“Catch-2025: A Week in Review” by Joseph Heller-Style
It was a good week, or at least it had the potential to be a good week, but the very things that could have made it good also made it terrible, which meant it wasn’t really a week at all but an elaborate bureaucratic prank disguised as time passing.
Monday arrived uninvited, as it always did, slipping in under the cover of Sunday night’s anxiety. Bob figured he should start the week strong by tackling his to-do list, but the only way to tackle it was to first make a new list about how to tackle the old one. By the time he had written out both, it was lunchtime, which meant he had lost the morning. “At least the day is still young,” he said, but then realized saying so made him feel older, which made the day feel older too.
Tuesday was an important day because all the emails marked “urgent” on Monday were now officially overdue, making them both more and less urgent at the same time. The company’s policy on overdue emails was clear: they should have been answered before they were sent. But that was fine, because nobody really read emails anyway, except to reply with “Sounds good!” or “Let’s circle back,” which meant everything would eventually be resolved as long as it wasn’t actually resolved.
Wednesday was the day the economy almost collapsed, or maybe it did collapse, but nobody was sure because the numbers were so big that even when they were bad they were still, technically speaking, very large. The experts on television assured everyone that things were fine because the stock market was up, which was good, but also down, which was bad, though not too down, which was actually good again. Bob checked his bank account, which had somehow managed to go both up and down simultaneously. “It’s all about market confidence,” the experts said, but Bob wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to feel more or less confident, so he did the only reasonable thing and took a nap.
Thursday was when the big meeting happened. Everyone agreed it was important, even though nobody was sure what it was about. The presentation slides were thorough, containing at least six bar graphs, two pie charts, and a stock photo of people shaking hands. The key takeaway was that productivity was either too high or too low, but in either case, everyone needed to work harder while also taking better care of their mental health. “If we really push ourselves, we can make burnout a thing of the past,” said the CEO, who had recently installed a nap pod in his private office. Bob felt inspired but also exhausted, which meant the meeting had been a success.
Friday arrived with the quiet inevitability of an unpaid parking ticket. The week had been long, yet suspiciously short, and nothing had been accomplished except everything that needed to be accomplished, which turned out to be nothing. Bob tried to enjoy the weekend, but the weekend wasn’t actually for resting—it was for preparing for the next week, which meant it wasn’t really a weekend at all, just a brief intermission before the play started again.
And so, the week ended exactly as it had begun: with too much to do, too little time, and the sneaking suspicion that the only way to win was to not play at all. But quitting wasn’t an option, because that would require filling out the appropriate paperwork, and nobody had ever seen the appropriate paperwork, let alone known where to submit it.
Bob sighed and set his alarm for Monday.
It was going to be a good week.
Or at least it had the potential to be.
“Trapped in the loop? Share your own absurd week in the comments—because if we’re all stuck in this Catch-2025, we might as well laugh about it.”
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