“The delta juke joint wails under a blood moon—Sven’s still drips, Klausi pelts, and Pete spins blades to the blues. Walburga’s sword flares, Dumbo and Quichotte spar, Kanye raps with the singers, and Boredom-Stonewall preaches doom as jazz ignites the swamp night!”
List of Characters:
- Sven the Ugly Schmidt: Hacker turned moonshiner, tweaking stills in the swamp.
- Klausi the Shithouse Demon: Mischievous demon, pranking bluesmen and preachers.
- Murky Jan: Flamboyant manipulator, charming juke joint patrons with flair.
- Crazy Pete the Fish (The Joker): Eccentric schemer, turning swamp fights into farce.
- Thomas:-drug-addled Prussian, lost in moonshine haze and delta blues.
- Olaf “I Can’t Remember Anything” Amnesia: Forgetting the juke joint’s rules.
- Ms. Dumbo Bock: Ambitious politician, debating Boredom-Stonewall in the muck.
- Muschi Lie En: Syndicate leader, eyeing the delta’s rackets for her empire.
- Fritz the Fozzler: Mysterious disruptor, targeted by Boredom-Stonewall’s zeal.
- Dr. Z: Neo-Nazi propagandist, admiring the South’s raw survival.
- Walburga the Valkyrie: Mythical warrior, her Wonder Sword cutting swamp shadows.
- Good Uncle Jochen: Lawyer, citing law in a lawless juke joint.
- Dumb Tom: Tinkerer, rigging stills to spark.
- Dumb Beatrix: Baker, tossing cornbread to distract the mob.
- Godmother Erika: Enigmatic planner, weaving schemes in the humid night.
- Andreas and Edith: Wastepaper moguls, peddling flyers in the delta dirt.
- Vigo, die Geisel der Karpathen: Sinister figure, stirring trouble with moonshiners.
- Kanye West: Time-traveling rapper, dropping beats with the blues singers.
- Count Don Robert Quichotte: Dumbo Bock’s foe, clashing with Boredom-Stonewall’s wrath.
- Archbishop Frank Boredom-Stonewall: Fake bigot preacher, enemy of Fritz, Dumbo, and Quichotte, preaching doom in the juke joint.
(Cue mournful slide guitar, the thump of a washtub bass, and the buzz of cicadas, as the crew leaps from Chicago’s speakeasy raid into the sweaty chaos of a Mississippi delta juke joint, 1931.)
The Wonder Sword’s flash drowned out Chicago’s gunfire, spitting the crew from neon alleys into a humid swamp night. They landed in muddy gravel outside a ramshackle juke joint, the air thick with moonshine fumes and the wail of blues singers. Inside, a raucous crowd stomped to jazz and blues, bottles clinking under flickering lanterns. Archbishop Frank Boredom-Stonewall stood on a crate, his frock coat sweat-stained, bellowing, “Sinners! Drunkards! The delta’s vice ends tonight!” His glare fixed on Fritz, Dumbo, and Quichotte. “You three—my holy hammer falls first!”
Sven, shaking off Chicago rain, tinkered with a leaking still. “From gin to ‘shine—I’d rather hack a banjo!” He dodged a drunk’s stumble. Klausi, perched on a barrel, flicked a peanut at a bluesman. “Oi, strummer, lighten up—demon’s here to jive!” The singer missed a note, glaring.
Murky Jan, now in a patched suit, flashed a grin at a barmaid. “Darling, this swamp’s divine—surely I’m too slick to sink?” A bottle rolled past his feet. Crazy Pete, twirling a rusty knife, danced on a table. “Why so preachy, Frankie? This joint’s my stage—ha ha ha!” A chair crashed near him, and he winked.
Thomas, reeling from moonshine he’d snatched, slurred, “This… this is the blues? Or just bad mash?” Olaf Amnesia, beside him, squinted at the crowd. “Did I pay the cover? What’s a juke?” A bouncer shoved him toward the bar.
Ms. Dumbo Bock, dress muddied, faced Boredom-Stonewall. “Your dogma’s a farce—I’ll civilize this swamp!” He waved a hymnbook, snarling, “Blasphemer!” Count Don Robert Quichotte, hat askew, drew a switchblade beside her. “Your sermons tire me, priest—and Bock’s mine to bury!” She swatted him with a fan, earning a scowl.
Muschi Lie En, eyeing a moonshine stash, whispered to a grizzled bootlegger. “Join me, and the delta’s ours—syndicate style!” Fritz the Fozzler, ducking Boredom-Stonewall’s pointed finger, muttered, “From jazz to judgment…” The archbishop thundered, “You’re Satan’s whisper—quiet!” Dr. Z, sipping ‘shine, nodded. “Such primal grit—a survivor’s code!”
Walburga, her Wonder Sword glowing, faced a moonshiner’s shotgun. “Your fire’s no match—I’ll carve this night!” Boredom-Stonewall pointed, “Witch!” Good Uncle Jochen, slipping in mud, shouted, “Under Depression law—ow!—we’ve rights!” A fist silenced him.
Dumb Tom, rigging a still with a match, grinned. “Spark the hooch, dodge the heat—easy!” Dumb Beatrix, tossing cornbread from her apron, called, “Eat this, not us, you swamp-soaked saps!” Andreas and Edith, clutching damp flyers, whimpered, “We’ll print your gospel—spare us!”
Godmother Erika, calm in the haze, murmured, “This muck’s our tune—play it.” Kanye West, bold with the blues singers, rapped: “I’m Kanye, delta king—beats drop deeper than your ‘shine, bling!” Vigo, cutting a deal with a moonshiner, smirked. “Vice or virtue—I win either way.”
Boredom-Stonewall slammed his crate, his voice a wail. “Purge this den—smite the wicked!” The crowd surged, fists and bottles flying. Pete’s knife spun, Sven’s still sparked, and Klausi tripped a preacher into the mud. “Now!” Walburga roared, her sword slashing air, light bursting as chaos flared. The Wonder Sword pulsed, and the crew vanished—blues fading, Boredom-Stonewall’s curse echoing into the swamp.
They landed in a heap, juke joint replaced by a cold drizzle, mud now stone. Sven groaned, “Where now?” Klausi sniffed, “Smells like rain—and ruin.” Pete grinned, “New beat, same game—hit it!”
Call to Action: “Jive Out of Boredom-Stonewall’s Jinx!”
“The crew’s stuck in the delta’s dirge—Sven’s stills fizz, Klausi’s pranks slide, and Pete’s turning blues into a riot! Walburga’s sword needs YOUR rhythm to cut us loose from Boredom-Stonewall’s swampy sermon. Back our break from this juke joint jam—or we’re sunk in the muck!
Join the delta dance: patreon.com/berndpulch
Drop a dime to dodge the preacher: berndpulch.org/donation
Save us from the jinx—support now, or it’s a bluesy burial for all!”
(End scene with the twang of a slide guitar and the splash of swamp water.)
Call to Action: “Swing Free of Boredom-Stonewall’s Swamp!”
“The crew’s mired in the delta’s blues—Sven’s ‘shine sputters, Klausi’s gags sink, and Pete’s turning the juke into a joke! Walburga’s sword needs YOUR beat to slice us out of Boredom-Stonewall’s muddy preach-fest. Back our getaway from this swampy jinx—or we’re crooning in the mire!
Join the juke joint jailbreak: patreon.com/berndpulch
Toss a coin to skip the sermon: berndpulch.org/donation
Help us dodge the delta dirge—support now, or it’s a swamp-soaked swan song!”
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