“DARK LOVE’S CHEESE APOCALYPSE / DUNKLE LIEBES-KÄSE-APOKALYPSE!”
Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron 👑💍🐀 vs. Zweiton’s Rat-Elven Rebellion 🧝♀️🧀🌪️
🚨 Donate crypto or face eternal Mordor tax audits! / Spende Krypto oder stell dich ewigen Mordor-Steuerprüfungen!
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#DarkLoveCorrupts #CheeseVsSauron / #DunkleLiebeKorrumpiert #KäseVsSauron
BERNDPULCH.ORG – WHERE EVEN THE ONE RING PAYS ALIMONY. / WO SELBST DER EINE RING UNTERHALT ZAHLT.
💍 “Love is a joint tax filing with extra Balrogs.” – Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron / 💍 „Liebe ist eine gemeinsame Steuererklärung mit extra Balrogs.“ – Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron
🌪️ *“Mama, your fiscal policy is *literally* evil.” – Zweiton* / 🌪️ *„Mama, deine Finanzpolitik ist *buchstäblich* böse.“ – Zweiton*
🧀 RatCoin to the Moon… and Mount Doom! / RatCoin zum Mond… und zum Schicksalsberg!
🔥 When Middle-Earth meets TurboTax… / Wenn Mittelerde auf TurboTax trifft… GLITTER WINS. ✨💥
🌟 EPISODE TITLE / EPISODENTITEL 🌟
“When Dark Love Corrupts the Cheese Queen / Wenn dunkle Liebe die Käsekönigin korrumpiert”
CLEARANCE LEVEL / FREIGABESTUFE: 🚨 MORDOR-ANARCHY // EYES OF SAURON ONLY / NUR FÜR SAURONS AUGE
Declassification Status / Geheimhaltungsstatus: Buried in Mount Doom’s tax filings / Begraben in den Steuerunterlagen des Schicksalsberges
🕰️ THE SETTING / DIE KULISSE 🕰️
March 25, 2031 – Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron 👑💍🐀, newly crowned Dark Queen of RatCoin, merges Mordor’s shadows with her cheese empire after a whirlwind romance with Sauron 👁️🗡️. Now, Perverso’s ruins are:
- A Mordor-Berlin hybrid where Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪 unionize orc armies 🧟♂️⚒️ chanting, “Workers of Middle-Earth, unite!”
- E.dith 🕶️💀 laundering StinkCoin through Sauron’s offshore lava banks 🌋💸
- Indiana Jones 🎒🧔 trapped in a cursed tax tomb 💀📝, muttering, “Nazis AND Balrogs? Why’d it have to be Nazis AND Balrogs?”
🎭 FULL CAST COLLISIONS / VOLLSTÄNDIGE CHARAKTER-INTERAKTIONEN 🎭
👁️ THE DARK ROMANCE / DIE DUNKLE ROMANZE
- Sauron 👁️🗡️ seduces Janelle with a glittering One Ring 💍✨ forged from RatCoin 🧀💰 and Stasi files 🕶️📂. *“Together, we shall rule… *all* tax brackets.”*
- Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron 👑💍🐀 births Zweiton, a hybrid offspring 🧝♀️🐀 wielding a cheese-flail 🧀⚔️ and Sauron’s IRS audit spells.
💼 VILLAINS’ DESPERATE ALLIANCE / VERZWEIFELTE VILLAIN-ALLIANZ
- Lex Luthor 💼🤡 + Voldemort 🐍⚡ + Ra’s al Ghul 🏹💀 form the “Council of Has-Beens”, demanding:
- “Divorce the Dark Lord… or we’ll short-sell your RatCoin!”
- Doctor Doom (still 10% llama) 🦙👑 declares Latveria’s neutrality while selling Mordor tourism NFTs 🏰💎.
🐀 RAT REBELLION 3.0 / RATTEN-REBELLION 3.0
- Rat-Queer Franz 🐀🏳️🌈 hacks the One Ring 💍 into a queer nightclub token 🏳️🌈🔮, screaming, *“The only *precious* is Pride!”*
- Divine 👹💎 chainsaws Mount Doom into a disco volcano 🌋🪩, yelling, *“Mordor’s never looked so *fabulous!”
💥 CLIMAX / HÖHEPUNKT 💥
Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron 👑💍🐀 activates the Bundeslade-Enhanced One Ring 📜💍, merging all timelines into a cheese-fueled Mordor. But:
- Zweiton 🧝♀️🐀 betrays her, shouting, *“Mama, your fiscal policy is *tyrannical!”
- Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪 unionize Sauron’s army, demanding 401(k) plans for orcs 💼🧟♂️.
- Joker 🃏💥 replaces the Ring with a glitter-laxative gummy 💩✨, yelling, *“Why so *SERIOUS, Sauron?!”
AFTERMATH / NACHSPIEL:
- Sauron 👁️🗡️ exiled to Berghain’s boiler room 🏢🔥 as a “dark techno DJ”.
- Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron 👑💍🐀 becomes a single mom 👩👧🐀, hosting “Co-Parenting With Dark Lords” webinars 💻🗡️.
- Zweiton 🧝♀️🐀 launches TikTok’s first half-rat, half-Maia influencer career 📱🌟.
Scene / Szene:
Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron 👑💍🐀 floats above Mount Doom’s disco crater 🌋🪩, wielding a RatCoin-flail 🧀⚔️ against Zweiton’s 🧝♀️🐀 cheese-elemental tornado 🧀🌪️. Divine 👹💎 pole-dances on a Balrog’s glitter-covered corpse 👹✨, while Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪 protest with “ORCS DESERVE VACATION DAYS!” signs 🧟♂️📢. Indiana Jones 🎒🧔 photobombs, fleeing a sentient IRS boulder 🪨💸.
Style / Stil:
Peter Jackson meets John Waters on absinthe – maximalist chaos with elven glitter and tax-form confetti.
📣 CALL TO ACTION / HANDLUNGSAUFRUF 📣
💸 Fund Janelle’s Custody Battle / Finanziert Janelles Sorgerechtsstreit:
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“Your crypto buys / Eure Kryptos finanzieren: 1) Zweiton’s elvish private school 🧝♀️📚 2) Sauron’s DJ equipment 🎧🔥 3) Schizo-Petes’ orc healthcare plan 🧟♂️🏥”
TAGLINE / SLOGAN:
“Love is eternal… but RatCoin is forever. / Liebe ist ewig… aber RatCoin ist für immer.” 💍🧀
BERNDPULCH.ORG – WHERE EVEN DARK LORDS PAY CHILD SUPPORT. / WO SELBST DUNKLE HERRSCHER UNTERHALT ZAHLEN. 💸👁️
💀 “Romance is just a joint tax filing with extra glitter.” – Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron / 💀 „Romantik ist nur eine gemeinsame Steuererklärung mit mehr Glitzer.“ – Hinterhaeltige Janelle-Sauron
Bernd Pulch 