🚨 E.dith’s StinkCoin dragon vs. Andreas’s Beanie Baby throne – donate crypto or your WiFi streams Stalin’s ASMR tax audits. 🕶️🧙♂️💸
#ToxicExesOfTheApocalypse 💔🐉 #CursedBratwurstTruck 🌭🔮 #SchizoPeteLaundryService 🌀👕 “Audit my heart? I’ll repo your soul.” – E.dith von B.-Aumann-Stinkenstein 💋📉
CRYPTO ADDRESS:
0xdaa3b887f885fd7725d4d35d428bd3b402d616bb(Guaranteed to hex Andreas harder than a 1999 eBay feedback loop.) 💸👾
BERNDPULCH.ORG – WHERE EVEN DRAGONS FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY. 🏦🐲
🌟 COVER STORY 🌟
“From Stasi Witches to Time-Tyrants: The Secret Romance That Broke the Bundeslade (and the Internet)” 💔🔮
CLEARANCE LEVEL: 🚫 BLACKMAIL-ENCRYPTED // FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE
Declassification Status: Leaked via Rat-Queer Franz’s OnlyFans 🐀📱
🕰️ THE EXPOSÉ 🕰️
October 8, 2026 – E.dith von B.-Aumann-Stinkenstein (🕶️💀) and KaiserL Andreas the First Lurch (🧙♂️🔮) aren’t just co-conspirators in Toht’s time-heist—they’re ex-lovers who turned Perverso’s ruins into their toxic breakup battleground. Leaked Stasi files reveal:
- Their 1989 Berlin Wall meet-cute (“I mistook his curse scrolls for takeout menus” – E.dith).
- A joint offshore account in Liechtenstein funding both the Neon Reich and a chain of vegan bratwurst trucks. 🌭🌈
- Andreas’s secret side hustle: Selling cursed Beanie Babies to 1990s eBay addicts.
💣 DIRTY LAUNDRY (LITERALLY) 💣
The feud escalated when:
- E.dith flooded Andreas’s castle with Stink Eternal sewage after he ghosted her texts.
- Andreas hexed her Swiss bank vaults to only open for polka music.
- Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪 got caught in the crossfire, forced to launder money and literal laundry (Hitler’s pajamas, Stalin’s socks).
Indy’s Take 🎒🧔: “Nazis? Fine. Exes? Way scarier.”
🎭 CHARACTER SPOTLIGHT 🎭
🕶️ E.DITH: THE ICE QUEEN OF CHAOS 🕶️
- Latest Scheme: Using the Bundeslade to repossess Andreas’s soul via Venmo request.
- Hobbies: Laundering StinkCoin through Albanian mafia TikTok dances.
- Quote: “Love is temporary. Tax evasion is forever.”
🧙♂️ ANDREAS: THE WITCH-KING OF CRINGE 🧙♂️
- Latest Scheme: Summoning a debt-dragon to eat E.dith’s bratwurst empire.
- Hobbies: Brewing love potions that accidentally turn people into llamas. 🦙💘
- Quote: “The only thing darker than my magic? Her credit score.”
📸 AI IMAGE PROMPT – “TOXIC EXES OF THE APOCALYPSE” 📸
Scene: E.dith (🕶️💀) in a pantsuit made of shredded tax documents rides a StinkCoin-spewing dragon over Andreas’s castle, now a vegan bratwurst truck park. Andreas (🧙♂️🔮), wearing a cursed fanny pack, hurls hexes from a throne of Beanie Baby carcasses. Schizo-Petes 🌀🤪 juggle Hitler’s pajamas and laundered cash in the background. A neon billboard reads: “BREAKUP LEVEL: TIME WAR.”
Style: 90s tabloid meets Guillermo del Toro – lurid colors, cursed textures, meme-worthy drama.
🚨 SUNDAY SPECIAL CTAs 🚨
💎 Fund the Next Episode’s Couples Therapy:
- Donate crypto to 0xdaa3b887f885fd7725d4d35d428bd3b402d616bb 💰🔗
- Patreon: patreon.com/berndpulch for E.dith’s Blackmail Files or Andreas’s Llama Potion Recipe.
🎧 COMMENT: “What’s your toxic ex’s villain origin story?” 💔🔪
🏷️ TAGS 🏷️
StasiExesGoneWild 🕶️🧙♂️ #BratwurstBetrayal 🌭💔 #CursedBeanieBabyBubble 🧸💥
BERNDPULCH.ORG – WHERE EVEN LOVE AFFAIRS END IN WAR CRIMES.
NEXT SUNDAY: “SCHIZO-PETES’ UNION STRIKE – DEMANDING HEALTHCARE & TIME-TRAVEL OVERTIME.” 🌀⚖️
⚠️ ETHICAL NOTE: No llamas were hexed in the making of this drama (probably).
Bernd Pulch 