https://rumble.com/v75vdz8-i-traded-my-voice-for-a-prince.-hr-gave-me-a-30-day-review-period.-.html
7:30 AM 🌊: Wakes up in the royal guest quarters. Every step feels like walking on knives. The Sea Witch’s fine print really emphasized the “knives” part. She orders breakfast via scroll—porridge, easy on the chewing—and practices smiling without screaming. A servant asks if she’s “feeling peak performance today.” She nods. Her voice is gone. It’s in a seashell somewhere. 📜🔪😬
9:00 AM 👠: First meeting with Royal Branding & Communications. They love her look. “Very ethereal. Very suffering-artist energy.” They ask about her “origin story” for the press release. She writes on a slate: “I made a deal. It had terms. I regret some of them.” The PR lead nods slowly. “We’ll workshop that.” 📝✨🤐
10:30 AM 📊: Product review. The prince’s team presents “Project Soulmate Q1.” Key results: 0% wedding achieved. 40% name recognition among courtiers. 12% “meaningful eye contact” with the prince. The Head of Romance suggests a “strategy pivot.” “Maybe stop staring at him while he sleeps? It tests poorly with focus groups.” She writes: “I saved his life.” The team nods sympathetically. “We’re workshopping that too.” 👁️💔📉
12:00 PM ⚖️: Legal review. The Sea Witch’s contract has been audited. The Royal Counsel looks pale. “There’s a clause here about ‘dissolution into sea foam’ if integration fails. That’s… not standard severance.” They ask if she signed without reading. She stares at them. They already know the answer. 📜🌊😶
1:30 PM 🥗: Lunch with the prince’s new fiancée. The human princess is lovely. She talks about her kingdom, her horses, her family. The mermaid listens. She cannot say: I traded my voice for this. She cannot say: I would do it again. She smiles. The knives are worse now. 🍽️👸💔
3:00 PM 👯: Talent review. Her sisters surface with a gift: a knife from the sea witch. “If you kill him before sunrise, you’ll live. You’ll be a mermaid again. No foam.” She holds the knife. It’s very sharp. She thinks about the prince. About the princess. About the 300-year soul probation she’s currently serving. She puts the knife down. Her sisters understand. They always did. 🔪🌊😢
4:30 PM 📝: Performance improvement plan. The prince’s advisor hands her a scroll. “We’ve noticed a lack of ‘verbal engagement.’ Also, your walking pattern makes the court uncomfortable. We’re initiating a 30-day review period.” She writes: “I cannot speak. I saved his life. I walk on knives.” The advisor nods. “Noted. We’ll circle back.” 📋🔄😑
6:00 PM 🌅: Sunset on the balcony. The prince and princess are in the garden. They are laughing. She watches. The sky is pink and gold. It looks like the surface always did from below. She misses the quiet. The deep. The dark where no one expected her to speak. 🌇👑💧
6:45 PM 💨: A warmth. Not from the sun. From inside. She looks down. She’s fading. Not into foam—into something else. Translucent. Lighter. The wind carries her upward. The last thing she sees is the prince’s face, looking around, as if he heard something. He didn’t. He never did. 🌬️✨👋
7:00 PM 🌌: Somewhere above. No knives. No silence. Just air and light and the sound of something that might be her own voice, finally, after all this time. She doesn’t know if this counts as winning. But it doesn’t feel like losing. 🕊️💫🌊
Headline:
“I Traded My Voice for a Prince. HR Put Me on a Performance Improvement Plan.” 🧜♀️📋😶 #MermaidLife #BadContracts #CorporateAfterlife
Caption:
“The Sea Witch promised me legs and a soul. She didn’t mention the 30-day romance review, the ‘verbal engagement’ metrics, or the severance clause about dissolving into sea foam. Some deals have really small print.” 👑📜🌊 #TheLittleMermaid #ContractLaw #SoulProbation
Tags:
TheLittleMermaid #HansChristianAndersen #FairyTaleFinance #CorporateSatire #MermaidLife #BadContracts #SeaWitch #FinePrint #SoulProbation #PerformanceImprovementPlan #RomanceMetrics #KeyResults #VerbalEngagement #WorkplaceReview #TalentIntegration #PostDealIntegration #SeveranceClause #SeaFoam #DissolutionRisk #WalkingOnKnives #Silence #TradedMyVoice #PrinceCharming #RoyalPR #Branding #FocusGroups #Sisters #KnifeScene #300YearProbation #EtherealAfterlife #WinningOrLosing #CorporateAfterlife 🧜♀️🌊👑📉🔪💔🌬️✨📋😶
Bernd Pulch (M.A.) is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, entrepreneur, political commentator, satirist, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, real estate, and geopolitics. His work examines how legal systems are weaponized, how capital flows shape policy, how artificial intelligence concentrates power, and what democracy loses when courts and markets become battlefields. Active in the German and international media landscape, his analyses appear regularly on this platform.
🛑 BERND PULCH ARCHIVE | SECURE MIRROR 