BERNDPULCH.ORG – WHERE EVEN DRAGONS FILE FOR CHAPTER 11. 🐉📉
✨💥 “WHEN YOUR EX RIDES A TAX-DRAGON & YOUR THRONE IS CURSED BEANIE BABIES… THE BREAKUP BILL ALWAYS COMES DUE.” 💥✨
🚨 E.dith’s IRS-dragon vs. Andreas’s llama-emoji hexes – donate crypto or your credit score gets Stasi-ghosted. 🕶️🧙♂️💸
#ToxicExTaxFraud 💔📉 #BratwurstHexTruck 🌭🔮 #SchizoPeteJugglingAct 🌀👕 “Audit my heart? I’ll foreclose your soul.” – E.dith von B.-Aumann-Stinkenstein 💋🏦
CRYPTO ADDRESS:
0xdaa3b887f885fd7725d4d35d428bd3b402d616bb
(Guaranteed to melt Andreas faster than a Beanie Baby NFT.) 💸🔥
BERNDPULCH.ORG – WHERE EVEN APOCALYPSES FILE EXTENSIONS. 🌌📂
🌟 EPISODE TITLE 🌟
“Time’s Up, Glitterbugs – The Multiverse Has a Group Chat Now” 🕰️📱💬🔥
CLEARANCE LEVEL: 🔥 OMEGA-ANARCHY // ALL CHARACTERS MUST SERVE CAMP 🎪✨
Declassification Status: Leaked via Rat-Queer Franz’s TikTok Livestream 🐀📱💣
🕰️ THE SETTING 🕰️🌍💣
December 31, 2026 – Lex Luthor’s 💼🧠📉 ChronoSqueeze™ app glitches, merging every timeline into Perverso’s ruins. Now a multiversal dumpster fire 🔥🗑️🌌, the battleground includes:
- Neon swastikas ⚡🔴🌀 from Toht’s Reich pulsing beside Lex’s kryptonite spreadsheets 📊💚🗃️.
- Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪⚡ unionizing under Janelle’s rat-flag 🐀🏴, demanding retroactive overtime pay for the Bronze Age ⏳💸🗿.
- E.dith 🕶️💀🌪️ and Andreas 🧙♂️🔮💔 hurling cursed bratwursts 🌭🔪 at each other while their Stasi romance 💌📉 trends on TikTok 🎵📈.
- Indiana Jones 🎒🧔🤬 trapped in a time-audit, snarling, “I’d rather fight 10,000 snakes 🐍🔥🗡️.”
🎭 FULL CHARACTER LIST – EVERYONE’S HERE! 🎭🌍👥
💼 LEX’S CORPORATE LEGION (STILL TERRIBLE) 💼📉💀
- Lex Luthor 💼🧠💸 – Selling “Apocalypse Insurance” 🛡️🔥 while Debt-Bots 🤖💳 repo Henry Jones Sr. 🧓📜 for “unlicensed fatherhood” 👨👦🚫.
- E.dith 🕶️💀🏦 – Laundering StinkCoin via Andreas’s cursed Beanie Baby 🧸🔮 eBay store 🛒👾.
- Debt-Bot 3000s 🤖💸🔧 – Repoing Hitler’s mustache 💀✂️ and Stalin’s TikTok account 📱🇷🇺.
🐀 JANELLE’S RAT-QUEEN RESISTANCE 🐀👑🧀
- Hinterfozzige Janelle 🐀👑⚡ – Leading RatCorp™ with cheese-based crypto 🧀💰. “Eat the ledger 📉!”
- Rat-Queer Franz 🐀🏳️🌈💻 – Hacking Lex’s servers with gender-fluid malware 🌈🦠.
- Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪💼 – Accountant-Petes 📊🧮 vs. Anarchy-Petes 💣🔥 burning Lex’s yacht 🛥️🔥 (again).
🔮 TOHT’S NEON REICH (STILL MELTING) 🔮🔥💀
- Arnold Toht 🔥🤖🥫 – Reduced to a soup-can USB drive 💾🍲 plugged into the Bundeslade 📜⚡.
- Neo-Nazi Parademons ⚡🦾🇩🇪 – Now Uber Eats drivers 🛵📦 for E.dith’s vegan bratwurst trucks 🌭🚚.
🎨 CHAOS CREW (ARTISTS & ANARCHISTS) 🎨💣🌈
- Andy Warhol 🥫🎨🖼️ – Silkscreening “Eat the Rich” 🍽️💰 onto Debt-Bots 🤖🎨.
- Divine 👹💎🔪 – Chainsawing Lex’s private jet ✈️ into a queer nightclub 🏳️🌈🕺 in 1945 Berlin 💣🌃.
- Joker 🃏💥🤡 – Flooding the Bundeslade with glitter-laxatives ✨💩. “Why so serious, Luthor? 😈”
👑 VILLAINS TURNED… IDK, ZOMBIES? 👑🧟♂️💎
- Wilson Fisk 👔💎🏢 – Selling “Apocalypse Timeshares” ⏳🏚️ in Pompeii 🌋.
- Thanos 🪐💎👊 – Still trapped in the Ark, now hosting a podcast: “Snapchat Chronicles” 🎙️📱.
- Báthory 👑🩸🧴 – Bathing in Lex’s offshore accounts 🏦💧. “Liquid assets only, darling 💅.”
💔 TOXIC EX-FACTOR 💔🔥🗡️
- KaiserL Andreas 🧙♂️🔮🐉 – Summoning debt-dragons 🐉💸 to eat E.dith’s bratwurst empire 🌭🏰.
- Stink-Gender Klaus �️⚧️📢 – Flooding Lex’s boardroom 🏢 with non-binary revolt pamphlets 📜🌈.
🎬 THE PLOT 🎬📜💣
💥 ACT I: CORPORATE MELTDOWN 💥📉🔥
Lex’s ChronoSqueeze™ merges all timelines, billing everyone for existing 💸👥:
- Indy 🎒🧔💢 gets a $2M invoice 📝 for “unlicensed whip usage across 12 centuries” ⏳🗡️.
- Gay Ernst Röhm 🌈🛡️⚖️ sues Lex for “rainbow copyright infringement” 🌈🚫.
- Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪⚒️ unionize, demanding healthcare for time-paradoxes ⏳🏥.
Janelle’s Gambit 🐀👑💥: Crashes Lex’s servers with RatCoin 🧀💰, yelling, “The cheese 🧀 always wins!”
🌪️ ACT II: EX-FILES EXPLOSION 🌪️💔📂
- E.dith 🕶️💀📉 – Repossesses Andreas’s soul via PayPal request 💸👻.
- Andreas 🧙♂️🔮🎶 – Hexes E.dith’s banks 🏦 to only open for polka dubstep 🎵🤢.
- Divine 👹💎🪓 – Turns Debt-Bots 🤖 into disco-ball piñatas 🪩🎉 spewing Weimar cash 💸📉.
🔥 ACT III: TEMPORAL THUNDERDOME 🔥⚔️🌌
- Toht 🔥🤖🔌 – Projects a neon swastika blockchain ⚡🔴💻 to reboot the Reich.
- Thanos 🪐💎👊 – Breaks free, snaps Lex’s kryptonite watch ⌚💥. “Fine, I’ll do it myself 💀.”
- Báthory 👑🩸🧼 – Drains Toht’s USB soul 💾💀 for her eternal skincare routine ✨🧴.
🌟 CLIMAX: ARK OF THE OMEGA-CRINGE 🌟📜💣
The Bundeslade 📜💥 detonates, erasing Lex, Toht, and E.dith’s bratwurst empire 🌭🔥. But:
- Indy 🎒🧔🔒 – Traps Andreas in the Ark, groaning, “Nobody needs a witch-king ex 🧙♂️💔.”
- Janelle 🐀👑🧀 – Crowned CEO of RatCorp™, issuing dividends in cheese 🧀💰 and chaos 🌪️.
- Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪🎧 – Found Time-Pirate Radio 📻 playing punk covers of Mozart 🎵🤘.
🎉 AFTERMATH 🎉🌍🌀
- Lex 💼🌪️🌋 – Stranded in 79 AD, selling “Vesuvius Survival Kits” 🌋🛍️ (0% success rate ❌).
- E.dith & Andreas 💔👯♂️ – Spotted couples-therapy-cursing 🧙♂️🔮💌 in 1999 Albania 🇦🇱.
- Joker 🃏💥🤡 – Now CEO of GlitterCoin ✨💰, pranking the Dow Jones 📉 into a clown emoji 🤡📈.
📣 CALL TO ACTION 📣💸🚨
💎 Fund the Next Multiversal Meltdown:
- Donate crypto to
0xdaa3b887f885fd7725d4d35d428bd3b402d616bb💰🔗 - Patreon: patreon.com/berndpulch for E.dith’s Hex Files 📂🔮 or Andreas’s Cursed Beanie Babies 🧸👾.
🎤 COMMENT: “What’s your multiversal side hustle?” 🌌💸👇
🏷️ TAGS 🏷️📌🔥
ApocalypseGroupChat 💬🔥🌌 #RatCoinToTheMoon 🐀🚀🌕 #TemporalCouplesTherapy ⏳💔👩❤️💋👨
BERNDPULCH.ORG – WHERE EVEN THE END IS A MIDSEASON FINALE. 🎬📉
NEXT WEEK: “SCHIZO-PETES VS. AI OVERLORDS – UNIONIZING THE SINGULARITY.” 🌀🤖⚒️
⚠️ ETHICAL NOTE: No timelines or llamas 🦙 were harmed in the making of this chaos (probably).
Bernd Pulch 