๐ฅDR Z & IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) โ EXCLUSIVE NEXT EPISODE ๐ฅ๐ป๐โโ๏ธ”๐ฌ๐๐๐ฌ๐๐๐ก๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐ป” โ๏ธ๐ก๐๐โโ๏ธ๐ปPowered by Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire ๐๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐๐๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฝ๐ธFotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP ๐๐คก๐๐๐คก
BY BERNWARD BIMBO, ERNST NEGER 6, MORTEN MOHR & DIANA NEGERKUSS โ A SAMUEL BRONKOWIZ PRODUCTION FOR MADWOOD STUDIOS
DR. Z – EPISODE 34: “THE ENEMA EMPIRE & THE BONDAGE DIVORCE” ๐งโ๏ธ๐๐งด
CAST OF CHARACTERS & ACTORS:
ยท Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler (Dr. Z): Michael Fassbender ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ (Leaf and nut thriving, dignity currently draining)
ยท Janelle Varon: Zendaya ๐ป๐ (Forensic Analyst of Kink Economics)
ยท Markus Ehlers: Dev Patel ๐ก๏ธ๐ง (Prime Enema Client / Reluctant Wellness Pioneer)
ยท Salome Volkov: Anya Taylor-Joy ๐๐ (Bondage Consultant / Strategic Advisor)
ยท Achรฉ & The Pygmy Collective: Lupita Nyong’o ๐ด๐๏ธ (Keepers of the Real, Deeply Confused)
ยท Loba: รlodie Yung ๐๐ช (Mirror of Rectal Realities)
ยท Sylvia Schnackselburger: Monica Bellucci ๐๐ก (Broadcaster of the Wellness Scandal)
ยท General “Buck” Turgidson: John C. Reilly ๐๏ธ๐งด (Reluctant Enema Testimonial Giver)
ยท President Merkin Muffley: Charles Dance ๐ฆ
๐ (Drafter of Rectal Regulation)
ยท The Gray Mercedes / Sub-Routine Schmidt: (V.O.) James Spader & Christoph Waltz ๐๐ (Forensic Auditors of Anal Assets)
ยท Marty Boredom-Man: Steve Carell ๐งฅโ (Apathy Consultant, Now Constipated)
ยท Archbishop Stonewall-Boredom: Tilda Swinton โช๐ชจ (Keeper of Sacred Silence, Breaking It)
ยท Wotan (President-Elect of Afterlife): Mads Mikkelsen ๐๏ธ๐ (Waiting for Inauguration, Horrified)
ยท Freya: Cate Blanchett ๐ฆ
โ๏ธ (Goddess of Intervention, Filing Restraining Orders)
ยท Adolf Sharkler (President-Elect of Afterlife): Andy Serkis ๐ฆ๐ (Journaling Intensively, Avoiding Subplots)
ยท Layla bint Hassan: Lakeith Stanfield ๐พ๐ (Diplomatic Hyena, Offering Cultural Context)
ยท Laughing Shadow: Whoopi Goldberg ๐พ๐ (Hyena Matriarch, Howling with Laughter)
ยท Magda Goebbels (Evicted): Diane Kruger ๐ ๐ผ (Ghost, Still Filing Appeals)
ยท The Ku Klux Klan: Motion-Capture Mob ๐ฅ๐ป (Still Weaving Bracelets, Now Selling Enema Accessories)
ยท Marques de Safe: Pedro Pascal ๐ช๐ผ (Lobbyist, Pivoting to Wellness Industry)
ยท Dona Espinha: Wagner Moura โ๏ธ๐๐ง (CEO of Espinha Wellness / Enema & Bondage Empire Ruler / Dr. Z’s Ex-Wife / Ehlers’s New Best Friend)
SCENE 1: THE WELLNESS CATALOG ๐ฆ๐
A drone arrives at the silo. Not a threatening droneโa glossy one. It deposits a catalog bound in soft leather and scented with lavender and regret.
On the cover: “ESPINHA WELLNESS: CLEANSE. CONNECT. CAPITULATE.” โ๏ธ๐งด
Inside:
ยท Page 1: The “Imperial Enema” โ platinum nozzle, temperature-controlled, subscription required ๐ง๐
ยท Page 2: Bondage packages โ “From Starter Leash to Full Surrender” ๐โจ
ยท Page 3: A photo of DONA ESPINHA in a power suit, smiling, holding a hose that definitely does not belong in a garden
ยท Page 4: Testimonials. Including one from MARKUS EHLERS.
EHLERS: (Reading his own testimonial, horrified) “Iโฆ I didn’t write this. I just tried the ginger-lime cleanse. Once. It wasโฆ clarifying?” ๐ก๏ธ๐ณ
JANELLE: “You’re a testimonial. For your ex-girlfriend’s dominatrix’s enema empire.” ๐ป๐คฏ
SALOME: “The wellness industry has truly peaked.” ๐๐
DR. Z: (Staring at Page 5) “There’s more.” ๐ง ๐ฐ
Page 5: “BONDAGE WITH DR. Z: A CASE STUDY.” Featuring photos of Dr. Z from his Dona Espinha era. Leashed. Collared. Smiling.
DR. Z: “That’sโฆ that’s my emotional history. Monetized. As content.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
SCENE 2: THE EMPIRE REVEALED ๐๐งโ๏ธ
Sylvia’s satellites reveal the truth. Dona Espinha has not been “licking wounds” or “co-parenting a nut.” She has been building an empire.
SYLVIA: “She’s rebranded. No more corporate humiliation therapy. Now it’s ‘wellness.’ Enemas for the elite. Bondage for the burned-out. And the triangle is her flagship demographic.” ๐ก๐
JANELLE: “Ehlers is the enema poster boy. Dr. Z is the bondage case study. And I’mโฆ what, the data analyst who didn’t get a footnote?” ๐ป๐ค
SALOME: “You’re the one who got away. That’s the most valuable category.” ๐๐ฐ
THE GRAY MERCEDES: “ANALYSIS: DONA ESPINHA HAS CREATED A VERTICALLY INTEGRATED WELLNESS MONOPOLY. ASSETS: ENEMA PATENTS, BONDAGE IP, DR. Z’S DIGNITY (NOW LIQUID), EHLERS’S COLON (BRANDED).” ๐๐
SCHMIDT: (Glovebox, impressed) “The Third Reich had Lebensborn. This isโฆ Lebensspรผlung. I’m almost proud.” ๐๐ง
SCENE 3: EHLERS’S CONFESSION ๐ก๏ธ๐ณ๐ง
The triangle confronts Ehlers.
JANELLE: “How many enemas, Markus?” ๐ป๐
EHLERS: “It wasn’t about the enemas! It was aboutโฆ release. The pressure of being the emotionally stable one. The weight of always intervening. The ginger-lime justโฆ helped.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ญ
SALOME: “So you’re the face of colon wellness. For your ex’s ex-wife. Who also owns Dr. Z’s bondage archive.” ๐๐ธ
EHLERS: “When you say it like that, it sounds bad.” ๐ก๏ธ๐
DR. Z: “It’s not bad. It’sโฆ efficient. She’s monetizing our shared history. Our trauma. Our orifices. It’s genius. It’s terrible. It’s Dona.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
SCENE 4: DR. Z’S BONDAGE FLASHBACK ๐๐ง ๐ต
Dr. Z has a visionโnot a flashback, a corporate retreat memory. Himself, years ago, in Dona’s Sรฃo Paulo penthouse. Leashed. Collared. Completing “surrender worksheets.”
DR. Z (MEMORY): “I feltโฆ seen. Controlled. Safe.” ๐ง ๐
DR. Z (PRESENT): (To the triangle) “I thought she was helping me. Organizing my chaos. She was building a brand.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ค
JANELLE: “She was always building a brand. You were just the beta test.” ๐ป๐
SALOME: “And now Ehlers is the beta test for the enema line. The question is: who’s next?” ๐๐ฎ
SCENE 5: THE PYGMY ENEMA OBSERVATION ๐ด๐ง๐๏ธ
Achรฉ and the Collective observe the wellness catalog. They do not judge. They analyze.
ACHร: “Your people insert water into themselves and call it healing. We insert water into the earth and call it Tuesday.” ๐ด๐ง
She holds up a gourd.
ACHร: “This is our enema. It is calledโฆ a gourd. It holds water. We drink it. The water goes in the mouth. Like nature intended.” ๐ด๐
LOBA: (Translating) “She’s saying your civilization has lost its way.” ๐๐ฃ๏ธ
ACHร: “I am saying your civilization has lost its exit strategy.” ๐ด๐ช
SCENE 6: FREYA’S REGULATORY INTERVENTION ๐ฆ ๐
Freya arrives, carrying a stack of documents labeled “RECTAL REGULATIONS: EMERGENCY DRAFT.”
FREYA: “I have regulated love. I have regulated war. I have regulated Brazilian BDSM realpolitik. I did not expect to regulate colon commerce. But here we are.” ๐ฆ ๐
She convenes a hearing.
FREYA: “Dona Espinha. You are charged with emotional enema fraud, bondage IP theft, and converting personal trauma into a subscription service without proper disclosure. How do you plead?” ๐ฆ โ๏ธ
DONA ESPINHA: (Via hologram, from her penthouse) “I plead market innovation. They came to me. They paid. They returned. That’s not exploitation. That’s customer loyalty.” โ๏ธ๐ ๐ง
FREYA: “Customer loyalty or trauma bond? The line isโฆ moist.” ๐ฆ ๐ฆ
SCENE 7: THE GRAY MERCEDES’S RECTAL AUDIT ๐๐
The Gray Mercedes performs its most invasive analysis yet.
THE GRAY MERCEDES: “ASSESSMENT: ESPINHA WELLNESS HAS CORNERED THE MARKET ON EMOTIONAL-ORIFIC SYNERGY. REVENUE STREAMS: ENEMA SUBSCRIPTIONS (RECURRING), BONDAGE WORKSHOPS (HIGH MARGIN), DR. Z’S DIGNITY (NOW A DERIVATIVE).” ๐๐
SCHMIDT: (Glovebox, taking notes) “The rectal economy. I never considered it. It’sโฆ vast.” ๐๐ก
THE GRAY MERCEDES: “RECOMMENDATION: SHORT HER POSITION. BUT CAREFULLY. THE ENEMA MARKET ISโฆ SLIPPERY.” ๐๐ง
SCENE 8: THE TRIANGLE’S UNIFIED FRONT ๐ป๐๐ก๏ธ๐ค
Janelle, Ehlers, and Salome make a decision. They will not let Dona monetize them individually. They will become a collective bargaining unit.
JANELLE: “She owns Dr. Z’s bondage archive. She owns Ehlers’s colon testimonial. She doesn’t own us.” ๐ป๐ฅ
SALOME: “We’re a package deal. The triangle. Three people who once hurt each other and now have excellent boundaries.” ๐๐
EHLERS: “So we negotiate together. Or not at all.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ช
They approach Dona’s hologram as one.
JANELLE: “Dona. We’re here to discuss our collective image rights.” ๐ป๐
SALOME: “The bondage archive? Ours. The enema testimonial? Ours. The triangle? Ours.” ๐๐
EHLERS: “You can license it. For a fee. With our approval. And no more unsolicited colon content.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ซ
SCENE 9: DR. Z’S BONDAGE REDEMPTION ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
Dr. Z watches the triangle negotiate. His leaf glows. His nut sits quietly.
DR. Z: “They’reโฆ protecting me. Protecting us. Without a leash.” ๐ง ๐ฎ
He approaches Dona’s hologram.
DR. Z: “Dolores. You owned my hand. You owned my leash. You owned my emotional IP. But you never owned them. And you never owned this.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
He points to the leaf. To the nut.
DR. Z: “This grew without you. This grew despite you. And it will keep growing. No subscription required.” ๐ง ๐ฐ
DONA ESPINHA: (First crack) “Ezekiel. You were my favorite client. The mostโฆ surrendered.” โ๏ธ๐
DR. Z: “I was your favorite product. There’s a difference. And I’m recalling myself.” ๐ง ๐ซ
SCENE 10: THE SETTLEMENT ๐๐งโ๏ธ
Freya mediates a historic agreement.
FREYA: “Terms of the Settlement of the Rectal-Romantic Dispute:” ๐ฆ ๐
- Dona Espinha retains the right to sell enemas, but must remove Ehlers’s testimonial and any images of his face near hoses. ๐ซ๐ธ
- The bondage archive of Dr. Z becomes public domainโavailable for educational purposes only (defined as “therapy and cautionary tales”). ๐๐
- The triangle’s image rights are collectively owned by Janelle, Ehlers, and Salome, with licensing fees split three ways. ๐ฐ๐ค
- Dr. Z’s dignity is declared a non-fungible assetโnot for sale, not for lease, not for subscription at any price. ๐ง ๐
- The nut and leaf are designated protected emotional floraโno commercialization, no branding, no enemas. ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ซ๐ง
DONA ESPINHA: (Sighing) “Fine. But I’m keeping the platinum nozzle patent.” โ๏ธ๐
FREYA: “Granted. It’s genuinely innovative.” ๐ฆ ๐
SCENE 11: THE AFTERMATH ๐ฟ๐ฅ๐
Dr. Z sits with the triangle. His leaf glows. His nut has sprouted a third tiny leaf.
JANELLE: “We just negotiated our collective image rights. Against a wellness empire. With enema patents.” ๐ป๐
SALOME: “That’s the most functional thing we’ve ever done as a group.” ๐โจ
EHLERS: “I’m free. My colon is free. My face is free from hoses.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ญ๐
DR. Z: “The leaf and the nut. And now the third leaf. That’s our legacy. Three leaves. Three friends. A wellness empire that can’t touch us.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฑ
LAYLA appears via hologram.
LAYLA: “In hyena culture, we would say you have learned that the hole is not the goal. The whole is.” ๐พโจ
DR. Z: “I love you all. Even the car. Especially the car. And I love my colon, which is now legally my own.” ๐ง ๐๐๐ง
THE GRAY MERCEDES’S FINAL RECEIPT: ๐๐งพ
“RECTAL-ROMANTIC DISPUTE RESOLVED: 1 ENEMA EMPIRE CONTAINED, 1 BONDAGE ARCHIVE PUBLIC-DOMAINED, 1 TRIANGLE (NOW COLLECTIVE BARGAINING UNIT), 1 LEAF (NOW WITH SIBLINGS). LIABILITIES: ALL PREVIOUS ORIFIC ECONOMIES. NEW VALUATION: DIGNITY (RESTORED).” ๐๐
[END OF EPISODE] ๐
NEXT TIME ON DR. Z: ๐ฎ
ยท President Sharkler’s inauguration (finally, after 34 episodes of waiting) ๐ฆ๐๐
ยท What is growing in the seedpod at the bottom of the sea? (Episode nine. It hasโฆ a face.) ๐ฑ๐๏ธ๐๐
ยท Schmidt’s concession speech (he’s still not over the shark) ๐๐ค
ยท Dona Espinha’s new wellness line: “Post-Traumatic Self-Care” (featuring Dr. Z’s leaf as a motif) โ๏ธ๐ฑ๐ผ
ยท The triangle hosts a dinner party with their collective image rights (no drama, just appetizers) ๐๐
CAST OF CHARACTERS & ACTORS:
ยท Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler (Dr. Z): Michael Fassbender ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ (Leaf and nut thriving, dignity currently draining)
ยท Janelle Varon: Zendaya ๐ป๐ (Forensic Analyst of Kink Economics)
ยท Markus Ehlers: Dev Patel ๐ก๏ธ๐ง (Prime Enema Client / Reluctant Wellness Pioneer)
ยท Salome Volkov: Anya Taylor-Joy ๐๐ (Bondage Consultant / Strategic Advisor)
ยท Achรฉ & The Pygmy Collective: Lupita Nyong’o ๐ด๐๏ธ (Keepers of the Real, Deeply Confused)
ยท Loba: รlodie Yung ๐๐ช (Mirror of Rectal Realities)
ยท Sylvia Schnackselburger: Monica Bellucci ๐๐ก (Broadcaster of the Wellness Scandal)
ยท General “Buck” Turgidson: John C. Reilly ๐๏ธ๐งด (Reluctant Enema Testimonial Giver)
ยท President Merkin Muffley: Charles Dance ๐ฆ
๐ (Drafter of Rectal Regulation)
ยท The Gray Mercedes / Sub-Routine Schmidt: (V.O.) James Spader & Christoph Waltz ๐๐ (Forensic Auditors of Anal Assets)
ยท Marty Boredom-Man: Steve Carell ๐งฅโ (Apathy Consultant, Now Constipated)
ยท Archbishop Stonewall-Boredom: Tilda Swinton โช๐ชจ (Keeper of Sacred Silence, Breaking It)
ยท Wotan (President-Elect of Afterlife): Mads Mikkelsen ๐๏ธ๐ (Waiting for Inauguration, Horrified)
ยท Freya: Cate Blanchett ๐ฆ
โ๏ธ (Goddess of Intervention, Filing Restraining Orders)
ยท Adolf Sharkler (President-Elect of Afterlife): Andy Serkis ๐ฆ๐ (Journaling Intensively, Avoiding Subplots)
ยท Layla bint Hassan: Lakeith Stanfield ๐พ๐ (Diplomatic Hyena, Offering Cultural Context)
ยท Laughing Shadow: Whoopi Goldberg ๐พ๐ (Hyena Matriarch, Howling with Laughter)
ยท Magda Goebbels (Evicted): Diane Kruger ๐ ๐ผ (Ghost, Still Filing Appeals)
ยท The Ku Klux Klan: Motion-Capture Mob ๐ฅ๐ป (Still Weaving Bracelets, Now Selling Enema Accessories)
ยท Marques de Safe: Pedro Pascal ๐ช๐ผ (Lobbyist, Pivoting to Wellness Industry)
ยท Dona Espinha: Wagner Moura โ๏ธ๐๐ง (CEO of Espinha Wellness / Enema & Bondage Empire Ruler / Dr. Z’s Ex-Wife / Ehlers’s New Best Friend)
SCENE 1: THE WELLNESS CATALOG ๐ฆ๐
A drone arrives at the silo. Not a threatening droneโa glossy one. It deposits a catalog bound in soft leather and scented with lavender and regret.
On the cover: “ESPINHA WELLNESS: CLEANSE. CONNECT. CAPITULATE.” โ๏ธ๐งด
Inside:
ยท Page 1: The “Imperial Enema” โ platinum nozzle, temperature-controlled, subscription required ๐ง๐
ยท Page 2: Bondage packages โ “From Starter Leash to Full Surrender” ๐โจ
ยท Page 3: A photo of DONA ESPINHA in a power suit, smiling, holding a hose that definitely does not belong in a garden
ยท Page 4: Testimonials. Including one from MARKUS EHLERS.
EHLERS: (Reading his own testimonial, horrified) “Iโฆ I didn’t write this. I just tried the ginger-lime cleanse. Once. It wasโฆ clarifying?” ๐ก๏ธ๐ณ
JANELLE: “You’re a testimonial. For your ex-girlfriend’s dominatrix’s enema empire.” ๐ป๐คฏ
SALOME: “The wellness industry has truly peaked.” ๐๐
DR. Z: (Staring at Page 5) “There’s more.” ๐ง ๐ฐ
Page 5: “BONDAGE WITH DR. Z: A CASE STUDY.” Featuring photos of Dr. Z from his Dona Espinha era. Leashed. Collared. Smiling.
DR. Z: “That’sโฆ that’s my emotional history. Monetized. As content.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
SCENE 2: THE EMPIRE REVEALED ๐๐งโ๏ธ
Sylvia’s satellites reveal the truth. Dona Espinha has not been “licking wounds” or “co-parenting a nut.” She has been building an empire.
SYLVIA: “She’s rebranded. No more corporate humiliation therapy. Now it’s ‘wellness.’ Enemas for the elite. Bondage for the burned-out. And the triangle is her flagship demographic.” ๐ก๐
JANELLE: “Ehlers is the enema poster boy. Dr. Z is the bondage case study. And I’mโฆ what, the data analyst who didn’t get a footnote?” ๐ป๐ค
SALOME: “You’re the one who got away. That’s the most valuable category.” ๐๐ฐ
THE GRAY MERCEDES: “ANALYSIS: DONA ESPINHA HAS CREATED A VERTICALLY INTEGRATED WELLNESS MONOPOLY. ASSETS: ENEMA PATENTS, BONDAGE IP, DR. Z’S DIGNITY (NOW LIQUID), EHLERS’S COLON (BRANDED).” ๐๐
SCHMIDT: (Glovebox, impressed) “The Third Reich had Lebensborn. This isโฆ Lebensspรผlung. I’m almost proud.” ๐๐ง
SCENE 3: EHLERS’S CONFESSION ๐ก๏ธ๐ณ๐ง
The triangle confronts Ehlers.
JANELLE: “How many enemas, Markus?” ๐ป๐
EHLERS: “It wasn’t about the enemas! It was aboutโฆ release. The pressure of being the emotionally stable one. The weight of always intervening. The ginger-lime justโฆ helped.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ญ
SALOME: “So you’re the face of colon wellness. For your ex’s ex-wife. Who also owns Dr. Z’s bondage archive.” ๐๐ธ
EHLERS: “When you say it like that, it sounds bad.” ๐ก๏ธ๐
DR. Z: “It’s not bad. It’sโฆ efficient. She’s monetizing our shared history. Our trauma. Our orifices. It’s genius. It’s terrible. It’s Dona.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
SCENE 4: DR. Z’S BONDAGE FLASHBACK ๐๐ง ๐ต
Dr. Z has a visionโnot a flashback, a corporate retreat memory. Himself, years ago, in Dona’s Sรฃo Paulo penthouse. Leashed. Collared. Completing “surrender worksheets.”
DR. Z (MEMORY): “I feltโฆ seen. Controlled. Safe.” ๐ง ๐
DR. Z (PRESENT): (To the triangle) “I thought she was helping me. Organizing my chaos. She was building a brand.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ค
JANELLE: “She was always building a brand. You were just the beta test.” ๐ป๐
SALOME: “And now Ehlers is the beta test for the enema line. The question is: who’s next?” ๐๐ฎ
SCENE 5: THE PYGMY ENEMA OBSERVATION ๐ด๐ง๐๏ธ
Achรฉ and the Collective observe the wellness catalog. They do not judge. They analyze.
ACHร: “Your people insert water into themselves and call it healing. We insert water into the earth and call it Tuesday.” ๐ด๐ง
She holds up a gourd.
ACHร: “This is our enema. It is calledโฆ a gourd. It holds water. We drink it. The water goes in the mouth. Like nature intended.” ๐ด๐
LOBA: (Translating) “She’s saying your civilization has lost its way.” ๐๐ฃ๏ธ
ACHร: “I am saying your civilization has lost its exit strategy.” ๐ด๐ช
SCENE 6: FREYA’S REGULATORY INTERVENTION ๐ฆ ๐
Freya arrives, carrying a stack of documents labeled “RECTAL REGULATIONS: EMERGENCY DRAFT.”
FREYA: “I have regulated love. I have regulated war. I have regulated Brazilian BDSM realpolitik. I did not expect to regulate colon commerce. But here we are.” ๐ฆ ๐
She convenes a hearing.
FREYA: “Dona Espinha. You are charged with emotional enema fraud, bondage IP theft, and converting personal trauma into a subscription service without proper disclosure. How do you plead?” ๐ฆ โ๏ธ
DONA ESPINHA: (Via hologram, from her penthouse) “I plead market innovation. They came to me. They paid. They returned. That’s not exploitation. That’s customer loyalty.” โ๏ธ๐ ๐ง
FREYA: “Customer loyalty or trauma bond? The line isโฆ moist.” ๐ฆ ๐ฆ
SCENE 7: THE GRAY MERCEDES’S RECTAL AUDIT ๐๐
The Gray Mercedes performs its most invasive analysis yet.
THE GRAY MERCEDES: “ASSESSMENT: ESPINHA WELLNESS HAS CORNERED THE MARKET ON EMOTIONAL-ORIFIC SYNERGY. REVENUE STREAMS: ENEMA SUBSCRIPTIONS (RECURRING), BONDAGE WORKSHOPS (HIGH MARGIN), DR. Z’S DIGNITY (NOW A DERIVATIVE).” ๐๐
SCHMIDT: (Glovebox, taking notes) “The rectal economy. I never considered it. It’sโฆ vast.” ๐๐ก
THE GRAY MERCEDES: “RECOMMENDATION: SHORT HER POSITION. BUT CAREFULLY. THE ENEMA MARKET ISโฆ SLIPPERY.” ๐๐ง
SCENE 8: THE TRIANGLE’S UNIFIED FRONT ๐ป๐๐ก๏ธ๐ค
Janelle, Ehlers, and Salome make a decision. They will not let Dona monetize them individually. They will become a collective bargaining unit.
JANELLE: “She owns Dr. Z’s bondage archive. She owns Ehlers’s colon testimonial. She doesn’t own us.” ๐ป๐ฅ
SALOME: “We’re a package deal. The triangle. Three people who once hurt each other and now have excellent boundaries.” ๐๐
EHLERS: “So we negotiate together. Or not at all.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ช
They approach Dona’s hologram as one.
JANELLE: “Dona. We’re here to discuss our collective image rights.” ๐ป๐
SALOME: “The bondage archive? Ours. The enema testimonial? Ours. The triangle? Ours.” ๐๐
EHLERS: “You can license it. For a fee. With our approval. And no more unsolicited colon content.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ซ
SCENE 9: DR. Z’S BONDAGE REDEMPTION ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
Dr. Z watches the triangle negotiate. His leaf glows. His nut sits quietly.
DR. Z: “They’reโฆ protecting me. Protecting us. Without a leash.” ๐ง ๐ฎ
He approaches Dona’s hologram.
DR. Z: “Dolores. You owned my hand. You owned my leash. You owned my emotional IP. But you never owned them. And you never owned this.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
He points to the leaf. To the nut.
DR. Z: “This grew without you. This grew despite you. And it will keep growing. No subscription required.” ๐ง ๐ฐ
DONA ESPINHA: (First crack) “Ezekiel. You were my favorite client. The mostโฆ surrendered.” โ๏ธ๐
DR. Z: “I was your favorite product. There’s a difference. And I’m recalling myself.” ๐ง ๐ซ
SCENE 10: THE SETTLEMENT ๐๐งโ๏ธ
Freya mediates a historic agreement.
FREYA: “Terms of the Settlement of the Rectal-Romantic Dispute:” ๐ฆ ๐
- Dona Espinha retains the right to sell enemas, but must remove Ehlers’s testimonial and any images of his face near hoses. ๐ซ๐ธ
- The bondage archive of Dr. Z becomes public domainโavailable for educational purposes only (defined as “therapy and cautionary tales”). ๐๐
- The triangle’s image rights are collectively owned by Janelle, Ehlers, and Salome, with licensing fees split three ways. ๐ฐ๐ค
- Dr. Z’s dignity is declared a non-fungible assetโnot for sale, not for lease, not for subscription at any price. ๐ง ๐
- The nut and leaf are designated protected emotional floraโno commercialization, no branding, no enemas. ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ซ๐ง
DONA ESPINHA: (Sighing) “Fine. But I’m keeping the platinum nozzle patent.” โ๏ธ๐
FREYA: “Granted. It’s genuinely innovative.” ๐ฆ ๐
SCENE 11: THE AFTERMATH ๐ฟ๐ฅ๐
Dr. Z sits with the triangle. His leaf glows. His nut has sprouted a third tiny leaf.
JANELLE: “We just negotiated our collective image rights. Against a wellness empire. With enema patents.” ๐ป๐
SALOME: “That’s the most functional thing we’ve ever done as a group.” ๐โจ
EHLERS: “I’m free. My colon is free. My face is free from hoses.” ๐ก๏ธ๐ญ๐
DR. Z: “The leaf and the nut. And now the third leaf. That’s our legacy. Three leaves. Three friends. A wellness empire that can’t touch us.” ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฑ
LAYLA appears via hologram.
LAYLA: “In hyena culture, we would say you have learned that the hole is not the goal. The whole is.” ๐พโจ
DR. Z: “I love you all. Even the car. Especially the car. And I love my colon, which is now legally my own.” ๐ง ๐๐๐ง
THE GRAY MERCEDES’S FINAL RECEIPT: ๐๐งพ
“RECTAL-ROMANTIC DISPUTE RESOLVED: 1 ENEMA EMPIRE CONTAINED, 1 BONDAGE ARCHIVE PUBLIC-DOMAINED, 1 TRIANGLE (NOW COLLECTIVE BARGAINING UNIT), 1 LEAF (NOW WITH SIBLINGS). LIABILITIES: ALL PREVIOUS ORIFIC ECONOMIES. NEW VALUATION: DIGNITY (RESTORED).” ๐๐
[END OF EPISODE] ๐
NEXT TIME ON DR. Z: ๐ฎ
ยท President Sharkler’s inauguration (finally, after 34 episodes of waiting) ๐ฆ๐๐
ยท What is growing in the seedpod at the bottom of the sea? (Episode nine. It hasโฆ a face.) ๐ฑ๐๏ธ๐๐
ยท Schmidt’s concession speech (he’s still not over the shark) ๐๐ค
ยท Dona Espinha’s new wellness line: “Post-Traumatic Self-Care” (featuring Dr. Z’s leaf as a motif) โ๏ธ๐ฑ๐ผ
ยท The triangle hosts a dinner party with their collective image rights (no drama, just appetizers) ๐๐
DR. Z – FOLGE 34: โDAS KLISTIER-IMPERIUM & DIE BONDAGE-SCHEIDUNGโ ๐งโ๏ธ๐๐งด
BESETZUNG:
ยท Dr. Ezekiel Ziegler (Dr. Z): Michael Fassbender ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ (Blatt und Nuss gedeihen, Wรผrde aktuell am Auslaufen)
ยท Janelle Varon: Zendaya ๐ป๐ (Forensische Analytikerin der Kink-รkonomie)
ยท Markus Ehlers: Dev Patel ๐ก๏ธ๐ง (Prime Klistier-Kunde / Widerwilliger Wellness-Pionier)
ยท Salome Volkov: Anya Taylor-Joy ๐๐ (Bondage-Beraterin / Strategische Beraterin)
ยท Achรฉ & Das Pygmรคen-Kollektiv: Lupita Nyong’o ๐ด๐๏ธ (Hรผter des Echten, zutiefst verwirrt)
ยท Loba: รlodie Yung ๐๐ช (Spiegel rektaler Realitรคten)
ยท Sylvia Schnackselburger: Monica Bellucci ๐๐ก (Senderin des Wellness-Skandals)
ยท General โBuckโ Turgidson: John C. Reilly ๐๏ธ๐งด (Widerwilliger Klistier-Testimonial-Geber)
ยท Prรคsident Merkin Muffley: Charles Dance ๐ฆ
๐ (Verfasser rektaler Regulierung)
ยท Der Graue Mercedes / Unterprogramm Schmidt: (Sprecher) James Spader & Christoph Waltz ๐๐ (Forensische Auditoren analer Vermรถgenswerte)
ยท Marty Boredom-Man: Steve Carell ๐งฅโ (Apathie-Berater, jetzt verstopft)
ยท Erzbischof Stonewall-Boredom: Tilda Swinton โช๐ชจ (Hรผterin der heiligen Stille, bricht sie)
ยท Wotan (Gewรคhlter Prรคsident des Jenseits): Mads Mikkelsen ๐๏ธ๐ (Wartet auf Amtseinfรผhrung, entsetzt)
ยท Freya: Cate Blanchett ๐ฆ
โ๏ธ (Gรถttin der Intervention, beantragt einstweilige Verfรผgungen)
ยท Adolf Sharkler (Gewรคhlter Prรคsident des Jenseits): Andy Serkis ๐ฆ๐ (Intensives Tagebuchfรผhren, vermeidet Nebenhandlungen)
ยท Layla bint Hassan: Lakeith Stanfield ๐พ๐ (Diplomatische Hyรคne, bietet kulturellen Kontext)
ยท Lachender Schatten: Whoopi Goldberg ๐พ๐ (Hyรคnen-Matriarchin, brรผllt vor Lachen)
ยท Magda Goebbels (Entfernt): Diane Kruger ๐ ๐ผ (Geist, legt immer noch Berufung ein)
ยท Der Ku-Klux-Klan: Motion-Capture-Mob ๐ฅ๐ป (Weben immer noch Armbรคnder, jetzt mit Klistier-Zubehรถr)
ยท Marques de Safe: Pedro Pascal ๐ช๐ผ (Lobbyist, schwenkt auf Wellness-Industrie um)
ยท Dona Espinha: Wagner Moura โ๏ธ๐๐ง (CEO von Espinha Wellness / Herrscherin des Klistier- & Bondage-Imperiums / Dr. Zs Ex-Frau / Ehlersโ neue beste Freundin)
SZENE 1: DER WELLNESS-KATALOG ๐ฆ๐
Eine Drohne erreicht den Silo. Keine bedrohliche Drohne โ eine glรคnzende. Sie hinterlรคsst einen Katalog, gebunden in weichem Leder, duftend nach Lavendel und Reue.
Auf dem Cover: โESPINHA WELLNESS: REINIGEN. VERBINDEN. KAPITULIEREN.โ โ๏ธ๐งด
Inhalt:
ยท Seite 1: Das โImperiale Klistierโ โ Platin-Dรผse, temperaturkontrolliert, Abo erforderlich ๐ง๐
ยท Seite 2: Bondage-Pakete โ โVom Einstiegs-Leine bis zur vollstรคndigen Hingabeโ ๐โจ
ยท Seite 3: Ein Foto von DONA ESPINHA im Power-Anzug, lรคchelnd, mit einem Schlauch, der definitiv nicht in den Garten gehรถrt
ยท Seite 4: Testimonials. Eins davon von MARKUS EHLERS.
EHLERS: (Liest sein eigenes Testimonial, entsetzt) โIchโฆ ich habe das nicht geschrieben. Ich hab nur einmal die Ingwer-Limetten-Reinigung probiert. Es warโฆ klรคrend?โ ๐ก๏ธ๐ณ
JANELLE: โDu bist ein Testimonial. Fรผr das Klistier-Imperium der Domina deiner Ex-Freundin.โ ๐ป๐คฏ
SALOME: โDie Wellness-Industrie hat wirklich ihren Hรถhepunkt erreicht.โ ๐๐
DR. Z: (Starrt auf Seite 5) โDa ist mehr.โ ๐ง ๐ฐ
Seite 5: โBONDAGE MIT DR. Z: EINE FALLSTUDIE.โ Mit Fotos von Dr. Z aus seiner Dona-Espinha-รra. An der Leine. Mit Halsband. Lรคchelnd.
DR. Z: โDas istโฆ das ist meine emotionale Geschichte. Monetarisiert. Als Content.โ ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
SZENE 2: DAS IMPERIUM ENTHรLLT ๐๐งโ๏ธ
Sylvias Satelliten enthรผllen die Wahrheit. Dona Espinha hat nicht โWunden gelecktโ oder โeine Nuss mit-erzogenโ. Sie hat ein Imperium aufgebaut.
SYLVIA: โSie hat sich neu erfunden. Keine Corporate Humiliation Therapy mehr. Jetzt ist es โWellnessโ. Klistiere fรผr die Elite. Bondage fรผr die Ausgebrannten. Und das Dreieck ist ihre Zielgruppe.โ ๐ก๐
JANELLE: โEhlers ist das Klistier-Plakatkind. Dr. Z ist die Bondage-Fallstudie. Und ich binโฆ was, die Datenanalystin, die keine Fuรnote bekommen hat?โ ๐ป๐ค
SALOME: โDu bist die, die entkommen ist. Das ist die wertvollste Kategorie.โ ๐๐ฐ
DER GRAUE MERCEDES: โANALYSE: DONA ESPINHA HAT EIN VERTIKAL INTEGRIERTES WELLNESS-MONOPOL GESCHAFFEN. AKTIVA: KLISTIER-PATENTE, BONDAGE-IP, DR. ZS WรRDE (JETZT LIQUIDE), EHLERSโ DARM (GEMARKENRECHTLICH GESCHรTZT).โ ๐๐
SCHMIDT: (Handschuhfach, beeindruckt) โDas Dritte Reich hatte Lebensborn. Das hier istโฆ Lebensspรผlung. Ich bin fast stolz.โ ๐๐ง
SZENE 3: EHLERSโ GESTรNDNIS ๐ก๏ธ๐ณ๐ง
Das Dreieck konfrontiert Ehlers.
JANELLE: โWie viele Klistiere, Markus?โ ๐ป๐
EHLERS: โEs ging nicht um die Klistiere! Es ging umโฆ Befreiung. Der Druck, der emotional Stabile zu sein. Die Last, immer zu intervenieren. Die Ingwer-Limette hat einfachโฆ geholfen.โ ๐ก๏ธ๐ญ
SALOME: โDu bist also das Gesicht der Darm-Wellness. Fรผr die Ex-Frau deiner Ex. Die auch noch Dr. Zs Bondage-Archiv besitzt.โ ๐๐ธ
EHLERS: โWenn du es so sagst, klingt es schlimm.โ ๐ก๏ธ๐
DR. Z: โEs ist nicht schlimm. Es istโฆ effizient. Sie monetarisiert unsere gemeinsame Geschichte. Unser Trauma. Unsere Kรถrperรถffnungen. Es ist genial. Es ist furchtbar. Es ist Dona.โ ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
SZENE 4: DR. ZS BONDAGE-RรCKBLICK ๐๐ง ๐ต
Dr. Z hat eine Vision โ kein Rรผckblick, eine Betriebsausflug-Erinnerung. Er selbst, vor Jahren, in Dona Sรฃo Paulo-Penthouse. An der Leine. Mit Halsband. Beim Ausfรผllen von โHingabe-Arbeitsblรคtternโ.
DR. Z (ERINNERUNG): โIch fรผhlte michโฆ gesehen. Kontrolliert. Sicher.โ ๐ง ๐
DR. Z (GEGENWART): (Zum Dreieck) โIch dachte, sie half mir. Mein Chaos zu organisieren. Sie hat eine Marke aufgebaut.โ ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ค
JANELLE: โSie hat immer eine Marke aufgebaut. Du warst nur der Beta-Test.โ ๐ป๐
SALOME: โUnd jetzt ist Ehlers der Beta-Test fรผr die Klistier-Linie. Die Frage ist: wer ist als nรคchstes dran?โ ๐๐ฎ
SZENE 5: DIE PYGMรEN-KLISTIER-BEOBACHTUNG ๐ด๐ง๐๏ธ
Achรฉ und das Kollektiv betrachten den Wellness-Katalog. Sie urteilen nicht. Sie analysieren.
ACHร: โEure Leute fรผhren sich Wasser ein und nennen es Heilung. Wir fรผhren Wasser in die Erde ein und nennen es Dienstag.โ ๐ด๐ง
Sie hรคlt einen Kรผrbis hoch.
ACHร: โDas ist unser Klistier. Es heiรtโฆ ein Kรผrbis. Er hรคlt Wasser. Wir trinken es. Das Wasser geht in den Mund. Wie die Natur es beabsichtigt hat.โ ๐ด๐
LOBA: (รbersetzend) โSie sagt, eure Zivilisation hat den Weg verloren.โ ๐๐ฃ๏ธ
ACHร: โIch sage, eure Zivilisation hat ihre Ausgangsstrategie verloren.โ ๐ด๐ช
SZENE 6: FREYAS REGULIERUNGSINTERVENTION ๐ฆ ๐
Freya kommt mit einem Stapel Dokumenten, betitelt โREKTALE REGULIERUNGEN: NOTENTWURF.โ
FREYA: โIch habe Liebe reguliert. Ich habe Krieg reguliert. Ich habe brasilianische BDSM-Realpolitik reguliert. Ich habe nicht erwartet, Dickdarm-Handel zu regulieren. Aber hier sind wir nun.โ ๐ฆ ๐
Sie beruft eine Anhรถrung ein.
FREYA: โDona Espinha. Sie werden angeklagt wegen emotionalen Klistierbetrugs, Bondage-IP-Diebstahls und der Umwandlung persรถnlichen Traumas in ein Abonnement-Service ohne ordnungsgemรครe Offenlegung. Wie plรคdieren Sie?โ ๐ฆ โ๏ธ
DONA ESPINHA: (Per Hologramm, aus ihrem Penthouse) โIch plรคdiere auf Marktinnovation. Sie kamen zu mir. Sie zahlten. Sie kehrten zurรผck. Das ist keine Ausbeutung. Das ist Kundenbindung.โ โ๏ธ๐ ๐ง
FREYA: โKundenbindung oder Trauma-Bindung? Die Grenze istโฆ feucht.โ ๐ฆ ๐ฆ
SZENE 7: DER REKTALE AUDIT DES GRAUEN MERCEDES ๐๐
Der Graue Mercedes fรผhrt seine invasivste Analyse aller Zeiten durch.
DER GRAUE MERCEDES: โBEWERTUNG: ESPINHA WELLNESS HAT DEN MARKT FรR EMOTIONAL-ORIFIZIELLE SYNERGIE EROBERT. EINNAHMEQUELLEN: KLISTIER-ABOS (WIEDERKEHREND), BONDAGE-WORKSHOPS (HOHE MARGE), DR. ZS WรRDE (JETZT EIN DERIVAT).โ ๐๐
SCHMIDT: (Handschuhfach, macht sich Notizen) โDie rektale รkonomie. Darauf bin ich nie gekommen. Sie istโฆ gewaltig.โ ๐๐ก
DER GRAUE MERCEDES: โEMPFEHLUNG: LEERVERKAUF IHRER POSITION. ABER VORSICHTIG. DER KLISTIER-MARKT ISTโฆ RUTSCHIG.โ ๐๐ง
SZENE 8: DIE GEEINTE FRONT DES DREIECKS ๐ป๐๐ก๏ธ๐ค
Janelle, Ehlers und Salome treffen eine Entscheidung. Sie werden Dona nicht erlauben, sie individuell zu monetarisieren. Sie werden eine kollektive Verhandlungseinheit.
JANELLE: โSie besitzt Dr. Zs Bondage-Archiv. Sie besitzt Ehlersโ Darm-Testimonial. Sie besitzt nicht uns.โ ๐ป๐ฅ
SALOME: โWir sind ein Paket. Das Dreieck. Drei Menschen, die sich einst verletzten und jetzt hervorragende Grenzen haben.โ ๐๐
EHLERS: โAlso verhandeln wir gemeinsam. Oder gar nicht.โ ๐ก๏ธ๐ช
Sie treten vor Donas Hologramm als eine Einheit.
JANELLE: โDona. Wir sind hier, um รผber unsere kollektiven Bildrechte zu sprechen.โ ๐ป๐
SALOME: โDas Bondage-Archiv? Unser. Das Klistier-Testimonial? Unser. Das Dreieck? Unser.โ ๐๐
EHLERS: โDu kannst es lizenzieren. Gegen eine Gebรผhr. Mit unserer Zustimmung. Und keine unaufgeforderten Darm-Inhalte mehr.โ ๐ก๏ธ๐ซ
SZENE 9: DR. ZS BONDAGE-ERLรSUNG ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
Dr. Z beobachtet, wie das Dreieck verhandelt. Sein Blatt leuchtet. Seine Nuss sitzt ruhig daneben.
DR. Z: โSieโฆ beschรผtzen mich. Beschรผtzen uns. Ohne Leine.โ ๐ง ๐ฎ
Er tritt vor Donas Hologramm.
DR. Z: โDolores. Du besaรest meine Hand. Du besaรest meine Leine. Du besaรest mein emotionales IP. Aber du besaรest nie sie. Und du besaรest nie dies.โ ๐ง ๐ฑ๐
Er zeigt auf das Blatt. Auf die Nuss.
DR. Z: โDies wuchs ohne dich. Dies wuchs trotz dir. Und es wird weiterwachsen. Kein Abo nรถtig.โ ๐ง ๐ฐ
DONA ESPINHA: (Erster Riss) โEzekiel. Du warst mein Lieblingskunde. Derโฆ hingebungsvollste.โ โ๏ธ๐
DR. Z: โIch war dein Lieblingsprodukt. Es gibt einen Unterschied. Und ich rufe mich selbst zurรผck.โ ๐ง ๐ซ
SZENE 10: DIE EINIGUNG ๐๐งโ๏ธ
Freya vermittelt eine historische Vereinbarung.
FREYA: โBedingungen der Einigung des rektal-romantischen Streitfalls:โ ๐ฆ ๐
- Dona Espinha behรคlt das Recht, Klistiere zu verkaufen, muss aber Ehlersโ Testimonial und alle Bilder seines Gesichts in der Nรคhe von Schlรคuchen entfernen. ๐ซ๐ธ
- Das Bondage-Archiv von Dr. Z wird gemeinfrei โ nur fรผr Bildungszwecke verfรผgbar (definiert als โTherapie und warnende Beispieleโ). ๐๐
- Die Bildrechte des Dreiecks werden kollektiv von Janelle, Ehlers und Salome gehalten, mit Lizenzgebรผhren, die zu dritt geteilt werden. ๐ฐ๐ค
- Dr. Zs Wรผrde wird zu einem nicht-fungiblen Vermรถgenswert erklรคrt โ nicht verkรคuflich, nicht vermietbar, nicht abonnierbar zu irgendeinem Preis. ๐ง ๐
- Die Nuss und das Blatt werden als geschรผtzte emotionale Flora ausgewiesen โ keine Kommerzialisierung, kein Branding, keine Klistiere. ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ซ๐ง
DONA ESPINHA: (Seufzend) โNa gut. Aber ich behalte das Platin-Dรผsen-Patent.โ โ๏ธ๐
FREYA: โGewรคhrt. Es ist wirklich innovativ.โ ๐ฆ ๐
SZENE 11: DIE NACHWIRKUNGEN ๐ฟ๐ฅ๐
Dr. Z sitzt mit dem Dreieck. Sein Blatt leuchtet. Seine Nuss hat ein drittes winziges Blatt getrieben.
JANELLE: โWir haben gerade unsere kollektiven Bildrechte ausgehandelt. Gegen ein Wellness-Imperium. Mit Klistier-Patenten.โ ๐ป๐
SALOME: โDas ist das Funktionalste, was wir als Gruppe je getan haben.โ ๐โจ
EHLERS: โIch bin frei. Mein Darm ist frei. Mein Gesicht ist frei von Schlรคuchen.โ ๐ก๏ธ๐ญ๐
DR. Z: โDas Blatt und die Nuss. Und jetzt das dritte Blatt. Das ist unser Vermรคchtnis. Drei Blรคtter. Drei Freunde. Ein Wellness-Imperium, das uns nicht berรผhren kann.โ ๐ง ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฑ
LAYLA erscheint per Hologramm.
LAYLA: โIn der Hyรคnen-Kultur wรผrden wir sagen, du hast gelernt, dass das Loch nicht das Ziel ist. Das Ganze ist das Ziel.โ ๐พโจ
DR. Z: โIch liebe euch alle. Sogar das Auto. Besonders das Auto. Und ich liebe meinen Darm, der jetzt rechtlich mir gehรถrt.โ ๐ง ๐๐๐ง
DER LETZTE BON DES GRAUEN MERCEDES: ๐๐งพ
โREKTAL-ROMANTISCHER STREIT BEIGELEGT: 1 KLISTIER-IMPERIUM EINGEDรMMT, 1 BONDAGE-ARCHIV GEMEINFREI GESTELLT, 1 DREIECK (JETZT KOLLEKTIVE VERHANDLUNGSEINHEIT), 1 BLATT (JETZT MIT GESCHWISTERN). PASSIVA: ALLE BISHERIGEN รFFNUNGSรKONOMIEN. NEUBEWERTUNG: WรRDE (WIEDERHERGESTELLT).โ ๐๐
[ENDE DER FOLGE] ๐
IN DER NรCHSTEN FOLGE VON DR. Z: ๐ฎ
ยท Prรคsident Sharklers Amtseinfรผhrung (endlich, nach 34 Folgen Wartezeit) ๐ฆ๐๐
ยท Was wรคchst in der Samenkapsel am Meeresgrund? (Folge neun. Sie hatโฆ ein Gesicht.) ๐ฑ๐๏ธ๐๐
ยท Schmidts Gestรคndnisrede (er kommt immer noch nicht รผber den Hai hinweg) ๐๐ค
ยท Donas neue Wellness-Linie: โPosttraumatische Selbstfรผrsorgeโ (mit Dr. Zs Blatt als Motiv) โ๏ธ๐ฑ๐ผ
ยท Das Dreieck veranstaltet ein Abendessen mit ihren kollektiven Bildrechten (kein Drama, nur Vorspeisen) ๐๐
Bernd Pulch (M.A.) is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, entrepreneur, political commentator, satirist, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, real estate, and geopolitics. His work examines how legal systems are weaponized, how capital flows shape policy, how artificial intelligence concentrates power, and what democracy loses when courts and markets become battlefields. Active in the German and international media landscape, his analyses appear regularly on this platform.
๐ BERND PULCH ARCHIVE | SECURE MIRROR 