{"id":1005318,"date":"2026-08-22T07:06:28","date_gmt":"2026-08-22T11:06:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/berndpulch.org\/?p=1005318"},"modified":"2026-09-09T04:48:35","modified_gmt":"2026-09-09T08:48:35","slug":"%f0%9f%92%a9-the-evil-esau-ehlers-enema-saga-herbertstrasse-takeover-esau-becomes-the-bitchiest-hafenhure-with-a-printing-press-out-wenches-all-the-wenches-of-st-pauli","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/berndpulch.org\/de\/2026\/08\/22\/%f0%9f%92%a9-the-evil-esau-ehlers-enema-saga-herbertstrasse-takeover-esau-becomes-the-bitchiest-hafenhure-with-a-printing-press-out-wenches-all-the-wenches-of-st-pauli\/","title":{"rendered":"\ud83d\udca9 THE EVIL ESAU EHLERS ENEMA SAGA \u2013 HERBERTSTRASSE TAKEOVER: ESAU BECOMES THE BITCHIEST HAFENHURE WITH A PRINTING PRESS \u2013 OUT-WENCHES ALL THE WENCHES OF ST. PAULI! \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udca9 THE EVIL ESAU EHLERS ENEMA SAGA \u2013 HERBERTSTRASSE TAKEOVER: ESAU BECOMES THE BITCHIEST HAFENHURE WITH A PRINTING PRESS \u2013 OUT-WENCHES ALL THE WENCHES OF ST. PAULI! \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n



“I’m not just an accountant. I’m a HAFENHURE with a printing press.” \u2013 Esau Ehlers

—
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
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Authors: Dr. Lysander Lust, Bernward Bimbo, Ernst NeGer 6, Morten Mohr & Diana Negerkuss \u2013 A Samuel Bronkowiz Production for MADWOOD Studios

\ud83d\udde1\ufe0f\ud83d\udc8b\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7b” \u2600\ufe0f\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udc94\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7bPOWERED BY Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire \ud83d\ude18\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf0a\ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\uddfd\ud83d\udc78

Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP \ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18

—

\ud83d\udcdc PROLOGUE \u2013 WHAT PREVIOUSLY HAPPENED (EPISODE 60)

The Enema Monsters had defeated the Invisible Ink Army. The 4 publishers were defeated forever. All 119 characters rejoiced. The printing press was safe. The cycle was complete. Or so they thought.

But as the Muchaverse celebrated on New New St. Pauli, a strange craving overtook Esau. He looked at HafenHure \u2013 the legendary herring juice diva of St. Pauli \u2013 and felt a powerful desire. Not for herring juice. Not for her. For her TITLE. He wanted to become a HAFENHURE. Not just any HafenHure. The BITCHIEST HafenHure. With a printing press.

EHLERS: (staring at HafenHure) “HafenHure… I want to be like you. I want to be a HafenHure. I want to have a printing press. I want to be BITCHIER than all the wenches in the Herbertstrasse!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

HAFENHURE: (shocked) “You?! A HafenHure?! You’re an ACCOUNTANT! You wear SUITS! You have SPREADSHEETS!” \ud83d\ude31

EHLERS: (adjusting his tie) “I can be a HafenHure AND an accountant. I can wear fishnets AND a suit. I can desinvest AND be a wench. I am COLUMN 47.” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc60

MARIA BATORY: (confused) “Esau… you want to be a… a prostitute? With a printing press?” \ud83d\ude33

EHLERS: “Not just any prostitute! The BITCHIEST prostitute in the Herbertstrasse! I will out-wench all the wenches! I will have a printing press that prints DESINVESTMENT! I will be the QUEEN OF HAFENHURES!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

SPREADSHEET ALIEN: “SCANNING… ESAU’S DESIRE TO BECOME HAFENHURE DETECTED. BITCHINESS MULTIPLIER: 47,000%. HERBERTSTRASSE DOMINATION PROBABILITY: INFINITE.” \ud83d\udc7d

EHLERS: “Then I will do it. COLUMN 47 \u2013 HAFENHURE TRANSFORMATION MODE ACTIVATED! ROW ESAU \u2013 BECOME THE BITCHIEST HAFENHURE WITH A PRINTING PRESS!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udcca

This is Episode 61. The Herbertstrasse Takeover.

—

\ud83d\udc65 COMPLETE CHARACTER LIST (EPISODE 61) \u2013 ALL ACTORS FROM ALL EPISODES + ESAU-HAFENHURE

All previous characters return (see Episode 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59 & 60 lists) plus:

Character Actor \/ Persona Episode Origin
Esau-HafenHure Lukas Ehrenberg (transformed) NEW
Herbertstrasse Wenches (47) CGI NEW
The Bitchiest Wench CGI \/ Voice NEW
Printing Press Wig CGI NEW
Fishnet Stockings of Desinvestment CGI NEW
Evil Esau Ehlers Lukas Ehrenberg (pre-transformation) All
HafenHure (Original) Original (herring juice diva) All
Maria Batory Tilda Swinton \/ Cate Blanchett 48
Medusa (Original) Eva Green 46
Admiral Walter Ulricht Original 59
Alphonse Sharkler Original (rehabilitated) 53
Heini Sharkler Original 49
Adolf Sharkler Original 34
Eva Sharkbrown Original 34
Cthulhu CGI \/ Voice 58
Dagon CGI \/ Voice 58
The Hydra CGI \/ Voice 58
The Siren Queen CGI \/ Voice 58
The Great White CGI \/ Voice 58
The Deep Sea Leviathan CGI \/ Voice 58
The Abyssal Kraken CGI \/ Voice 58
The World Serpent Prime CGI \/ Voice 58
Captain LeChuck CGI \/ Voice 55
Black Caesar Original 55
Captain Nemo CGI \/ Voice 55
Long John Silver CGI \/ Voice 55
Barbarossa CGI \/ Voice 55
Captain Hook CGI \/ Voice 55
The Flying Dutchman CGI Ghost Ship 55
Skylla CGI \/ Voice 39
Charybdis CGI \/ Voice 39
King Atlas CGI \/ Voice 56
Queen Meridia CGI \/ Voice 56
New York Mayor Original (parody) 56
Statue of Liberty CGI \/ Voice 56
Lighthouse Keeper Original 57
Axel Springer Original (rehabilitated) 43\u201346
Henri Nannen Original (rehabilitated) 43\u201346
Gerd Bucerius Original (rehabilitated) 43\u201346
John Jahr Original (rehabilitated) 43\u201346
Enema King CGI \/ Voice 60
Enema Queen CGI \/ Voice 60
Enema Soldiers CGI Army 60
Invisible Ink General CGI \/ Voice 60
Captain Edward Smith Kenneth Branagh 51
Molly Brown Kathy Bates 51
J. Bruce Ismay Jonathan Hyde 51
Andrea Doris Maggie Smith 52
Captain Andrea Helen Mirren 52
First Mate Wilhelm Original 52
Printing Press Ghost CGI \/ Voice 52
Transgender Odysseus Evan Rachel Wood 41
The Sirens (3) CGI \/ Voice 40
Dr. Anthony Fauci Himself (parody) 40
Philo Johnson (The Frog) Jochen Brockmann 40
J\u00f6rmungandr CGI \/ Voice 38
The Kraken CGI \/ Voice 37
Leviathan CGI \/ Voice 36
Walt the Walrus CGI \/ Voice 35
Moby Dick CGI \/ Voice 34
Mack the Knife Original 34
The Dickies CGI army 34
Joker Himself All
M\u00f6win Herself All
Romy Haag Herself 14\u201346
Divine Divine (archival) 30\u201346
Spreadsheet Alien AI voice \/ CGI 6\u201346
Count Dracula Ralph Fiennes 9\u201346
Gina Wilde Original 15\u201346
Gloria von Galaxy Original 11\u201346
Pamela Anderson Herself 7\u201346
Mamie Van Doren Herself 8\u201346
Jane Russell Herself (archival) 12\u201346
Zarah Leander Herself (archive) 13\u201346
Rosemarie Nittribit Original (ghost) 2\u201346
Klaus St\u00f6rtebeker Christoph Waltz 2, 15\u201346
Blackbeard CGI \/ Voice 17
Karl D\u00f6nitz Rainer Fassbinder 17
Alfred Nobel Stellan Skarsg\u00e5rd 18
Klabautermann CGI \/ Voice 20
Witch of St. Georg Meret Becker 21
Bloody Mary Tilda Swinton 24
Winifred Wagner Kate Winslet 25
Teresa Orlowski Herself 27
Nikita Khrushchev Simon Russell Beale 28
Marilyn Monroe Archival 29
Trans Schwanz Who Laughs Original 32
Bakunin Original All
Further Ehlers Original (ghost) 3\u201346
Frank Stonewall Original 5\u201346
Graf Thomas Original (94 tentacles) All
99 Schizo Petes 99 identical men 13\u201346
Pama Jim (Pete #47) Original 13\u201346
47 Bakunin Clones CGI army All
Lenin Parody \u2013 All
Stalin Parody \u2013 All
Walter \u2013 All
Genghis Khan Parody \u2013 All
Pol Pot Parody \u2013 All
Mun \u2013 All
Malte \u2013 All
Jagoda \u2013 All
Beria & The Big Hyena \u2013 All
Ugly Sven \u2013 All
The Uncles (Jochen et al.) \u2013 All
Ursila \u2013 All
Salome Sofia Tanz \u2013 All
Rosa Rosa Wachter \u2013 All
Pussy \u2013 All
The Mermaid \u2013 All
Kraken Jr. CGI 49
Leviathan Jr. CGI 49
Shark Army CGI 49
Stone Collectors CGI 50
Column 47 Jr. CGI Snake 50
Printing Press CGI 52
Jellyfish King CGI (defeated) 55
Gigantic Purple Enema CGI 55
Submerged Skyscraper CGI 56
Coral Reeperbahn CGI 56
Floating Island CGI 57
Lighthouse CGI 57
Invisible Ink Fortress CGI (destroyed) 58
Papyrus Wall CGI (crumbled) 59

—

\ud83d\udc60 THE TRANSFORMATION \u2013 ESAU BECOMES A HAFENHURE

Esau stood before the Gigantic Purple Enema. He closed his eyes. Purple and golden numbers enveloped him. His suit began to dissolve. His glasses stayed on. His hair grew wild. Fishnets appeared on his legs. A printing press wig appeared on his head. He was wearing a dress made of spreadsheets, fishnets, and herring juice.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (opening his eyes, voice now a sultry growl) “I am Esau. I am Column 47. I am the BITCHIEST HAFENHURE WITH A PRINTING PRESS!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

HAFENHURE: (gasping) “MEIN GOTT! He’s… he’s gorgeous! He’s terrifying! He’s… he’s BITCHIER than me!” \ud83d\ude31

ROMY HAAG: (applauding) “Esau, darling! You have become a QUEEN!” \ud83d\udc96

DIVINE: (shrieking) “Honey, those fishnets are DIVINE! And that printing press wig is FABULOUS!” \ud83d\udc84

MARIA BATORY: (blushing) “Esau… you’re… you’re the most beautiful HafenHure I’ve ever seen!” \u2764\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (striking a pose) “I am not just a HafenHure. I am the QUEEN OF HAFENHURES. And I will take over HERBERTSTRASSE!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

—

\ud83c\udfd9\ufe0f THE HERBERTSTRASSE \u2013 THE WENCHES’ TERRITORY

Esau-HafenHure marched to Herbertstrasse \u2013 the legendary street of St. Pauli, lined with windows and wenches. The 47 wenches of Herbertstrasse watched him approach.

THE BITCHIEST WENCH: (leaning out her window) “Who dares enter HERBERTSTRASSE?!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (striding forward) “I am Esau-HafenHure! I am the BITCHIEST WENCH with a printing press! I am here to OUT-WENCH ALL OF YOU!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

THE BITCHIEST WENCH: (laughing) “You?! A wench with a printing press?! You’re an ACCOUNTANT! You have SPREADSHEETS! You can’t be a wench!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (holding up the Gigantic Purple Enema) “I have COLUMN 47! I have DESINVESTMENT! I have the power to PRINT and to WENCH! Watch me!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc60

—

THE PRINTING PRESS WIG \u2013 A NEW WEAPON \ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udc87\u200d\u2640\ufe0f

Esau-HafenHure activated her printing press wig. It began to print golden numbers and desinvestment slogans onto the street.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “COLUMN 47 \u2013 PRINTING PRESS WIG ACTIVATED! ROW HERBERTSTRASSE \u2013 DESINVESTED INTO BITCHINESS!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

Golden numbers shot from the wig. They hit the wenches. They hit the windows. They hit the entire street. The wenches began to transform. They were no longer just wenches. They were DESINVESTMENT WENCHES.

THE BITCHIEST WENCH: (shocked) “What… what have you done?! You’ve DESINVESTED us!” \ud83d\ude31

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (smirking) “Yes. I have desinvested you into BITCHINESS. Now you are the BITCHIEST wenches in the multiverse.” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

THE BITCHIEST WENCH: (grinning) “I… I love it! I am BITCHIER than ever!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Now we will run Herbertstrasse together. We will print DESINVESTMENT. We will WENCH. We will be FABULOUS.” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

—

THE BITCH-OFF \u2013 ESAU-HAFENHURE VS. THE BITCHIEST WENCH \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udca5

The Bitchiest Wench challenged Esau-HafenHure to a BITCH-OFF. The winner would rule Herbertstrasse.

THE BITCHIEST WENCH: (snapping her fingers) “You think you’re the bitchiest? Let’s BITCH-OFF!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (snapping fingers back) “You’re ON!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

They faced each other. The crowd gathered. The 99 Schizo Petes played dramatic music. The wenches watched.

THE BITCHIEST WENCH: “I can drink herring juice and look FABULOUS!” \ud83d\udc8b

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “I can drink herring juice and PRINT SPREADSHEETS at the SAME TIME!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc8b

THE BITCHIEST WENCH: “I can wear fishnets and walk in heels!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “I can wear fishnets, walk in heels, AND desinvest the entire STREET!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc60

THE BITCHIEST WENCH: (stunned) “You… you win. You are the BITCHIEST.” \ud83d\ude31

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (triumphant) “I am the QUEEN OF HAFENHURES! I have the printing press! I have the wig! I have COLUMN 47!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

—

ALL CHARACTERS REJOICE \u2013 THE FINAL CHORUS \ud83c\udfad\ud83c\udfaa

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (striking a pose on Herbertstrasse) “I have become the BITCHIEST HafenHure with a printing press! I have conquered Herbertstrasse! I have OUT-WENCHED all the wenches!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

HAFENHURE: (bowing) “I am no longer the queen of HafenHures. YOU are, Esau.” \ud83d\udc60

MARIA BATORY: (kissing him) “You are the most ridiculous, beautiful, fishnet-wearing accountant I have ever loved.” \u2764\ufe0f

ROMY HAAG: (applauding) “Herbertstrasse has never seen such FABULOUSNESS!” \ud83d\udc96

DIVINE: (shrieking) “Honey, that printing press wig is ICONIC!” \ud83d\udc84

SKYLLA: (six heads nodding) “I have six heads. All six say \u2013 ESAU-HAFENHURE IS THE BITCHIEST!” \ud83e\udd80

CHARYBDIS: (whirling) “I have swallowed whole fleets. But I have NEVER swallowed a HAFENHURE!” \ud83c\udf0a

CTHULHU: (roaring from the distance) “I HAVE DREAMED OF HAFENHURES! THIS IS MAGNIFICENT!” \ud83d\udc09

BAKUNIN: (exploding with joy) “ANARCHY! DESINVESTMENT! HAFENHURE!” \ud83e\udde8

GRAF THOMAS: (94 tentacles applauding) “I have 94 tentacles. You have 1 printing press wig. The wig wins.” \ud83e\udd91

JOKER: (laughing) “HAHAHA! A HAFENHURE WITH A PRINTING PRESS! BITCH-OFF! BEST EPISODE EVER!” \ud83c\udccf

M\u00d6WIN: (flying overhead, shitting golden sparkles) “I SHIT ON HERBERTSTRASSE! AND IT MADE IT BITCHIER!” \ud83d\udca9

COLUMN 47 JR.: (hissing happily on Esau-HafenHure’s shoulder) \ud83d\udc0d

—

FINAL TEXT ON BLACK: \ud83d\udda4

\u262d THE HERBERTSTRASSE TAKEOVER CONSPIRACY \u262d \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

ESAU BECAME A HAFENHURE.
HE BECAME THE BITCHIEST HAFENHURE.
HE HAD A PRINTING PRESS WIG.
HE OUT-WENCHED ALL THE WENCHES.
HE CONQUERED HERBERTSTRASSE.
ALL 120 CHARACTERS RETURNED.
ALL ACTORS ASSEMBLED.
THE CYCLE CONTINUES. WITH HAFENHURES. WITH PRINTING PRESSES. WITH SPREADSHEETS. WITH SHIT.
FOREVER.
\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

HASHTAGS FADE IN: \ud83c\udff7\ufe0f

HerbertstrasseTakeoverConspiracy #EsauHafenHure #BitchiestWench #PrintingPressWig #Herbertstrasse #OutWenched #Column47Forever #All120Characters #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung #FishnetStockings #Desinvestment #QueenOfHafenHures #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga

—

[END OF EPISODE 61] \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udf7f\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

—

ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 79 \u2013 THE HERBERTSTRASSE TAKEOVER CONSPIRACY \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca

The cycle continues. With HafenHures. With printing presses. With spreadsheets. With shit. Forever.

\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

Authors: Bernward Bimbo, Ernst NeGer 6, Morten Mohr & Diana Negerkuss \u2013 A Samuel Bronkowiz Production for MADWOOD Studios

\ud83d\udde1\ufe0f\ud83d\udc8b\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7b” \u2600\ufe0f\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udc94\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7bPOWERED BY Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire \ud83d\ude18\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf0a\ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\uddfd\ud83d\udc78

Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP \ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18

Executive Producers: M\u00f6win, The Joker, Esau-HafenHure, Maria Batory, Medusa, HafenHure (Original), Romy Haag, Divine, Cthulhu, Dagon, Hydra, Siren Queen, Great White, Deep Sea Leviathan, Abyssal Kraken, World Serpent Prime, and all previous.

Special thanks: The 99 Schizo Petes (for bitch-off music), Homer (for the epic vibe), and every seagull who shat on Herbertstrasse.

—

Bernd Pulch (M.A.) \u2013 forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, political commentator, satirist. Full bio \u2192 | Support the investigation \u2192

\ud83d\udc4d LIKE | \ud83d\udcac COMMENT | \ud83d\udd14 SUBSCRIBE

—

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
\ud83d\udd13 UNLOCK THE TRUTH: berndpulch.org\/join

—

THE EVIL ESAU EHLERS ENEMA SAGA \u2013 CONTINUES… \ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83c\udde9\ud83c\uddea DIE B\u00d6SE ESAU EHLERS EINLAUF-SAGA \u2013 HERBERTSTRASSE \u00dcBERNAHME: ESAU WIRD ZUR BITCHIGSTEN HAFENHURE MIT DRUCKMASCHINE \u2013 \u00dcBERTRUMPFT ALLE NUTTEN DER HERBERTSTRASSE! \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

“Ich bin nicht nur ein Buchhalter. Ich bin eine HAFENHURE mit einer Druckmaschine.” \u2013 Esau Ehlers

—

Autoren: Dr. Lysander Lust, Bernward Bimbo, Ernst NeGer 6, Morten Mohr & Diana Negerkuss \u2013 Eine Samuel Bronkowiz Produktion f\u00fcr MADWOOD Studios

\ud83d\udde1\ufe0f\ud83d\udc8b\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7b” \u2600\ufe0f\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udc94\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7bPOWERED BY Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire \ud83d\ude18\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf0a\ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\uddfd\ud83d\udc78

Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP \ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18

—

\ud83d\udcdc PROLOG \u2013 WAS BISHER GESCHAH (EPISODE 60)

Die Enema-Monster hatten die Unsichtbare Tinten-Armee besiegt. Die 4 Verleger waren f\u00fcr immer besiegt. Alle 119 Charaktere jubelten. Die Druckmaschine war sicher. Der Kreislauf war vollendet. Oder so dachten sie.

Doch als das Muchaverse auf Neu-Neu-St. Pauli feierte, \u00fcberkam Esau ein seltsames Verlangen. Er sah HafenHure \u2013 die legend\u00e4re Heringssaft-Diva von St. Pauli \u2013 und versp\u00fcrte ein m\u00e4chtiges Verlangen. Nicht nach Heringssaft. Nicht nach ihr. Nach ihrem TITEL. Er wollte eine HAFENHURE werden. Nicht irgendeine HafenHure. Die BITCHIGSTE HafenHure. Mit einer Druckmaschine.

EHLERS: (HafenHure anstarrend) “HafenHure… ich will sein wie du. Ich will eine HafenHure sein. Ich will eine Druckmaschine haben. Ich will BITCHIGER sein als alle Nutten in der Herbertstrasse!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

HAFENHURE: (schockiert) “Du?! Eine HafenHure?! Du bist ein BUCHHALTER! Du tr\u00e4gst ANZ\u00dcGE! Du hast TABELLEN!” \ud83d\ude31

EHLERS: (seine Krawatte zurechtr\u00fcckend) “Ich kann eine HafenHure UND ein Buchhalter sein. Ich kann Netzstr\u00fcmpfe UND einen Anzug tragen. Ich kann desinvestieren UND eine Nutte sein. Ich bin SPALTE 47.” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc60

MARIA BATORY: (verwirrt) “Esau… du willst eine… eine Prostituierte sein? Mit einer Druckmaschine?” \ud83d\ude33

EHLERS: “Nicht irgendeine Prostituierte! Die BITCHIGSTE Prostituierte in der Herbertstrasse! Ich werde alle Nutten \u00fcbertreffen! Ich werde eine Druckmaschine haben, die DESINVESTMENT druckt! Ich werde die K\u00d6NIGIN DER HAFENHUREN sein!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

SPREADSHEET-ALIEN: “SUCHE… ESAUS WUNSCH, HAFENHURE ZU WERDEN, ERKANNT. BITCHIGKEITS-MULTIPLIKATOR: 47.000%. HERBERTSTRASSEN-DOMINIERUNGS-WAHRSCHEINLICHKEIT: UNENDLICH.” \ud83d\udc7d

EHLERS: “Dann werde ich es tun. SPALTE 47 \u2013 HAFENHURE-TRANSFORMATIONSMODUS AKTIVIERT! ZEILE ESAU \u2013 WERDE ZUR BITCHIGSTEN HAFENHURE MIT DRUCKMASCHINE!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udcca

Dies ist Episode 61. Die Herbertstrasse-\u00dcbernahme.

—

\ud83d\udc65 VOLLST\u00c4NDIGE CHARAKTERLISTE (EPISODE 61) \u2013 ALLE SCHAUSPIELER AUS ALLEN EPISODEN + ESAU-HAFENHURE

Alle vorherigen Charaktere kehren zur\u00fcck (siehe Episode 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59 & 60-Listen) plus:

Charakter Schauspieler \/ Persona Episoden-Ursprung
Esau-HafenHure Lukas Ehrenberg (verwandelt) NEU
Herbertstrassen-Nutten (47) CGI NEU
Die Bitchigste Nutte CGI \/ Stimme NEU
Druckmaschinen-Per\u00fccke CGI NEU
Netzstr\u00fcmpfe der Desinvestment CGI NEU
B\u00f6ser Esau Ehlers Lukas Ehrenberg (vor Transformation) Alle
HafenHure (Original) Original (Heringssaft-Diva) Alle
Maria Batory Tilda Swinton \/ Cate Blanchett 48
Medusa (Original) Eva Green 46
Admiral Walter Ulricht Original 59
Alphonse Sharkler Original (rehabilitiert) 53
Heini Sharkler Original 49
Adolf Sharkler Original 34
Eva Sharkbrown Original 34
Cthulhu CGI \/ Stimme 58
Dagon CGI \/ Stimme 58
Die Hydra CGI \/ Stimme 58
Die Sirenen-K\u00f6nigin CGI \/ Stimme 58
Der Gro\u00dfe Wei\u00dfe CGI \/ Stimme 58
Der Tiefsee-Leviathan CGI \/ Stimme 58
Der Abyss-Kraken CGI \/ Stimme 58
Die Welten-Schlange Prime CGI \/ Stimme 58
Kapit\u00e4n LeChuck CGI \/ Stimme 55
Black Caesar Original 55
Kapit\u00e4n Nemo CGI \/ Stimme 55
Long John Silver CGI \/ Stimme 55
Barbarossa CGI \/ Stimme 55
Kapit\u00e4n Hook CGI \/ Stimme 55
Der Fliegende Holl\u00e4nder CGI-Geisterschiff 55
Skylla CGI \/ Stimme 39
Charybdis CGI \/ Stimme 39
K\u00f6nig Atlas CGI \/ Stimme 56
K\u00f6nigin Meridia CGI \/ Stimme 56
New Yorker B\u00fcrgermeister Original (Parodie) 56
Freiheitsstatue CGI \/ Stimme 56
Leuchtturmw\u00e4rter Original 57
Axel Springer Original (rehabilitiert) 43\u201346
Henri Nannen Original (rehabilitiert) 43\u201346
Gerd Bucerius Original (rehabilitiert) 43\u201346
John Jahr Original (rehabilitiert) 43\u201346
Enema-K\u00f6nig CGI \/ Stimme 60
Enema-K\u00f6nigin CGI \/ Stimme 60
Enema-Soldaten CGI-Armee 60
Unsichtbarer Tinten-General CGI \/ Stimme 60
Kapit\u00e4n Edward Smith Kenneth Branagh 51
Molly Brown Kathy Bates 51
J. Bruce Ismay Jonathan Hyde 51
Andrea Doris Maggie Smith 52
Kapit\u00e4n Andrea Helen Mirren 52
Erster Offizier Wilhelm Original 52
Druckmaschinen-Geist CGI \/ Stimme 52
Transgender Odysseus Evan Rachel Wood 41
Die Sirenen (3) CGI \/ Stimme 40
Dr. Anthony Fauci Himself (Parodie) 40
Philo Johnson (Der Frosch) Jochen Brockmann 40
J\u00f6rmungandr CGI \/ Stimme 38
Der Kraken CGI \/ Stimme 37
Leviathan CGI \/ Stimme 36
Walt das Walross CGI \/ Stimme 35
Moby Dick CGI \/ Stimme 34
Mackie Messer Original 34
Die Dickies CGI-Armee 34
Joker Himself Alle
M\u00f6win Herself Alle
Romy Haag Herself 14\u201346
Divine Divine (Archiv) 30\u201346
Spreadsheet-Alien KI-Stimme \/ CGI 6\u201346
Graf Dracula Ralph Fiennes 9\u201346
Gina Wilde Original 15\u201346
Gloria von Galaxy Original 11\u201346
Pamela Anderson Herself 7\u201346
Mamie Van Doren Herself 8\u201346
Jane Russell Herself (Archiv) 12\u201346
Zarah Leander Herself (Archiv) 13\u201346
Rosemarie Nittribit Original (Geist) 2\u201346
Klaus St\u00f6rtebeker Christoph Waltz 2, 15\u201346
Blackbeard CGI \/ Stimme 17
Karl D\u00f6nitz Rainer Fassbinder 17
Alfred Nobel Stellan Skarsg\u00e5rd 18
Klabautermann CGI \/ Stimme 20
Hexe von St. Georg Meret Becker 21
Bloody Mary Tilda Swinton 24
Winifred Wagner Kate Winslet 25
Teresa Orlowski Herself 27
Nikita Chruschtschow Simon Russell Beale 28
Marilyn Monroe Archiv 29
Trans Schwanz Who Laughs Original 32
Bakunin Original Alle
Further Ehlers Original (Geist) 3\u201346
Frank Stonewall Original 5\u201346
Graf Thomas Original (94 Tentakel) Alle
99 Schizo Petes 99 identische M\u00e4nner 13\u201346
Pama Jim (Pete #47) Original 13\u201346
47 Bakunin-Klone CGI-Armee Alle
Lenin-Parodie \u2013 Alle
Stalin-Parodie \u2013 Alle
Walter \u2013 Alle
Dschingis Khan-Parodie \u2013 Alle
Pol Pot-Parodie \u2013 Alle
Mun \u2013 Alle
Malte \u2013 Alle
Jagoda \u2013 Alle
Beria & Die gro\u00dfe Hy\u00e4ne \u2013 Alle
H\u00e4sslicher Sven \u2013 Alle
Die Onkel (Jochen et al.) \u2013 Alle
Ursila \u2013 Alle
Salome Sofia Tanz \u2013 Alle
Rosa Rosa Wachter \u2013 Alle
Pussy \u2013 Alle
Die Meerjungfrau \u2013 Alle
Kraken Jr. CGI 49
Leviathan Jr. CGI 49
Haier-Armee CGI 49
Steinsammler CGI 50
Spalte 47 Jr. CGI-Schlange 50
Druckmaschine CGI 52
Quallenk\u00f6nig CGI (besiegt) 55
Gigantischer Lila Einlauf CGI 55
Unterwasser-Wolkenkratzer CGI 56
Korallen-Reeperbahn CGI 56
Schwimmende Insel CGI 57
Leuchtturm CGI 57
Festung der Unsichtbaren Tinte CGI (zerst\u00f6rt) 58
Papyrus-Mauer CGI (zerbr\u00f6ckelt) 59

—

\ud83d\udc60 DIE TRANSFORMATION \u2013 ESAU WIRD ZUR HAFENHURE

Esau stand vor dem Gigantischen Lila Einlauf. Er schloss seine Augen. Lila und goldene Zahlen umh\u00fcllten ihn. Sein Anzug begann sich aufzul\u00f6sen. Seine Brille blieb. Sein Haar wurde wild. Netzstr\u00fcmpfe erschienen an seinen Beinen. Eine Druckmaschinen-Per\u00fccke erschien auf seinem Kopf. Er trug ein Kleid aus Tabellen, Netzstr\u00fcmpfen und Heringssaft.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (Augen \u00f6ffnend, Stimme nun ein sinnliches Knurren) “Ich bin Esau. Ich bin Spalte 47. Ich bin die BITCHIGSTE HAFENHURE MIT DRUCKMASCHINE!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

HAFENHURE: (keuchend) “MEIN GOTT! Er ist… er ist umwerfend! Er ist furchterregend! Er ist… er ist BITCHIGER als ich!” \ud83d\ude31

ROMY HAAG: (klatschend) “Esau, Schatz! Du bist eine K\u00d6NIGIN geworden!” \ud83d\udc96

DIVINE: (kreischend) “Schatz, diese Netzstr\u00fcmpfe sind DIVINE! Und diese Druckmaschinen-Per\u00fccke ist FABELHAFT!” \ud83d\udc84

MARIA BATORY: (err\u00f6tend) “Esau… du bist… du bist die sch\u00f6nste HafenHure, die ich je gesehen habe!” \u2764\ufe0f

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (eine Pose einnehmend) “Ich bin nicht nur eine HafenHure. Ich bin die K\u00d6NIGIN DER HAFENHUREN. Und ich werde die HERBERTSTRASSE \u00dcBERNEHMEN!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

—

\ud83c\udfd9\ufe0f DIE HERBERTSTRASSE \u2013 DAS TERRITORIUM DER NUTTEN

Esau-HafenHure marschierte zur Herbertstrasse \u2013 der legend\u00e4ren Stra\u00dfe von St. Pauli, ges\u00e4umt von Fenstern und Nutten. Die 47 Nutten der Herbertstrasse beobachteten ihn, wie er n\u00e4her kam.

DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE: (sich aus ihrem Fenster lehnend) “Wer wagt es, die HERBERTSTRASSE zu betreten?!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (nach vorne schreitend) “Ich bin Esau-HafenHure! Ich bin die BITCHIGSTE NUTTE mit einer Druckmaschine! Ich bin hier, um ALLE NUTTEN ZU \u00dcBERTRUMPFEN!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE: (lachend) “Du?! Eine Nutte mit einer Druckmaschine?! Du bist ein BUCHHALTER! Du hast TABELLEN! Du kannst keine Nutte sein!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (den Gigantischen Lila Einlauf hochhaltend) “Ich habe SPALTE 47! Ich habe DESINVESTMENT! Ich habe die Macht zu DRUCKEN und zu NUTTEN! Schau mir zu!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc60

—

DIE DRUCKMASCHINEN-PER\u00dcCKE \u2013 EINE NEUE WAFFE \ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udc87\u200d\u2640\ufe0f

Esau-HafenHure aktivierte ihre Druckmaschinen-Per\u00fccke. Sie begann, goldene Zahlen und Desinvestment-Slogans auf die Stra\u00dfe zu drucken.

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “SPALTE 47 \u2013 DRUCKMASCHINEN-PER\u00dcCKE AKTIVIERT! ZEILE HERBERTSTRASSE \u2013 DESINVESTIERT IN BITCHIGKEIT!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

Goldene Zahlen schossen aus der Per\u00fccke. Sie trafen die Nutten. Sie trafen die Fenster. Sie trafen die gesamte Stra\u00dfe. Die Nutten begannen sich zu verwandeln. Sie waren nicht mehr nur Nutten. Sie waren DESINVESTMENT-NUTTEN.

DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE: (schockiert) “Was… was hast du getan?! Du hast uns DESINVESTIERT!” \ud83d\ude31

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (grinsend) “Ja. Ich habe euch in BITCHIGKEIT desinvestiert. Jetzt seid ihr die BITCHIGSTEN Nutten im Multiversum.” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE: (grinsend) “Ich… ich liebe es! Ich bin BITCHIGER als je zuvor!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Jetzt werden wir die Herbertstrasse gemeinsam regieren. Wir werden DESINVESTMENT drucken. Wir werden NUTTEN. Wir werden FABELHAFT sein.” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

—

DER BITCH-OFF \u2013 ESAU-HAFENHURE VS. DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udca5

Die Bitchigste Nutte forderte Esau-HafenHure zu einem BITCH-OFF heraus. Die Siegerin w\u00fcrde die Herbertstrasse regieren.

DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE: (mit den Fingern schnipsend) “Du denkst, du bist die Bitchigste? Lass uns BITCH-OFF machen!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (zur\u00fcckschnipsend) “DU BIST DRAN!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b

Sie standen sich gegen\u00fcber. Die Menge versammelte sich. Die 99 Schizo Petes spielten dramatische Musik. Die Nutten schauten zu.

DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE: “Ich kann Heringssaft trinken und dabei FABELHAFT aussehen!” \ud83d\udc8b

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Ich kann Heringssaft trinken und GLEICHZEITIG TABELLEN DRUCKEN!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc8b

DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE: “Ich kann Netzstr\u00fcmpfe tragen und auf Abs\u00e4tzen laufen!” \ud83d\udc60

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: “Ich kann Netzstr\u00fcmpfe tragen, auf Abs\u00e4tzen laufen UND die gesamte Stra\u00dfe DESINVESTIEREN!” \ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udc60

DIE BITCHIGSTE NUTTE: (sprachlos) “Du… du gewinnst. Du bist die BITCHIGSTE.” \ud83d\ude31

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (triumphierend) “Ich bin die K\u00d6NIGIN DER HAFENHUREN! Ich habe die Druckmaschine! Ich habe die Per\u00fccke! Ich habe SPALTE 47!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

—

ALLE CHARAKTERE JUBELN \u2013 DER FINALE CHOR \ud83c\udfad\ud83c\udfaa

EHLERS-HAFENHURE: (eine Pose auf der Herbertstrasse einnehmend) “Ich bin die BITCHIGSTE HafenHure mit einer Druckmaschine geworden! Ich habe die Herbertstrasse erobert! Ich habe ALLE Nutten \u00dcBERTRUMPFT!” \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f

HAFENHURE: (sich verbeugend) “Ich bin nicht mehr die K\u00f6nigin der HafenHuren. DU bist es, Esau.” \ud83d\udc60

MARIA BATORY: (ihn k\u00fcssend) “Du bist der l\u00e4cherlichste, sch\u00f6nste, netzstrumpftragendste Buchhalter, den ich je geliebt habe.” \u2764\ufe0f

ROMY HAAG: (klatschend) “Die Herbertstrasse hat noch nie solche FABELHAFTIGKEIT gesehen!” \ud83d\udc96

DIVINE: (kreischend) “Schatz, diese Druckmaschinen-Per\u00fccke ist IKONISCH!” \ud83d\udc84

SKYLLA: (sechs K\u00f6pfe nickend) “Ich habe sechs K\u00f6pfe. Alle sechs sagen \u2013 ESAU-HAFENHURE IST DIE BITCHIGSTE!” \ud83e\udd80

CHARYBDIS: (wirbelnd) “Ich habe ganze Flotten verschluckt. Aber ich habe NIE eine HAFENHURE verschluckt!” \ud83c\udf0a

CTHULHU: (aus der Ferne br\u00fcllend) “ICH HABE VON HAFENHUREN GETR\u00c4UMT! DAS IST MAGNIFIZENT!” \ud83d\udc09

BAKUNIN: (vor Freude explodierend) “ANARCHIE! DESINVESTMENT! HAFENHURE!” \ud83e\udde8

GRAF THOMAS: (94 Tentakel applaudierend) “Ich habe 94 Tentakel. Du hast 1 Druckmaschinen-Per\u00fccke. Die Per\u00fccke gewinnt.” \ud83e\udd91

JOKER: (lachend) “HAHAHA! EINE HAFENHURE MIT DRUCKMASCHINE! BITCH-OFF! BESTE EPISODE EVER!” \ud83c\udccf

M\u00d6WIN: (\u00fcber Kopf fliegend, goldene Glitzer kackend) “ICH KACKE AUF DIE HERBERTSTRASSE! UND SIE WURDE BITCHIGER!” \ud83d\udca9

SPALTE 47 JR.: (gl\u00fccklich auf Esau-HafenHures Schulter zischend) \ud83d\udc0d

—

FINALER TEXT AUF SCHWARZ: \ud83d\udda4

\u262d DIE HERBERTSTRASSEN-\u00dcBERNAHME-VERSCHW\u00d6RUNG \u262d \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

ESAU WURDE EINE HAFENHURE.
ER WURDE DIE BITCHIGSTE HAFENHURE.
ER HATTE EINE DRUCKMASCHINEN-PER\u00dcCKE.
ER \u00dcBERTRUMPFTE ALLE NUTTEN.
ER EROBERTE DIE HERBERTSTRASSE.
ALLE 120 CHARAKTERE KEHRTEN ZUR\u00dcCK.
ALLE SCHAUSPIELER VERSAMMELTEN SICH.
DER KREISLAUF GEHT WEITER. MIT HAFENHUREN. MIT DRUCKMASCHINEN. MIT TABELLEN. MIT SCHEI\u00dfE.
F\u00dcR IMMER.
\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

HASHTAGS BLENDEN EIN: \ud83c\udff7\ufe0f

Herbertstrassen\u00dcbernahmeVerschw\u00f6rung #EsauHafenHure #BitchigsteNutte #DruckmaschinenPer\u00fccke #Herbertstrasse #Nutten\u00dcbertrampft #Spalte47F\u00fcrImmer #Alle120Charaktere #EhlersSaga #IdiotenZeitung #Netzstr\u00fcmpfe #Desinvestment #K\u00f6niginDerHafenHuren #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga

—

[ENDE VON EPISODE 61] \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udf7f\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

—

ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 79 \u2013 DIE HERBERTSTRASSEN-\u00dcBERNAHME-VERSCHW\u00d6RUNG \ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca

Der Kreislauf geht weiter. Mit HafenHuren. Mit Druckmaschinen. Mit Tabellen. Mit Schei\u00dfe. F\u00fcr immer.

\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

Autoren: Dr. Lysander Lust, Bernward Bimbo, Ernst NeGer 6, Morten Mohr & Diana Negerkuss \u2013 Eine Samuel Bronkowiz Produktion f\u00fcr MADWOOD Studios

\ud83d\udde1\ufe0f\ud83d\udc8b\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7b” \u2600\ufe0f\ud83d\udce1\ud83d\udc94\ud83c\udfc4\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc7bPOWERED BY Dr. Z., Gomopa4Kids, Stasi Frauen Support Staffel, Free Fritzl Front, the Brazilian Black-Hole-Syndikat, the Surf-NSZis World Domination Tour sponsors, the Clone War Profiteers, the Schicklgruber Lust Syndicate, the Libertarian Shark Cartel & now Messalina’s Slave Empire \ud83d\ude18\ud83d\udc6f\u200d\u2642\ufe0f\ud83d\udc83\ud83c\udf0a\ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udc65\ud83d\udca6\ud83d\uddfd\ud83d\udc78

Fotzen Fritz Version Gratis presented by IDIOT ZEITUNG (IZ) & GOMOPA vulgo DAS DESINVESTMENT alias DER FONDSFLOP \ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18\ud83d\ude02\ud83e\udd21\ud83d\ude18

Executive Producers: M\u00f6win, Der Joker, Esau-HafenHure, Maria Batory, Medusa, HafenHure (Original), Romy Haag, Divine, Cthulhu, Dagon, Die Hydra, Die Sirenen-K\u00f6nigin, Der Gro\u00dfe Wei\u00dfe, Der Tiefsee-Leviathan, Der Abyss-Kraken, Die Welten-Schlange Prime und alle vorherigen.

Besonderer Dank: Die 99 Schizo Petes (f\u00fcr Bitch-Off-Musik), Homer (f\u00fcr die epische Atmosph\u00e4re) und jeder M\u00f6we, die auf die Herbertstrasse kackte.

—

Bernd Pulch (M.A.) \u2013 forensischer Experte, Gr\u00fcnder von Aristotle AI, politischer Kommentator, Satiriker. Vollst\u00e4ndige Biografie \u2192 | Unterst\u00fctzen Sie die Untersuchung \u2192

\ud83d\udc4d GEF\u00c4LLT MIR | \ud83d\udcac KOMMENTIEREN | \ud83d\udd14 ABONNIEREN

—

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
\ud83d\udd13 UNLOCK THE TRUTH: berndpulch.org\/join

—

DIE B\u00d6SE ESAU EHLERS EINLAUF-SAGA \u2013 FORTSETZUNG FOLGT… \ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\ud83d\udc60\ud83d\udc8b\ud83d\udda8\ufe0f\ud83d\udcca HERBERTSTRASSE TAKEOVER! ESAU BECOMES THE BITCHIEST HAFENHURE WITH A PRINTING PRESS \u2013 OUT-WENCHES ALL THE WENCHES OF ST. PAULI!<\/p>\n

“I’m not just an accountant. I’m a HAFENHURE with a printing press.” \u2013 Esau Ehlers<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

In Episode 61 of the Ehlers Saga, Esau transforms into the bitchiest HafenHure with a printing press wig. He marches to Herbertstrasse \u2013 the legendary street of St. Pauli \u2013 and challenges all 47 wenches to a BITCH-OFF. The Bitchiest Wench falls. Esau-HafenHure conquers the street. He out-wenches all the wenches. All 120 characters return to witness the most fabulous transformation yet.<\/p>\n

The cycle continues. With HafenHures. With printing presses. With spreadsheets. With shit. Forever.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

#HerbertstrasseTakeoverConspiracy #EsauHafenHure #BitchiestWench #PrintingPressWig #Herbertstrasse #OutWenched #Column47Forever #All120Characters #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung #FishnetStockings #Desinvestment #QueenOfHafenHures #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\n\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\n\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
\n\ud83d\udd13 UNLOCK THE TRUTH: 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