“Cleopatra’s Court Meets Chaos: Time Travelers Turned Pyramid Builders“
List of Characters:
- Sven the Ugly Schmidt: Hacker with a penchant for chaos.
- Klausi the Shithouse Demon: Mischievous demon with a flair for pranks.
- Murky Jan: Flamboyantly cunning financial manipulator.
- Crazy Pete the Fish: Eccentric schemer with a love for fish tales.
- Thomas: Brilliant but drug-addled Prussian.
- Olaf “I Can’t Remember Anything” Amnesia: Politically ambiguous figure with memory issues.
- Ms. Dumbo Bock: Ambitious German Foreign State Secretary.
- Muschi Lie En: Leader of an EU crime syndicate.
- Fritz the Fozzler: Mysterious disruptor.
- Dr. Z: Neo-Nazi propagandist disguised as a real estate expert.
- Walburga the Valkyrie: Mythical being with a dark fascination.
- Good Uncle Jochen: Lawyer with an interest in the illicit.
- Dumb Tom: Creative tinkerer from a simple village.
- Dumb Beatrix: Imaginative artist and baker.
- Godmother Erika: Powerful, enigmatic planner.
- Andreas and Edith: Owners of a declining wastepaper empire dealing in over 100 sorts of paper.
- Vigo, die Geisel der Karpathen: Sinister figure from the Carpathians with a penchant for dramatic schemes.
- Cleopatra: The last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt, known for her intelligence, charisma, and political astuteness.
- Julius Caesar: Roman military and political leader, amused by the chaos the time-travelers bring to his world.
(Cue dramatic, ancient Egyptian-themed music over the swirling sands of time, leading to Cleopatra’s Egypt.)
“Time-Tossed Tyrants: From Milk to Pyramids”
(Cue dramatic, ancient Egyptian-themed music over the swirling sands of time, leading to Cleopatra’s Egypt.)
Sven: “I thought we were escaping Vigo, not time-traveling into a history book!”
Klausi: “I’ve always wanted to see if I could make the Nile turn to wine… or milk!”
Murky Jan: “Darling, if we’re going to work under the sun, let’s do it with style. Gold leaf on those whips, perhaps?”
Crazy Pete: “I’ve got a story about a fish that built a pyramid once. This won’t be so bad!”
Thomas: “I’ve… I’ve got some… pyramid schemes in mind. Or was it just schemes?”
(The group, having escaped Vigo’s dungeon through a mysterious time tunnel, finds themselves in the era of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, recruited as pyramid workers. Their modern attire and gadgets shock the ancient Egyptians, but their skills make them valuable, if not for the whips that crack overhead.)
Olaf Amnesia: “I think I remember being a Pharaoh in a past life. Or was it a plumber?”
Ms. Dumbo Bock: “If I survive this, I’ll have the political experience of the ages. Literally.”
Muschi Lie En: “I could get used to this. A crime syndicate in ancient Egypt? Endless possibilities.”
Fritz the Fozzler: mumbles “Just when I thought we were out of one mess…”
Dr. Z: “This could be the perfect time to start a new empire, or at least, spread some ancient propaganda.”
Walburga: “I’ll use my strength to move these stones, but I’m plotting our escape to Valhalla.”
Good Uncle Jochen: “I’ll negotiate our freedom with Cleopatra. Or at least get us some better working conditions.”
Dumb Tom: “I’ll invent a time machine out of these stones. Or at least try.”
Dumb Beatrix: “I’ll make pyramid-shaped cakes. Maybe that’ll lighten the mood!”
Andreas and Edith: whispering “If we survive, we can start a papyrus recycling business here!”
Godmother Erika: “I’ve orchestrated chaos in many forms, but this… this is a new level.”
(As they toil under the Egyptian sun, Vigo emerges from the time tunnel, his dark presence undiminished by millennia. He’s amused by their predicament but has plans to use the pyramid for his own dark purposes.)
Vigo: “Fools! You think you’ve escaped me? In any time, I am your master! And now, you’ll finish this pyramid, not as workers, but as sacrifices to seal it with your blood!”
(The group, now inside the Great Pyramid of Cheops, attempts to use their unique skills to escape or turn the tables on Vigo. However, with a twist of his staff, Vigo traps them within, the stone corridors echoing with his ghastly laugh. The episode ends on a cliffhanger as they realize they’re not just building a pyramid but potentially their own tomb.)
From Carpathians to Nile’s sands,
They flee through time to ancient lands.
Trapped in stone, with Vigo’s curse,
Will they escape, or is it worse?
(Cue credits with a call to action for viewers to support their next time-bending adventure.)
Support the Pyramid Escape: patreon.com/berndpulch
Donate to the Time Tunnel Conspiracy: berndpulch.org/donation
(End scene.)
Note: This story is meant for humor and satire, not reflecting any real historical events or individuals.
Call to Action:
Dive into the sands of time with our chaotic crew as they navigate the ancient world!
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- Fuel the Time-Travel: Help fund their escape from the clutches of time by donating at berndpulch.org/donation. Your contributions ensure that this band of time-tossed tyrants can continue their escapades, potentially turning the pyramid into their escape route or at least, a memorable story. Your support might just tip the scales in their favor!
Don’t miss this blend of ancient and absurd. Whether you’re here for the historical satire, the escape plot, or just to see how they deal with Vigo’s timeless tyranny, your support keeps this time-traveling tale alive. Join us now, and let’s see if they can outwit history itself!
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