🔥🌊 “DR. SELTSAM’S NUCLEAR DUTCHMAN: THE SUBMARINE NOBODY ORDERED (BUT EVERYONE’S STUCK ON)”✌

Bernd Pulch ART, BERND PULCH, CLOWN SHOW, COMEDY, ENTERTAINMENT, PARODY, SATIRE August 2, 2025August 2, 2025 4 Minutes

Here’s the corrected version with your Monero address properly integrated:
**🔥🌊 “LOCKED & LOADED: The World Leaders’ Submarine Party You** ***Wish*** **Was Fake”**
**🚨 INSIDE THE** ***SS GEOPOLITICAL DISASTER***:
**Dr. Seltsam** rewiring nukes to play *“Ride of the Valkyries”*
**Putin & Trump** fighting over the **“Biggest Red Button” award**
**Macron** drafting surrender papers *just in case*
**Modi & Pakistan’s Prez** sharing a torpedo like divorced parents
**💣 WHY THIS MATTERS:**
Because if these clowns can have nukes, **so can your neighbor’s dog**.
**👇 SWIPE TO SEE:**
→ Who brought **vodka** to the reactor room? (*Hint: It rhymes with Medwedew*)
→ The **real reason** the sub’s WiFi is out (*Xi censored it*)
→ **Starmer’s** underwater socialist manifesto
**💎 KEEP US AFLOAT:**
`41yKiG6eGbQiDxFRTKNepSiqaGaUV5VQWePHL5KYuzrxBWswyc5dtxZ43sk1SFWxDB4XrsDwVQBd3ZPNJRNdUCou3j22Coh`

*(Monero donations keep us diving deeper)*
**👑 UNCENSORED FOOTAGE:**
patreon.com/berndpulch *(Classified submarine karaoke tapes available to Tier 3+)*
**#NuclearClownCar #PutinsWetDream #TrumpTorpedoDeals #MacronsWhiteFlag #ModiPakBromance #KhameinisHolyMissile #StarmerSinksBritain #XiJinSubping #DarkComedyGold**
*(Tags: Nuclear satire, Political parody, War comedy, Doomsday memes, Diplomatic fails, Cold War 2.0, Leaders gone wild, Submarine gags, Apocalypse bingo)*

**🎨 ALT-TEXT:** “Retro-futuristic sub interior: Dr. Strangelove at controls, Putin/Trump arm-wrestling, Macron waving white flag, Modi sharing nuke with Pakistan’s prez. 1960s technicolor style with eerie red lighting.”
**💬 COMMENT:** *”Which leader would *actually* survive this submarine?”* 👇
*(Disclaimer: This post may trigger DEFCON 3 in humorless bureaucrats.)*
**🔐 SECURITY NOTE:**
All Monero transactions are encrypted and untraceable – perfect for funding *real* journalism that powers like *really* don’t want you to see. Your support keeps the truth torpedoes loaded!

(A Dark Comedy of Geopolitical Errors)

🎭 ACT 1: THE CAST

📍 Bridge of the SS Flying Mutually Assured Disaster

Captain Dr. Seltsam (Formerly of Kubrick Fame)
“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here—this is the nuclear torpedo room!”
Currently rewiring the launch codes to play “We’ll Meet Again” on loop
Co-Pilot Putin
Wearing a “I ❤️ NATO” shirt ironically
Insists the sub is “just on vacation” near Crimea
First Mate Trump
Demands a golden periscope
Tweets “WETTEST submarine, folks!” before signal cuts out
Chief Engineer Medwedew
Drunk on nuclear coolant vodka
Live-streams “10 Reasons to Nuke Miami” on Telegram

🌪️ ACT 2: THE MISSION (?)

Objective: Deliver “Peaceful Sunshine Packages” (nukes) to:

Macron: “For Bastille Day fireworks!”
Starmer: “Labour’s new immigration policy”
Xi: “Return to sender – with Taiwan inside”
Modi & Pakistani President: “Shared custody warhead”

Reality:

Sub is out of fuel (spent on caviar)
Khameini’s “holy nuke” won’t fit in the tube
Everyone’s arguing over who gets the last oxygen mask

💥 ACT 3: MUTINY

Trump tries to sell the sub to Elon Musk
Putin annexes the crew toilet as “independent state”
Medwedew challenges Xi to nuclear poker (loses instantly)
Dr. Seltsam quietly activates “Operation: Darkest Joke”

🚨 FINAL SCENE: THE CHOICE

A) Fire nukes and blame Deep State
B) Surrender to Greenpeace and claim it was a “climate protest”
C) Disappear like the real Dutchman (most popular option)

🔥 CALL TO ACTION:

🌊 DIVE DEEPER:
💎 XMR: [Your Monero Address] (Funds our blackmail-proof submarine)
👑 PATREON: patreon.com/berndpulch (Leak: Seltsam’s real launch codes)

#NuclearClownSub #DrStrangelove2 #PutinsPoseidonAdventure #TrumpTorpedoDeals #ModiPakBromance #MacronsWetNightmare #StarmerUnderwaterSocialism #XiJinSubping #KhameinisHolyNuke

(Tags: Nuclear satire, Political parody, War comedy, Doomsday memes, Diplomatic fails, Cold War 2.0, Dark humor, Leaders gone wild, Submarine gags, Apocalypse bingo)

🎨 AI IMAGE PROMPT:
“Retro-futuristic nuclear submarine interior, Dr. Strangelove at controls with mechanical arm, Putin shirtless playing chess with nukes, Trump gold-plating a torpedo, Modi and Pakistani president arm-wrestling over launch button. 1960s technicolor style with Kubrickian symmetry and eerie red lighting.”

💬 COMMENT: *”Who would *really* survive this submarine?”* 👇

(Disclaimer: This post may or may not be a coded distress signal.)

💎🚨 “KEEP THE TRUTH AFLOAT – SUPPORT UNCENSORED SATIRE!”

🔐 DONATE MONERO (XMR): 41yKiG6eGbQiDxFRTKNepSiqaGaUV5VQWePHL5KYuzrxBWswyc5dtxZ43sk1SFWxDB4XrsDwVQBd3ZPNJRNdUCou3j22Coh

Why Monero?
✓ Untraceable (Even nuclear subs can’t track it)
✓ Submarine-proof (Transactions work 20,000 leagues under)
✓ Funds real journalism (Not Pravda-approved narratives)

👑 JOIN THE PATREON MUTINY:
👉 patreon.com/berndpulch 👈
Your monthly “crew rations” unlock:

“Dr. Seltsam’s Lost Launch Codes” 🚀📖
“Putin’s Underwater Poker Face” ♠️🌊
“Trump’s Golden Torpedo Blueprints” 💣✨
+ Nuke memes so hot they’d melt steel beams ☢️😂

⚡ YOUR SUPPORT = THEIR NIGHTMARE
“Every XMR keeps us diving deeper. Every Patreon sub silences a fact-checker.”

#MoneroMutiny #PatreonPirates #DeepSeaTruth #NuclearSatire #FundTheMemes #DarkHumorNoLimits

⚠️ WARNING:

MI6 hates this address (they can’t blackmail what they can’t trace)
Tier 3+ gets “How To Build Your Own Satire Submarine” guide 🌊🔧

🔍 OFFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SOURCES

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