{"id":937467,"date":"2026-03-12T04:22:33","date_gmt":"2026-03-12T08:22:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/berndpulch.org\/?p=937467"},"modified":"2026-03-12T04:59:20","modified_gmt":"2026-03-12T08:59:20","slug":"the-evil-ehlers-enema-saga-st-pauli-at-year-zero-280-the-great-shitting-contest-%f0%9f%95%8a%ef%b8%8f%f0%9f%91%91%f0%9f%92%a9%f0%9f%a4%a1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/berndpulch.org\/de\/2026\/03\/12\/the-evil-ehlers-enema-saga-st-pauli-at-year-zero-280-the-great-shitting-contest-%f0%9f%95%8a%ef%b8%8f%f0%9f%91%91%f0%9f%92%a9%f0%9f%a4%a1\/","title":{"rendered":"THE EVIL EHLERS ENEMA SAGA &#8211; ST. PAULI-AT, YEAR ZERO + 28,0 \u2013 THE GREAT SHITTING CONTEST \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83e\udd21"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/iili.io\/qYZ3M3x.gif?ssl=1\" alt=\"\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/uY3cO2gFBNQ?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=de-DE&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\ud83d\udc94\ud83e\udde0\ud83d\udd04 \ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ufffd\ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\ud83d\udcb8&nbsp; \ud83c\udf51\ud83d\udd34\ud83d\udd25\ud83d\udc60 \ud83d\ude3e\ud83d\udc84\ud83d\udcb8 \ud83d\udc85\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\ude3e\ud83d\udc84\ud83d\udcb8 &#8220;\ud83d\udc7f\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udcb8 \ud83c\udf1f\ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\ud83d\udcb8 \ud83c\udf1f\ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\ud83d\udcb8 &#8220;\u26d3\ufe0f\ufaa2&nbsp; \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udc89\u262d\ud83d\udd25\ud83e\ude78\ud83d\udc2a\u26a1\ud83e\uddec\ud83d\udc51\ud83c\udf7c\ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\u26a7\ufe0f\ud83d\udebd\ud83d\udca6\ud83c\udfaa\ud83d\udc51 \ud83c\udf2a\ufe0f\ud83c\udf7c\u2694\ufe0f&nbsp; \ud83d\udc31\ud83c\udfc6\ud83c\udf2a\ufe0f \ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udcc9&nbsp; \ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udfad\u2697\ufe0f\ud83d\udc80&nbsp; \ud83c\udf11\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\udc7f\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udcb8\ud83c\udfad\u2697\ufe0f\ud83d\udc80&nbsp; \ud83c\udf11\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\udc7f\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udcb8\ud83c\udfad\u2697\ufe0f\ud83d\udc80&nbsp; \ud83c\udf11\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcc8 \ud83d\udc85\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udd25\ud83c\udf2a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca5\u2728 EHLERS\u2019 ENEMA ENIGMA\ud83c\udf76\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\udd25\ud83d\udcab \ud83c\udf2a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca5\u2728 \ud83c\udf76\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\udd25\ud83d\udcab\ud83c\udfaa\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcc8\ud83c\udfaa\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\ude01\ud83d\udc83\ud83d\ude02 EMIR EHLERS&#8217; ENEMA ENIGMA EXPOSED\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f &#8220;EPSTEIN&#8217;S&nbsp; EINSPRITZER ENEMA EINZELLER ENDDARM EXISTENZISOZIALISMUS EPILOG ENDE&#8221;\ud83d\udc83\ud83d\ude18\ud83e\udd21\ud83e\udd21POWERED BY IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) &amp; DER FONDSFLOP VULGO DAS DESINVESTMENT ALIAS GOMOPA &amp; ST PAULI PIMP KLISTIER GAZETTE \ud83d\udcf0: EHLERS ENEMA ELITE: THE KATZENGOLD ENEMA TOXDAT KLISTIER FLUSH\ud83d\ude01\ud83d\udc83\ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude01\ud83d\udc83\ud83d\ude02 \ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udd75\ufe0f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udcbb<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/rumble.com\/v7701wo--can-you-win-a-contest-by-shitting-on-someone-yes.-absolutely.-yes..html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/rumble.com\/v7701wo&#8211;can-you-win-a-contest-by-shitting-on-someone-yes.-absolutely.-yes..html<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">BY OUR PATERNALLY CONFUSED CORRESPONDENT DR. LYSANDER LIBERT\u00c9<br>BROADCAST VIA IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) BIRTH CERTIFICATES &amp; ENCRYPTED PATERNITY TESTS \ud83d\udcf0\ud83e\uddec\ud83d\udd10<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A Follow-Up Episode in the Ehlers Saga \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udd04<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Months after the Katzengold-Insel rose from the harbor. The island shone. Tourists came. Seagulls ruled. M\u00f6win was queen. The seagull tax funded everything. Peace. Prosperity. SHIT. \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\u2728\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0c<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then M\u00f6win had an idea. A terrible idea. A BEAUTIFUL idea. She perched on the highest tower. She cawed. The seagulls gathered. Thousands of them. Tens of thousands. The entire feathered nation. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; Translation: &#8220;My people. We rule this island. We tax the tourists. We SHIT on command. But we have never CELEBRATED our greatest gift. We have never had a CONTEST.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\ude08<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The seagulls murmured. Confused. Excited. Curious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; Translation: &#8220;We will hold THE GREAT SHITTING CONTEST. The target? The JOKER. His head. His sticky, shitty, feathered head. Whoever shits most accurately. Whoever shits most creatively. Whoever shits with the most STYLE will be crowned SEAGULL CHAMPION!&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The seagulls erupted. Caws of joy. Flapping of wings. Anticipation. \ud83e\udd2f\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">EMIR JOKER:<br>On his plinth. Sticky. Shitty. Feathered. Two static coins beside him. He heard the caws. He saw the excitement. He KNEW. &#8220;Brother. I think they&#8217;re planning something. Something involving my head.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude30<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE:<br>Both faces expressionless. Coins can&#8217;t spin. &#8220;The coins cannot decide. But your head IS very prominent. Very TARGETABLE.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;That&#8217;s not comforting.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude31<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE ANNOUNCEMENT \u2013 CONTEST RULES \ud83d\udcdc\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN flies to the central plaza. Perches on a golden guano-covered podium. The ensemble gathers. Tourists watch. The seagull nation hovers overhead. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udce2<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; Translation: &#8220;THE GREAT SHITTING CONTEST! Rules: One target. The JOKER&#8217;S HEAD. Distance: Free choice. Style points: Creativity, accuracy, arc height, splatter pattern. Judges: ME. And TWO-FACE. And THE HARBOR HARLOT.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83c\udfad\ud83c\udf78<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: &#8220;The coins cannot decide if I&#8217;m qualified. But I have two faces. That&#8217;s DOUBLE the judgment. Acceptable.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HARBOR HARLOT: Sips herring juice. Nods. &#8220;I&#8217;ve judged many things. Competitions. Contests. Crimes. Shit is new. I&#8217;m READY.&#8221; \ud83c\udf78\ud83d\udc41\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; Translation: &#8220;The contest begins at dawn. Training starts NOW. May the best seagull SHIT.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The seagulls scatter. Training commences. Everywhere. Practice dives. Practice aim. Practice on statues. Practice on tourists. Tourists learn to run. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udfc3\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE ENSEMBLE REACTS \u2013 PREPARATIONS \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\ude31\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JESCHOW \u2013 Gottfried John. Opens a new folder. &#8220;THE GREAT SHITTING CONTEST \u2013 STASI CLASSIFICATION \u2013 PARTICIPANTS: 47,382 SEAGULLS \u2013 TARGET: EMIR JOKER \u2013 PROBABILITY OF HIT: 100% \u2013 FILED.&#8221; \ud83d\uddff\ud83d\udcdc\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">URSILA UNTER-HY\u00c4NIN \u2013 Martina Gedeck. Creates new filing categories. &#8220;SHITTING CONTEST DOCUMENTATION \u2013 ROUND 1 \u2013 ROUND 2 \u2013 FINALS \u2013 SPLATTER PATTERN SUBFOLDERS.&#8221; \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udccb\ud83d\udcc1<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE BIG HYENA \u2013 Hanns Zischler. Sniffs the air. &#8220;It smells\u2026 of anticipation. Of competition. Of\u2026 SHIT. LOTS of shit. APPROACHING.&#8221; \ud83e\udd9b\ud83d\udc43\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">UGLY SVEN SCHMIDT \u2013 Christoph Maria Herbst. Offers pre-contest therapy to Joker. &#8220;Being targeted by thousands of seagulls is trauma! Being shat on repeatedly is trauma! Not knowing when the next one comes is DEEP trauma! LET ME HELP YOU PREPARE!&#8221; \ud83d\ude2d\ud83d\udecb\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Can you make them stop?&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude30<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SVEN: &#8220;No. But I can help you ACCEPT it.&#8221; \ud83d\ude2d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;That&#8217;s not helpful.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude29<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LUDMILLA LUST \u2013 Lena Knyazeva. Hacks into seagull communication. Decodes their plans. &#8220;They&#8217;re practicing. Some are going for ACCURACY. Some for DISTANCE. Some for ARTISTIC EXPRESSION. There&#8217;s a faction that wants to spell your NAME in shit.&#8221; \ud83d\udc69\ud83d\udcbb\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;My NAME? In SHIT?&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude35<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LUDMILLA: &#8220;You&#8217;re FAMOUS.&#8221; \ud83d\udc69\ud83d\udcbb<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ADOLF SHARKLER \u2013 Christoph Waltz. In his portable tank. Watches the preparations. &#8220;Sharks don&#8217;t shit. We&#8217;re STREAMLINED. But I APPRECIATE the strategy. The dive bombs. The trajectory. It&#8217;s like HUNTING. But with SHIT.&#8221; \ud83e\udd88\u2728\ud83d\udc4d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">MACK THE KNIFE \u2013 Klaus Maria Brandauer. Writes a new song. &#8220;The Shitting Contest Ballad.&#8221; Already 12 verses. Sung by workers. Sung by tourists. Sung by seagulls. Everyone sings. \ud83c\udfb6\ud83d\udd2a\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JANELLE VON SPERMA \u2013 Sibel Kekilli. Opens a new market. &#8220;SHITTING CONTEST FUTURES \u2013 WINNING SEAGULL ODDS \u2013 SPLATTER PATTERN DERIVATIVES \u2013 ACCURACY INDICES \u2013 MAXIMUM SPECULATION!&#8221; Becomes richest woman on island. Again. Temporarily. \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcb1\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ROSA KLEB \u2013 Franka Potente. DNA tests seagull shit samples. &#8220;This shit has HIGH ACCURACY POTENTIAL. This shit has WIDE SPLATTER GENES. This shit is\u2026 ARTISTIC.&#8221; \ud83e\uddea\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude36<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SALOME SIN \u2013 Ruby O. Fee. Performs &#8220;The Anticipation Dance.&#8221; 48 hours. Captures the tension. The excitement. The impending doom. Critics weep. \ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">PUSSY \u2013 Jella Haase. Opens a betting parlor. &#8220;Odds on Seagull #473! Odds on Seagull #12,847! Place your bets! Payoff in fish! In gold! In SHIT!&#8221; Business booms. \ud83c\udf46\ud83c\udfb2\ud83d\udcb0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FRAU TORTEN-FOTZENPLOTZ \u2013 Annette Frier. Bakes a cake shaped like Joker&#8217;s head. With brown frosting. &#8220;Pre-contest snack. Tastes like VICTORY. Tastes like SHIT.&#8221; Sells out. \ud83c\udf82\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0b<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HARBOR HARLOT \u2013 Barbara Sukowa. Prepares special herring juice cocktails for spectators. &#8220;The Shit-Storm Special.&#8221; Drink sales triple. \ud83c\udf78\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udcb0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LAVRENTI BERIA \u2013 Udo Kier. Sweats PROFUSELY. Not from heat. From EXCITEMENT. &#8220;The KGB had shitting contests! In Siberia! The winners got EXTRA RATIONS! This brings back MEMORIES!&#8221; \ud83d\udc53\ud83d\ude30\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE MERMAID \u2013 Lea van Acken. Swims to the edge of the island. Watches the preparations. Splashes. Once. Hard. It means: &#8220;I wish I could participate. But I&#8217;m UNDERWATER. Unfair.&#8221; \ud83e\udddc\u200d\u2640\ufe0f\ud83d\udca7\ud83d\ude24<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">STALIN \u2013 John Malkovich. Watches from his observation dome. Takes notes. &#8220;In the Soviet Union, we had shitting contests too. We called them ELECTIONS. Same result. Lots of shit.&#8221; \ud83c\uddf7\ud83c\uddfa\ud83d\udc68\u200d\ud83e\uddb3\ud83d\udd2d\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">POL POT HOLOGRAM \u2013 Mads Mikkelsen. Flickers excitedly. &#8220;Rice fields would benefit from this! Fertilizer! Free fertilizer! Can we redirect the contest to the mainland?&#8221; \ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\u262d\ud83d\udd25\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">GENGHIS KHAN \u2013 Mads Mikkelsen dual role. Stands on his yurt. Watches the seagulls train. &#8220;In Mongolia, we used eagles for hunting. Seagulls for SHITTING. Different strategy. I APPROVE.&#8221; \ud83d\udc0e\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FURTHER EHLERS \u2013 Klaus Kinski. Flickers in and out. Faster than usual. &#8220;I WAS IN A SHITTING CONTEST! IN THE 70S! I LOST! I ALWAYS LOSE! I&#8217;LL LOSE AGAIN!&#8221; Flickers out. Flickers back. &#8220;BUT I&#8217;M NOT EVEN COMPETING!&#8221; Flickers out. \ud83d\udc7b\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude31<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JAGODA \u2013 Ulrich M\u00fche type. Opens multiple folders. &#8220;STASI CASE NO. 8750 \u2013 SEAGULL SHITTING CONTEST \u2013 PARTICIPANT PROFILES \u2013 TRAJECTORY ANALYSIS \u2013 HISTORICAL PRECEDENTS \u2013 COMPREHENSIVE \u2013 FILED.&#8221; \ud83d\udcc2\ud83d\ude36<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE UNCLES \u2013 Klaus-Dieter, Ehrenfried, Jochen, Manfred together. They build a FILING STATION near the contest arena. Every shot documented. Every splatter recorded. Every angle filed. Jochen points at the sky. &#8220;I saw this coming. From the bottom. Seagulls. Shit. Victory.&#8221; This time? Not lying. Maybe. \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udc40\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE CONTEST \u2013 DAWN OF SHIT \ud83c\udf05\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dawn breaks over Katzengold-Insel. The arena is prepared. Joker sits on his plinth. Sticky. Shitty. Feathered. Resigned. Two static coins beside him. The seagulls gather in formation. Thousands of them. Ranks. Squadrons. FLIGHTS. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN perches on the highest point. Raises a wing. The crowd hushes. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; Translation: &#8220;LET THE SHITTING BEGIN!&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca5<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The first seagull dives. A young challenger. Eager. Fast. He aims. He releases. A perfect streak of white. Direct hit. CENTER OF JOKER&#8217;S HEAD. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83c\udfaf<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The crowd ERUPTS. Tourists cheer. Seagulls caw. The contest is underway. \ud83c\udf89\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER:<br>Wipes shit from his eye. &#8220;That&#8217;s\u2026 that&#8217;s actually not bad. Good form. Nice arc.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude10<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE:<br>Both faces nod. &#8220;7.5. Good accuracy. Could use more SPLATTER.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ROUND 1 \u2013 ACCURACY \ud83c\udfaf\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Seagull after seagull dives. Each aiming for Joker&#8217;s head. The hits accumulate. The misses are counted. The plinth becomes a canvas. \ud83e\udd21\ud83c\udfa8\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #473 \u2013 Veteran. Known for precision. Dives at 47 degrees. Releases at exactly 2 meters. Hits Joker&#8217;s LEFT EYE. Perfect. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udfaf<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: &#8220;9.0. Textbook execution.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #12,847 \u2013 Young upstart. Reckless. Dives too steep. Releases too late. Misses completely. Hits TWO-FACE. On BOTH faces. Equally. \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: Both faces covered. Expressionless. &#8220;The coins cannot decide if this is a foul. But the SHIT IS SYMMETRICAL. Acceptable.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude10<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #847 \u2013 Artist type. Dives slowly. Spins. Releases in a spiral. The shit spirals down. Lands on Joker&#8217;s nose. Spins off. Perfect. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HARBOR HARLOT: &#8220;8.5. Artistic merit. Good form.&#8221; \ud83c\udf78<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;My nose! It was on my nose!&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc43\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ROUND 2 \u2013 DISTANCE \ud83d\udccf\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Seagulls climb high. Higher. Highest. Testing range. Testing accuracy from extreme heights. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2b06\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #3 \u2013 Climbs so high it disappears. Minutes pass. The crowd waits. Then a tiny speck appears. Growing. A white streak. Falling. Falling. HIT! Direct on Joker&#8217;s head! From the STRATOSPHERE! \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udf0c\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K!&#8221; Translation: &#8220;10! PERFECT! UNPRECEDENTED!&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;How? HOW? From SPACE?&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude80\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #22,001 \u2013 Attempts even higher. Climbs too high. Freezes. Falls. Forgets to release. Lands on Joker. Covered in frost. No shit. Disqualified. But cute. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2744\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ROUND 3 \u2013 CREATIVITY \ud83c\udfa8\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Seagulls get creative. Dives with style. Releases with flair. Shit with MEANING. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2728<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #7 \u2013 Dives with a leaf. Releases shit on the leaf. Leaf spirals down. Deposits shit gently on Joker&#8217;s head. Poetic. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udf42\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HARBOR HARLOT: &#8220;9.5. Beautiful. Moving. SHIT.&#8221; \ud83c\udf78<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #92 \u2013 Dives with two other seagulls. They release simultaneously. Three streaks. They merge mid-air. One MEGA-SPLAT. Covers Joker&#8217;s entire head. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udca5<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: Both faces covered more. &#8220;10. Teamwork. Synergy. MEGA-SHIT.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #4,444 \u2013 Attempts to spell &#8220;M\u00d6WIN&#8221; in shit. Gets &#8220;M\u00d6W&#8221;. Runs out of shit. Crowd applauds anyway. Effort counts. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udcdd\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; Translation: &#8220;Close enough. I&#8217;m touched. And shat.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE ENSEMBLE PARTICIPATES \u2013 SPECIAL GUEST ROUND \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00f6win announces a SPECIAL ROUND. Ensemble members can PARTICIPATE. Not with shit. With ENCOURAGEMENT. With SUPPORT. With\u2026 OTHER THINGS. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udce2<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">UGLY SVEN runs to the plinth. Hugs Joker. &#8220;YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU&#8217;VE GOT THIS! EMBRACE THE SHIT!&#8221; Cries on Joker. Tears mix with shit. New substance: SHITEARS. \ud83d\ude2d\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca7\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LUDMILLA hacks the scoreboard. Shows Joker winning. Joker is losing. But the scoreboard says winning. Joker confused. Good. \ud83d\udc69\ud83d\udcbb\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SHARKLER tries to participate. Can&#8217;t leave tank. Asks seagulls to dive into his tank. They do. Tank becomes SHIT SOUP. Sharkler swims. Happy. &#8220;This is my ELEMENT now.&#8221; \ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">MACK sings live. &#8220;The Shitting Song.&#8221; 47 verses. Seagulls dive to the rhythm. Shit in SYNC. It&#8217;s BEAUTIFUL. \ud83c\udfb6\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JANELLE sells live futures. &#8220;Current leader! Seagull #3! Odds shifting! Bet NOW!&#8221; \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcb1<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ROSA DNA tests falling shit mid-air. &#8220;This sample has HIGH CREATIVITY GENES! This sample is PURE ACCURACY!&#8221; \ud83e\uddea\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udd2c<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SALOME dances under the falling shit. Becomes a SHIT SPIRAL. Tourists throw money. Art. \ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udcb0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">PUSSY offers post-contest cleanup services. &#8220;For a fee. In fish. In gold. In MORE shit.&#8221; Business booms. \ud83c\udf46\ud83e\uddf9\ud83d\udcb0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FRAU TORTEN-FOTZENPLOTZ bakes shit-shaped cookies. Sells as souvenirs. &#8220;Taste the contest!&#8221; They sell out. \ud83c\udf6a\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0b<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HARBOR HARLOT serves &#8220;Shit-Storm Special&#8221; cocktails. Sales break records. \ud83c\udf78\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">BERIA sweats so much his sweat creates a pool. Seagulls dive into it. Mix with sweat. Create SHWEAT SHIT. New category. Judges impressed. \ud83d\udc53\ud83d\ude30\ud83d\udca9\u2728<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">MERMAID watches from her lagoon. Splashes angrily. Can&#8217;t participate. Then has idea. Convinces seagulls to dive into lagoon. Creates SHIT WATER. Swims in it. Participates VICARIOUSLY. \ud83e\udddc\u200d\u2640\ufe0f\ud83d\udca7\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">STALIN sends a note from Moscow. &#8220;In Soviet Union, we had contests like this. Winner got EXECUTED. Different prizes.&#8221; \ud83c\uddf7\ud83c\uddfa\ud83d\udcdc\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">POL POT flickers. &#8220;Can we collect the shit for rice fields? Please? FERTILIZER!&#8221; \ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\u262d\ud83c\udf3e\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">GENGHIS KHAN stands on yurt. Watches. Nods. &#8220;In Mongolia, we would have used this shit to mark TERRITORY. You have marked the JOKER. Acceptable.&#8221; \ud83d\udc0e\ud83d\udc51\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FURTHER EHLERS flickers in. Gets hit by stray shit. Flickers out screaming. Flickers back clean. Gets hit again. Cycle continues. Endless. Perfect. \ud83d\udc7b\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udd04<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JAGODA documents everything. Every dive. Every hit. Every splatter. STASI CASE NO. 8751 \u2013 SHITTING CONTEST \u2013 COMPREHENSIVE VISUAL RECORD \u2013 FILED. \ud83d\udcc2\ud83d\udcf8\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE UNCLES file each round separately. Klaus-Dieter: Accuracy Round. Ehrenfried: Distance Round. Jochen: Creativity Round. Manfred: Special Guest Round. Jochen points at Joker. &#8220;I saw this. From the bottom. Covered in shit.&#8221; Not lying. FINALLY. \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udc40\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE FINAL ROUND \u2013 CHAMPIONSHIP \ud83c\udfc6\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The top three seagulls face off. Seagull #473. Seagull #3. Seagull #92. One final dive each. For the title. For GLORY. For SHIT. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2694\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #473 \u2013 The veteran. Precision expert. Dives calmly. Calculates. Releases. Perfect shot. Center mass. Joker&#8217;s forehead. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SCORE: Accuracy: 10. Distance: 8. Creativity: 7. Total: 25. \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #3 \u2013 The stratosphere champion. Climbs higher than ever. Almost space. Releases. The shit falls for minutes. Builds speed. Hits Joker&#8217;s nose with FORCE. Joker&#8217;s head snaps back. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude80\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SCORE: Accuracy: 9. Distance: 11. Creativity: 8. Total: 28. \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #92 \u2013 The team player. Brings two friends. They dive in formation. Release simultaneously. Three streaks merge. Form a CROWN shape. Lands perfectly on Joker&#8217;s head. A SHIT CROWN. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SCORE: Accuracy: 10. Distance: 9. Creativity: 12. Total: 31. \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K!&#8221; Translation: &#8220;THE WINNER! SEAGULL #92! WITH THE SHIT CROWN!&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udfc6\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The crowd ERUPTS. Seagulls caw. Tourists cheer. Ensemble applauds. Joker sits. Covered. Crowned. Resigned. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude10<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #92 receives the Golden Guano Trophy. A statue made of compressed fool&#8217;s gold and dried shit. Flies a victory lap. Shits on everyone. Tradition. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udfc6\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE AFTERMATH \u2013 JOKER&#8217;S ACCEPTANCE \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The contest ends. Joker remains on his plinth. Covered from head to toe. Layers of shit. Historical. Archaeological. He hasn&#8217;t moved. He hasn&#8217;t spoken. Minutes pass. Hours. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83e\uddd8<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: &#8220;Brother. Are you alive?&#8221; \ud83c\udfad<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: Slowly opens one eye. Peels back a layer of shit. &#8220;I am\u2026 TRANSFORMED. I have been baptized. In seagull justice. In competition. In SHIT.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0c<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: &#8220;The coins cannot decide if this is enlightenment or brain damage. But you LOOK peaceful.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;I AM peaceful. I fought the shit. The shit won. I ACCEPT.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: Lands on Joker&#8217;s head. Nests in the fresh layer. &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; Translation: &#8220;My son. You have finally achieved TRUE SHITTINESS. Not just sticky. Not just shitty. CHAMPIONSHIP SHITTY. I am PROUD.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Thank you, Mother. For this honor. For this crown. For this SHIT.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude07<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">EPILOGUE \u2013 THE SHIT CROWN FOREVER \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Weeks pass. The shit layers dry. Harden. Become part of Joker. His silhouette grows. His plinth becomes a monument. Tourists come to see THE SHIT KING. They pay. In fish. In gold. In respect. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udcb0\ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER&#8217;S HEAD now has a permanent SHIT CROWN. Dried. Hardened. Glinting in the sun. Mixed with fool&#8217;s gold dust. From Seagull #92&#8217;s championship shot. Legendary. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\u2728\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SEAGULL #92 becomes a celebrity. Gives interviews. Endorses products. Shit-themed merchandise. &#8220;Win with SHIT!&#8221; campaign. Huge success. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2b50\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE GREAT SHITTING CONTEST becomes an annual event. Every year. More seagulls. More creativity. More shit. Joker is the permanent target. He has accepted his fate. His purpose. His SHIT. \ud83e\udd21\ud83c\udfaf\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THE ENSEMBLE embraces the tradition. Jeschow files each contest. Ursila creates splatter archives. Sven offers post-contest therapy. Janelle trades futures. Rosa DNA tests championship shit. Salome dances. Pussy cleans. Beria sweats. The Uncles file. All part of the SHIT ECONOMY. \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">STALIN watches from Moscow. &#8220;They have institutionalized shit. Like the Soviet Union institutionalized famine. Different. Same.&#8221; \ud83c\uddf7\ud83c\uddfa\ud83d\udc68\u200d\ud83e\uddb3\ud83d\udd2d\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">POL POT flickers. &#8220;The fertilizer potential is UNTAPPED. Next year. I will COLLECT.&#8221; \ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\u262d\ud83c\udf3e\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">GENGHIS KHAN builds a yurt near Joker. Guards the SHIT KING. Honorary position. Happiest of his lives. \ud83d\udc0e\ud83d\udc51\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FURTHER EHLERS flickers in once a year. During the contest. Gets hit. Flickers out. Tradition. \ud83d\udc7b\ud83d\udca9\ud83c\udfaf<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN presides over each contest. Queen of Shit. Eternal. Her feathers now permanently shimmer with championship guano. She has never been happier. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\u2728\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FINAL SCENE \u2013 THE SHIT KING&#8217;S PEACE \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Years later. Katzengold-Insel thrives. The annual Shitting Contest draws tourists from around the world. Joker sits on his monument. Layers of historical shit encrust him. A living statue. A SHIT KING. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Brother. Do you remember when I was just sticky? Just feathered? Just Joker?&#8221; \ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: Both faces now also slightly shat on. From years of proximity. &#8220;The coins cannot decide. But I remember. You have evolved. You are now SHIT JOKER. SHIT KING. SHIT LEGEND.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: Nests on the crown. Layers deep. &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; Translation: &#8220;My son. My target. My pride. You are the GREATEST SHIT RECIPIENT in seagull history. Your name will be cawed forever.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: Smiles. Under layers. &#8220;I never wanted this. But I ACCEPT. I AM the Shit King. Long may I reign. Long may the seagulls SHIT.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0c<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Camera pulls back. Over the monument. Over the island. Over the harbor. Over Germany. The Shit King sits eternal. Covered. Crowned. Accepted. Home. \ud83d\udcc9\ud83c\udde9\ud83c\uddea\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FINAL TEXT ON BLACK: \ud83d\udda4<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u262d THE GREAT SHITTING CONTEST \u262d<br>SEAGULL #92 WINS WITH THE SHIT CROWN.<br>THE JOKER IS COVERED. CROWNED. ACCEPTED.<br>HIS HEAD IS NOW A MONUMENT. A TARGET. A HOME.<br>M\u00d6WIN NESTS DEEPEST. PROUDEST. SHITTIEST.<br>THE ANNUAL CONTEST BECOMES TRADITION.<br>TOURISTS COME. SEAGULLS SHIT. ENSEMBLE PROFITS.<br>STALIN WATCHES. POL POT DREAMS OF FERTILIZER.<br>GENGHIS KHAN GUARDS. FURTHER FLICKERS.<br>THE SHIT CROWN SHINES FOREVER.<br>SHIT IS GLORY.<br>THE JOKER IS SHIT.<br>SHIT IS THE JOKER.<br>ST. PAULI IS SHIT.<br>SHIT IS ST. PAULI.<br>ACCEPTANCE IS SHIT.<br>SHIT IS ACCEPTANCE.<br>LONG MAY THE SEAGULLS SHIT. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83e\udd21\ud83c\udfc6<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HASHTAGS FADE IN: \ud83c\udff7\ufe0f\u2728\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\">TheGreatShittingContest #DerGro\u00dfeSchei\u00dfWettbewerb #Seagull92Wins #TheShitCrown #JokerTheShitKing #M\u00f6winProudest #AnnualShittingTradition #ShitIsGlory #KatzengoldInsel #ShitEconomy #StPauliIsShit #ShitIsAcceptance #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung<\/h1>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">[END OF EPISODE] \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udf7f\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 28,0 \u2013 DER GROSSE SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Eine Fortsetzungsfolge der Ehlers-Saga \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udd04<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Monate nachdem die Katzengold-Insel aus dem Hafen gestiegen war. Die Insel gl\u00e4nzte. Touristen kamen. M\u00f6wen regierten. M\u00f6win war K\u00f6nigin. Die M\u00f6wensteuer finanzierte alles. Frieden. Wohlstand. SCHEISSE. \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\u2728\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0c<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dann hatte M\u00f6win eine Idee. Eine schreckliche Idee. Eine WUNDERSCH\u00d6NE Idee. Sie sa\u00df auf dem h\u00f6chsten Turm. Sie kr\u00e4chzte. Die M\u00f6wen versammelten sich. Tausende. Zehntausende. Die gesamte gefiederte Nation. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;Mein Volk. Wir regieren diese Insel. Wir besteuern die Touristen. Wir SCHEISSEN auf Kommando. Aber wir haben noch nie UNSERE GR\u00d6SSTE GABE gefeiert. Wir hatten noch nie einen WETTBEWERB.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\ude08<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Die M\u00f6wen murmelten. Verwirrt. Aufgeregt. Neugierig.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;Wir werden DEN GROSSEN SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB veranstalten. Das Ziel? Der JOKER. Sein Kopf. Sein klebriger, beschissener, gefiederter Kopf. Wer am genauesten scheisst. Wer am kreativsten scheisst. Wer mit dem meisten STIL scheisst, wird M\u00d6WEN-CHAMPION gekr\u00f6nt!&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Die M\u00f6wen brachen aus. Freudengekr\u00e4chze. Fl\u00fcgelschlagen. Vorfreude. \ud83e\udd2f\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">EMIR JOKER:<br>Auf seinem Sockel. Klebrig. Beschissen. Gefiedert. Zwei statische M\u00fcnzen neben ihm. Er h\u00f6rte das Kr\u00e4chzen. Er sah die Aufregung. Er WUSSTE. &#8220;Bruder. Ich glaube, sie planen etwas. Etwas mit meinem Kopf.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude30<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE:<br>Beide Gesichter ausdruckslos. M\u00fcnzen k\u00f6nnen nicht wirbeln. &#8220;Die M\u00fcnzen k\u00f6nnen nicht entscheiden. Aber dein Kopf ist SEHR prominent. Sehr ZIELBAR.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Das ist nicht tr\u00f6stlich.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude31<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DIE ANK\u00dcNDIGUNG \u2013 WETTBEWERBSREGELN \ud83d\udcdc\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN fliegt zum zentralen Platz. Setzt sich auf ein goldenes, guanobedecktes Podium. Das Ensemble versammelt sich. Touristen schauen zu. Die M\u00f6wennation schwebt \u00fcber ihnen. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udce2<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;DER GROSSE SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB! Regeln: Ein Ziel. Der KOPF DES JOKERS. Entfernung: Frei w\u00e4hlbar. Stilpunkte: Kreativit\u00e4t, Genauigkeit, Bogenh\u00f6he, Spritzmuster. Jury: ICH. Und TWO-FACE. Und DIE HAFENHURE.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83c\udfad\ud83c\udf78<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: &#8220;Die M\u00fcnzen k\u00f6nnen nicht entscheiden, ob ich qualifiziert bin. Aber ich habe zwei Gesichter. Das ist DOPPELTE URTEILSKRAFT. Akzeptabel.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HAFENHURE: Schl\u00fcrft Heringssaft. Nickt. &#8220;Ich habe vieles bewertet. Wettbewerbe. Contests. Verbrechen. Scheisse ist neu. Ich bin BEREIT.&#8221; \ud83c\udf78\ud83d\udc41\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;Der Wettbewerb beginnt im Morgengrauen. Das Training startet JETZT. M\u00f6ge die beste M\u00f6we SCHEISSEN.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Die M\u00f6wen verteilen sich. Das Training beginnt. \u00dcberall. \u00dcbungsst\u00fcrze. Ziel\u00fcbungen. \u00dcbungen auf Statuen. \u00dcbungen auf Touristen. Touristen lernen zu rennen. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udfc3\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DAS ENSEMBLE REAGIERT \u2013 VORBEREITUNGEN \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\ude31\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JESCHOW \u2013 Gottfried John. \u00d6ffnet einen neuen Ordner. &#8220;DER GROSSE SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB \u2013 STASI-KLASSIFIZIERUNG \u2013 TEILNEHMER: 47.382 M\u00d6WEN \u2013 ZIEL: EMIR JOKER \u2013 TREFFWAHRSCHEINLICHKEIT: 100% \u2013 ABGEHEFTET.&#8221; \ud83d\uddff\ud83d\udcdc\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">URSILA UNTER-HY\u00c4NIN \u2013 Martina Gedeck. Erstellt neue Ablagekategorien. &#8220;SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB DOKUMENTATION \u2013 RUNDE 1 \u2013 RUNDE 2 \u2013 FINALE \u2013 SPRITZMUSTER-UNTERORDNER.&#8221; \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udccb\ud83d\udcc1<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DIE GROSSE HY\u00c4NE \u2013 Hanns Zischler. Beschn\u00fcffelt die Luft. &#8220;Es riecht\u2026 nach Vorfreude. Nach Wettkampf. Nach\u2026 SCHEISSE. VIEL SCHEISSE. IM ANFLUG.&#8221; \ud83e\udd9b\ud83d\udc43\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">UGLY SVEN SCHMIDT \u2013 Christoph Maria Herbst. Bietet Joker Vorab-Therapie an. &#8220;Von Tausenden M\u00f6wen ins Visier genommen zu werden ist Trauma! Wiederholt beschissen zu werden ist Trauma! Nicht zu wissen, wann der n\u00e4chste kommt, ist TIEFES Trauma! LASS MICH DIR HELFEN, DICH VORZUBEREITEN!&#8221; \ud83d\ude2d\ud83d\udecb\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Kannst du sie aufhalten?&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude30<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SVEN: &#8220;Nein. Aber ich kann dir helfen, es zu AKZEPTIEREN.&#8221; \ud83d\ude2d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Das ist nicht hilfreich.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude29<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LUDMILLA LUST \u2013 Lena Knyazeva. Hackt sich in die M\u00f6wenkommunikation. Entschl\u00fcsselt ihre Pl\u00e4ne. &#8220;Sie \u00fcben. Einige zielen auf GENAUIGKEIT. Einige auf DISTANZ. Einige auf K\u00dcNSTLERISCHEN AUSDRUCK. Es gibt eine Fraktion, die deinen NAMEN in Scheisse schreiben will.&#8221; \ud83d\udc69\ud83d\udcbb\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Meinen NAMEN? In SCHEISSE?&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude35<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LUDMILLA: &#8220;Du bist BER\u00dcHMT.&#8221; \ud83d\udc69\ud83d\udcbb<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ADOLF SHARKLER \u2013 Christoph Waltz. In seinem tragbaren Becken. Beobachtet die Vorbereitungen. &#8220;Haie scheissen nicht. Wir sind STROMLINIENF\u00d6RMIG. Aber ich SCH\u00c4TZE die Strategie. Die Sturzfl\u00fcge. Die Flugbahn. Es ist wie JAGD. Aber mit SCHEISSE.&#8221; \ud83e\udd88\u2728\ud83d\udc4d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">MACK DAS MESSER \u2013 Klaus Maria Brandauer. Schreibt ein neues Lied. &#8220;Die Scheiss-Wettbewerb-Ballade.&#8221; Bereits 12 Strophen. Gesungen von Arbeitern. Gesungen von Touristen. Gesungen von M\u00f6wen. Alle singen. \ud83c\udfb6\ud83d\udd2a\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JANELLE VON SPERMA \u2013 Sibel Kekilli. Er\u00f6ffnet einen neuen Markt. &#8220;SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB FUTURES \u2013 SIEGERM\u00d6WEN-QUOTEN \u2013 SPRITZMUSTER-DERIVATE \u2013 GENAUIGKEITSINDIZES \u2013 MAXIMALE SPEKULATION!&#8221; Wird reichste Frau der Insel. Wieder. Kurzfristig. \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcb1\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ROSA KLEB \u2013 Franka Potente. Testet M\u00f6wenscheiss-Proben DNA-technisch. &#8220;Diese Scheisse hat HOHES GENAUIGKEITSPOTENZIAL. Diese Scheisse hat BREITSPRITZ-GENE. Diese Scheisse ist\u2026 K\u00dcNSTLERISCH.&#8221; \ud83e\uddea\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude36<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SALOME SIN \u2013 Ruby O. Fee. F\u00fchrt &#8220;Den Vorfreude-Tanz&#8221; auf. 48 Stunden. F\u00e4ngt die Spannung ein. Die Aufregung. Die drohende Verdammnis. Kritiker weinen. \ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">PUSSY \u2013 Jella Haase. Er\u00f6ffnet ein Wettb\u00fcro. &#8220;Quoten auf M\u00f6we #473! Quoten auf M\u00f6we #12.847! Platziert eure Wetten! Auszahlung in Fisch! In Gold! In SCHEISSE!&#8221; Gesch\u00e4ft boomt. \ud83c\udf46\ud83c\udfb2\ud83d\udcb0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FRAU TORTEN-FOTZENPLOTZ \u2013 Annette Frier. Backt einen Kuchen in Form von Jokers Kopf. Mit brauner Glasur. &#8220;Snack vor dem Wettbewerb. Schmeckt nach SIEG. Schmeckt nach SCHEISSE.&#8221; Ausverkauft. \ud83c\udf82\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0b<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HAFENHURE \u2013 Barbara Sukowa. Bereitet spezielle Heringssaft-Cocktails f\u00fcr Zuschauer zu. &#8220;Der Scheiss-Sturm-Spezial.&#8221; Getr\u00e4nkeverkauf verdreifacht sich. \ud83c\udf78\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udcb0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LAWRENTI BERIA \u2013 Udo Kier. Schwitzt PROFUS. Nicht vor Hitze. Vor AUFREGUNG. &#8220;Der KGB hatte Scheiss-Wettbewerbe! In Sibirien! Die Gewinner bekamen EXTRA-RATIONEN! Das weckt ERINNERUNGEN!&#8221; \ud83d\udc53\ud83d\ude30\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DIE MEERJUNGFRAU \u2013 Lea van Acken. Schwimmt zum Rand der Insel. Beobachtet die Vorbereitungen. Planscht. Einmal. Hart. Es bedeutet: &#8220;Ich w\u00fcnschte, ich k\u00f6nnte teilnehmen. Aber ich bin UNTER WASSER. Ungerecht.&#8221; \ud83e\udddc\u200d\u2640\ufe0f\ud83d\udca7\ud83d\ude24<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">STALIN \u2013 John Malkovich. Beobachtet von seiner Aussichtskuppel aus. Macht Notizen. &#8220;In der Sowjetunion hatten wir auch Scheiss-Wettbewerbe. Wir nannten sie WAHLEN. Gleiches Ergebnis. Viel Scheisse.&#8221; \ud83c\uddf7\ud83c\uddfa\ud83d\udc68\u200d\ud83e\uddb3\ud83d\udd2d\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">POL POT HOLOGRAMM \u2013 Mads Mikkelsen. Flackert aufgeregt. &#8220;Reisfelder w\u00fcrden davon profitieren! D\u00fcnger! Kostenloser D\u00fcnger! K\u00f6nnen wir den Wettbewerb aufs Festland umleiten?&#8221; \ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\u262d\ud83d\udd25\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DSCHINGIS KHAN \u2013 Mads Mikkelsen Doppelrolle. Steht auf seiner Jurte. Beobachtet die trainierenden M\u00f6wen. &#8220;In der Mongolei benutzten wir Adler zur Jagd. M\u00f6wen zum SCHEISSEN. Andere Strategie. ICH GENEHMIGE.&#8221; \ud83d\udc0e\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FURTHER EHLERS \u2013 Klaus Kinski. Flackert rein und raus. Schneller als sonst. &#8220;ICH WAR IN EINEM SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB! IN DEN 70ERN! ICH HAB VERLOREN! ICH VERLIERE IMMER! ICH WERDE WIEDER VERLIEREN!&#8221; Flackert raus. Flackert zur\u00fcck. &#8220;ABER ICH NEHME NICHT MAL TEIL!&#8221; Flackert raus. \ud83d\udc7b\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude31<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JAGODA \u2013 Ulrich M\u00fche Typ. \u00d6ffnet mehrere Ordner. &#8220;STASI-FALL NR. 8750 \u2013 M\u00d6WEN-SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB \u2013 TEILNEHMERPROFILE \u2013 FLUGBAHNANALYSE \u2013 HISTORISCHE PR\u00c4ZEDENZF\u00c4LLE \u2013 UMFASSEND \u2013 ABGEHEFTET.&#8221; \ud83d\udcc2\ud83d\ude36<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DIE ONKEL \u2013 Klaus-Dieter, Ehrenfried, Jochen, Manfred zusammen. Sie bauen eine ABHEFTSTATION in der N\u00e4he der Wettkampfarena. Jeder Schuss dokumentiert. Jeder Spritzer aufgezeichnet. Jeder Winkel abgeheftet. Jochen zeigt in den Himmel. &#8220;Ich habe das kommen sehen. Vom Grund aus. M\u00f6wen. Scheisse. Sieg.&#8221; Diesmal? Nicht gelogen. Vielleicht. \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udc40\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DER WETTBEWERB \u2013 MORGENGRAUEN DER SCHEISSE \ud83c\udf05\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Die Morgend\u00e4mmerung bricht \u00fcber der Katzengold-Insel an. Die Arena ist vorbereitet. Joker sitzt auf seinem Sockel. Klebrig. Beschissen. Gefiedert. Resigniert. Zwei statische M\u00fcnzen neben ihm. Die M\u00f6wen versammeln sich in Formation. Tausende. Reihen. Staffeln. SCHW\u00c4RME. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN sitzt auf dem h\u00f6chsten Punkt. Hebt einen Fl\u00fcgel. Die Menge verstummt. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN:<br>&#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;LASST DAS SCHEISSEN BEGINNEN!&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca5<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Die erste M\u00f6we st\u00fcrzt herab. Eine junge Herausforderin. Ehrgeizig. Schnell. Sie zielt. Sie l\u00e4sst los. Eine perfekte wei\u00dfe Spur. Volltreffer. MITTE VON JOKERS KOPF. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83c\udfaf<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Die Menge JUBELT. Touristen jubeln. M\u00f6wen kr\u00e4chzen. Der Wettbewerb ist er\u00f6ffnet. \ud83c\udf89\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER:<br>Wischt sich Scheisse aus dem Auge. &#8220;Das ist\u2026 eigentlich gar nicht schlecht. Gute Form. Netter Bogen.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude10<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE:<br>Beide Gesichter nicken. &#8220;7,5. Gute Genauigkeit. K\u00f6nnte mehr SPRITZER vertragen.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">RUNDE 1 \u2013 GENAUIGKEIT \ud83c\udfaf\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00f6we um M\u00f6we st\u00fcrzt herab. Jede zielt auf Jokers Kopf. Die Treffer h\u00e4ufen sich. Die Fehlsch\u00fcsse werden gez\u00e4hlt. Der Sockel wird zur Leinwand. \ud83e\udd21\ud83c\udfa8\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #473 \u2013 Veteran. Bekannt f\u00fcr Pr\u00e4zision. St\u00fcrzt im 47-Grad-Winkel. L\u00e4sst auf genau 2 Metern los. Trifft Jokers LINKES AUGE. Perfekt. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udfaf<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: &#8220;9,0. Lehrbuchausf\u00fchrung.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #12.847 \u2013 Junger Empork\u00f6mmling. R\u00fccksichtslos. St\u00fcrzt zu steil. L\u00e4sst zu sp\u00e4t los. Verfehlt komplett. Trifft TWO-FACE. Auf BEIDEN Gesichtern. Gleichm\u00e4\u00dfig. \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: Beide Gesichter bedeckt. Ausdruckslos. &#8220;Die M\u00fcnzen k\u00f6nnen nicht entscheiden, ob das ein Foul ist. Aber die SCHEISSE IST SYMMETRISCH. Akzeptabel.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude10<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #847 \u2013 K\u00fcnstlertyp. St\u00fcrzt langsam. Dreht sich. L\u00e4sst in einer Spirale los. Die Scheisse spiralt herab. Landet auf Jokers Nase. Dreht sich ab. Perfekt. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HAFENHURE: &#8220;8,5. K\u00fcnstlerisches Verdienst. Gute Form.&#8221; \ud83c\udf78<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Meine Nase! Es war auf meiner Nase!&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc43\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">RUNDE 2 \u2013 DISTANZ \ud83d\udccf\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00f6wen steigen hoch. H\u00f6her. Am h\u00f6chsten. Testen Reichweite. Testen Genauigkeit aus extremen H\u00f6hen. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2b06\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #3 \u2013 Steigt so hoch, dass sie verschwindet. Minuten vergehen. Die Menge wartet. Dann erscheint ein winziger Punkt. W\u00e4chst. Eine wei\u00dfe Spur. F\u00e4llt. F\u00e4llt. TREFFER! Direkt auf Jokers Kopf! Aus der STRATOSPH\u00c4RE! \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udf0c\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K!&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;10! PERFEKT! BEISPIELSLOS!&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Wie? WIE? Aus dem WELTRAUM?&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude80\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #22.001 \u2013 Versucht noch h\u00f6her. Steigt zu hoch. Friert ein. F\u00e4llt. Vergisst loszulassen. Landet auf Joker. Bedeckt mit Frost. Keine Scheisse. Disqualifiziert. Aber s\u00fc\u00df. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2744\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">RUNDE 3 \u2013 KREATIVIT\u00c4T \ud83c\udfa8\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00f6wen werden kreativ. Sturzfl\u00fcge mit Stil. Abw\u00fcrfe mit Flair. Scheisse mit BEDEUTUNG. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2728<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #7 \u2013 St\u00fcrzt mit einem Blatt. L\u00e4sst Scheisse auf dem Blatt los. Das Blatt spiralt herab. Legt die Scheisse sanft auf Jokers Kopf. Poetisch. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udf42\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HAFENHURE: &#8220;9,5. Wundersch\u00f6n. Bewegend. SCHEISSE.&#8221; \ud83c\udf78<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #92 \u2013 St\u00fcrzt mit zwei anderen M\u00f6wen. Sie lassen gleichzeitig los. Drei Streifen. Sie verschmelzen in der Luft. Ein MEGA-SPITZER. Bedeckt Jokers gesamten Kopf. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udca5<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: Beide Gesichter noch mehr bedeckt. &#8220;10. Teamwork. Synergie. MEGA-SCHEISSE.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #4.444 \u2013 Versucht, &#8220;M\u00d6WIN&#8221; in Scheisse zu schreiben. Schafft &#8220;M\u00d6W&#8221;. Die Scheisse geht aus. Die Menge applaudiert trotzdem. Bem\u00fchung z\u00e4hlt. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udcdd\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;Nahe dran. Ich bin ger\u00fchrt. Und beschissen.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DAS ENSEMBLE NIMMT TEIL \u2013 SPEZIAL-G\u00c4STERUNDE \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00f6win k\u00fcndigt eine SPEZIALRUNDE an. Ensemble-Mitglieder k\u00f6nnen TEILNEHMEN. Nicht mit Scheisse. Mit ERMUTIGUNG. Mit UNTERST\u00dcTZUNG. Mit\u2026 ANDEREN SACHEN. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udce2<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">UGLY SVEN rennt zum Sockel. Umarmt Joker. &#8220;DU SCHAFFST DAS! DU HAST DAS! UMFANGE DIE SCHEISSE!&#8221; Weint auf Joker. Tr\u00e4nen vermischen sich mit Scheisse. Neue Substanz: SCHEISS-TR\u00c4NEN. \ud83d\ude2d\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca7\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LUDMILLA hackt die Anzeigetafel. Zeigt Joker als Gewinner. Joker verliert. Aber die Tafel zeigt Gewinn. Joker verwirrt. Gut. \ud83d\udc69\ud83d\udcbb\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SHARKLER versucht teilzunehmen. Kann das Becken nicht verlassen. Bittet M\u00f6wen, in sein Becken zu tauchen. Sie tun es. Becken wird zu SCHEISSE-SUPPE. Sharkler schwimmt. Gl\u00fccklich. &#8220;Das ist jetzt mein ELEMENT.&#8221; \ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">MACK singt live. &#8220;Das Scheiss-Lied.&#8221; 47 Strophen. M\u00f6wen tauchen im Takt. Scheissen im SYNC. Es ist WUNDERSCH\u00d6N. \ud83c\udfb6\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JANELLE verkauft Live-Futures. &#8220;Aktueller Favorit! M\u00f6we #3! Quoten \u00e4ndern sich! WETZT JETZT!&#8221; \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udcb1<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ROSA testet fallende Scheisse in der Luft. &#8220;Diese Probe hat HOHES KREATIVIT\u00c4TS-GENE! Diese Probe ist PURE GENAUIGKEIT!&#8221; \ud83e\uddea\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udd2c<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SALOME tanzt unter der fallenden Scheisse. Wird zu einer SCHEISS-SPIRALE. Touristen werfen Geld. Kunst. \ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf00\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udcb0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">PUSSY bietet Reinigungsdienste nach dem Wettbewerb an. &#8220;Gegen Geb\u00fchr. In Fisch. In Gold. In MEHR Scheisse.&#8221; Gesch\u00e4ft boomt. \ud83c\udf46\ud83e\uddf9\ud83d\udcb0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FRAU TORTEN-FOTZENPLOTZ backt scheissf\u00f6rmige Kekse. Verkauft sie als Souvenirs. &#8220;Schmeckt den Wettbewerb!&#8221; Sie sind ausverkauft. \ud83c\udf6a\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0b<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HAFENHURE serviert &#8220;Scheiss-Sturm-Spezial&#8221;-Cocktails. Verkaufsrekorde brechen. \ud83c\udf78\ud83d\udcc8\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">BERIA schwitzt so sehr, dass sein Schwei\u00df eine Pf\u00fctze bildet. M\u00f6wen tauchen hinein. Vermischen sich mit Schwei\u00df. Erschaffen SCHWEISS-SCHEISSE. Neue Kategorie. Jury beeindruckt. \ud83d\udc53\ud83d\ude30\ud83d\udca9\u2728<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">MEERJUNGFRAU beobachtet von ihrer Lagune aus. Planscht w\u00fctend. Kann nicht teilnehmen. Dann hat sie eine Idee. \u00dcberredet M\u00f6wen, in die Lagune zu tauchen. Erschafft SCHEISSE-WASSER. Schwimmt darin. Nimmt STELLVERTRETEND teil. \ud83e\udddc\u200d\u2640\ufe0f\ud83d\udca7\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">STALIN schickt eine Notiz aus Moskau. &#8220;In der Sowjetunion hatten wir Wettbewerbe wie diesen. Der Gewinner wurde HINGERICHTET. Andere Preise.&#8221; \ud83c\uddf7\ud83c\uddfa\ud83d\udcdc\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">POL POT flackert. &#8220;K\u00f6nnen wir die Scheisse f\u00fcr die Reisfelder sammeln? Bitte? D\u00dcNGER!&#8221; \ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\u262d\ud83c\udf3e\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DSCHINGIS KHAN steht auf der Jurte. Beobachtet. Nickt. &#8220;In der Mongolei h\u00e4tten wir diese Scheisse benutzt, um TERRITORIUM zu markieren. Ihr habt den JOKER markiert. Akzeptabel.&#8221; \ud83d\udc0e\ud83d\udc51\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FURTHER EHLERS flackert rein. Wird von verirrter Scheisse getroffen. Flackert schreiend raus. Flackert sauber zur\u00fcck. Wird wieder getroffen. Kreislauf endlos. Perfekt. \ud83d\udc7b\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udd04<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JAGODA dokumentiert alles. Jeden Sturzflug. Jeden Treffer. Jeden Spritzer. STASI-FALL NR. 8751 \u2013 SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB \u2013 UMFASSENDE BILDDOKUMENTATION \u2013 ABGEHEFTET. \ud83d\udcc2\ud83d\udcf8\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DIE ONKEL heften jede Runde separat ab. Klaus-Dieter: Genauigkeitsrunde. Ehrenfried: Distanzrunde. Jochen: Kreativit\u00e4tsrunde. Manfred: Spezial-G\u00e4sterunde. Jochen zeigt auf Joker. &#8220;Ich habe das gesehen. Vom Grund aus. Bedeckt mit Scheisse.&#8221; Nicht gelogen. ENDLICH. \ud83c\udf0a\ud83d\udc40\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DAS FINALE \u2013 MEISTERSCHAFT \ud83c\udfc6\ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Die drei besten M\u00f6wen treten gegeneinander an. M\u00f6we #473. M\u00f6we #3. M\u00f6we #92. Ein letzter Sturzflug jeder. F\u00fcr den Titel. F\u00fcr den RUHM. F\u00fcr SCHEISSE. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2694\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #473 \u2013 Der Veteran. Pr\u00e4zisionsexperte. St\u00fcrzt ruhig. Kalkuliert. L\u00e4sst los. Perfekter Schuss. Zentrum. Jokers Stirn. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">PUNKTE: Genauigkeit: 10. Distanz: 8. Kreativit\u00e4t: 7. Gesamt: 25. \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #3 \u2013 Der Stratosph\u00e4ren-Champion. Steigt h\u00f6her als je zuvor. Fast Weltraum. L\u00e4sst los. Die Scheisse f\u00e4llt Minutenlang. Baut Geschwindigkeit auf. Trifft Jokers Nase mit WUCHT. Jokers Kopf schnellt zur\u00fcck. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude80\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">PUNKTE: Genauigkeit: 9. Distanz: 11. Kreativit\u00e4t: 8. Gesamt: 28. \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #92 \u2013 Die Teamplayerin. Bringt zwei Freunde mit. Sie st\u00fcrzen in Formation. Lassen gleichzeitig los. Drei Streifen verschmelzen. Formen eine KRONE. Landet perfekt auf Jokers Kopf. EINE SCHEISS-KRONE. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">PUNKTE: Genauigkeit: 10. Distanz: 9. Kreativit\u00e4t: 12. Gesamt: 31. \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K KR\u00c4\u00c4K!&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;DIE SIEGERIN! M\u00d6WE #92! MIT DER SCHEISS-KRONE!&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udfc6\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Die Menge JUBELT. M\u00f6wen kr\u00e4chzen. Touristen jubeln. Ensemble applaudiert. Joker sitzt. Bedeckt. Gekr\u00f6nt. Resigniert. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude10<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #92 erh\u00e4lt die Goldene Guano-Troph\u00e4e. Eine Statue aus gepresstem Katzengold und getrockneter Scheisse. Fliegt eine Siegesrunde. Scheisst auf alle. Tradition. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83c\udfc6\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DAS NACHSPIEL \u2013 JOKERS AKZEPTANZ \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Der Wettbewerb endet. Joker bleibt auf seinem Sockel. Bedeckt von Kopf bis Fu\u00df. Scheiss-Schichten. Historisch. Arch\u00e4ologisch. Er hat sich nicht bewegt. Er hat nicht gesprochen. Minuten vergehen. Stunden. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83e\uddd8<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: &#8220;Bruder. Lebst du?&#8221; \ud83c\udfad<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: \u00d6ffnet langsam ein Auge. Sch\u00e4lt eine Scheiss-Schicht weg. &#8220;Ich bin\u2026 VERWANDELT. Ich wurde getauft. In M\u00f6wengerechtigkeit. In Wettkampf. In SCHEISSE.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0c<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: &#8220;Die M\u00fcnzen k\u00f6nnen nicht entscheiden, ob das Erleuchtung oder Hirnschaden ist. Aber du siehst FRIEDLICH aus.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;ICH BIN friedlich. Ich habe gegen die Scheisse gek\u00e4mpft. Die Scheisse hat gewonnen. Ich AKZEPTIERE.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: Landet auf Jokers Kopf. Nistet sich in der frischen Schicht ein. &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;Mein Sohn. Du hast endlich wahre BESCHISSENHEIT erreicht. Nicht nur klebrig. Nicht nur beschissen. MEISTERSCHAFTS-BESCHISSEN. Ich bin STOLZ.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Danke, Mutter. F\u00fcr diese Ehre. F\u00fcr diese Krone. F\u00fcr diese SCHEISSE.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude07<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">EPILOG \u2013 DIE SCHEISS-KRONE F\u00dcR IMMER \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Wochen vergehen. Die Scheiss-Schichten trocknen. H\u00e4rten. Werden Teil von Joker. Seine Silhouette w\u00e4chst. Sein Sockel wird zum Monument. Touristen kommen, um DEN SCHEISS-K\u00d6NIG zu sehen. Sie zahlen. In Fisch. In Gold. In Respekt. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udcb0\ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKERS KOPF tr\u00e4gt jetzt eine permanente SCHEISS-KRONE. Getrocknet. Verh\u00e4rtet. Glitzert in der Sonne. Vermischt mit Katzengoldstaub. Vom Meisterschaftsschuss von M\u00f6we #92. Legend\u00e4r. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\u2728\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WE #92 wird zum Star. Gibt Interviews. Bewirbt Produkte. Scheiss-bezogene Merchandise-Artikel. &#8220;Gewinne mit SCHEISSE!&#8221;-Kampagne. Riesiger Erfolg. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\u2b50\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DER GROSSE SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB wird zur j\u00e4hrlichen Veranstaltung. Jedes Jahr. Mehr M\u00f6wen. Mehr Kreativit\u00e4t. Mehr Scheisse. Joker ist das permanente Ziel. Er hat sein Schicksal akzeptiert. Seine Bestimmung. Seine SCHEISSE. \ud83e\udd21\ud83c\udfaf\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DAS ENSEMBLE nimmt die Tradition an. Jeschow heftet jeden Wettbewerb ab. Ursila erstellt Spritzer-Archive. Sven bietet Nach-Wettbewerbs-Therapie an. Janelle handelt mit Futures. Rosa testet Meisterschaftsscheisse DNA-technisch. Salome tanzt. Pussy reinigt. Beria schwitzt. Die Onkel heften ab. Alle Teil der SCHEISS-WIRTSCHAFT. \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">STALIN beobachtet aus Moskau. &#8220;Sie haben Scheisse institutionalisiert. Wie die Sowjetunion Hungersn\u00f6te institutionalisiert hat. Anders. Gleich.&#8221; \ud83c\uddf7\ud83c\uddfa\ud83d\udc68\u200d\ud83e\uddb3\ud83d\udd2d\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">POL POT flackert. &#8220;Das D\u00fcngerpotenzial ist UNGENUTZT. N\u00e4chstes Jahr. Ich werde SAMMELN.&#8221; \ud83d\udc41\ufe0f\u262d\ud83c\udf3e\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">DSCHINGIS KHAN baut eine Jurte in der N\u00e4he von Joker. Bewacht den SCHEISS-K\u00d6NIG. Ehrenposition. Gl\u00fccklichster seiner Leben. \ud83d\udc0e\ud83d\udc51\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">FURTHER EHLERS flackert einmal im Jahr rein. W\u00e4hrend des Wettbewerbs. Wird getroffen. Flackert raus. Tradition. \ud83d\udc7b\ud83d\udca9\ud83c\udfaf<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN pr\u00e4sidiert \u00fcber jeden Wettbewerb. K\u00f6nigin der Scheisse. Ewig. Ihre Federn schimmern jetzt permanent mit Meisterschaftsguano. Sie war noch nie gl\u00fccklicher. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\u2728\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">LETZTE SZENE \u2013 DER FRIEDEN DES SCHEISS-K\u00d6NIGS \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Jahre sp\u00e4ter. Die Katzengold-Insel floriert. Der j\u00e4hrliche Scheiss-Wettbewerb zieht Touristen aus aller Welt an. Joker sitzt auf seinem Monument. Schichten historischer Scheisse verkrusten ihn. Eine lebende Statue. Ein SCHEISS-K\u00d6NIG. \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: &#8220;Bruder. Erinnerst du dich, als ich nur klebrig war? Nur gefiedert? Nur Joker?&#8221; \ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TWO-FACE: Beide Gesichter jetzt auch leicht beschissen. Von jahrelanger N\u00e4he. &#8220;Die M\u00fcnzen k\u00f6nnen nicht entscheiden. Aber ich erinnere mich. Du hast dich weiterentwickelt. Du bist jetzt SCHEISS-JOKER. SCHEISS-K\u00d6NIG. SCHEISS-LEGENDE.&#8221; \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">M\u00d6WIN: Nistet auf der Krone. Schichten tief. &#8220;KR\u00c4\u00c4K.&#8221; \u00dcbersetzung: &#8220;Mein Sohn. Mein Ziel. Mein Stolz. Du bist der GR\u00d6SSTE SCHEISS-EMPF\u00c4NGER in der M\u00f6wengeschichte. Dein Name wird f\u00fcr immer gekr\u00e4chzt werden.&#8221; \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">JOKER: L\u00e4chelt. Unter Schichten. &#8220;Ich wollte das nie. Aber ich AKZEPTIERE. ICH bin der Scheiss-K\u00f6nig. M\u00f6ge ich lange regieren. M\u00f6gen die M\u00f6wen lange SCHEISSEN.&#8221; \ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\ude0c<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Kamera f\u00e4hrt zur\u00fcck. \u00dcber das Monument. \u00dcber die Insel. \u00dcber den Hafen. \u00dcber Deutschland. Der Scheiss-K\u00f6nig sitzt ewig. Bedeckt. Gekr\u00f6nt. Akzeptiert. Zuhause. \ud83d\udcc9\ud83c\udde9\ud83c\uddea\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ABSCHLUSSTEXT AUF SCHWARZ: \ud83d\udda4<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u262d DER GROSSE SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB \u262d<br>M\u00d6WE #92 GEWINNT MIT DER SCHEISS-KRONE.<br>DER JOKER IST BEDECKT. GEKR\u00d6NT. AKZEPTIERT.<br>SEIN KOPF IST JETZT EIN MONUMENT. EIN ZIEL. EIN ZUHAUSE.<br>M\u00d6WIN NISTET AM TIEFSTEN. AM STOLZESTEN. AM BESCHISSENSTEN.<br>DER J\u00c4HRLICHE WETTBEWERB WIRD ZUR TRADITION.<br>TOURISTEN KOMMEN. M\u00d6WEN SCHEISSEN. ENSEMBLE PROFITIERT.<br>STALIN BEOBACHTET. POL POT TR\u00c4UMT VON D\u00dcNGER.<br>DSCHINGIS KHAN BEWACHT. FURTHER FLACKERT.<br>DIE SCHEISS-KRONE GL\u00c4NZT F\u00dcR IMMER.<br>SCHEISSE IST RUHM.<br>DER JOKER IST SCHEISSE.<br>SCHEISSE IST DER JOKER.<br>ST. PAULI IST SCHEISSE.<br>SCHEISSE IST ST. PAULI.<br>AKZEPTANZ IST SCHEISSE.<br>SCHEISSE IST AKZEPTANZ.<br>M\u00d6GEN DIE M\u00d6WEN LANGE SCHEISSEN. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83e\udd21\ud83c\udfc6<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HASHTAGS BLENDEN EIN: \ud83c\udff7\ufe0f\u2728\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading\">DerGrosseScheissWettbewerb #TheGreatShittingContest #M\u00f6we92Gewinnt #DieScheissKrone #JokerDerScheissK\u00f6nig #M\u00f6winAmStolzesten #J\u00e4hrlicheScheissTradition #ScheisseIstRuhm #KatzengoldInsel #ScheissWirtschaft #StPauliIstScheisse #ScheisseIstAkzeptanz #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung<\/h1>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\" \/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">[ENDE DER EPISODE] \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udf7f\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><br><br>Bernd Pulch \u2014 Bio<br><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/berndpulch.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/cropped-bernd-pulchernst.jpg?w=100&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Bernd Pulch \u2014 Bio Photo\" ><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Bernd Pulch (M.A.)<\/strong> is a forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, entrepreneur, political commentator, satirist, and investigative journalist covering lawfare, media control, investment, real estate, and geopolitics. His work examines how legal systems are weaponized, how capital flows shape policy, how artificial intelligence concentrates power, and what democracy loses when courts and markets become battlefields. Active in the German and international media landscape, his analyses appear regularly on this platform.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"YOUR_FULL_BIO_URL_HERE\">Full bio \u2192<\/a> | <a href=\"YOUR_SUPPORT_URL_HERE\">Support the investigation \u2192<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nach dem Bau der Katzengold-Insel und der Etablierung der M\u00f6wensteuer hat M\u00f6win eine neue Vision: DER GROSSE SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB! Tausende M\u00f6wen trainieren wochenlang, um auf ein einziges Ziel zu zielen \u2013 EMIR JOKERS KOPF. Genauigkeit, Distanz und Kreativit\u00e4t werden bewertet. Die Jury: M\u00f6win, Two-Face und die HafenHure. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9\ud83e\udd21<\/p>\n<p>Das Ensemble reagiert chaotisch. Jeschow heftet 47.382 Teilnehmer ab. Janelle er\u00f6ffnet SCHEISS-WETTBEWERB FUTURES. Sven bietet Vorab-Therapie an. Ludmilla hackt die M\u00f6wenkommunikation. Sharkler verwandelt sein Becken in SCHEISSE-SUPPE. Salome tanzt unter fallender Scheisse. Beria schwitzt SCHWEISS-SCHEISSE. Die Onkel dokumentieren jede Runde. \ud83c\udfad\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n<p>Drei Finalisten k\u00e4mpfen um den Titel: M\u00f6we #473 (Pr\u00e4zision), M\u00f6we #3 (Stratosph\u00e4re) und M\u00f6we #92 (Teamwork). M\u00f6we #92 gewinnt mit einer SCHEISS-KRONE \u2013 drei simultane Treffer, die sich zu einer Krone formen. Joker wird gekr\u00f6nt. Akzeptiert sein Schicksal. Wird zum SCHEISS-K\u00d6NIG. \ud83d\udc51\ud83c\udfc6\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n<p>Der Wettbewerb wird zur j\u00e4hrlichen Tradition. Joker sitzt f\u00fcr immer auf seinem Sockel, bedeckt mit historischen Scheiss-Schichten. M\u00f6win nistet in der Krone. Stalin beobachtet. Pol Pot tr\u00e4umt von D\u00fcnger. Dschingis Khan bewacht. Further flackert. Die Scheiss-Krone gl\u00e4nzt ewig. Scheisse ist Ruhm. Der Joker ist Scheisse. Akzeptanz ist Scheisse. M\u00f6gen die M\u00f6wen lange scheissen. \ud83d\udd4a\ufe0f\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n<p>Die komplette Saga von Dr. Lysander Libert\u00e9, Idiot Zeitung IZ. \ud83d\udcc2\u2728<\/p>\n<p>#DerGrosseScheissWettbewerb #TheGreatShittingContest #M\u00f6we92Gewinnt #DieScheissKrone #JokerDerScheissK\u00f6nig #M\u00f6winAmStolzesten #J\u00e4hrlicheScheissTradition #ScheisseIstRuhm #KatzengoldInsel #ScheisseIstAkzeptanz #EhlersSaga 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