“From Gladiators to Braves: A Time-Twisted Tale at Little Bighorn!”
List of Characters:
- Sven the Ugly Schmidt: Hacker with a penchant for chaos.
- Klausi the Shithouse Demon: Mischievous demon with a flair for pranks.
- Murky Jan: Flamboyantly cunning financial manipulator.
- Crazy Pete the Fish: Eccentric schemer with a love for fish tales.
- Thomas: Brilliant but drug-addled Prussian.
- Olaf “I Can’t Remember Anything” Amnesia: Politically ambiguous figure with memory issues.
- Ms. Dumbo Bock: Ambitious German Foreign State Secretary.
- Muschi Lie En: Leader of an EU crime syndicate.
- Fritz the Fozzler: Mysterious disruptor.
- Dr. Z: Neo-Nazi propagandist disguised as a real estate expert.
- Walburga the Valkyrie: Mythical being with a dark fascination.
- Good Uncle Jochen: Lawyer with an interest in the illicit.
- Dumb Tom: Creative tinkerer from a simple village.
- Dumb Beatrix: Imaginative artist and baker.
- Godmother Erika: Powerful, enigmatic planner.
- Andreas and Edith: Owners of a declining wastepaper empire dealing in over 100 sorts of paper.
- Vigo, die Geisel der Karpathen: Sinister figure from the Carpathians with a penchant for dramatic schemes.
(Cue a mix of dramatic, Western-style music with the eerie hum of time travel.)
Walburga: “Enough of this! To the time tunnel!”
(With the group now mutilated by the Gigant and the beasts, their survival instinct kicks in. Walburga, still unscathed, brandishes her wonder sword, which glows with an otherworldly light, opening a portal back into the time tunnel.)
Sven: “From one nightmare to another, but at least we’re moving!”
Klausi: “I’ve got some minor healing spells, but they won’t fix everything. Let’s hope we land somewhere less… bitey.”
Murky Jan: “Darling, we might need to start a new trend in fashion. Mutilation-chic, perhaps?”
Crazy Pete: “I’ve heard of fish that grew back their fins. Maybe we’ll find a way to… adapt.”
Thomas: “I’ve… I’ve got some painkillers. Or was it just candy?”
Olaf Amnesia: “I think I remember being scalped once. Or was that a dream?”
Ms. Dumbo Bock: “If we survive this, I’ll have the most unique political platform. ‘The Party of the Mutilated.'”
Muschi Lie En: “I’ve dealt with worse. We’ll turn this into an opportunity. Scalping can’t be that bad.”
Fritz the Fozzler: mumbles “From one disaster to another…”
Dr. Z: “This could be the ultimate test of survival. We’ll rebuild, stronger, purer.”
Good Uncle Jochen: “I’ll argue for our lives. Even with Indians, there must be some form of negotiation.”
Dumb Tom: “I’ll make something to hide our… new looks. Or at least, try.”
Dumb Beatrix: “I’ll bake some peace offerings. Maybe they’ll like that more than our scalps.”
Andreas and Edith: whispering “If we survive, we could start a business in scalp replacements.”
Godmother Erika: “This is chaos at its finest. Let’s see what we can make of it.”
(As they emerge from the time tunnel, they find themselves at the Battle of Little Bighorn, surrounded by Native American warriors, preparing for battle. The warriors, seeing the unusual group, are initially confused but quickly decide to treat them as enemies, intending to scalp them as part of their war rituals.)
Vigo: laughing from a distance “From one form of torment to another. How delightful!”
(The episode ends on a cliffhanger as the group, now in dire straits, must use their wits, remaining abilities, and the oddities of time travel to avoid this new fate, with Walburga’s sword being their only apparent hope for escape or negotiation.)
From Rome’s arena, they’ve fled to war,
Where scalps are taken, and peace is lore.
In Little Bighorn, they’ll fight or flee,
Will they survive this history?
(Cue credits with a call to action for viewers to support their next survival challenge among the Indians.)
Support the Scalping Escape: patreon.com/berndpulch
Donate to the Little Bighorn Survival: berndpulch.org/donation
(End scene.)
Note: This story is intended for humor, satire, and adventure, not to reflect historical accuracy or to endorse any ideologies or practices.
Call to Action:
Join the mutilated crew on their wild, scalp-tingling adventure at Little Bighorn!
- Unlock Exclusive Content: Immerse yourself in the chaos on patreon.com/berndpulch, where you’ll find exclusive insights, character developments, and special episodes on how they navigate this historical clash. Your support ensures more of these time-bending escapades.
- Fuel the Fight for Survival: Help fund their escape from the blades of history by donating at berndpulch.org/donation. Your contributions are crucial in crafting the next chapter where they might use wit, magic, or sheer madness to avoid becoming part of the battlefield’s grim harvest. Support now, and you might just help them keep their scalps!
Don’t miss this blend of history and hilarity. Whether it’s for the satire, the suspense, or just to see how they’ll escape this latest temporal trap, your support keeps this adventure through time alive. Join us now, and let’s see if they can outwit history once more!
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