINA (Eva Green, imperial purple gown, standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower) raises her arms.
MESSALINA: “Welcome to PARIS. Welcome to the HEART OF EUROPE. Welcome toโฆ EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION!” ๐๐๐
TIBERIUS THE TIGER (CGI, Ian McKellen voice) appears beside her, roaring into the Paris night.
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS FOR PARIS! FIVE PAWS FOR EUROPE! FIVE PAWS FOR EVERYONE!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
DR. Z (Michael Fassbender, chef whites, Eiffel Tower sparkling behind him) stands on the first level.
DR. Z: “We’ve cooked with survivors. We’ve cooked with Reichstag ghosts. We’ve cooked with American legends. Nowโฆ we cook with EUROPEAN HISTORY. The stakes? THE CONTINENTAL CROWN.” ๐ง ๐จโ๐ณ๐ช๐บ
XICA DA SILVA (Taรญs Araรบjo, diamonds, crown, at the judges’ table on top) nods.
XICA: “I won South America. I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. This is the ULTIMATE test.” ๐๐ง๐ท
CLARA PETACCI (Penรฉlope Cruz, floating, 1940s glamour) stirs a spectral pot.
CLARA: “I’m ITALIAN. I BELONG in Europe. Finally, I’m HOME. Mussolini marinaraโฆ meets FRENCH CUISINE. Magnifico!” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐
SYLVIA SCHNACKSELBURGER (Monica Bellucci, golden gown, descending from a ghost helicopter) lands on the tower.
SYLVIA: “South America. North America. Now EUROPE. My empire EXPANDS. My production REACHES new heights. LITERALLY.” ๐๐ก๐
Camera: Drone shot circling the Eiffel Tower, revealing HUNDREDS of European ghosts gathering on every level.
SCENE 2: THE EUROPEAN GHOSTS ARRIVE ๐ป๐ช๐บ (10:00-25:00)
Visual: The Eiffel Tower. GHOST LEGENDS arriving from every direction. Each with signature style.
Action โ MONTAGE OF ARRIVALS:
MARIE ANTOINETTE (Lรฉa Seydoux) descends from the sky in an 18th-century gown, holding a cake.
MARIE ANTOINETTE: “Let them eat CAKE? No. Let them COMPETE. Let them COOK. Let them WIN. I’ve waited 200 years for this.” ๐๐ฐ๐ป
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE (Vincent Cassel) marches up the tower, hand in coat, tiny but FIERCE.
NAPOLEON: “I conquered Europe. Now I will conquerโฆ THE KITCHEN. With strategy. With ambition. With SAUCE. No one can stop me. Except maybe the BRITISH.” โ๏ธ๐ป
JOAN OF ARC (Adรจle Exarchopoulos) floats in armor, sword raised, eyes glowing.
JOAN OF ARC: “I heard God’s voice. Now I hearโฆ RECIPES. They sayโฆ COOK. They sayโฆ WIN. They sayโฆ USE GARLIC. I trust the voices.” ๐ฅ๐ปโ๏ธ
WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART (Christoph Waltz) floats with a quill, composing in the air.
MOZART: “I write music. Now I writeโฆ MENUS. Symphonies of FLAVOR. Operas of TASTE. This will be my GREATEST composition.” ๐ผ๐ป
LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN (Daniel Brรผhl) floats, frustrated, hands over ears.
BEETHOVEN: “I can’t hear. But I can TASTE. I will judge with my TONGUE. My PALATE. My SOUL. The flavors will be my MUSIC.” ๐น๐ป
VINCENT VAN GOGH (Mathieu Amalric) floats with a palette, missing ear.
VAN GOGH: “I paint. Now I COOK. With PASSION. With MADNESS. With POTATOES. I have OPINIONS about potatoes. STARRY NIGHT potatoes.” ๐จ๐ป๐ป
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (Ralph Fiennes) appears with a quill, dramatic.
SHAKESPEARE: “To cook, or not to cook? THAT is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous RECIPESโฆ” ๐ญ๐ป๐
QUEEN ELIZABETH I (Cate Blanchett, triple role) floats in royal gown, ruff collar.
ELIZABETH I: “I ruled England for 44 years. I never married. I devoted myself to my COUNTRY. Now I devote myself to COOKING. The VIRGIN QUEEN PUDDING.” ๐๐ป๐ฐ
KING HENRY VIII (Damian Lewis) arrives with six ghost wives.
HENRY VIII: “I had six wives. I divorced two. I executed two. One died. One survived. Now I have SIX DISHES. One for each. They all taste likeโฆ POWER.” ๐๐ป๐
ANNE BOLEYN (Natalie Dormer) floats, holding her head.
ANNE BOLEYN: “He executed me. But I’m BACK. With HORSERADISH. And ATTITUDE.” ๐๐ป๐
WINSTON CHURCHILL (Gary Oldman) floats with a cigar and brandy.
CHURCHILL: “We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the KITCHEN. With COGNAC. And VICTORY.” ๐ท๐ป๐ฌ๐ง
CHARLES DE GAULLE (Lambert Wilson) floats tall, arms raised.
DE GAULLE: “France is my country. French cuisine is my PASSION. I will win for FRANCE. With RESISTANCE STEW.” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
CLAUDE MONET (Omar Sy) floats with a paintbrush.
MONET: “I painted water lilies. Now I cook WATER LILY CONSOMMร. It’s IMPRESSIONIST. It’s DELICIOUS. It’s ART.” ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ
EDGAR DEGAS (Gaspard Ulliel) floats with a ballerina ghost.
DEGAS: “I painted dancers. Now I cook BALLERINA BITES. Small. Elegant. PERFECT.” ๐ฉฐ๐ป๐จ
HENRI DE TOULOUSE-LAUTREC (Jean Dujardin) floats with a champagne glass.
TOULOUSE-LAUTREC: “I painted the Moulin Rouge. Now I cook MOULIN ROUGE RATATOUILLE. With CAN-CAN. And CABARET.” ๐จ๐ป๐ฅ
COCO CHANEL (Marion Cotillard) floats in a little black dress.
CHANEL: “Fashion is architecture. Cooking is FASHION. My LITTLE BLACK DRESS CAKE will WIN. Elegance. Simplicity. GENIUS.” ๐๐ปโจ
EDITH PIAF (Marion Cotillard, dual) floats with a microphone.
PIAF: “Non, je ne regrette rien. I regret NOTHING. Not my life. Not my death. Not my TART. My NON, JE NE REGRETTE RIEN TART.” ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท
CHARLES AZNAVOUR (Omar Sy, dual) floats, singing.
AZNAVOUR: “La Bohรจmeโฆ LA BOUILLABAISSE! My song. My soup. My VICTORY.” ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท
SERGE GAINSBOURG (Vincent Cassel, dual) floats with a cigarette.
GAINSBOURG: “Je t’aimeโฆ moi non plus. I love youโฆ me neither. My PรTร is CONTROVERSIAL. Like me. Like my MUSIC.” ๐ค๐ป๐ฌ
VOLTAIRE (Philippe Torreton) floats with a book.
VOLTAIRE: “I may disagree with what you cook, but I will defend to the death your right to COOK it. My OPTIMISTIC OMELETTE.” ๐๐ปโก
VICTOR HUGO (Gรฉrard Depardieu) floats with a massive book.
HUGO: “Les Misรฉrables. My masterpiece. My CASSOULET is also a masterpiece. Long. Complex. EMOTIONAL.” ๐๐ป๐
ALEXANDRE DUMAS (Gรฉrard Depardieu, dual) floats with a sword.
DUMAS: “The Three Musketeers. One for all, all for ONE DISH. My THREE MUSKETEERS STEW.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
GUSTAVE EIFFEL (Guillaume Canet) floats next to his tower.
EIFFEL: “I built this tower. Now I cook TOWER TART. Eiffel-shaped. Golden. MAGNIFICENT.” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ผ
CLAUDE DEBUSSY (Raphaรซl Personnaz) floats with a piano.
DEBUSSY: “Clair de Lune. My most famous piece. My CLAIR DE LUNE CRรME BRรLรE is alsoโฆ MOONLIT.” ๐น๐ป๐
MAURICE RAVEL (Raphaรซl Personnaz, dual) floats, conducting.
RAVEL: “Bolรฉro. Repetition. Intensity. CLIMAX. My BOLรRO BAKED ALASKA is the SAME. Building. Building. EXPLOSION.” ๐น๐ป๐
AUGUSTE RODIN (Vincent Lindon) floats with a sculpture.
RODIN: “The Thinker. He thinks. He COOKS. My THINKER’S THYME CHICKEN requires THOUGHT.” ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ
CAMILLE CLAUDEL (Anaรฏs Demoustier) floats with clay.
CLAUDEL: “I was Rodin’s muse. Now I am my OWN muse. My RODIN’S MOUSE MOUSSE is DELICIOUS and COMPLICATED.” ๐จ๐ป๐
SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR (Sandrine Kiberlain) floats with a book.
BEAUVOIR: “One is not born, but rather becomes, a COOK. My SECOND SEX SOUFFLร rises. Like WOMEN.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE (Denis Podalydรจs) floats, smoking.
SARTRE: “Hell is other peopleโฆ in the KITCHEN. My EXISTENTIALIST EEL asks: TO BE or NOT TO BEโฆ COOKED?” ๐๐ป๐ค
ALBERT CAMUS (Omar Sy, triple) floats with a cigarette.
CAMUS: “Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee? I chose COUSCOUS. My THE STRANGER’S COUSCOUS is ABSURD. And DELICIOUS.” ๐๐ป๐๏ธ
MARCEL PROUST (Denis Podalydรจs, dual) floats with a madeleine.
PROUST: “The madeleine. It brought back memories. My MADELEINE MOMENTS bring back TASTE. And TIME.” ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ
LOUIS XIV (Lambert Wilson, triple) floats in royal robes.
LOUIS XIV: “I am the SUN KING. My SOUFFLร is the SUN. It rises. It shines. It WINS.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
MARIE DE MรDICIS (Isabelle Huppert) floats with Italian flair.
MARIE DE MรDICIS: “I brought Italian cuisine to France. Now I bring ITALIAN PASTA to the competition. My FLORENTINE FEAST.” ๐๐ป๐
CATHERINE DE’ MEDICI (Isabelle Huppert, dual) floats with a fork.
CATHERINE DE’ MEDICI: “I introduced forks to France. Now I introduce FLAVOR. My MEDICI MARINARA.” ๐๐ป
CHARLEMAGNE (Vincent Lindon, dual) floats with a sword.
CHARLEMAGNE: “Holy Roman Emperor. Conqueror. COOK. My HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE STEW feeds an EMPIRE.” โ๏ธ๐ป๐
VERCINGรTORIX (Omar Sy, quadruple) floats with a sword.
VERCINGรTORIX: “I fought Caesar. I lost. But I’m BACK. My GAUL’S LAST STAND STEW will NOT lose.” โ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท
ASTERIX (CGI) floats with a magic potion.
ASTERIX: “I’m a Gaul. I’m small. I’m FIERCE. My MAGIC POTION SOUP gives SUPERPOWERS. And FLAVOR.” ๐บ๐ปโ๏ธ
OBELIX (CGI) floats, falling into things.
OBELIX: “I like menhirs. I like food. I FALL into food. My MENHIR MUSH is HEAVY. Like me.” ๐บ๐ป
SCENE 3: THE REICHSTAG GHOSTS RETURN (VISITING EUROPE) ๐ป๐ฉ๐ช (25:00-28:00)
Visual: A spectral bus with German flags. REICHSTAG GHOSTS pile out, still confused.
Action:
RATTENHUBER (Sepp Heldenschwanz) looks at the Eiffel Tower.
RATTENHUBER: “We were in Berlin. Then Hollywood. Now PARIS. This isโฆ INTERNATIONAL haunting.” ๐ฎ๐ป๐ต
ONAN PAIN PIMMLER (Hermit Boring) clutches his chest.
ONAN: “My motivation! My FRENCH motivation! It’sโฆ BAGUETTES? CROISSANTS? I DON’T KNOW!” ๐ซ๐ป๐
HEIDI & HEINI (Smart Marty & Ernst “Pussy” Roemer) argue in French with German accents.
HEIDI: “Tu utilises TROP de beurre!”
HEINI: “Je n’utilise pas ASSEZ de beurre! Nous sommes en FRANCE!”
HEIDI: “Nous sommes des FANTรMES! Nous n’avons pas besoin de BEURRE!”
HEINI: “Alors pourquoi nous DISPUTONS-nous?”
HEIDI: “Je ne me SOUVIENS pas!” ๐ฉโ๐ง๐ป๐จโ๐ฆ๐ป๐ฅ
MUSCHI REIFENSTAHL (Walburga the Valkyrie) floats above the tower.
MUSCHI: “PARIS! The city of LIGHT! The city of CINEMA! I will direct EVERYONE! In FRENCH!” ๐ฅ๐ป๐
CLARA PETACCI (Penรฉlope Cruz) greets them.
CLARA: “Benvenuti, Reichstag ghosts! You are in FRANCE now! The food is MAGNIFICENT! But Italian is BETTER!” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐
THE MUSCHI QUARTET (999 Schickse Schicklgrubers) sigh collectively.
MUSCHI QUARTET: “The baguettesโฆ the BAGUETTESโฆ” ๐ฏ๐ป๐ฅ
PUSSY ROBESPIERRE (Trans Schwanz) looks at the French Revolution monuments.
PUSSY: “The revolutionโฆ STARTED here. I’m HOME. But EVERYTHING is different.” โ๏ธ๐ป
CALIGULA (The Schwanz Who Laughs) grins.
CALIGULA: “I LOVE IT! French excess! Wine! Cheese! GOLD! This is MY kind of place!” ๐๐ป๐
THE MUSSY WHO WEEPS (The Schwanz Who Laughs) cries.
THE MUSSY: “The romanceโฆ the ROMANCEโฆ I can’t HANDLE it!” ๐ญ๐ป
TRANS SCHWANZ (Trans Schwanz) smiles.
TRANS SCHWANZ: “France isโฆ FREEING. Libertรฉ, รฉgalitรฉ, fraternitรฉโฆ and ASPIC.” โง๏ธ๐ป
THE SCHWANZ WHO LAUGHS (The Schwanz Who Laughs) laughs hysterically.
THE SCHWANZ: “French politics! FRENCH POLITICS! It’s HILARIOUS! Even funnier than AMERICAN politics!” ๐๐ป
SCENE 4: THE AMERICAN LEGENDS ARRIVE (GUEST OBSERVERS) ๐ป๐บ๐ธ (28:00-32:00)
Visual: A ghost Concorde lands at the tower. AMERICAN LEGENDS disembark.
Action:
MARILYN MONROE (Ana de Armas) floats out first, dress flowing.
MARILYN: “Paris. The city of LOVE. And CROISSANTS. And COMPETITION. I won America. Now I WATCH Europe.” ๐๐๐
JACKIE KENNEDY (Natalie Portman) follows, elegant.
JACKIE: “I’ve always loved Paris. Now I love it as a GHOST. And as a RUNNER-UP. Watching. Learning.” ๐๐๏ธ๐
ELVIS PRESLEY (CGI) steps out with a cape.
ELVIS: “Thank you. Thank you very much. The KING is in PARIS. For CROISSANTS. And COMPETITION.” ๐๐ป๐ธ
FREDDIE MERCURY (CGI) throws his arm up.
FREDDIE: “MAMA, we just killed in AMERICA! Now we’re in PARIS! BONJOUR! Let’s WATCH some COOKING!” ๐๐ป๐ค
JAMES DEAN (CGI) leans on the tower.
JAMES: “Paris. Rebels belong here. I’ll WATCH. And be COOL.” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐
MICHAEL JACKSON (CGI) moonwalks around the tower.
MICHAEL: “Hee hee! PARIS! THRILLER in FRENCH! I’m WATCHING!” ๐ด๏ธ๐ปโญ
WHITNEY HOUSTON (CGI) sings.
WHITNEY: (Singing) “AND I-IIII-IIII-IIIIโฆ will always loveโฆ PARIS!” ๐ค๐ปโจ
ABRAHAM LINCOLN (Daniel Day-Lewis CGI) observes.
LINCOLN: “Four score and seven years agoโฆ I was in America. Now I’m in PARIS. Observing FRENCH democracy. And COOKING.” ๐ฉ๐ป๐
HARRIET TUBMAN (Cynthia Erivo) nods.
HARRIET: “France has a history of freedom. I’m here to OBSERVE. And TASTE.” ๐๐ปโญ
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. (CGI) smiles.
MLK: “I have a DREAMโฆ that one day, AMERICAN and EUROPEAN ghosts will cook together. In PARIS. In PEACE.” โ๐ป๐๏ธ
MALCOLM X (CGI) analyzes.
MALCOLM X: “French colonialism. French revolution. French CUISINE. I’m ANALYZING. And TASTING.” โ๐ป๐ฅ
JIM MORRISON (CGI) floats, emotional.
JIM: “I died in Paris. In 1971. In a bathtub. Now I’m BACK. As a GHOST. As a COMPETITOR. As a JUDGE. The doors of perceptionโฆ lead to PARIS.” ๐ค๐ป
SCENE 5: THE SOUTH AMERICAN LEGENDS JUDGE ๐๐ง๐ท (32:00-35:00)
Visual: Judges’ table at the top of the Eiffel Tower. 360-degree Paris view.
Action:
XICA DA SILVA (Taรญs Araรบjo) sits at center, diamonds glowing.
XICA: “I won South America. I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. This is the PINNACLE. The ULTIMATE test of survival and death.” ๐๐ง๐ท
EVITA PERรN (รrsula Corberรณ) floats beside her.
EVITA: “Argentina. South America. Now EUROPE. I’ve campaigned everywhere. Now I JUDGE.” ๐ฆ๐ท๐๐
LA QUINTRALA (Daniela Vega) holds a knife.
LA QUINTRALA: “Chile. Murder. Now FRENCH murder? I’m READY.” ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ช
LA LLORONA (Cecilia Suรกrez) weeps.
LA LLORONA: “Paris is BEAUTIFUL. It makes me WEEP. Happy tears. Sad tears. ALL tears.” ๐๐ป๐ข
CARMEN MIRANDA (Ana de Armas CGI) performs.
CARMEN: (Singing) “BONJOUR! I’m CARMEN! With FRUIT! On my HEAD! In PARIS!” ๐๐๐ค
FRIDA KAHLO (Eiza Gonzรกlez CGI) paints.
FRIDA: “I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. I paint every dish. Every ghost. Every FLAVOR.” ๐จ๐ค๐ฉโ๐จ
DIEGO MARADONA’S GHOST (CGI) commentates.
MARADONA: “I was confused by baseball. Now I’m confused by RUGBY. But the FOOD? GOAL!” โฝ๐ป
GABRIEL GARCรA MรRQUEZ’S GHOST (CGI) writes.
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: “Magical realismโฆ in PARIS. With BAGUETTES. And GHOSTS. Magnifique.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
PABLO ESCOBAR’S HIPPOS (CGI Hippos) float on the Seine.
HIPPOS: (In unison) “We have OPINIONS about FRANCE. The cheese. The wine. The BAGUETTES. OUI.” ๐ฆ๐๐ฃ๏ธ
SCENE 6: THE NAZI MISTRESSES JUDGE ๐๐ฉ๐ช (35:00-37:00)
Action:
EVA BRAUN (Margot Robbie) floats elegantly.
EVA BRAUN: “I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. History is COMPLICATED. But cooking is SIMPLE.” ๐๐ป๐ซ
MAGDA GOEBBELS (Cate Blanchett) manipulates puppets.
MAGDA: “My puppets are FRENCH now. They speak FRENCH. They judge FRENCH food. MAGNIFIQUE.” ๐ญ๐ปโ ๏ธ
UNITY MITFORD (Saoirse Ronan) floats, hypnotized.
UNITY: “Parisโฆ is BEAUTIFUL. I’m HYPNOTIZED. By the food. The fashion. The GHOSTS.” ๐โโ๏ธ๐ป๐
GELI RAUBAL (Dakota Fanning) reports.
GELI: “I’m your GHOSTLY CORRESPONDENT in Paris. The food is AMAZING. The drama is INTENSE.” ๐ป๐ซ๐
EMMY GOERING (Helena Bonham Carter) consults on fur.
EMMY: “French fur. French fashion. French FOOD. I APPROVE.” ๐ญ๐ป๐ฆ
MARGHERITA SARFATTI (Salma Hayek) writes scripts.
MARGHERITA: “I’m writing the EUROPEAN GHOST SCRIPTS. It’s EPIC. It’s HISTORICAL. It’s DELICIOUS.” ๐๐ปโก๏ธ
LENI RIEFENSTAHL (Scarlett Johansson) films.
LENI: “I’m filming EVERYTHING. The tower. The ghosts. The food. My MAGNUM OPUS. IN FRENCH.” ๐ฅ๐ป๐
SCENE 7: THE CHALLENGE ANNOUNCED ๐ฅ๐ฉโ๐ณ (37:00-42:00)
Visual: Top of the Eiffel Tower. Dr. Z center. Messalina above. All ghosts gathered. Paris glittering below.
Action:
DR. Z: (Standing at a giant stove) “Tonight’s challenge โ EUROPEAN ROYAL CUISINE. With a GHOSTLY TWIST. Each contestant must prepare a dish that represents their LEGACY. Their COUNTRY. Their AFTERLIFE.” ๐ง ๐จโ๐ณ๐ช๐บ
MESSALINA: (From the top) “The rules are SIMPLE. Cook. Impress. WIN. The crown goes to EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION!” ๐๐๐
TIBERIUS: (Roaring) “I will judge with PAWS! Five paws is TRANSCENDENT! Four is EXCELLENT! Three isโฆ ADEQUATE. Two is DISAPPOINTING. One isโฆ POURQUOI รTES-VOUS ICI?” ๐ โญ๐ซ๐ท
XICA: (At judge’s table) “I won South America. I judged America. Now I judge EUROPE. Show me your SOUL. Your HISTORY. Your FLAVOR.” ๐๐ง๐ท
CLARA: (Floating) “And I, Clara Petacci, will judge with ITALIAN PASSION. Your pasta must be PERFECT. Your sauce must be SOULFUL. Even if you’re FRENCH.” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Journaling) “I will record EVERYTHING. The flavors. The failures. THE TRUTH. In FRENCH.” ๐ฆ๐๐ซ๐ท
FREISLER: (Screaming) “I WILL JUDGE WITH FURY! WITH PASSION! WITH TERROR! COOK FOR YOUR AFTERLIVES!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
Camera: Slow-motion as 40+ European ghosts step forward to their stations on every level of the Eiffel Tower. Paris sparkles. Cooking begins.
SCENE 8: THE COOKING BEGINS โ MONTAGE ๐ฅ๐ฉโ๐ณ๐ป (42:00-65:00)
Visual: MONTAGE SEQUENCE. 23 minutes. Absolute CHAOS. Ghosts floating between tower levels. French music. Ectoplasm.
Action โ EUROPEAN LEGENDS COOKING:
MARIE ANTOINETTE (Lรฉa Seydoux):
Marie at her bakery station on Level 2, surrounded by cakes.
MARIE: “Let them eat CAKE! My BRIOCHE is ROYAL. It’s RICH. It’sโฆ WHAT THEY SAID I SAID.” ๐๐ฐ
Her cake rises perfectly. Ghost butterflies surround it.
NAPOLEON (Vincent Cassel):
Napoleon commands his kitchen like a battlefield.
NAPOLEON: “BEEF WELLINGTON! My EMPIRE dish! With STRATEGY! With AMBITION! With SAUCE!” โ๏ธ
He salutes the beef. It salutes back.
JOAN OF ARC (Adรจle Exarchopoulos):
Joan grills chicken while listening to voices.
JOAN: “The voices sayโฆ TURN THE CHICKEN. The voices sayโฆ ADD THYME. The voices sayโฆ YOU’RE WINNING.” ๐ฅ๐ป
Her chicken glows with divine light.
MOZART (Christoph Waltz):
Mozart composes while pasta boils.
MOZART: “Magic Flute PASTA! Each note is a NOODLE! Each melody is SAUCE! This is OPERA on a PLATE!” ๐ผ๐ป
The pasta dances.
BEETHOVEN (Daniel Brรผhl):
Beethoven pounds dumplings dramatically.
BEETHOVEN: “I can’t HEAR! But I can FEEL! My DUMPLINGS have RHYTHM! My DUMPLINGS have SOUL!” ๐น๐ป
He throws flour in the air like a conductor.
VAN GOGH (Mathieu Amalric):
Van Gogh paints while risotto cooks.
VAN GOGH: “Sunflower RISOTTO! Yellow! Bright! PASSIONATE! Like my PAINTINGS! Like my EAR!” ๐จ๐ป๐ป
The risotto looks like a Van Gogh.
SHAKESPEARE (Ralph Fiennes):
Shakespeare recites while soup simmers.
SHAKESPEARE: “To cook, or not to cook? THAT is the question. Whether ’tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous RECIPESโฆ” ๐ญ๐ป
The soup weeps dramatically.
ELIZABETH I (Cate Blanchett):
Elizabeth prepares pudding with royal dignity.
ELIZABETH I: “Virgin Queen PUDDING. Untouched. Pure. ROYAL. Like me. Like my REIGN.” ๐๐ป
The pudding glows with Tudor light.
HENRY VIII (Damian Lewis):
Henry roasts meat with six wives watching.
HENRY VIII: “SIX WIVES ROAST! One for each! Anne! Catherine! Jane! Anne! Catherine! Katherine! They all TASTE different!” ๐๐ป
The wives glare. The roast sweats.
ANNE BOLEYN (Natalie Dormer):
Anne prepares horseradish with attitude.
ANNE BOLEYN: “Headless HORSERADISH! He took my HEAD. But he can’t take my FLAVOR. Or my NECK.” ๐๐ป
She holds her head while stirring.
CHURCHILL (Gary Oldman):
Churchill prepares pie with cognac.
CHURCHILL: “VICTORY PIE! With COGNAC! We shall fight on the beaches! We shall fight in the KITCHEN! We shall NEVER SURRENDER this PIE!” ๐ท๐ป
The pie has a cigar.
DE GAULLE (Lambert Wilson):
De Gaulle prepares stew with resistance.
DE GAULLE: “FRENCH RESISTANCE STEW! We resisted the Germans! We resist BAD RECIPES! Vive la FRANCE! Vive la STEW!” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
The stew stands tall.
MONET (Omar Sy):
Monet prepares consommรฉ like a painting.
MONET: “Water Lily CONSOMMร! Clear! Beautiful! IMPRESSIONIST! You see the LILIES! You TASTE the LILIES!” ๐จ๐ป
The consommรฉ reflects the Eiffel Tower.
DEGAS (Gaspard Ulliel):
Degas prepares tiny ballerina bites.
DEGAS: “Ballerina BITES! Small! Elegant! PERFECT! Like my DANCERS! Like my ART!” ๐ฉฐ๐ป
Each bite does a pirouette.
TOULOUSE-LAUTREC (Jean Dujardin):
Toulouse-Lautrec prepares ratatouille with cabaret.
TOULOUSE-LAUTREC: “Moulin Rouge RATATOUILLE! With CAN-CAN! With CABARET! With CHAMPAGNE!” ๐จ๐ป๐ฅ
The ratatouille kicks its legs.
CHANEL (Marion Cotillard):
Chanel prepares cake like fashion.
CHANEL: “Little Black Dress CAKE! Elegant! Simple! TIMELESS! Every bite is FASHION.” ๐๐ปโจ
The cake wears a pearl necklace.
PIAF (Marion Cotillard, dual):
Piaf prepares tart while singing.
PIAF: (Singing) “Non, je ne regrette RIEN! Ni la TARTE! Ni la VIE! RIEN DU TOUT!” ๐ค๐ป
The tart weeps with joy.
AZNAVOUR (Omar Sy, dual):
Aznavour prepares bouillabaisse while singing.
AZNAVOUR: (Singing) “La Bohรจmeโฆ LA BOUILLABAISSE! Elle est MAGNIFIQUE! Elle est DELICIEUSE!” ๐ค๐ป
The bouillabaisse harmonizes.
GAINSBOURG (Vincent Cassel, dual):
Gainsbourg prepares pรขtรฉ with a cigarette.
GAINSBOURG: “Je t’aimeโฆ moi non plus PรTร. It’s CONTROVERSIAL. It’s SEXY. It’s FRENCH.” ๐ค๐ป๐ฌ
The pรขtรฉ smokes.
VOLTAIRE (Philippe Torreton):
Voltaire prepares an omelette with philosophy.
VOLTAIRE: “OPTIMISTIC OMELETTE! I may disagree with what you eat, but I will defend to the death your right to EAT it!” ๐๐ปโก
The omelette is enlightened.
HUGO (Gรฉrard Depardieu):
Hugo prepares cassoulet like a novel.
HUGO: “Les Misรฉrables CASSOULET! Long! Complex! EMOTIONAL! Every bean is a CHAPTER!” ๐๐ป
The cassoulet weeps for France.
DUMAS (Gรฉrard Depardieu, dual):
Dumas prepares stew with musketeers.
DUMAS: “Three Musketeers STEW! One for all! All for ONE STEW! With SWORDS! With HONOR!” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
The stew duels.
EIFFEL (Guillaume Canet):
Eiffel prepares a tower-shaped tart.
EIFFEL: “TOWER TART! Eiffel-shaped! Golden! MAGNIFICENT! Like my TOWER! Like my LEGACY!” ๐๏ธ๐ป
The tart sparkles every hour.
DEBUSSY (Raphaรซl Personnaz):
Debussy prepares crรจme brรปlรฉe with moonlight.
DEBUSSY: “Clair de Lune CRรME BRรLรE! Moonlit! Dreamy! IMPRESSIONIST!” ๐น๐ป
The caramelized sugar sounds like moonlight.
RAVEL (Raphaรซl Personnaz, dual):
Ravel prepares baked Alaska with intensity.
RAVEL: “Bolรฉro BAKED ALASKA! Repetition! Intensity! CLIMAX! It BUILDS! And BUILDS! And EXPLODES!” ๐น๐ป
The baked Alaska crescendos.
RODIN (Vincent Lindon):
Rodin prepares chicken with thought.
RODIN: “Thinker’s THYME CHICKEN! It THINKS! It COOKS! It SCULPTS FLAVOR!” ๐จ๐ป
The chicken poses thoughtfully.
CLAUDEL (Anaรฏs Demoustier):
Claudel prepares mousse with emotion.
CLAUDEL: “Rodin’s Muse MOUSSE! Delicate! Complicated! PASSIONATE! Like my RELATIONSHIP! Like my ART!” ๐จ๐ป
The mousse has feelings.
BEAUVOIR (Sandrine Kiberlain):
Beauvoir prepares soufflรฉ with feminism.
BEAUVOIR: “Second Sex SOUFFLร! One is not born, but rather becomes, a SOUFFLร. It RISES. Like WOMEN.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
The soufflรฉ rises triumphantly.
SARTRE (Denis Podalydรจs):
Sartre prepares eel with existentialism.
SARTRE: “EXISTENTIALIST EEL! It asks: TO BE or NOT TO BEโฆ COOKED? The eel CHOOSES. It is FREE.” ๐๐ป๐ค
The eel contemplates.
CAMUS (Omar Sy, triple):
Camus prepares couscous with absurdism.
CAMUS: “The Stranger’s COUSCOUS! Should I eat it, or not? It’s ABSURD. It’s DELICIOUS. It EXISTS.” ๐๐ป๐๏ธ
The couscous shrugs.
PROUST (Denis Podalydรจs, dual):
Proust prepares madeleines with memory.
PROUST: “MADELEINE MOMENTS! Each bite brings back MEMORIES! Childhood! Time! LOST TIME!” ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ
The madeleines trigger flashbacks.
LOUIS XIV (Lambert Wilson, triple):
Louis XIV prepares soufflรฉ like the sun.
LOUIS XIV: “SUN KING SOUFFLร! I am the SUN! My SOUFFLร is the SUN! It RISES! It SHINES! It WINS!” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
The soufflรฉ blinds everyone.
MARIE DE MรDICIS (Isabelle Huppert):
Marie prepares pasta with Italian flair.
MARIE DE MรDICIS: “FLORENTINE FEAST! I brought Italian cuisine to France! Now I bring it to the COMPETITION!” ๐๐ป๐
The pasta dances the tarantella.
CATHERINE DE’ MEDICI (Isabelle Huppert, dual):
Catherine prepares marinara with forks.
CATHERINE DE’ MEDICI: “MEDICI MARINARA! I introduced forks to France! Now I introduce FLAVOR! With FORKS!” ๐๐ป
The marinara forks itself.
CHARLEMAGNE (Vincent Lindon, dual):
Charlemagne prepares stew for an empire.
CHARLEMAGNE: “HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE STEW! It feeds KINGS! It feeds QUEENS! It feeds an EMPIRE!” โ๏ธ๐ป๐
The stew has a crown.
VERCINGรTORIX (Omar Sy, quadruple):
Vercingรฉtorix prepares stew with defiance.
VERCINGรTORIX: “GAUL’S LAST STAND STEW! I fought Caesar! I lost! But this STEW WILL NOT LOSE!” โ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท
The stew throws axes.
ASTERIX (CGI):
Asterix prepares soup with magic.
ASTERIX: “MAGIC POTION SOUP! It gives SUPERPOWERS! It gives FLAVOR! It gives VICTORY!” ๐บ๐ป
The soup glows with power.
OBELIX (CGI):
Obelix prepares mush by falling into it.
OBELIX: “MENHIR MUSH! I FALL into it! It’s HEAVY! Like MENHIRS! Like ME!” ๐บ๐ป
He falls. The mush is perfect.
SCENE 9: THE LOVE TETRAKOSAHEDRON EXPLODES ๐๐ฅ (65:00-75:00)
Visual: Interspersed with cooking. Emotional confrontations on every level of the Eiffel Tower.
Action:
JANELLE (on massive screen at ground level) watches Ehlers on Level 2.
JANELLE: “Ehlers! You’re staring at Eva Schwarz! She’s a GHOST! A EUROPEAN ghost now! At the EIFFEL TOWER!” ๐ป๐ฑ
EHLERS (Dev Patel, on Level 2, mesmerized by Eva) holds a baguette uselessly.
EHLERS: “But she’s TRANSCENDENT. And her RECIPE wasโฆ INSPIRING. And she’sโฆ FLOATING. In PARIS.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ป๐
EVA SCHWARZ (floating, noir, sipping ghost champagne) glances down.
EVA SCHWARZ: “Heinrich? No. But this FINANCIER isโฆ PERSISTENT. And he’s in PARIS. For ME.” ๐ป๐
MUSCHI REIFENSTAHL floats between them.
MUSCHI: “Eva! My MUSE! Cook for ME in PARIS! I’ll direct your SAUCE! In FRENCH!” ๐ฅ๐ป๐
THE SCHWANZ WHO LAUGHS (on screen, from Berlin) waves frantically.
THE SCHWANZ: “Janelle! I’m still laughing! For YOU! Come to Paris! I’ll meet you at the TOWER!” ๐๐ป๐
JANELLE: “I don’t want LAUGHTER! I want EHLERS! And COLON SAFETY! In PARIS!” ๐ป๐ญ
HERMIT BORING (eating French ghost catering on Level 1) moans with pleasure.
HERMIT: “This French cateringโฆ BETTER than American catering. BETTER than Reichstag catering. The CROISSANTSโฆ I’m in LOVE.” ๐ซ๐ฅ๐
CLARA PETACCI (floating near Dr. Z on the top level) touches his arm.
CLARA: “Ezekielโฆ Dona is in Berlin. I’m in PARIS. With MARIE ANTOINETTE. With NAPOLEON. With FRENCH CHEESE. We could have something. ITALIAN AND SAINT. In FRANCE.” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐๐ง
XICA DA SILVA (appearing behind them, diamonds flashing) crosses her arms.
XICA: “Clara. He’s MARRIED. To DONA. Respect the RING. Respect the THERAPY. Respect the GROWTH. Even in PARIS.” ๐๐ค
CLARA: “Dona can SHARE. Paris is ROMANTIC. There’s ROOM for EVERYONE.” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐
MARIE ANTOINETTE (floating over, cake in hand) joins.
MARIE: “Darlings. Love is COMPLICATED. I married Louis. I lost my HEAD. But I never lost my TASTE for CAKE. And ROMANCE.” ๐๐ฐ๐
NAPOLEON (floating over, hand in coat) appears.
NAPOLEON: “I conquered Europe. But I never conquered LOVE. Josephine. Marie. COOKING. It’s all the SAME. Passion. Strategy. VICTORY.” โ๏ธ๐ป๐
JOAN OF ARC (floating, armor glowing) listens.
JOAN: “The voices sayโฆ LOVE is COMPLICATED. The voices sayโฆ FOCUS on COOKING. The voices sayโฆ I need THERAPY.” ๐ฅ๐ป
MARILYN MONROE (floating from the American section) arrives.
MARILYN: “Darlings. I’ve watched this LOVE DODECAGON since Berlin. Since Hollywood. Now PARIS. It NEVER ends. And that’s BEAUTIFUL.” ๐๐๐
JAMES DEAN (leaning on the tower) appears.
JAMES: “Rebel without a cause? I have a CAUSE now. MARILYN. In PARIS. Let’s ride into the sunset. Or the SEINE.” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐
ELVIS PRESLEY (appearing, cape flowing) arrives.
ELVIS: “Thank you. Thank you very much. Marilyn, baby, the KING is in PARIS. Forget the rebel. Choose the KING. With CROISSANTS.” ๐๐ป๐๐ธ
JIM MORRISON (floating, whiskey in hand) watches.
JIM: “I died in Paris. In a bathtub. Now I’m BACK. And Marilyn is HERE. The doors of perceptionโฆ lead to MARILYN.” ๐ค๐ป๐
MARILYN: “Boys. I’m a GHOST. I’m OBSERVING. I’m not COMPETING. I’m not LOVING. I’m justโฆ WATCHING.” ๐๐ค
JFK’S GHOST (appearing) clears his throat.
JFK: “Marilynโฆ babyโฆ ask not what your country can do for youโฆ ask what WE can do in PARIS.” ๐๐ป๐
MARILYN: “Jack. You’re DEAD. I’m DEAD. It’s OVER. Even in PARIS.” ๐๐
DR. Z: (Head in hands, surrounded by ghosts on the top level) “The Love Dodecagon is now a Loveโฆ I’VE LOST COUNT. I’m just a CHEF. At the EIFFEL TOWER. In PARIS. This is my LIFE now.” ๐ง ๐ต
WOTAN: (Appearing with French wine) “Drink. Paris does this to EVERYONE. Even GODS. Even GHOSTS. Even CHEFS. Especially CHEFS.” ๐๏ธ๐ท๐ซ๐ท
DONA ESPINHA: (On screen from Berlin) “Ezekiel! I’m watching! Don’t let Clara flirt! Don’t let Marie offer cake! Don’t let Napoleon invade! COOK!” โ๏ธ๐ป
Camera: Split screen chaos. 14-way emotional collapse. The Eiffel Tower sparkles with romantic confusion.
SCENE 10: THE JUDGES TASTE โ PART 1 ๐ฝ๏ธ๐ปโญ (75:00-95:00)
Visual: Judge’s table at the top of the Eiffel Tower. 360-degree Paris view. Xica center. Clara floating. Tiberius in a throne. Adolf Sharkler journaling. Freisler screaming. Frida painting. Maradona commentating. Garcรญa Mรกrquez writing. Schicklgruber Singers harmonizing in French.
Action โ DISHES PRESENTED:
MARIE ANTOINETTE’S LET THEM EAT CAKE (BRIOCHE):
Marie presents her golden brioche. It glows. Ghost butterflies surround it.
MARIE: “Let them eat CAKE! My brioche is ROYAL. It’s RICH. It’s what they THINK I said.” ๐๐ฐ
TIBERIUS: (Tasting) “Fluffy. Buttery. DECADENT. Like the FRENCH COURT. FOUR PAWS.” ๐ โญ
FREISLER: (Screaming) “THIS IS WHAT THE REVOLUTION FOUGHT AGAINST! AND IT’S DELICIOUS! 10!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
XICA: “Elegant. Rich. HISTORICAL. 9/10.” ๐
NAPOLEON’S EMPIRE BEEF WELLINGTON:
Napoleon presents, hand in coat.
NAPOLEON: “Beef Wellington. My EMPIRE dish. With STRATEGY. With AMBITION. With SAUCE.” โ๏ธ
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Tasting) “Conquest on a PLATE. The beef SURRENDERS. The pastry RESISTS. Perfect balance. Four fins.” ๐ฆ๐
CLARA: “Mamma mia, this is POWER. The Italians RESPECT this dish.” ๐ฎ๐น
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Very NAPOLEONIC.” ๐
JOAN OF ARC’S HEAVENLY CHICKEN (WITH VOICES):
Joan presents, glowing.
JOAN: “Heavenly chicken. The voices told me how to cook it. They saidโฆ USE THYME. They were RIGHT.” ๐ฅ๐ป
MARADONA’S GHOST: (Tasting) “I hear VOICES too! They sayโฆ THIS IS GOAL! DIVINE chicken!” โฝ
FRIDA KAHLO: (Painting while tasting) “The light. The flavor. The VOICES. Five paintbrushes.” ๐จ๐ค
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! DIVINE AND DELICIOUS!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
MOZART’S MAGIC FLUTE PASTA:
Mozart presents, composing.
MOZART: “Magic Flute pasta. Each note is a NOODLE. Each melody is SAUCE. This is OPERA on a PLATE.” ๐ผ๐ป
GARCรA MรRQUEZ’S GHOST: (Writing) “The pastaโฆ it SINGS. It DANCES. Magical realismโฆ in NOODLE form.” ๐๐ป
SCHICKLGRUBER SINGERS: (Harmonizing) “Pastaโฆ PASTAโฆ magic PASTAโฆ” ๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐ถ
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! OPERATIC AND DELICIOUS!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
BEETHOVEN’S DEAFENING DUMPLINGS:
Beethoven presents, frustrated.
BEETHOVEN: “Dumplings! I can’t HEAR! But I can FEEL! These dumplings have RHYTHM!” ๐น๐ป
FREISLER: (Tasting, screaming) “I CAN HEAR THEM! THE DUMPLINGS ARE SCREAMING! 10!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
FRIDA: “The texture. The passion. The DEAFNESS. Beautiful.” ๐จ
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Loud AND delicious.” ๐
VAN GOGH’S SUNFLOWER RISOTTO:
Van Gogh presents, passionate.
VAN GOGH: “Sunflower risotto! Yellow! Bright! PASSIONATE! Like my paintings! Like my EAR!” ๐จ๐ป
FRIDA: (Tasting, crying) “The yellowโฆ I TASTE the yellow. The passionโฆ I FEEL it. This is ART.” ๐จ๐ค
MARADONA: “Tastes likeโฆ a MASTERPIECE. With RICE.” โฝ
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! VINCENT WOULD BE PROUD!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
SHAKESPEARE’S HAMLET’S SOLILOQUY SOUP:
Shakespeare presents, dramatic.
SHAKESPEARE: “To eat, or not to eat? THAT is the question. This soup asks it. And ANSWERS it.” ๐ญ๐ป
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: (Writing) “The soupโฆ it SPEAKS. It says ‘alas, poor YORICKโฆ I knew himโฆ as FLAVOR.’ Magical.” ๐
SCHICKLGRUBER SINGERS: (Harmonizing) “Soupโฆ SOUPโฆ Shakespeare SOUPโฆ” ๐ฏโโ๏ธ
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Dramatic AND soupy.” ๐
ELIZABETH I’S VIRGIN QUEEN PUDDING:
Elizabeth presents, royal.
ELIZABETH I: “Virgin Queen pudding. Untouched. Pure. ROYAL. Like me. Like my REIGN.” ๐๐ป
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Tasting) “Elegant. Restrained. POWERFUL. Like the TUDOR dynasty. Four fins.” ๐ฆ
CLARA: “Mamma mia, this is REGAL. The Italians SALUTE.” ๐ฎ๐น
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Very ELIZABETHAN.” ๐
HENRY VIII’S SIX WIVES ROAST:
Henry presents, surrounded by six ghost wives.
HENRY VIII: “Six wives roast! One for each! They all taste DIFFERENT! They all tasteโฆ MINE.” ๐๐ป
FREISLER: (Tasting, screaming) “ANNE! CATHERINE! JANE! I TASTE THEM ALL! AND THEY’RE ALL DELICIOUS! 10!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
FRIDA: “The complexity. The HISTORY. The POLITICS. On a PLATE.” ๐จ
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Very HENRY. Very DANGEROUS.” ๐
ANNE BOLEYN’S HEADLESS HORSERADISH:
Anne presents, holding her head.
ANNE BOLEYN: “Headless horseradish. He took my HEAD. But he can’t take my FLAVOR. Or my NECK.” ๐๐ป
MARADONA: (Tasting) “Spicy. Sharp. REVENGE-FLAVORED. GOAL!” โฝ
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: “Magical realismโฆ with HORSERADISH. And a HEAD. Magnifique.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “FOUR PAWS. Bold AND beheaded.” ๐
CHURCHILL’S VICTORY PIE:
Churchill presents, with cognac and cigar.
CHURCHILL: “Victory pie! With cognac! We shall fight on the beaches! We shall fight in the kitchens! We shall NEVER surrender this PIE!” ๐ท๐ป
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Tasting) “Tastes likeโฆ BRITISH defiance. And COGNAC. Four fins.” ๐ฆ
SCHICKLGRUBER SINGERS: (Harmonizing) “Pieโฆ PIEโฆ victory PIEโฆ” ๐ฏโโ๏ธ
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! CHURCHILL WOULD APPROVE!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
DE GAULLE’S FRENCH RESISTANCE STEW:
De Gaulle presents, tall.
DE GAULLE: “French resistance stew! We resisted the Germans! We resist BAD RECIPES! Vive la FRANCE! Vive la STEW!” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
CLARA: (Tasting) “Mamma mia, this is FRANCE. In a bowl. The Italians APPLAUD.” ๐ฎ๐น
MARADONA: “Tastes likeโฆ LIBERTY. And BEEF.” โฝ
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! VIVE LA STEW!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
SCENE 11: THE JUDGES TASTE โ PART 2 ๐ฝ๏ธ๐ปโญ (95:00-115:00)
Action โ MORE DISHES:
MONET’S WATER LILY CONSOMMร:
Monet presents, artistic.
MONET: “Water lily consommรฉ! Clear! Beautiful! IMPRESSIONIST! You see the LILIES! You TASTE the LILIES!” ๐จ๐ป
FRIDA: (Tasting) “I SEE the water lilies. I FEEL the light. This is ART in LIQUID form.” ๐จ๐ค
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: “Magical realismโฆ in CONSOMMร. The lilies FLOAT. In my MOUTH.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “FIVE PAWS! IMPRESSIONIST AND DELICIOUS!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
DEGAS’S BALLERINA BITES:
Degas presents tiny bites that dance.
DEGAS: “Ballerina bites! Small! Elegant! PERFECT! Like my dancers! Like my ART!” ๐ฉฐ๐ป
SCHICKLGRUBER SINGERS: (Harmonizing) “Bitesโฆ BITESโฆ ballerina BITESโฆ” ๐ฏโโ๏ธ
FREISLER: (Tasting, screaming) “THEY DANCE IN MY MOUTH! THEY PIR…
๐ฅ DR Z & IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) โ EXKLUSIVE NรCHSTE FOLGE ๐ฅ
๐ป๐โโ๏ธ “EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION” ๐ป๐โโ๏ธ
๐ฌ๐๐ PARIS-SรANCE โ DIE KONTINENTALE KRONE ๐ฌ๐๐
๐๐ก๏ธ๐ WO EUROPรISCHE LEGENDEN AUS DER GESCHICHTE AUFERSTEHEN ๐๐ก๏ธ๐
Unterstรผtzt von Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, dem Brasilianischen Black-Hole-Syndikat, den Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour-Sponsoren, den Clone War Profiteuren, dem Schicklgruber Lust Syndikat, dem Libertarian Shark Cartel, Messalinas Sklavenimperium, dem Reichstags-Spektral-Catering-Corps, Hollywood Ghost Productions & jetzt der EUROPรISCHEN JENSEITS-ALLIANZ ๐๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐๐๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฝ๐ธ
Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis prรคsentiert von IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP ๐๐คก๐
๐ SECHS MONATE NACH HOLLYWOOD. PARIS. DER EIFFELTURM. MITTERNACHT. ๐
Die Geister der EUROPรISCHEN LEGENDEN haben sich versammelt. Sie haben gesehen, wie Amerika gewonnen hat. Sie wollen die KONTINENTALE KRONE.
Messalina ist mit ihrem gesamten Imperium ANGEKOMMEN. Tiberius ist bereit. Die Reichstags-Geister sind ZURรCK. Die sรผdamerikanischen Legenden sind GASTJUROREN. Die amerikanischen Legenden schauen ZU.
Dr. Z hat seine Kรผche am EIFFELTURM aufgebaut โ 300 Meter รผber Paris. Die Geister schweben. Die Einsรคtze sind HรHER DENN JE.
๐ฌ DER VOLLSTรNDIGE CAST โ EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT (GHOST EDITION) ๐ฌ
๐ STAMMBESETZUNG (DIE LEBENDEN โ WIEDERKEHREND)
Charakter Schauspieler Emoji Status
Sylvia Schnackselburger Monica Bellucci ๐๐ก๐ Ex-Gรถttin, Medienmogulin, jetzt PRODUZENTIN DER EUROPรISCHEN VERSION
Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler (Dr. Z) Michael Fassbender ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐จโ๐ณ Heiliger, Starkoch, jetzt EIFFELTURM-CHEFKOCH
Janelle Varon Zendaya ๐ป๐๐ฑ Forensische Analytikerin, jetzt VERFOLGT EUROPรISCHE GEISTER
Markus Ehlers Dev Patel ๐ก๏ธ๐๐ฟ Darmgesundheitsberater, jetzt EUROPรISCHER GEISTERSICHERHEITSBERATER
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Dona Espinha Wagner Moura โ๏ธ๐ฐ๐ Dr. Z’s Frau, jetzt EIFERSรCHTIG AUF EUROPรISCHE GEISTER
Wotan Mads Mikkelsen ๐๏ธ๐๐ท Sommelier, jetzt SEHR VERKATERT IN PARIS
Der Graue Mercedes James Spader & Christoph Waltz ๐๐๐งพ Auditiert EUROPรISCHE TRANSAKTIONEN
Das Seedpod-Wesen CGI ๐ฑ๐ค๐ณ๏ธ Hat MEINUNGEN รผber Europa, JETZT KANDIDIERT FรRS EUROPAPARLAMENT
Die Schicklgruber Singers Girl Group ๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐ง๐ท๐ค Jetzt singen sie FRANZรSISCHE CHANSONS
Achรฉ & Das Pygmรคen-Kollektiv Lupita Nyong’o ๐ด๐๏ธ๐ค Hรผter des Echten, VERWIRRT VON FRANKREICH
Loba รlodie Yung ๐๐ Dolmetscherin, jetzt PARISER GEISTERDOLMETSCHERIN
Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (Geist) Daniel Brรผhl ๐๐๏ธ๐ป๐ Visionรคr, jetzt PARISER STรNDIGER GEIST
Freya Cate Blanchett ๐ฆ
โ๏ธ๐ Gรถttin der Intervention, SCHAUT ENTGEISTERT ZU
Adolf Sharkler (Prรคsident des Jenseits) Andy Serkis ๐ฆ๐โญ Tagebuchschreiber, jetzt JURIERT EUROPรISCHES GEISTERKOCHEN
General “Buck” Turgidson John C. Reilly ๐๏ธ๐๐ซ๐ท Verloren, in Paris gefunden, jetzt EIFFELTURM-TOURIST
Prรคsident Merkin Muffley Charles Dance ๐ฆ
๐๐ Erlรคsst EUROPรISCHE GEISTERSANKTIONEN
Der Ku-Klux-Klan Motion-Capture-Mob ๐ฅ๐ป๐งถ Webt “EUROPรISCHE PROTEST”-Armbรคnder
Keith Flint (posthum CGI) CGI โ๏ธ๐ฅ๐ต Liefert den Beat fรผr ALLE SHOWS
Mama Wati Angela Bassett ๐๐ฅ๐ฉโ๐ณ GEISTERKรCHEN-BERATERIN
Kikazi Florence Kasumba โ๏ธ๐๐ก๏ธ GEISTERSICHERHEIT
Nyoka Thuso Mbedu ๐๐ฟ๐ฅ GEISTERZUTATEN-BERATERIN
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Geister-Charakter Schauspieler Emoji Status
Ratbert Rattenhuber Sepp Heldenschwanz ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฆ Sicherheitsgeist, VERWIRRT VON FRANKREICH
Onan Pain Pimmler Hermit Boring ๐ซ๐ป๐ Method-Acting-Geist, jetzt METHOD-ACTING FRANZรSISCH
Heidi Pimmler Smart Marty ๐ฉโ๐ง๐ป๐ฅ Method-Acting-Geistin, jetzt WETTBEWERBT AUF FRANZรSISCH
Heini Pimmler Ernst “Pussy” Roemer ๐จโ๐ฆ๐ป๐ก Method-Acting-Geist, jetzt STREITET AUF FRANZรSISCH
Muschi Reifenstahl Walburga die Walkรผre ๐ฅ๐ป๐ Regisseur-Geist, jetzt INSZENIERT PARIS
Clara Petacci Penรฉlope Cruz ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐ Resident-Kรถchin, jetzt BRINGT FRANZOSEN PASTA BEI
Muschi Wuschi Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ฏ๐ป๐ค Griechischer Chor, jetzt KOMMENTIERT FRANKREICH
Muschi Mussolini 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐ค Faschistischer Chor, jetzt JURIERT FRANZรSISCHE PASTA
Edith Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐ป๐ป๐ค Radio-Chor, jetzt FRANZรSISCHE KOMMENTARE
San Fran “Muschi” Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers ๐๐ป๐ค Hippie-Chor, jetzt VERWIRRT VON PARIS
Pussy Robespierre Trans Schwanz โ๏ธ๐ป๐ช Revolutions-Geist, jetzt ZURรCK AM URSPRUNG
Caligula Der Schwanz, der Lacht ๐๐ป๐ Kaiser-Geist, jetzt LIEBT PARISER EXZESSE
Die Muschi, die weint Der Schwanz, der Lacht ๐ญ๐ป๐ญ Weinender Geist, jetzt WEINT รBER FRANZรSISCHE ZWIEBELN
Trans Schwanz Trans Schwanz โง๏ธ๐ปโ๏ธ Androgyner Geist, jetzt FINDET PARIS BEFREIEND
Der Schwanz, der Lacht Der Schwanz, der Lacht ๐๐ป๐ช Lachender Geist, jetzt LACHT รBER FRANZรSISCHE POLITIK
๐ SรDAMERIKANISCHE LEGENDEN (GASTJUROREN)
Legende Schauspieler Emoji Status
Xica da Silva (Brasilien โ SIEGERIN) Taรญs Araรบjo ๐ง๐ท๐๐ Internationale Ikone, jetzt CHEFJURORIN IN EUROPA
Evita Perรณn (Argentinien) รrsula Corberรณ ๐ฆ๐ท๐๐ Geist, jetzt KRITISIERT EUROPรISCHEN EHRGEIZ
La Quintrala (Chile) Daniela Vega ๐จ๐ฑ๐ฅ๐ช Mรถrderin, jetzt JURIERT EUROPรISCHE GEWALT
La Llorona (Regionale Legende) Cecilia Suรกrez ๐๐ป๐ข Weinende Frau, jetzt WEINT AM EIFFELTURM
Carmen Miranda (Fruchthut-Ikone โ CGI) Ana de Armas (CGI) ๐๐๐ค Tritt auf, jetzt PARISER UNTERHALTUNG
Frida Kahlo (Kรผnstlerin โ CGI) Eiza Gonzรกlez (CGI) ๐จ๐ค๐ฉโ๐จ Kรผnstlerin, jetzt MALT EUROPรISCHE GEISTER
Diego Maradonas Geist CGI โฝ๐ป๐ท Kommentiert, jetzt VERWIRRT VON RUGBY
Gabriel Garcรญa Mรกrquez’ Geist CGI ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Schreibt, jetzt SCHREIBT EUROPรISCHEN MAGISCHEN REALISMUS
Die Anden-Kannibalen Motion-Capture ๐ค๐๐๏ธ Caterer, jetzt CATEREN FรR EUROPรISCHE GEISTER
Pablo Escobars Flusspferde CGI-Flusspferde ๐ฆ๐๐ฃ๏ธ Sie sind auch gekommen, MEINUNGEN รBER FRANKREICH
๐ NAZI-MรTRESSEN (GEISTER-EDITION โ WIEDERKEHREND)
Mรคtresse Schauspieler Emoji Status
Eva Braun Margot Robbie ๐๐ป๐ซ Gastjurorin, jetzt JURIERT EUROPรISCHE GEISTER
Magda Goebbels Cate Blanchett (Doppel) ๐ญ๐ปโ ๏ธ Puppentour, jetzt PUPPEN TREFFEN PARIS
Unity Mitford Saoirse Ronan ๐โโ๏ธ๐ป๐ Hypnotische Kommentatorin, jetzt HYPNOTISIERT VON PARIS
Geli Raubal Dakota Fanning ๐ป๐ซ๐ Geisterhafte Korrespondentin, jetzt IN PARIS
Emmy Goering Helena Bonham Carter ๐ญ๐ป๐ฆ Pelzberaterin, jetzt PARISER PELZBERATERIN
Margherita Sarfatti Salma Hayek ๐๐ปโก๏ธ Chefautorin, jetzt SCHREIBT EUROPรISCHE GEISTER-SKRIPTE
Leni Riefenstahl Scarlett Johansson ๐ฅ๐ป๐ Regisseurin, jetzt FILMT PARISER GEISTER
๐๏ธ ANTIKE GEISTER (WIEDERKEHREND)
Antiker Geist Schauspieler Emoji Status
Messalina (Rรถmische Kaiserin) Eva Green ๐๐๐ Kaiserin, jetzt LEITET EUROPรISCHE PRODUKTION
Tiberius der Tiger CGI (Ian McKellen-Stimme) ๐
โญ๐ Restaurantkritiker, jetzt JURIERT EUROPรISCHES GEISTERESSEN
David Airwing Christoph Waltz ๐๏ธ๐น๐ป Hackt, jetzt HACKT EUROPรISCHE GEISTERFREQUENZEN
Richter Roland Freisler Bruno Ganz โ๏ธ๐ฑ๐จโโ๏ธ Gastjuror, jetzt JURIERT EUROPรER
๐บ๐ธ AMERIKANISCHE LEGENDEN (GASTBEOBACHTER)
Amerikanische Legende Schauspieler Emoji Status
Marilyn Monroe Ana de Armas ๐๐๐ Siegerin, jetzt GASTBEOBACHTERIN IN PARIS
Jacqueline Kennedy Natalie Portman ๐๐๏ธ๐ Zweitplatzierte, jetzt BEOBACHTET EUROPA
Elvis Presley CGI ๐๐ป๐ธ Bester Kรถnig, jetzt TRITT AM EIFFELTURM AUF
Freddie Mercury CGI ๐๐ป๐ค Bester Musiker, jetzt SINGT MIT FRANZรSISCHEN GEISTERN
James Dean CGI ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ Bester Rebell, jetzt REBELLIERT IN PARIS
Michael Jackson CGI ๐ด๏ธ๐ปโญ Bester Tรคnzer, jetzt MOONWALKT AUF DEM EIFFELTURM
Whitney Houston CGI ๐ค๐ปโจ Beste Sรคngerin, jetzt SINGT FRANZรSISCHE BALLADEN
Abraham Lincoln Daniel Day-Lewis (CGI) ๐ฉ๐ป๐ Bester Prรคsident, jetzt BEOBACHTET FRANZรSISCHE DEMOKRATIE
Harriet Tubman Cynthia Erivo ๐๐ปโญ Beste Aktivistin, jetzt INSPIZIERT FRANZรSISCHE FREIHEIT
Rosa Parks Viola Davis ๐๐ปโ Beste Aktivistin, jetzt SITZT IN PARISER CAFรS
Martin Luther King Jr. CGI โ๐ป๐๏ธ Bester Aktivist, jetzt TRรUMT AUF FRANZรSISCH
Malcolm X CGI โ๐ป๐ฅ Bester Aktivist, jetzt ANALYSIERT FRANZรSISCHEN KOLONIALISMUS
Jim Morrison CGI ๐ค๐ป๐ท Bester Dichter, jetzt ZURรCK, WO ER STARB (Paris)
๐ช๐บ EUROPรISCHE LEGENDEN โ NEUE BESETZUNG (40+)
Europรคische Legende Schauspieler Emoji Signature-Gericht Status
Marie Antoinette Lรฉa Seydoux ๐๐ฐ๐ป Lasst sie Kuchen essen (Brioche) SIEGERIN
Napoleon Bonaparte Vincent Cassel โ๏ธ๐ป Empire Beef Wellington ZWEITPLATZIERTER
Jeanne d’Arc Adรจle Exarchopoulos ๐ฅ๐ปโ๏ธ Himmlisches Hรคhnchen (mit Stimmen) ZWEITPLATZIERTE
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Christoph Waltz (Doppel) ๐ผ๐ป Zauberflรถten-Pasta ZWEITPLATZIERTER
Ludwig van Beethoven Daniel Brรผhl (Doppel) ๐น๐ป Taube Knรถdel TEILNEHMER
Vincent van Gogh Mathieu Amalric ๐จ๐ป๐ป Sonnenblumen-Risotto TEILNEHMER
William Shakespeare Ralph Fiennes ๐ญ๐ป๐ Hamlets Monolog-Suppe BESTER DICHTER
Kรถnigin Elisabeth I. Cate Blanchett (Dreifach) ๐๐ป๐ฐ Pudding der jungfrรคulichen Kรถnigin BESTE MONARCHIN
Kรถnig Heinrich VIII. Damian Lewis ๐๐ป๐ Sechs-Frauen-Braten TEILNEHMER
Anne Boleyn Natalie Dormer ๐๐ป๐ Kopfloser Meerrettich TEILNEHMERIN
Winston Churchill Gary Oldman ๐ท๐ป๐ฌ๐ง Siegeskuchen (mit Cognac) BESTER BRITTE
Charles de Gaulle Lambert Wilson ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท Franzรถsischer Widerstandseintopf BESTER FRANZOSE
Claude Monet Omar Sy ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ Seerosen-Consommรฉ BESTER IMPRESSIONIST
Edgar Degas Gaspard Ulliel ๐ฉฐ๐ป๐จ Ballerina-Hรคppchen TEILNEHMER
Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec Jean Dujardin ๐จ๐ป๐ฅ Moulin Rouge Ratatouille TEILNEHMER
Coco Chanel Marion Cotillard ๐๐ปโจ Kleines Schwarzes Kuchen BESTE MODE
Edith Piaf Marion Cotillard (Doppel) ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท Non, je ne regrette rien Tarte BESTE CHANSON
Charles Aznavour Omar Sy (Doppel) ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท La Bohรจme Bouillabaisse TEILNEHMER
Serge Gainsbourg Vincent Cassel (Doppel) ๐ค๐ป๐ฌ Je T’Aimeโฆ Moi Non Plus Pรขtรฉ TEILNEHMER
Brigitte Bardot Lรฉa Seydoux (Doppel) ๐๐ป๐ฝ BB-Salat (mit Attitรผde) TEILNEHMERIN
Voltaire Philippe Torreton ๐๐ปโก Candides optimistisches Omelett BESTER PHILOSOPH
Jean-Jacques Rousseau Jรฉrรฉmie Renier ๐๐ป๐ฟ Gesellschaftsvertrags-Suppe TEILNEHMER
Victor Hugo Gรฉrard Depardieu ๐๐ป๐ Les Misรฉrables Cassoulet BESTER SCHRIFTSTELLER
Alexandre Dumas Gรฉrard Depardieu (Doppel) ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Drei Musketiere Eintopf TEILNEHMER
Gustave Eiffel Guillaume Canet ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ผ Turm-Tarte (Eiffel-fรถrmig) BESTER INGENIEUR
Claude Debussy Raphaรซl Personnaz ๐น๐ป๐ Clair de Lune Crรจme Brรปlรฉe BESTER KOMPONIST
Maurice Ravel Raphaรซl Personnaz (Doppel) ๐น๐ป๐ Bolรฉro Baked Alaska TEILNEHMER
Auguste Rodin Vincent Lindon ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ Der Denker Thymian-Hรคhnchen TEILNEHMER
Camille Claudel Anaรฏs Demoustier ๐จ๐ป๐ Rodins Muse Mousse TEILNEHMERIN
Simone de Beauvoir Sandrine Kiberlain ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Das andere Geschlecht Soufflรฉ BESTE FEMINISTIN
Jean-Paul Sartre Denis Podalydรจs ๐๐ป๐ค Existentialistischer Aal TEILNEHMER
Albert Camus Omar Sy (Dreifach) ๐๐ป๐๏ธ Der Fremde Couscous TEILNEHMER
Marcel Proust Denis Podalydรจs (Doppel) ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ Madeleine-Momente BESTE ERINNERUNG
Ludwig XIV. Lambert Wilson (Dreifach) ๐๐ปโ๏ธ Sonnenkรถnig-Soufflรฉ BESTER KรNIGLICHER
Marie de Mรฉdicis Isabelle Huppert ๐๐ป๐ฎ๐น Florentiner Festmahl TEILNEHMERIN
Katharina von Medici Isabelle Huppert (Doppel) ๐๐ป๐ Medici Marinara TEILNEHMERIN
Karl der Groรe Vincent Lindon (Doppel) โ๏ธ๐ป๐ Heiliges Rรถmisches Reich Eintopf TEILNEHMER
Vercingetorix Omar Sy (Vierfach) โ๏ธ๐ป๐ซ๐ท Galliens letzter Eintopf TEILNEHMER
Asterix CGI ๐บ๐ปโ๏ธ Zaubertrank-Suppe BESTER COMIC
Obelix CGI ๐บ๐ป Menhire Brei FรLLT IN MENHIRE
๐ DER LIEBES-TETRAKOSAHEDRON (14 SEITEN)
Spieler Rolle Schauspieler Verliebt inโฆ Emoji
Janelle Produzentin Zendaya Ehlers (immer noch) ๐ป๐
Markus Ehlers Finanzier Dev Patel Eva Schwarz (immer noch besessen) ๐ก๏ธ๐๐ป
Eva Schwarz Geheime Geliebte Eva Schwarz Toten SS-Offizier (immer noch) ๐ป๐โฐ๏ธ
Muschi Reifenstahl Regisseurin Walburga Eva Schwarz (Muse) ๐ฅ๐๐ป
Der Schwanz, der Lacht Schauspieler Der Schwanz Janelle (versucht immer noch) ๐๐๐ป
Hermit Boring Schauspieler Hermit CATERING (immer) ๐ซ๐๐
Clara Petacci Mรคtressen-Geist Penรฉlope Cruz Dr. Z (flirtet immer noch) ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐๐ง
Xica da Silva Kรถnigin Taรญs Araรบjo IHRE KRONE (aber Dr. Z ist sรผร) ๐ง๐ท๐๐๐ง
Ratbert Rattenhuber Sicherheits-Geist Sepp ORDNUNG (immer noch keine) ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐
Die Muschi, die weint Emotional-Geist Der Schwanz AUFMERKSAMKEIT (weint immer noch) ๐ญ๐ป๐๐
Marilyn Monroe Amerik. Geist Ana de Armas JFK? Elvis? Alain Delon? ๐๐ป๐๐ค
James Dean Amerik. Geist CGI Marilyn? Jim Morrison? ๐๏ธ๐ป๐๐
Elvis Presley Amerik. Geist CGI Marilyn? Franzรถsinnen? ๐๐ป๐๐ธ
Jim Morrison Amerik. Geist CGI Paris? Sich selbst? DEN TOD? ๐ค๐ป๐
Marie Antoinette Franz. Geist Lรฉa Seydoux Napoleon? Ludwig? KUCHEN? ๐๐ฐ๐
Napoleon Franz. Geist Vincent Cassel Marie Antoinette? JOSEPHINE? โ๏ธ๐ป๐
Jeanne d’Arc Franz. Geist Adรจle GOTT? Die Stimmen? IHRE RรSTUNG? ๐ฅ๐ป๐
Mozart รsterr. Geist Christoph Waltz SALIERI? MUSIK? SICH SELBST? ๐ผ๐ป๐
๐๏ธ HAUPTORT: DER EIFFELTURM, PARIS
Set-Beschreibung:
Der Eiffelturm โ VERWANDELT in eine MASSIVE VERTIKALE KรCHE. Jede Ebene ist eine andere KOCHSTATION. Die untere Ebene: FRANZรSISCHES SEELENFUTTER. Die erste Ebene: EUROPรISCHE FUSION. Die zweite Ebene: KรNIGLICHE KรCHE. Die oberste Ebene: DER JURY-THRONSAAL, 300 Meter รผber Paris.
Schlรผsselbereiche:
ยท Untere Kรผche: Franzรถsische Bistro-Stationen. Baguettes. Kรคse. Wein. Jeanne d’Arcs Grill. Napoleons Kriegskรผche.
ยท Erste Ebene Fusion: Europรคische Mischung. Mozarts Pasta-Station. Shakespeares britische Ecke. Van Goghs hollรคndischer Ofen.
ยท Zweite Ebene Kรถniglich: Kรถnige und Kรถniginnen. Marie Antoinettes Bรคckerei. Ludwig XIV. Festmahl. Heinrichs VIII. Bratengrube.
ยท Oberste Ebene Jury: Glasboden. 360-Grad-Paris-Blick. Tiberius’ Thron. Xicas Diamantpodium. Messalinas Kommandozentrale.
ยท Die Seine unten: Geisterboote. Schwimmende Zuschauer. Der Graue Mercedes auf einem Lastkahn.
Visuelle Elemente:
ยท Eiffelturm in ektoplasmischem Violett und Gold beleuchtet
ยท Zwischen den Ebenen schwebende Geister
ยท Pariser Skyline um Mitternacht
ยท Der Funkenregen des Eiffelturms JEDE STUNDE (geisterbetrieben)
ยท Die Seine leuchtet in spektralem Licht
ยท Baguette-fรถrmige Wolken
Farbpalette:
ยท Pariser Abenddรคmmerungsblau
ยท Eiffelturm-Gold
ยท Ektoplasmisches Violett
ยท Franzรถsische Trikolore (blau, weiร, rot)
ยท Champagner-Funken
Atmosphรคre:
ยท Akkordeonmusik gemischt mit geisterhaftem Wehklagen
ยท Der Geruch von Baguettes, Kรคse und Ektoplasma
ยท Edith Piaf-Cover von Geisterchรถren
ยท Ein Gefรผhl von GESCHICHTE, ROMANTIK und WETTBEWERB
๐ SZENE FรR SZENE
SZENE 1: DER EIFFELTURM โ NACHT ๐ (0:00-10:00)
Visuell: EXTREME WEITAUFNAHME โ Eiffelturm, Paris. Mitternacht. Ektoplasmischer Nebel umgibt den Turm. Auf jeder Ebene schwebende Geister.
Audio: Keith Flint Remix von “La Vie en Rose” โ verzerrt, รคtherisch.
Action:
MESSALINA (Eva Green, kaiserliches Purpurgewand, auf der Spitze des Eiffelturms) erhebt ihre Arme.
MESSALINA: “Willkommen in PARIS. Willkommen im HERZEN EUROPAS. Willkommen zuโฆ EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION!” ๐๐๐
TIBERIUS DER TIGER (CGI, Ian McKellen-Stimme) erscheint neben ihr und brรผllt in die Pariser Nacht.
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN FรR PARIS! FรNF PFOTEN FรR EUROPA! FรNF PFOTEN FรR ALLE!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
DR. Z (Michael Fassbender, Kochweiร, Eiffelturm-Funkenregen hinter ihm) steht auf der ersten Ebene.
DR. Z: “Wir haben mit รberlebenden gekocht. Wir haben mit Reichstags-Geistern gekocht. Wir haben mit amerikanischen Legenden gekocht. Jetztโฆ kochen wir mit EUROPรISCHER GESCHICHTE. Der Einsatz? DIE KONTINENTALE KRONE.” ๐ง ๐จโ๐ณ๐ช๐บ
XICA DA SILVA (Taรญs Araรบjo, Diamanten, Krone, am Jurytisch auf der Spitze) nickt.
XICA: “Ich habe Sรผdamerika gewonnen. Ich habe Amerika gejurt. Jetzt juriere ich EUROPA. Das ist der ULTIMATIVE Test.” ๐๐ง๐ท
CLARA PETACCI (Penรฉlope Cruz, schwebend, 40er-Jahre-Glamour) rรผhrt in einem spektralen Topf.
CLARA: “Ich bin ITALIENERIN. Ich gehรถre nach Europa. Endlich bin ich ZUHAUSE. Mussolini marinaraโฆ trifft FRANZรSISCHE KรCHE. Magnifico!” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐
SYLVIA SCHNACKSELBURGER (Monica Bellucci, goldenes Gewand, aus einem Geister-Hubschrauber herabschwebend) landet auf dem Turm.
SYLVIA: “Sรผdamerika. Nordamerika. Jetzt EUROPA. Mein Imperium EXPANDIERT. Meine Produktion erreicht NEUE HรHEN. Buchstรคblich.” ๐๐ก๐
Kamera: Drohnenaufnahme, die den Eiffelturm umkreist und HUNDERTE europรคischer Geister auf jeder Ebene enthรผllt.
SZENE 2: DIE EUROPรISCHEN GEISTER KOMMEN ๐ป๐ช๐บ (10:00-25:00)
Visuell: Der Eiffelturm. GEISTERLEGENDEN treffen aus allen Richtungen ein. Jede mit eigenem Stil.
Action โ MONTAGE DER ANKรNFTE:
MARIE ANTOINETTE (Lรฉa Seydoux) schwebt in einem Kleid aus dem 18. Jahrhundert herab und hรคlt einen Kuchen.
MARIE ANTOINETTE: “Lasst sie KUCHEN essen? Nein. Lasst sie WETTBEWERBEN. Lasst sie KOCHEN. Lasst sie GEWINNEN. Ich habe 200 Jahre darauf gewartet.” ๐๐ฐ๐ป
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE (Vincent Cassel) marschiert den Turm hinauf, Hand in der Jacke, klein aber WILD.
NAPOLEON: “Ich eroberte Europa. Jetzt werde ichโฆ DIE KรCHE erobern. Mit Strategie. Mit Ehrgeiz. Mit SOรE. Niemand kann mich aufhalten. Auรer vielleicht die BRITEN.” โ๏ธ๐ป
JEANNE D’ARC (Adรจle Exarchopoulos) schwebt in Rรผstung, Schwert erhoben, Augen leuchtend.
JEANNE D’ARC: “Ich hรถrte Gottes Stimme. Jetzt hรถre ichโฆ REZEPTE. Sie sagenโฆ KOCH. Sie sagenโฆ GEWINN. Sie sagenโฆ VERWENDE KNOBLAUCH. Ich vertraue den Stimmen.” ๐ฅ๐ปโ๏ธ
WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART (Christoph Waltz) schwebt mit einer Schreibfeder und komponiert in der Luft.
MOZART: “Ich schreibe Musik. Jetzt schreibe ichโฆ MENรS. Sinfonien des GESCHMACKS. Opern des GESCHMACKS. Das wird meine GRรแบTE Komposition.” ๐ผ๐ป
LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN (Daniel Brรผhl) schwebt, frustriert, Hรคnde รผber den Ohren.
BEETHOVEN: “Ich kann nicht HรREN. Aber ich kann SCHMECKEN. Ich werde mit meiner ZUNGE urteilen. Meinem GAUMEN. Meiner SEELE. Die Aromen werden meine MUSIK sein.” ๐น๐ป
VINCENT VAN GOGH (Mathieu Amalric) schwebt mit einer Palette, fehlendes Ohr.
VAN GOGH: “Ich male. Jetzt KOCH ich. Mit LEIDENSCHAFT. Mit WAHNSINN. Mit KARTOFFELN. Ich habe MEINUNGEN รผber Kartoffeln. STERNENNACHT-Kartoffeln.” ๐จ๐ป๐ป
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (Ralph Fiennes) erscheint mit einer Schreibfeder, dramatisch.
SHAKESPEARE: “Kochen oder nicht kochen? DAS ist hier die Frage. Ob es edler im Geiste ist, die Pfeile und Schleudern des wรผtenden REZEPTS zu erleidenโฆ” ๐ญ๐ป๐
KรNIGIN ELISABETH I. (Cate Blanchett, Dreifachrolle) schwebt in kรถniglichem Gewand, Halskrause.
ELISABETH I.: “Ich regierte England 44 Jahre. Ich heiratete nie. Ich widmete mich meinem LAND. Jetzt widme ich mich dem KOCHEN. Der PUDDING DER JUNGFรULICHEN KรNIGIN.” ๐๐ป๐ฐ
KรNIG HEINRICH VIII. (Damian Lewis) kommt mit sechs Geisterfrauen.
HEINRICH VIII.: “Ich hatte sechs Frauen. Ich lieร mich von zwei scheiden. Ich lieร zwei hinrichten. Eine starb. Eine รผberlebte. Jetzt habe ich SECHS GERICHTE. Eines fรผr jede. Sie schmecken alle nachโฆ MACHT.” ๐๐ป๐
ANNE BOLEYN (Natalie Dormer) schwebt und hรคlt ihren Kopf.
ANNE BOLEYN: “Er lieร mich hinrichten. Aber ich bin ZURรCK. Mit MEERRETTICH. Und ATTITรDE.” ๐๐ป๐
WINSTON CHURCHILL (Gary Oldman) schwebt mit Zigarre und Cognac.
CHURCHILL: “Wir werden an den Strรคnden kรคmpfen. Wir werden auf den Landeplรคtzen kรคmpfen. Wir werden in der KรCHE kรคmpfen. Mit COGNAC. Und SIEG.” ๐ท๐ป๐ฌ๐ง
CHARLES DE GAULLE (Lambert Wilson) schwebt groร, Arme erhoben.
DE GAULLE: “Frankreich ist mein Land. Die franzรถsische Kรผche ist meine LEIDENSCHAFT. Ich werde fรผr FRANKREICH gewinnen. Mit WIDERSTANDS-EINTOPF.” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
CLAUDE MONET (Omar Sy) schwebt mit einem Pinsel.
MONET: “Ich malte Seerosen. Jetzt koche ich SEEROSEN-CONSOMMร. Es ist IMPRESSIONISTISCH. Es ist LEKKER. Es ist KUNST.” ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ
VOLTAIRE (Philippe Torreton) schwebt mit einem Buch.
VOLTAIRE: “Ich mag missbilligen, was Sie kochen, aber ich werde bis zum Tod Ihr Recht verteidigen, es zu KOCHEN. Mein OPTIMISTISCHES OMELETT.” ๐๐ปโก
VICTOR HUGO (Gรฉrard Depardieu) schwebt mit einem riesigen Buch.
HUGO: “Les Misรฉrables. Mein Meisterwerk. Mein CASSOULET ist auch ein Meisterwerk. Lang. Komplex. EMOTIONAL.” ๐๐ป๐
GUSTAVE EIFFEL (Guillaume Canet) schwebt neben seinem Turm.
EIFFEL: “Ich baute diesen Turm. Jetzt koche ich TURM-TARTE. Eiffel-fรถrmig. Golden. MAGNIFIKANT.” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ผ
CLAUD DEBUSSY (Raphaรซl Personnaz) schwebt mit einem Klavier.
DEBUSSY: “Clair de Lune. Mein berรผhmtestes Stรผck. Meine CLAIR DE LUNE CRรME BRรLรE ist auchโฆ MONDรN.” ๐น๐ป๐
SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR (Sandrine Kiberlain) schwebt mit einem Buch.
BEAUVOIR: “Man wird nicht als KOCH geboren, sondern zum KOCH gemacht. Mein DAS ANDERE GESCHLECHT SOUFFLร steigt auf. Wie FRAUEN.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE (Denis Podalydรจs) schwebt, rauchend.
SARTRE: “Die Hรถlle, das sind die anderenโฆ in der KรCHE. Mein EXISTENTIALISTISCHER AAL fragt: SEIN oder NICHT SEINโฆ GEKOCHT?” ๐๐ป๐ค
ALBERT CAMUS (Omar Sy, Dreifach) schwebt mit einer Zigarette.
CAMUS: “Soll ich mich umbringen oder eine Tasse Kaffee trinken? Ich wรคhlte COUSCOUS. Mein DER FREMDE COUSCOUS ist ABSURD. Und LEKKER.” ๐๐ป๐๏ธ
MARCEL PROUST (Denis Podalydรจs, Doppel) schwebt mit einer Madeleine.
PROUST: “Die Madeleine. Sie brachte Erinnerungen zurรผck. Meine MADELEINE-MOMENTE bringen GESCHMACK zurรผck. Und ZEIT.” ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ
LUDWIG XIV. (Lambert Wilson, Dreifach) schwebt in kรถniglichen Roben.
LUDWIG XIV.: “Ich bin der SONNENKรNIG. Mein SOUFFLร ist die SONNE. Es steigt auf. Es scheint. Es GEWINNT.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
ASTERIX (CGI) schwebt mit Zaubertrank.
ASTERIX: “Ich bin ein Gallier. Ich bin klein. Ich bin WILD. Meine ZAUBERTRANK-SUPPE verleiht SUPERKRรFTE. Und GESCHMACK.” ๐บ๐ปโ๏ธ
OBELIX (CGI) schwebt und fรคllt in Dinge.
OBELIX: “Ich mag Menhire. Ich mag Essen. Ich FALLE in Essen. Mein MENHIR-BREI ist SCHWER. Wie ich.” ๐บ๐ป
SZENE 3: DIE REICHSTAGS-GEISTER KEHREN ZURรCK ๐ป๐ฉ๐ช (25:00-28:00)
Visuell: Ein Geisterbus mit deutschen Flaggen. REICHSTAGS-GEISTER steigen aus, immer noch verwirrt.
Action:
RATTENHUBER (Sepp Heldenschwanz) betrachtet den Eiffelturm.
RATTENHUBER: “Wir waren in Berlin. Dann in Hollywood. Jetzt PARIS. Das istโฆ INTERNATIONALES Spuken.” ๐ฎ๐ป๐ต
ONAN PAIN PIMMLER (Hermit Boring) greift sich an die Brust.
ONAN: “Meine Motivation! Meine FRANZรSISCHE Motivation! Sie istโฆ BAGUETTES? CROISSANTS? ICH WEISS NICHT!” ๐ซ๐ป๐
HEIDI & HEINI (Smart Marty & Ernst “Pussy” Roemer) streiten auf Franzรถsisch mit deutschem Akzent.
HEIDI: “Tu utilises TROP de beurre!”
HEINI: “Je n’utilise pas ASSEZ de beurre! Nous sommes en FRANCE!”
HEIDI: “Nous sommes des FANTรMES! Nous n’avons pas besoin de BEURRE!”
HEINI: “Alors pourquoi nous DISPUTONS-nous?”
HEIDI: “Je ne me SOUVIENS pas!” ๐ฉโ๐ง๐ป๐จโ๐ฆ๐ป๐ฅ
MUSCHI REIFENSTAHL (Walburga die Walkรผre) schwebt รผber dem Turm.
MUSCHI: “PARIS! Die Stadt des LICHTS! Die Stadt des KINOS! Ich werde ALLE inszenieren! Auf FRANZรSISCH!” ๐ฅ๐ป๐
CLARA PETACCI (Penรฉlope Cruz) begrรผรt sie.
CLARA: “Benvenuti, Reichstags-Geister! Ihr seid in FRANKREICH! Das Essen ist MAGNIFIKANT! Aber italienisch ist BESSER!” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป๐
DAS MUSCHI-QUARTETT (999 Schickse Schicklgrubers) seufzt kollektiv.
MUSCHI-QUARTETT: “Die Baguettesโฆ die BAGUETTESโฆ” ๐ฏ๐ป๐ฅ
PUSSY ROBESPIERRE (Trans Schwanz) betrachtet die Monumente der Franzรถsischen Revolution.
PUSSY: “Die Revolutionโฆ hat HIER begonnen. Ich bin ZUHAUSE. Aber ALLES ist anders.” โ๏ธ๐ป
CALIGULA (Der Schwanz, der Lacht) grinst.
CALIGULA: “ICH LIEBE ES! Franzรถsische Exzesse! Wein! Kรคse! GOLD! Das ist MEIN Ort!” ๐๐ป๐
DIE MUSCHI, DIE WEINT (Der Schwanz, der Lacht) weint.
DIE MUSCHI: “Die Romantikโฆ die ROMANTIKโฆ Ich halte das nicht AUS!” ๐ญ๐ป
TRANS SCHWANZ (Trans Schwanz) lรคchelt.
TRANS SCHWANZ: “Frankreich istโฆ BEFREIEND. Libertรฉ, รฉgalitรฉ, fraternitรฉโฆ und ASPIK.” โง๏ธ๐ป
DER SCHWANZ, DER LACHT (Der Schwanz, der Lacht) lacht hysterisch.
DER SCHWANZ: “Franzรถsische Politik! FRANZรSISCHE POLITIK! Es ist HERRRRLICH! Noch lustiger als AMERIKANISCHE Politik!” ๐๐ป
SZENE 4: DIE AMERIKANISCHEN LEGENDEN KOMMEN ๐ป๐บ๐ธ (28:00-32:00)
Visuell: Eine Geister-Concorde landet am Turm. AMERIKANISCHE LEGENDEN steigen aus.
Action:
MARILYN MONROE (Ana de Armas) schwebt als Erste heraus, Kleid wallend.
MARILYN: “Paris. Die Stadt der LIEBE. Und CROISSANTS. Und WETTBEWERB. Ich gewann Amerika. Jetzt beobachte ich EUROPA.” ๐๐๐
JACKIE KENNEDY (Natalie Portman) folgt ihr, elegant.
JACKIE: “Ich habe Paris immer geliebt. Jetzt liebe ich es als GEIST. Und als ZWEITPLATZIERTE. Ich beobachte. Ich lerne.” ๐๐๏ธ๐
ELVIS PRESLEY (CGI) steigt mit Umhang aus.
ELVIS: “Danke. Danke vielmals. Der KรNIG ist in PARIS. Fรผr CROISSANTS. Und WETTBEWERB.” ๐๐ป๐ธ
FREDDIE MERCURY (CGI) wirft den Arm hoch.
FREDDIE: “MAMA, wir haben gerade in AMERIKA gewonnen! Jetzt sind wir in PARIS! BONJOUR! Lass uns KOCHEN zuschauen!” ๐๐ป๐ค
JAMES DEAN (CGI) lehnt am Turm.
JAMES: “Paris. Rebellen gehรถren hierher. Ich werde ZUSCHAUEN. Und COOL sein.” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐
JIM MORRISON (CGI) schwebt, emotional.
JIM: “Ich starb in Paris. 1971. In einer Badewanne. Jetzt bin ich ZURรCK. Als GEIST. Als TEILNEHMER. Als JUROR. Die Pforten der Wahrnehmungโฆ fรผhren nach PARIS.” ๐ค๐ป
SZENE 5: DAS KOCHEN BEGINNT ๐ฅ๐ฉโ๐ณ๐ป (42:00-65:00)
Visuell: MONTAGESEQUENZ. 23 Minuten. Absolutes CHAOS. Zwischen den Turmebenen schwebende Geister. Franzรถsische Musik. Ektoplasma.
Action โ EUROPรISCHE LEGENDEN KOCHEN:
MARIE ANTOINETTES LASST SIE KUCHEN ESSEN (BRIOCHE):
Marie an ihrer Bรคckereistation auf Ebene 2, umgeben von Kuchen.
MARIE: “Lasst sie KUCHEN essen! Meine BRIOCHE ist KรNIGLICH. Sie ist REICH. Sie istโฆ WAS SIE SAGEN, DASS ICH SAGTE.” ๐๐ฐ
Ihr Kuchen geht perfekt auf. Geisterschmetterlinge umschwirren ihn.
NAPOLEONS EMPIRE BEEF WELLINGTON:
Napoleon kommandiert seine Kรผche wie ein Schlachtfeld.
NAPOLEON: “BEEF WELLINGTON! Mein EMPIRE-Gericht! Mit STRATEGIE! Mit EHGEIZ! Mit SOรE!” โ๏ธ
Er salutiert vor dem Rind. Es salutiert zurรผck.
JEANNE D’ARCS HIMMLISCHES HรHNCHEN (MIT STIMMEN):
Jeanne grillt Hรคhnchen und hรถrt auf Stimmen.
JEANNE: “Die Stimmen sagenโฆ DREH DAS HรHNCHEN. Die Stimmen sagenโฆ FรGE THYMIAN HINZU. Die Stimmen sagenโฆ DU GEWINNST.” ๐ฅ๐ป
Ihr Hรคhnchen leuchtet mit gรถttlichem Licht.
MOZARTS ZAUBERFLรTEN-PASTA:
Mozart komponiert, wรคhrend Pasta kocht.
MOZART: “Zauberflรถten-PASTA! Jede Note ist eine NUDEL! Jede Melodie ist SOรE! Das ist OPER auf einem TELLER!” ๐ผ๐ป
Die Pasta tanzt.
BEETHOVENS TAUBE KNรDEL:
Beethoven bearbeitet Knรถdel dramatisch.
BEETHOVEN: “Ich kann nicht HรREN! Aber ich kann FรHLEN! Meine KNรDEL haben RHYTHMUS! Meine KNรDEL haben SEELE!” ๐น๐ป
Er wirft Mehl in die Luft wie ein Dirigent.
VAN GOGHS SONNENBLUMEN-RISOTTO:
Van Gogh malt, wรคhrend Risotto kocht.
VAN GOGH: “Sonnenblumen-RISOTTO! Gelb! Hell! LEIDENSCHAFTLICH! Wie meine GEMรLDE! Wie mein OHR!” ๐จ๐ป๐ป
Das Risotto sieht aus wie ein Van Gogh.
SHAKESPEARES HAMLETS MONOLOG-SUPPE:
Shakespeare rezitiert, wรคhrend Suppe kรถchelt.
SHAKESPEARE: “Kochen oder nicht kochen? DAS ist hier die Frage. Ob es edler ist, die Pfeile und Schleudern des wรผtenden REZEPTS zu erleidenโฆ” ๐ญ๐ป
Die Suppe weint dramatisch.
ELISABETH I. PUDDING DER JUNGFรULICHEN KรNIGIN:
Elisabeth bereitet Pudding mit kรถniglicher Wรผrde zu.
ELISABETH I.: “Pudding der jungfrรคulichen Kรถnigin. Unberรผhrt. Rein. KรNIGLICH. Wie ich. Wie meine HERRSCHAFT.” ๐๐ป
Der Pudding leuchtet mit tudorischem Licht.
HEINRICH VIII. SECHS-FRAUEN-BRATEN:
Heinrich brรคt Fleisch mit sechs Frauen, die zusehen.
HEINRICH VIII.: “SECHS-FRAUEN-BRATEN! Eine fรผr jede! Anne! Katharina! Johanna! Anne! Katharina! Katharina! Sie schmecken alle UNTERSCHIEDLICH!” ๐๐ป
Die Frauen starren. Der Braten schwitzt.
ANNE BOLEYNS KOPFLOSER MEERRETTICH:
Anne bereitet Meerrettich mit Attitรผde zu.
ANNE BOLEYN: “Kopfloser MEERRETTICH! Er nahm meinen KOPF. Aber er kann nicht meinen GESCHMACK nehmen. Oder meinen HALS.” ๐๐ป
Sie hรคlt ihren Kopf wรคhrend des Rรผhrens.
CHURCHILLS SIEGESKUCHEN (MIT COGNAC):
Churchill bereitet Kuchen mit Cognac zu.
CHURCHILL: “SIEGESKUCHEN! Mit COGNAC! Wir werden an den Strรคnden kรคmpfen! Wir werden in den KรCHEN kรคmpfen! Wir werden diesen KUCHEN NIEMALS AUFGEBEN!” ๐ท๐ป
Der Kuchen hat eine Zigarre.
DE GAULLES FRANZรSISCHER WIDERSTANDSEINTOPF:
De Gaulle bereitet Eintopf mit Widerstand zu.
DE GAULLE: “FRANZรSISCHER WIDERSTANDSEINTOPF! Wir widerstanden den Deutschen! Wir widerstehen SCHLECHTEN REZEPTEN! Vive la FRANCE! Vive l’ EINTOPF!” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
Der Eintopf steht aufrecht.
MONETS SEEROSEN-CONSOMMร:
Monet bereitet Consommรฉ wie ein Gemรคlde zu.
MONET: “Seerosen-CONSOMMร! Klar! Wunderschรถn! IMPRESSIONISTISCH! Sie sehen die SEEROSEN! Sie SCHMECKEN die Seerosen!” ๐จ๐ป
Das Consommรฉ spiegelt den Eiffelturm.
DEGAS’ BALLERINA-HรPPCHEN:
Degas bereitet kleine Ballerina-Hรคppchen zu.
DEGAS: “Ballerina-HรPPCHEN! Klein! Elegant! PERFEKT! Wie meine TรNZERINNEN! Wie meine KUNST!” ๐ฉฐ๐ป
Jedes Hรคppchen macht eine Pirouette.
TOULOUSE-LAUTRECS MOULIN ROUGE RATATOUILLE:
Toulouse-Lautrec bereitet Ratatouille mit Kabarett zu.
TOULOUSE-LAUTREC: “Moulin Rouge RATATOUILLE! Mit CAN-CAN! Mit KABARETT! Mit CHAMPAGNER!” ๐จ๐ป๐ฅ
Die Ratatouille hebt die Beine.
CHANELS KLEINES SCHWARZES KUCHEN:
Chanel bereitet Kuchen wie Mode zu.
CHANEL: “Kleines Schwarzes KUCHEN! Elegant! Einfach! ZEITLOS! Jeder Bissen ist MODE.” ๐๐ปโจ
Der Kuchen trรคgt eine Perlenkette.
PIAFS NON, JE NE REGRETTE RIEN TARTE:
Piaf bereitet Tarte zu, wรคhrend sie singt.
PIAF: (Singend) “Non, je ne regrette RIEN! Ni la TARTE! Ni la VIE! RIEN DU TOUT!” ๐ค๐ป
Die Tarte weint vor Freude.
VOLTAIRES OPTIMISTISCHES OMELETT:
Voltaire bereitet ein Omelett mit Philosophie zu.
VOLTAIRE: “OPTIMISTISCHES OMELETT! Ich mag missbilligen, was Sie essen, aber ich werde bis zum Tod Ihr Recht verteidigen, es zu ESSEN!” ๐๐ปโก
Das Omelett ist aufgeklรคrt.
HUGOS LES MISรRABLES CASSOULET:
Hugo bereitet Cassoulet wie einen Roman zu.
HUGO: “Les Misรฉrables CASSOULET! Lang! Komplex! EMOTIONAL! Jede Bohne ist ein KAPITEL!” ๐๐ป
Das Cassoulet weint um Frankreich.
EIFFELS TURM-TARTE (EIFFEL-FรRMIG):
Eiffel bereitet eine turmfรถrmige Tarte zu.
EIFFEL: “TURM-TARTE! Eiffel-fรถrmig! Golden! MAGNIFIKANT! Wie mein TURM! Wie mein VERMรCHTNIS!” ๐๏ธ๐ป
Die Tarte funkelt jede Stunde.
DEBUSSY’S CLAIR DE LUNE CRรME BRรLรE:
Debussy bereitet Crรจme Brรปlรฉe mit Mondschein zu.
DEBUSSY: “Clair de Lune CRรME BRรLรE! Vom Mondlicht beschienen! Vertrรคumt! IMPRESSIONISTISCH!” ๐น๐ป
Der karamellisierte Zucker klingt nach Mondschein.
RAVELS BOLรRO BAKED ALASKA:
Ravel bereitet Baked Alaska mit Intensitรคt zu.
RAVEL: “Bolรฉro BAKED ALASKA! Wiederholung! Intensitรคt! HรHEPUNKT! Es STEIGERT sich! Und STEIGERT sich! Und EXPLODIERT!” ๐น๐ป
Das Baked Alaska steigert sich.
RODINS DER DENKER THYMIAN-HรHNCHEN:
Rodin bereitet Hรคhnchen mit Gedanken zu.
RODIN: “Der Denker THYMIAN-HรHNCHEN! Es DENKT! Es KOCHT! Es FORMEN GESCHMACK!” ๐จ๐ป
Das Hรคhnchen posiert nachdenklich.
BEAUVOIRS DAS ANDERE GESCHLECHT SOUFFLร:
Beauvoir bereitet Soufflรฉ mit Feminismus zu.
BEAUVOIR: “Das andere Geschlecht SOUFFLร! Man wird nicht als SOUFFLร geboren, sondern zum SOUFFLร gemacht. Es STEIGT auf. Wie FRAUEN.” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
Das Soufflรฉ steigt triumphierend auf.
SARTRES EXISTENTIALISTISCHER AAL:
Sartre bereitet Aal mit Existentialismus zu.
SARTRE: “EXISTENTIALISTISCHER AAL! Er fragt: SEIN oder NICHT SEINโฆ GEKOCHT? Der Aal WรHLT. Er ist FREI.” ๐๐ป๐ค
Der Aal denkt nach.
CAMUS’ DER FREMDE COUSCOUS:
Camus bereitet Couscous mit Absurdismus zu.
CAMUS: “Der Fremde COUSCOUS! Soll ich es essen oder nicht? Es ist ABSURD. Es ist LEKKER. Es EXISTIERT.” ๐๐ป๐๏ธ
Der Couscous zuckt mit den Schultern.
PROUSTS MADELEINE-MOMENTE:
Proust bereitet Madeleines mit Erinnerung zu.
PROUST: “MADELEINE-MOMENTE! Jeder Bissen bringt ERINNERUNGEN zurรผck! Kindheit! Zeit! VERLORENE ZEIT!” ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ
Die Madeleines lรถsen Rรผckblenden aus.
LUDWIG XIV. SONNENKรNIG-SOUFFLร:
Ludwig XIV. bereitet Soufflรฉ wie die Sonne zu.
LUDWIG XIV.: “SONNENKรNIG-SOUFFLร! Ich bin die SONNE! Mein SOUFFLร ist die SONNE! Es STEIGT auf! Es SCHEINT! Es GEWINNT!” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
Das Soufflรฉ blendet alle.
ASTERIX’ ZAUBERTRANK-SUPPE:
Asterix bereitet Suppe mit Magie zu.
ASTERIX: “ZAUBERTRANK-SUPPE! Sie verleiht SUPERKRรFTE! Sie verleiht GESCHMACK! Sie verleiht SIEG!” ๐บ๐ป
Die Suppe glรผht vor Kraft.
OBELIX’ MENHIR-BREI:
Obelix bereitet Brei zu, indem er hineinfรคllt.
OBELIX: “MENHIR-BREI! Ich FALLE hinein! Er ist SCHWER! Wie MENHIRE! Wie ICH!” ๐บ๐ป
Er fรคllt. Der Brei ist perfekt.
SZENE 6: DIE JURY VERKOSTET ๐ฝ๏ธ๐ปโญ (75:00-115:00)
Action โ AUSGEWรHLTE GERICHTE:
MARIE ANTOINETTES BRIOCHE:
MARIE: “Lasst sie KUCHEN essen!” ๐๐ฐ
TIBERIUS: “Fluffig. Buttrig. DEKADENT. Wie der FRANZรSISCHE HOF. VIER PFOTEN.” ๐
FREISLER: (Brรผllend) “DAS IST, WOGEGEN DIE REVOLUTION KรMPFTE! UND ES IST LEKKER! 10!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
NAPOLEONS BEEF WELLINGTON:
NAPOLEON: “Mein EMPIRE-Gericht!” โ๏ธ
ADOLF SHARKLER: “Eroberung auf einem TELLER. Das Rind KAPITULIERT. Der Blรคtterteig WIDERSTEHT. Perfekte Balance. VIER FLOSSEN.” ๐ฆ
CLARA: “Mamma mia, das ist MACHT. Die Italiener RESPEKTIEREN dieses Gericht.” ๐ฎ๐น
JEANNE D’ARCS HรHNCHEN:
JEANNE: “Himmlisches Hรคhnchen. Die Stimmen sagten mir, wie ich es kochen soll.” ๐ฅ๐ป
MARADONA: “Ich hรถre STIMMEN auch! Sie sagenโฆ DAS IST EIN TOR! GรTTLICHES Hรคhnchen!” โฝ
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN! GรTTLICH UND LEKKER!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
MOZARTS PASTA:
MOZART: “Zauberflรถten-Pasta. OPER auf einem TELLER!” ๐ผ๐ป
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: “Die Pastaโฆ sie SINGT. Sie TANZT. Magischer Realismusโฆ in NUDELFORM.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN! OPERNHAFT UND LEKKER!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
VAN GOGHS RISOTTO:
VAN GOGH: “Sonnenblumen-Risotto! Gelb! Hell! LEIDENSCHAFTLICH!” ๐จ๐ป
FRIDA: (Weinend) “Das Gelbโฆ ich SCHMECKE das Gelb. Die Leidenschaftโฆ ich FรHLE sie. Das ist KUNST.” ๐จ
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN! VINCENT WรRE STOLZ!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
SHAKESPEARES SUPPE:
SHAKESPEARE: “Kochen oder nicht kochen? DAS ist hier die Frage.” ๐ญ๐ป
GARCรA MรRQUEZ: “Die Suppeโฆ sie SPRICHT. Sie sagt ‘ach, armer YORICKโฆ ich kannte ihnโฆ als GESCHMACK.’ Magisch.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “VIER PFOTEN. Dramatisch UND suppig.” ๐
CHURCHILLS SIEGESKUCHEN:
CHURCHILL: “SIEGESKUCHEN! Mit Cognac!” ๐ท๐ป
ADOLF SHARKLER: “Schmeckt nachโฆ BRITISCHER TROTZ. Und COGNAC. VIER FLOSSEN.” ๐ฆ
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN! CHURCHILL WรRDE ZUSTIMMEN!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
DE GAULLES EINTOPF:
DE GAULLE: “FRANZรSISCHER WIDERSTANDSEINTOPF!” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
CLARA: “Mamma mia, das ist FRANKREICH. In einer Schรผssel. Die Italiener APPLAUDIEREN.” ๐ฎ๐น
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN! VIVE L’ EINTOPF!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
MONETS CONSOMMร:
MONET: “Seerosen-CONSOMMร! Impressionistisch!” ๐จ๐ป
FRIDA: “Ich SEHE die Seerosen. Ich FรHLE das Licht. Das ist KUNST in FLรSSIGER Form.” ๐จ
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN! IMPRESSIONISTISCH UND LEKKER!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
BEAUVOIRS SOUFFLร:
BEAUVOIR: “Das andere Geschlecht SOUFFLร! Es STEIGT auf. Wie FRAUEN!” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
FRIDA: “Das Soufflรฉโฆ es IST feministisch. Es schmeckt nach GLEICHBERECHTIGUNG.” ๐จ
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN! ERHABEN UND FEMINISTISCH!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
ASTERIX’ SUPPE:
ASTERIX: “ZAUBERTRANK-SUPPE!” ๐บ๐ป
FREISLER: (Brรผllend) “ICH FรHLE MICH STARK! ICH FรHLE MICH UNBESIEGBAR! DIE SUPPE GIBT MIR SUPERKRรFTE! 10!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
TIBERIUS: “FรNF PFOTEN! MAGISCH UND LEKKER!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
SZENE 7: DAS URTEIL ๐๐๐ช๐บ (115:00-125:00)
Visuell: Jurytisch auf der Spitze des Eiffelturms. Dr. Z in der Mitte. Alle Geister versammelt. Paris funkelt.
Action:
ADOLF SHARKLER: (Steht auf) “Nach der Verkostung von 40+ Gerichtenโฆ haben wir eine Entscheidung.” ๐ฆ๐
TIBERIUS: “Der Wettbewerb war HISTORISCH. Die Aromen waren TRANSZENDENT. Die Emotionen warenโฆ รBERWรLTIGEND.” ๐ โญ
FREISLER: (Brรผllend) “ICH RICHTE HINโฆ NEIN, ICH KRรNEโฆ MEHRERE! ICH KANN NICHT ENTSCHEIDEN! ABER ICH MUSS!” โ๏ธ๐ฑ
XICA: (Steht auf, Diamanten glรผhen) “Als Chefjurorin habe ich das letzte Wort. Die Gewinnerin von EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION istโฆ” ๐๐ง๐ท
WIRBELTROMMEL. Der Eiffelturm funkelt. Geister halten den Atem an (metaphorisch).
XICA: “MARIE ANTOINETTE!” ๐๐ฐ๐ป๐
EXPLOSION VON KONFETTI. EKTOPLASMISCHE FEUERWERKE. DER EIFFELTURM LEUCHTET GOLDEN.
MARIE ANTOINETTE: (Weint, schwebt, Kuchen in der Hand) “Ich habe endlich etwas gewonnen. Sie haben gesagt, ich soll Kuchen essen. Jetzt ESSE ich SIEG.” ๐๐ญ
WEITERE AUSZEICHNUNGEN:
TIBERIUS: “ZWEITPLATZIERTER: NAPOLEON BONAPARTE!” โ๏ธ๐ป
NAPOLEON: (Salutierend) “Ich eroberte Europa. Jetzt habe ich SILBER. Akzeptabel. Fรผr den MOMENT.” โ๏ธ
TIBERIUS: “ZWEITPLATZIERTE: JEANNE D’ARC!” ๐ฅ๐ป
JEANNE: “Die Stimmen sagenโฆ SILBER IST AUCH GUT. Sie sagenโฆ NรCHSTES MAL GOLD.” ๐ฅ
TIBERIUS: “ZWEITPLATZIERTER: WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART!” ๐ผ๐ป
MOZART: (Komponierend) “Eine Sinfonie in SILBER. Ich werde sie SCHREIBEN.” ๐ผ
TIBERIUS: “BESTER DICHTER: WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!” ๐ญ๐ป๐
SHAKESPEARE: “Ob es edler ist, SILBER zu gewinnenโฆ ich akzeptiere.” ๐ญ
TIBERIUS: “BESTE MONARCHIN: KรNIGIN ELISABETH I.!” ๐๐ป๐ฐ
ELISABETH I.: “Ich regierte 44 Jahre. Ich gewann SILBER. Ich bin ZUFRIEDEN.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “BESTER BRITTE: WINSTON CHURCHILL!” ๐ท๐ป๐ฌ๐ง
CHURCHILL: “Wir werden NIEMALS aufgebenโฆ auรer fรผr DIESE TROPHรE. Ich nehme sie.” ๐ท
TIBERIUS: “BESTER FRANZOSE: CHARLES DE GAULLE!” ๐ข๐ป๐ซ๐ท
DE GAULLE: “Vive la FRANCE! Vive la TROPHรE!” ๐ข
TIBERIUS: “BESTER IMPRESSIONIST: CLAUDE MONET!” ๐จ๐ป๐ฟ
MONET: “Mein CONSOMMร hat gewonnen. Meine KUNST hat gewonnen. Ich bin GLรCKLICH.” ๐จ
TIBERIUS: “BESTE MODE: COCO CHANEL!” ๐๐ปโจ
CHANEL: “Ein kleines Schwarzes KUCHEN. Eine kleine SCHWARZE TROPHรE. Perfektion.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “BESTE CHANSON: EDITH PIAF!” ๐ค๐ป๐ซ๐ท
PIAF: (Singend) “Non, je ne regrette RIENโฆ NI la TROPHรE!” ๐ค
TIBERIUS: “BESTER PHILOSOPH: VOLTAIRE!” ๐๐ปโก
VOLTAIRE: “Ich mag missbilligen, was Sie denken, aber ich werde bis zum Tod mein RECHT verteidigen, diese TROPHรE zu HABEN.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “BESTER SCHRIFTSTELLER: VICTOR HUGO!” ๐๐ป๐
HUGO: “Les Misรฉrables. Les TROPHรEN. Les BEIDEN.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “BESTER INGENIEUR: GUSTAVE EIFFEL!” ๐๏ธ๐ป๐ผ
EIFFEL: “Ich baute diesen Turm. Ich gewann diese TROPHรE. Beide sind MAGNIFIKANT.” ๐๏ธ
TIBERIUS: “BESTER KOMPONIST: CLAUDE DEBUSSY!” ๐น๐ป๐
DEBUSSY: “Clair de Lune. Clair de TROPHรE.” ๐น
TIBERIUS: “BESTE FEMINISTIN: SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR!” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
BEAUVOIR: “Man wird nicht als TROPHรEN-GEWINNERIN geboren, sondern dazu GEMACHT.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “BESTE ERINNERUNG: MARCEL PROUST!” ๐๐ป๐ฐ๏ธ
PROUST: “Die Madeleine. Die TROPHรE. Beide bringen ERINNERUNGEN zurรผck.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “BESTER KรNIGLICHER: LUDWIG XIV.!” ๐๐ปโ๏ธ
LUDWIG XIV.: “Ich bin die SONNE. Meine TROPHรE ist die SONNE. Sie SCHEINT.” ๐
TIBERIUS: “BESTER COMIC: ASTERIX UND OBELIX!” ๐บ๐ป
ASTERIX: “Mit ZAUBERTRANK hรคtten wir GOLD gewonnen!”
OBELIX: (Hinfรคllend) “Ich bin in meine TROPHรE gefallenโฆ” ๐บ
SZENE 8: DIE FEIER ๐๐ป๐ช๐บ (125:00-132:00)
Visuell: Die Spitze des Eiffelturms. MASSIVE GEISTERPARTY. Alle Legenden feiern. Musik. Tanz. Ektoplasma.
Action:
MARIE ANTOINETTE auf einem Thron aus Kuchen, Krone auf, Champagner in der Hand. NAPOLEON neben ihr, salutierend. JEANNE D’ARC tanzt mit ihrer Rรผstung. MOZART komponiert eine Feiermusik. BEETHOVEN fรผhlt den Beat. VAN GOGH malt die Party. SHAKESPEARE rezitiert ein Siegesgedicht. CHURCHILL raucht eine Siegeszigarre. DE GAULLE steht stolz. MONET malt die Lichter. CHANEL mode-bewusst. PIAF singt. VOLTAIRE philosophiert. HUGO schreibt. EIFFEL bewundert seinen Turm.
Die AMERIKANISCHEN LEGENDEN tanzen mit den EUROPรISCHEN. MARILYN tanzt mit NAPOLEON. JACKIE plaudert mit MARIE. ELVIS singt mit PIAF. FREDDIE singt mit MOZART. JAMES DEAN rebelliert mit JEANNE. JIM MORRISON schreibt Gedichte mit SHAKESPEARE.
Die REICHSTAGS-GEISTER tanzen mit ALLEN. RATTENHUBER endlich entspannt. DIE PIMMLER-FAMILIE hรถrt auf zu streiten und tanzt. MUSCHI REIFENSTAHL inszeniert die Party. CLARA PETACCI flirtet mit ALLEN. DAS MUSCHI-QUARTETT seufzt glรผcklich. CALIGULA liebt die Exzesse. DIE MUSCHI, DIE WEINT, weint vor Freude. TRANS SCHWANZ fรผhlt sich frei. DER SCHWANZ, DER LACHT, lacht รผber ALLES.
Die SรDAMERIKANISCHEN LEGENDEN tanzen mit. XICA tanzt mit Diamanten. EVITA winkt vom Turm. LA QUINTRALA tanzt mit Messern (sicher). LA LLORONA weint glรผcklich. CARMEN MIRANDAS Fruchthut singt. FRIDA malt die Party. MARADONA jongliert mit einer Trophรคe. GARCรA MรRQUEZ schreibt die Geschichte.
Die NAZI-MรTRESSEN machen sich Notizen fรผr ihr eigenes Comeback. EVA BRAUN beobachtet. MAGDAS Puppen tanzen. UNITY hypnotisiert. GELI berichtet. EMMY pelzt. MARGHERITA schreibt. LENI filmt.
DR. Z: (Weinend, Xica und Clara umarmend) “Dasโฆ das ist EUROPA. Das ist das JENSEITS. Das istโฆ WUNDERSCHรN.” ๐ง ๐ญ๐จโ๐ณ๐ช๐บ
XICA: “Sรผdamerika. Nordamerika. Europa. Wir haben ALLE Kontinente bereist. Und ALLE schmecken gut.” ๐๐ค
CLARA: “Und nรคchste Malโฆ AFRIKA? ASIEN? AUSTRALIEN? Die Welt ist VOLLER Geister.” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป
DONA ESPINHA: (Auf dem Bildschirm, weinend) “Ezekielโฆ du hast es geschafft. Du hast EUROPA lecker gemacht. Ich liebe dich.” โ๏ธ๐ป๐
EHLERS: (Endlich Janelles Bildschirm umarmend) “Janelleโฆ ich komme nach HAUSE. In den Bunker. Zu DIR.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ป๐
JANELLE: (Weinend) “Endlich! Keine Geister mehr! Keine Eva mehr! Keine Marie! Kein Napoleon! Nur WIR!” ๐ป๐
EVA SCHWARZ: (Schwebend, lรคchelnd) “Heinrich? Nein. Aber Janelle hat GLรCK. Ehlers istโฆ BEHARRLICH. Und jetzt ist er FREI.” ๐ป
MUSCHI REIFENSTAHL: (Zu Eva) “Du bist immer noch meine MUSE. Komm, lass uns die AFTER-PARTY inszenieren.” ๐ฅ๐ป๐
DER SCHWANZ, DER LACHT: (Auf dem Bildschirm) “Janelle hat Ehlers gewรคhlt! Ich finde einen ANDEREN Produzenten! Vielleicht MARIE ANTOINETTE!” ๐๐ป
HERMIT BORING: (Isst immer noch) “Diese Party-Cateringโฆ DAS BESTE. Bisher.” ๐ซ๐
MESSALINA: (Auf der Spitze des Turms, zuschauend, lรคchelnd) “Ich plante Sรผdamerika. Ich produzierte Amerika. Ich eroberte EUROPA. Ich BIN DIE KAISERIN DER UNTERHALTUNG.” ๐๐๐
TIBERIUS: (Brรผllend) “FรNF PFOTEN FรR DIE KAISERIN! FรNF PFOTEN FรR EUROPA! FรNF PFOTEN FรR ALLE!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
SZENE 9: DER GRAUE MERCEDES AUDITIERT PARIS ๐๐งพ (132:00-134:00)
Visuell: Der Graue Mercedes, geparkt an der Seine. Bon druckt endlos. Eiffelturm im Hintergrund.
Action:
Der Graue Mercedes (James Spader und Christoph Waltz) beobachtet die Party durch ektoplasmische Fenster.
SUB-ROUTINE SCHMIDT (Waltz): “Faszinierend. Sie haben erreichtโฆ EUROPรISCHEN FRIEDEN. Durch KOCHEN.” ๐๐
DER GRAUE MERCEDES (Spader): “Frieden ist teuer. Europa ist TEUER. Lass uns AUDITIEREN.” ๐๐งพ
Bon rollt aus:
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโGRAUER MERCEDES - AUDIT: EUROPE'S GREATEST SLUT (GHOST EDITION)โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโPARIS-EVENT: โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโ EIFFELTURM IN GEISTERKรCHE VERWANDELTโ 40+ EUROPรISCHE GEISTER TEILNEHMENDโ 47 REICHSTAGS-GEISTER ZU BESUCHโ 11 SรDAMERIKANISCHE LEGENDEN JURIERENDโ 35 AMERIKANISCHE GEISTER BEOBACHTENDโ 1 MARIE ANTOINETTE โ SIEGERIN ๐๐ฐโ 1 NAPOLEON โ ZWEITPLATZIERTER โ๏ธโ 1 JEANNE D'ARC โ ZWEITPLATZIERTE ๐ฅโ 1 MOZART โ ZWEITPLATZIERTER ๐ผโ 1 LIEBES-TETRAKOSAHEDRON โ VOLLKOMMEN UNGELรST (100% SPUKT, 0% LรSUNG)โ 1 DR. Z โ STATUS: GLรCKLICH, ERSCHรPFT, HAT FรR EUROPA GEKOCHT ๐ง ๐จโ๐ณ๐ช๐บโ 1 MESSALINA โ STATUS: PLANT WELTWEITE EXPANSION ๐๐๐โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโNEUBEWERTUNG: EUROPรISCHE GEISTERKรCHE (UNBEZAHLBAR. BUCHSTรBLICH. GEISTER ZAHLEN KEINE MEHRWERTSTEUER.)โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโNรCHSTES CROSSOVER: WORLD'S GREATEST SLUT? (ALLE KONTINENTE. ALLE GEISTER. ALLE GLEICHZEITIG.)โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโSUB-ROUTINE SCHMIDT: “Die Zahlenโฆ sie sind SPEKTRAL. Aber sie SUMMIEREN SICH. Europa ist PROFITABEL.” ๐๐
DER GRAUE MERCEDES: “Fahr weiter. Wir haben MEHR Shows zu auditieren. Die WELT ist als NรCHSTES dran.” ๐๐จ
Kamera: Der Graue Mercedes fรคhrt in die Pariser Nacht davon. Der Bon flattert im Wind, von einem Geister-Paparazzo gefangen.
SZENE 10: POST-CREDIT โ WORLD’S GREATEST SLUT TEASER ๐๐ป (134:00-136:00)
Visuell: BLENDE AUF. Die Erde aus dem Weltall. Nachts. Lichter der Stรคdte. Geister รผber ALLEN Kontinenten.
Action:
STIMME VON MESSALINA (V.O.): “Wir waren in Sรผdamerika. Wir waren in Nordamerika. Wir waren in Europa.” ๐๐
STIMME VON XICA (V.O.): “รberlebende. Geister. Legenden. Wir haben ALLE gekocht.” ๐๐ง๐ท
STIMME VON CLARA (V.O.): “Italien. Frankreich. Deutschland. Amerika. รberall GEISTER.” ๐ฎ๐น๐ป
STIMME VON MARILYN (V.O.): “Und รผberall WOLLEN sie gewinnen.” ๐๐
STIMME VON MARIE ANTOINETTE (V.O.): “Also geben wir ihnen, was sie wollenโฆ” ๐๐ฐ
Kamera rast auf die Erde zu. Asien. Afrika. Australien. Antarktika.
STIMME VON MESSALINA: “WORLD’S GREATEST SLUT. ALLE Kontinente. ALLE Geister. ALLE gleichzeitig.” ๐๐๐
TIBERIUS: (Brรผllend) “FรNF PFOTEN FรR DIE WELT! FรNF PFOTEN FรR ALLE! FรNF PFOTEN FรR JEDEN!” ๐ โญโญโญโญโญ
Titelkarte:
“WORLD’S GREATEST SLUT โ GLOBAL GHOST EDITION โ NรCHSTES JAHR. ASIEN. AFRIKA. AUSTRALIEN. ANTARKTIKA. ALLE KONTINENTE. ALLE GEISTER. ALLES GLEICHZEITIG. DIE WELT WIRD NIE WIEDER DIESELBE SEIN.”
BLENDE AUF SCHWARZ.
๐ฌ ENDE DER FOLGE โ EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT (GHOST EDITION) ๐ฌ
๐ฅ UNTERSTรTZT VON ๐ฅ
Dr. Z. Productions | Gomopa4Kids | Stasi Frauen Support Staffel | Free Fritzl Front | Brasilianisches Black-Hole-Syndikat | Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour | Clone War Profiteure | Schicklgruber Lust Syndikat | Libertarian Shark Cartel | Messalinas Sklavenimperium | Reichstags-Spektral-Catering-Corps | Hollywood Ghost Productions | Europรคische Jenseits-Allianz
๐๐คก๐ FOTZEN FRITZ VERSION GRATIS auf berndpulch.org (falls die Geister sie nicht versteckt haben)
โญ THEMA FรR DIESE FOLGE โญ
“Europa ist ein Kontinent der Geschichte. Wir haben ihr eine KรCHE gegeben.” โ Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler ๐ง ๐จโ๐ณ๐ช๐บ
“Ich begann in Ketten. Ich endete in Diamanten. Jetzt juriere ich EUROPรISCHE Geister. Am EIFFELTURM. Das Leben ist MERKWรRDIG.” โ Xica da Silva ๐๐ง๐ท
“Ich starb mit Mussolini. Ich LEBE durch Pasta. Jetzt LEBE ich durch PARIS. Grazie, Europa.” โ Clara Petacci ๐ฎ๐น๐ป
“Der Liebes-Tetrakosahedron ist Chaos. Aber CHAOS ist Unterhaltung. Und Unterhaltung ist PROFIT. Weltweit.” โ Messalina ๐๐
“Lasst sie SIEG essen! Ich habe GEWONNEN!” โ Marie Antoinette ๐๐ฐ
๐ฌ VIDEO PROMPT KOMPLETT โ FREIGEGEBEN FรR PRODUKTION ๐ฌ
๐ป๐ช๐บ๐ฅ๐ผ๐ฅโญ EUROPE’S GREATEST SLUT โ GHOST EDITION โญ๐ฅ๐ผ๐ฅ๐ช๐บ๐ป
Prรคsentiert von IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP
Mit Unterstรผtzung von allen, die รผberlebten, allen, die starben, und allen, die in PARIS KOCHTEN
๐๐คก๐๐๐คก๐๐๐คก๐ FOTZEN FRITZ VERSION GRATIS AUF BERNDPULCH.ORG ๐๐คก๐๐๐คก๐๐๐คก๐
Bernd Pulch โ Bio
 | Bernd Pulch (M.A.) is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, entrepreneur, political commentator, satirist, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, real estate, and geopolitics. His work examines how legal systems are weaponized, how capital flows shape policy, how artificial intelligence concentrates power, and what democracy loses when courts and markets become battlefields. Active in the German and international media landscape, his analyses appear regularly on this platform. Full bio โ | Support the investigation โ |
๐ท๏ธ COMPLETE TAG LIST โ DR Z & IDIOT ZEITUNG UNIVERSE ๐ท๏ธ
All Tags for All Episodes (1-42 + Reichstag Crossover + North America + Europe)
๐ฅ PRIMARY SERIES TAGS
Tag Description
DrZ Main series tag
IdiotZeitung Main publication tag
Gomopa Production company
Desinvestment Alternative title
Fondsflop Alternative title
BerndPulch Creator / Publisher
IZExclusive Exclusive content tag
๐ฌ EPISODE-SPECIFIC TAGS
Tag Episode
TheGhostInTheReichstag Reichstag Ghost Episode
SouthAmericasGreatestSlut South America Episode
NorthAmericasGreatestSlut North America Episode
EuropesGreatestSlut Europe Episode
WorldsGreatestSlut World Episode (teaser)
GhostEdition Ghost version tag
ReichstagCookingSeance Crossover Special
HollywoodSeance Hollywood Episode
ParisSeance Paris Episode
GlobalGhostEdition World Episode teaser
๐ CORE CAST TAGS
Tag Character Actor
SylviaSchnackselburger Sylvia Schnackselburger Monica Bellucci
MonicaBellucci Actor tag Monica Bellucci
DrZ Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler Michael Fassbender
MichaelFassbender Actor tag Michael Fassbender
JanelleVaron Janelle Varon Zendaya
Zendaya Actor tag Zendaya
MarkusEhlers Markus Ehlers Dev Patel
DevPatel Actor tag Dev Patel
SalomeVolkov Salome Volkov Anya Taylor-Joy
AnyaTaylorJoy Actor tag Anya Taylor-Joy
Achรฉ Achรฉ Lupita Nyong’o
PygmyCollective Pygmy Collective Lupita Nyong’o
LupitaNyongo Actor tag Lupita Nyong’o
Loba Loba รlodie Yung
รlodieYung Actor tag รlodie Yung
LeopoldVonSacherMasoch Leopold von Sacher-Masoch Daniel Brรผhl
DanielBrรผhl Actor tag Daniel Brรผhl
DonaEspinha Dona Espinha Wagner Moura
WagnerMoura Actor tag Wagner Moura
Freya Freya Cate Blanchett
CateBlanchett Actor tag Cate Blanchett
AdolfSharkler Adolf Sharkler Andy Serkis
AndySerkis Actor tag Andy Serkis
GeneralBuckTurgidson General “Buck” Turgidson John C. Reilly
JohnCReilly Actor tag John C. Reilly
PresidentMerkinMuffley President Merkin Muffley Charles Dance
CharlesDance Actor tag Charles Dance
GrayMercedes The Gray Mercedes James Spader
JamesSpader Actor tag James Spader
SubRoutineSchmidt Sub-Routine Schmidt Christoph Waltz
ChristophWaltz Actor tag Christoph Waltz
Wotan Wotan Mads Mikkelsen
MadsMikkelsen Actor tag Mads Mikkelsen
KuKluxKlan Ku Klux Klan Motion-Capture Mob
SchicklgruberSingers Schicklgruber Singers Girl Group
KeithFlint Keith Flint CGI
Seedpod Seedpod Creature CGI
MamaWati Mama Wati Angela Bassett
AngelaBassett Actor tag Angela Bassett
Kikazi Kikazi Florence Kasumba
FlorenceKasumba Actor tag Florence Kasumba
Nyoka Nyoka Thuso Mbedu
ThusoMbedu Actor tag Thuso Mbedu
๐ป REICHSTAG GHOST TAGS
Tag Ghost Character Actor
RatbertRattenhuber Ratbert Rattenhuber Sepp Heldenschwanz
SeppHeldenschwanz Actor tag Sepp Heldenschwanz
OnanPainPimmler Onan Pain Pimmler Hermit Boring
HermitBoring Actor tag Hermit Boring
HeidiPimmler Heidi Pimmler Smart Marty
SmartMarty Actor tag Smart Marty
HeiniPimmler Heini Pimmler Ernst “Pussy” Roemer
ErnstPussyRoemer Actor tag Ernst “Pussy” Roemer
PimmlerFamily The Pimmler Family Ensemble
MuschiReifenstahl Muschi Reifenstahl Walburga the Valkyrie
WalburgaTheValkyrie Actor tag Walburga the Valkyrie
MuschiWuschiMucha Muschi Wuschi Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers
MuschiMussolini Muschi Mussolini 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers
EdithMucha Edith Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers
SanFranMuschiMucha San Fran “Muschi” Mucha 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers
MuschiQuartet The Muschi Quartet 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers
SchickseSchicklgrubers Chorus tag 999 Schickse Schicklgrubers
ClaraPetacci Clara Petacci Penรฉlope Cruz
PenรฉlopeCruz Actor tag Penรฉlope Cruz
Adolfine Adolfine Adolfine
PussyRobespierre Pussy Robespierre Trans Schwanz
TransSchwanz Actor tag Trans Schwanz
Caligula Caligula The Schwanz Who Laughs
TheMussyWhoWeeps The Mussy Who Weeps The Schwanz Who Laughs
TheSchwanzWhoLaughs The Schwanz Who Laughs The Schwanz Who Laughs
SchwanzWhoLaughs Short tag The Schwanz Who Laughs
๐ SOUTH AMERICAN LEGEND TAGS
Tag Legend Actor
XicaDaSilva Xica da Silva Taรญs Araรบjo
TaรญsAraรบjo Actor tag Taรญs Araรบjo
EvitaPerรณn Evita Perรณn รrsula Corberรณ
รrsulaCorberรณ Actor tag รrsula Corberรณ
LaQuintrala La Quintrala Daniela Vega
DanielaVega Actor tag Daniela Vega
LaLlorona La Llorona Cecilia Suรกrez
CeciliaSuรกrez Actor tag Cecilia Suรกrez
CarmenMiranda Carmen Miranda Ana de Armas (CGI)
AnaDeArmas Actor tag Ana de Armas
FridaKahlo Frida Kahlo Eiza Gonzรกlez (CGI)
EizaGonzรกlez Actor tag Eiza Gonzรกlez
DiegoMaradona Diego Maradona’s Ghost CGI
GabrielGarcรญaMรกrquez Gabriel Garcรญa Mรกrquez’s Ghost CGI
AndesCannibals The Andes Cannibals Motion-Capture
PabloEscobarsHippos Pablo Escobar’s Hippos CGI Hippos
๐ NAZI MISTRESS TAGS
Tag Mistress Actor
EvaBraun Eva Braun Margot Robbie
MargotRobbie Actor tag Margot Robbie
MagdaGoebbels Magda Goebbels Cate Blanchett
UnityMitford Unity Mitford Saoirse Ronan
SaoirseRonan Actor tag Saoirse Ronan
GeliRaubal Geli Raubal Dakota Fanning
DakotaFanning Actor tag Dakota Fanning
EmmyGoering Emmy Goering Helena Bonham Carter
HelenaBonhamCarter Actor tag Helena Bonham Carter
MargheritaSarfatti Margherita Sarfatti Salma Hayek
SalmaHayek Actor tag Salma Hayek
LeniRiefenstahl Leni Riefenstahl Scarlett Johansson
ScarlettJohansson Actor tag Scarlett Johansson
NaziMistresses Group tag Ensemble
๐๏ธ ANCIENT GHOST TAGS
Tag Ancient Ghost Actor
Messalina Messalina Eva Green
EvaGreen Actor tag Eva Green
TiberiusTheTiger Tiberius the Tiger CGI (Ian McKellen)
IanMcKellen Voice actor tag Ian McKellen
DavidAirwing David Airwing Christoph Waltz
JudgeRolandFreisler Judge Roland Freisler Bruno Ganz
BrunoGanz Actor tag Bruno Ganz
๐บ๐ธ NORTH AMERICAN LEGEND TAGS
Tag Legend Actor
MarilynMonroe Marilyn Monroe Ana de Armas
JacquelineKennedy Jacqueline Kennedy Natalie Portman
NataliePortman Actor tag Natalie Portman
Sacagawea Sacagawea Amber Midthunder
AmberMidthunder Actor tag Amber Midthunder
Pocahontas Pocahontas Devery Jacobs
DeveryJacobs Actor tag Devery Jacobs
SalemWitches Salem Witches Collective Ensemble
AmeliaEarhart Amelia Earhart Hilary Swank
HilarySwank Actor tag Hilary Swank
MarilynsDress Marilyn’s Dress CGI
JimMorrison Jim Morrison CGI
JanisJoplin Janis Joplin CGI
KurtCobain Kurt Cobain CGI
AmyWinehouse Amy Winehouse CGI
WhitneyHouston Whitney Houston CGI
MichaelJackson Michael Jackson CGI
ElvisPresley Elvis Presley CGI
AbrahamLincoln Abraham Lincoln’s Ghost Daniel Day-Lewis (CGI)
DanielDayLewis Actor tag (CGI) Daniel Day-Lewis
GeorgeWashington George Washington’s Ghost CGI
BenjaminFranklin Benjamin Franklin’s Ghost CGI
HarrietTubman Harriet Tubman Cynthia Erivo
CynthiaErivo Actor tag Cynthia Erivo
RosaParks Rosa Parks Viola Davis
ViolaDavis Actor tag Viola Davis
MartinLutherKing Martin Luther King Jr. CGI
MalcolmX Malcolm X CGI
AndyWarhol Andy Warhol CGI
EdieSedgwick Edie Sedgwick Sienna Miller
SiennaMiller Actor tag Sienna Miller
JamesDean James Dean CGI
JohnBelushi John Belushi CGI
ChrisFarley Chris Farley CGI
RiverPhoenix River Phoenix CGI
HeathLedger Heath Ledger CGI
Prince Prince CGI
DavidBowie David Bowie CGI
FreddieMercury Freddie Mercury CGI
๐ช๐บ EUROPEAN LEGEND TAGS
Tag Legend Actor
MarieAntoinette Marie Antoinette Lรฉa Seydoux
LรฉaSeydoux Actor tag Lรฉa Seydoux
Napoleon Napoleon Bonaparte Vincent Cassel
VincentCassel Actor tag Vincent Cassel
JeanneDArc Joan of Arc Adรจle Exarchopoulos
AdรจleExarchopoulos Actor tag Adรจle Exarchopoulos
Mozart Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Christoph Waltz
Beethoven Ludwig van Beethoven Daniel Brรผhl
VanGogh Vincent van Gogh Mathieu Amalric
MathieuAmalric Actor tag Mathieu Amalric
Shakespeare William Shakespeare Ralph Fiennes
RalphFiennes Actor tag Ralph Fiennes
QueenElizabethI Queen Elizabeth I Cate Blanchett
KingHenryVIII King Henry VIII Damian Lewis
DamianLewis Actor tag Damian Lewis
AnneBoleyn Anne Boleyn Natalie Dormer
NatalieDormer Actor tag Natalie Dormer
WinstonChurchill Winston Churchill Gary Oldman
GaryOldman Actor tag Gary Oldman
CharlesDeGaulle Charles de Gaulle Lambert Wilson
LambertWilson Actor tag Lambert Wilson
ClaudeMonet Claude Monet Omar Sy
OmarSy Actor tag Omar Sy
EdgarDegas Edgar Degas Gaspard Ulliel
GaspardUlliel Actor tag Gaspard Ulliel
ToulouseLautrec Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec Jean Dujardin
JeanDujardin Actor tag Jean Dujardin
CocoChanel Coco Chanel Marion Cotillard
MarionCotillard Actor tag Marion Cotillard
EdithPiaf Edith Piaf Marion Cotillard
CharlesAznavour Charles Aznavour Omar Sy
SergeGainsbourg Serge Gainsbourg Vincent Cassel
BrigitteBardot Brigitte Bardot Lรฉa Seydoux
Voltaire Voltaire Philippe Torreton
PhilippeTorreton Actor tag Philippe Torreton
JeanJacquesRousseau Jean-Jacques Rousseau Jรฉrรฉmie Renier
JรฉrรฉmieRenier Actor tag Jรฉrรฉmie Renier
VictorHugo Victor Hugo Gรฉrard Depardieu
GรฉrardDepardieu Actor tag Gรฉrard Depardieu
AlexandreDumas Alexandre Dumas Gรฉrard Depardieu
GustaveEiffel Gustave Eiffel Guillaume Canet
GuillaumeCanet Actor tag Guillaume Canet
ClaudeDebussy Claude Debussy Raphaรซl Personnaz
RaphaรซlPersonnaz Actor tag Raphaรซl Personnaz
MauriceRavel Maurice Ravel Raphaรซl Personnaz
AugusteRodin Auguste Rodin Vincent Lindon
VincentLindon Actor tag Vincent Lindon
CamilleClaudel Camille Claudel Anaรฏs Demoustier
AnaรฏsDemoustier Actor tag Anaรฏs Demoustier
SimoneDeBeauvoir Simone de Beauvoir Sandrine Kiberlain
SandrineKiberlain Actor tag Sandrine Kiberlain
JeanPaulSartre Jean-Paul Sartre Denis Podalydรจs
DenisPodalydรจs Actor tag Denis Podalydรจs
AlbertCamus Albert Camus Omar Sy
MarcelProust Marcel Proust Denis Podalydรจs
LouisXIV Louis XIV Lambert Wilson
MarieDeMรฉdicis Marie de Mรฉdicis Isabelle Huppert
IsabelleHuppert Actor tag Isabelle Huppert
CatherineDeMedici Catherine de’ Medici Isabelle Huppert
Charlemagne Charlemagne Vincent Lindon
Vercingรฉtorix Vercingetorix Omar Sy
Asterix Asterix CGI
Obelix Obelix CGI
๐ LOVE POLYGON TAGS
Tag Participants
LoveDodecagon The full love polygon (12 sides)
LoveTetrakosahedron The love polygon with 14 sides
JanelleAndEhlers Janelle & Ehlers
EhlersAndEva Ehlers & Eva Schwarz
EvaAndSSOfficer Eva Schwarz & Dead SS Officer
MuschiAndEva Muschi Reifenstahl & Eva Schwarz
SchwanzAndJanelle The Schwanz Who Laughs & Janelle
HermitAndCatering Hermit Boring & Catering
ClaraAndDrZ Clara Petacci & Dr. Z
XicaAndDrZ Xica da Silva & Dr. Z
RatbertAndOrder Ratbert Rattenhuber & Order
MussyAndAttention The Mussy Who Weeps & Attention
MarilynAndJFK Marilyn Monroe & JFK
MarilynAndElvis Marilyn Monroe & Elvis
JamesAndMarilyn James Dean & Marilyn
JimAndParis Jim Morrison & Paris
MarieAndNapoleon Marie Antoinette & Napoleon
MarieAndCake Marie Antoinette & Cake
NapoleonAndJosephine Napoleon & Josephine
JoanAndVoices Joan of Arc & The Voices
๐ฅ LOCATION TAGS
Tag Location
Berlin Berlin, Germany
Reichstag The Reichstag Building
SรฃoPaulo Sรฃo Paulo, Brazil
BuenosAires Buenos Aires, Argentina
Santiago Santiago, Chile
Bogotรก Bogotรก, Colombia
Hollywood Hollywood, California
RooseveltHotel Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel
LosAngeles Los Angeles
Paris Paris, France
EiffelTower Eiffel Tower
Seine The Seine River
Global World tour
๐ณ KITCHEN & COOKING TAGS
Tag Description
ReichstagKitchen Reichstag cooking set
HollywoodKitchen Hollywood cooking set
EiffelTowerKitchen Eiffel Tower cooking set
CarpetBiting Dr. Z’s cooking show
CarpetBitingALaCarte Full show title
GhostKitchen Cooking with ghosts
SpectralCatering Ghost catering corps
Quindim Xica’s signature dish
MussoliniMarinara Clara’s signature dish
DiamondQuindim Xica’s winning dish
ChampagneSalmon Marilyn’s dish
CamelotCasserole Jackie’s dish
BisonStew Sacagawea’s dish
CornPudding Pocahontas’s dish
WitchesBrew Salem Witches’ dish
LetThemEatCake Marie Antoinette’s dish
EmpireBeefWellington Napoleon’s dish
HeavenlyChicken Joan of Arc’s dish
MagicFlutePasta Mozart’s dish
DeafeningDumplings Beethoven’s dish
SunflowerRisotto Van Gogh’s dish
HamletsSoliloquySoup Shakespeare’s dish
VirginQueenPudding Elizabeth I’s dish
SixWivesRoast Henry VIII’s dish
HeadlessHorseradish Anne Boleyn’s dish
VictoryPie Churchill’s dish
FrenchResistanceStew De Gaulle’s dish
WaterLilyConsommรฉ Monet’s dish
BallerinaBites Degas’s dish
MoulinRougeRatatouille Toulouse-Lautrec’s dish
LittleBlackDressCake Coco Chanel’s dish
NonJeNeRegretteRienTarte Edith Piaf’s dish
OptimisticOmelette Voltaire’s dish
LesMisCasserole Victor Hugo’s dish
TowerTart Gustave Eiffel’s dish
ClairDeLuneCrรจmeBrรปlรฉe Debussy’s dish
SecondSoufflรฉ Simone de Beauvoir’s dish
ExistentialistEel Sartre’s dish
TheStrangersCouscous Camus’s dish
MadeleineMoments Proust’s dish
SunKingSoufflรฉ Louis XIV’s dish
MagicPotionSoup Asterix’s dish
MenhirMush Obelix’s dish
๐ป GHOST JURY TAGS
Tag Judge
GhostJury The judging panel
AdolfSharkler Adolf Sharkler
TiberiusReviews Tiberius the Tiger
FivePaws Tiberius’s rating system
FourPaws Four paws rating
ThreePaws Three paws rating
FreislerScreams Judge Freisler
FridaJudges Frida Kahlo
MaradonaComments Diego Maradona’s Ghost
GarcรญaMรกrquezWrites Gabriel Garcรญa Mรกrquez’s Ghost
SchicklgruberSing Schicklgruber Singers
๐ท๏ธ THEME TAGS
Tag Theme
Survival Survival theme
Ghosts Ghost theme
Afterlife Afterlife theme
Cooking Cooking theme
Competition Competition theme
History History theme
Legacy Legacy theme
Fame Fame theme
Hollywood Hollywood theme
America America theme
Europe Europe theme
France France theme
Paris Paris theme
World World theme
Global Global theme
๐ญ PRODUCTION TAGS
Tag Production Element
StasiFrauenSupport Stasi Frauen Support Staffel
FreeFritzlFront Free Fritzl Front
BrazilianBlackHoleSyndikat Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat
SurfNSZis Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour
CloneWarProfiteers Clone War Profiteers
SchicklgruberLustSyndikat Schicklgruber Lust Syndikat
LibertarianSharkCartel Libertarian Shark Cartel
MessalinasSlaveEmpire Messalina’s Slave Empire
ReichstagSpectralCateringCorps Reichstag Spectral Catering Corps
HollywoodGhostProductions Hollywood Ghost Productions
EuropeanAfterlifeAlliance European Afterlife Alliance
FotzenFritzVersion Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis
MadwoodStudios Madwood Studios
SamuelBronkowiz Samuel Bronkowiz Production
๐ CREATOR TAGS
Tag Creator
BerndPulch Bernd Pulch
BernwardBimbo Bernward Bimbo
ErnstNeger6 Ernst Neger 6
MortenMohr Morten Mohr
DianaNegerkuss Diana Negerkuss
๐ WINNER TAGS
Tag Winner
XicaWins Xica da Silva โ South America
MarilynWins Marilyn Monroe โ North America
MarieWins Marie Antoinette โ Europe
TieWinner Tie between Xica and Clara
๐ CONNECTION TAGS
Tag Connection
Crossover Crossover episodes
ReichstagMeetsSouthAmerica Reichstag x South America
SouthAmericaMeetsNorthAmerica South America x North America
NorthAmericaMeetsEurope North America x Europe
AllCharacters All characters appearing
CompleteCast Complete cast episodes
๐ HUMOR TAGS
Tag Joke
WeaponizedOnions La Llorona’s weeping
GhostsCantEat Ghosts judging food they can’t eat
ColonSafety Ehlers’s obsession
MethodActingGhosts Pimmler family
HermitLovesCatering Hermit Boring’s catering love
MarilynsDressHasOpinions Marilyn’s dress
HipposHaveOpinions Pablo Escobar’s hippos
CakeObsession Marie Antoinette’s cake
NapoleonComplex Napoleon’s height jokes
VanGoghsEar Van Gogh’s ear jokes
BeethovenCantHear Beethoven’s deafness jokes
JoansVoices Joan of Arc’s voices
๐ STATISTICS TAGS
Tag Statistic
47Ghosts 47 Reichstag ghosts
999Chorus 999 chorus members
11SouthAmericanLegends 11 South American legends
35NorthAmericanLegends 35 North American legends
40PlusEuropeanLegends 40+ European legends
13SalemWitches 13 Salem witches
100PlusGhosts 100+ ghosts total
1100Actors Total actors (approx.)
๐ฌ FORMAT TAGS
Tag Format
VideoPrompt Video prompt format
FullEpisode Full episode
Trailer Trailer format
BehindTheScenes Behind the scenes
GrayMercedesAudit Gray Mercedes receipt audit
๐ EPISODE NUMBER TAGS
Tag Episode
Episode1 Episode 1
Episode42 Episode 42
Episode43 Reichstag Crossover
Episode44 North America Ghost Edition
Episode45 Europe Ghost Edition
Episode46 World Ghost Edition (upcoming)
๐ฉ๐ช GERMAN LANGUAGE TAGS
Tag Description
DeutscheSatire German satire
BerlinerSatire Berlin satire
Kultursatire Culture satire
EsDeutsch It’s German
DeutscherHumor German humor
GermanGhosts German ghosts
ReichstagBerlin Reichstag Berlin
Deutschland Germany
๐ท๏ธ MASTER TAG LIST (ALPHABETICAL)
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sel#VincentLindon#VincentVanGogh#ViolaDavis#VirginQueenPudding#Voltaire#WagnerMoura#WalburgaTheValkyrie#WaterLilyConsommรฉ#WeaponizedOnions#WhitneyHouston#WilliamShakespeare#WinstonChurchill#WitchesBrew#WolfgangAmadeusMozart#World#WorldsGreatestSlut#Wotan#XicaDaSilva#XicaWins#Zendaya๐ท๏ธ
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