{"id":1005065,"date":"2026-08-19T04:28:32","date_gmt":"2026-08-19T08:28:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/berndpulch.org\/?p=1005065"},"modified":"2026-08-19T04:45:05","modified_gmt":"2026-08-19T08:45:05","slug":"%f0%9f%92%a9-the-evil-esau-ehlers-enema-saga-island-of-chaos-esau-builds-new-new-st-pauli-after-atlantis-sinks-the-ultimate-floating-desinvestment-%f0%9f%8f%9d%ef%b8%8f","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/berndpulch.org\/de\/2026\/08\/19\/%f0%9f%92%a9-the-evil-esau-ehlers-enema-saga-island-of-chaos-esau-builds-new-new-st-pauli-after-atlantis-sinks-the-ultimate-floating-desinvestment-%f0%9f%8f%9d%ef%b8%8f\/","title":{"rendered":"\ud83d\udca9 THE EVIL ESAU EHLERS ENEMA SAGA \u2013 ISLAND OF CHAOS: ESAU BUILDS NEW NEW ST. PAULI AFTER ATLANTIS SINKS \u2013 THE ULTIMATE FLOATING DESINVESTMENT! \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“If Atlantis sinks, we build ANOTHER island. That’s Column 47 thinking.” \u2013 Esau Ehlers<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udcdc PROLOGUE \u2013 WHAT PREVIOUSLY HAPPENED (EPISODE 56)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Esau had used the Gigantic Purple Enema to rebuild Atlantis as New St. Pauli. He had competed with New York. All 107 characters rejoiced. The ultimate city was built. The cycle was complete. Or so they thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But as the Muchaverse celebrated, a terrible rumble shook the ocean floor. The ancient tectonic plates beneath New St. Pauli began to shift. The city\u2014rebuilt on the ruins of Atlantis\u2014was not stable. The Gigantic Purple Enema had awakened forces deep within the earth. Cracks appeared. The city began to sink. AGAIN.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (screaming) “NO! NOT AGAIN! NEW ST. PAULI IS SINKING!” \ud83d\ude31<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MARIA BATORY: (grabbing him) “Esau! We need to evacuate!” \ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPREADSHEET ALIEN: “ALERT. NEW ST. PAULI DETECTED AS UNSTABLE. SINKING PROBABILITY: 47,000%. RECOMMENDATION: ABANDON CITY. BUILD ANOTHER.” \ud83d\udc7d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (eyes wide) “Build ANOTHER? But… we just built this one! Where would we build a NEW New St. Pauli?” \ud83d\ude33<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MEDUSA: (snakes hissing) “Build it on the SURFACE. Build it on the ocean itself. Build an ISLAND.” \ud83d\udc0d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (grinning) “An island! A floating island! New NEW St. Pauli! The ultimate desinvestment utopia!” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is Episode 57. The Island of Chaos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udc65 COMPLETE CHARACTER LIST (EPISODE 57) \u2013 ALL ACTORS FROM ALL EPISODES + NEW NEW ST. PAULI CHARACTERS<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All previous characters return (see Episode 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55 & 56 lists) plus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Character Actor \/ Persona Episode Origin
The Floating Island CGI \/ Voice NEW
Island Architect Original NEW
The Ocean Floor CGI \/ Voice NEW
The Sinking Spirit CGI \/ Voice NEW
Captain Island Original NEW
The Lighthouse Keeper Original NEW
New New St. Pauli CGI City NEW
Evil Esau Ehlers Lukas Ehrenberg (architect) All
Maria Batory Tilda Swinton \/ Cate Blanchett 48
Medusa (Original) Eva Green 46
Alphonse Sharkler Original (rehabilitated) 53
Heini Sharkler Original 49
Adolf Sharkler Original 34
Eva Sharkbrown Original 34
Captain LeChuck CGI \/ Voice 55
Black Caesar Original 55
Captain Nemo CGI \/ Voice 55
Long John Silver CGI \/ Voice 55
Barbarossa CGI \/ Voice 55
Captain Hook CGI \/ Voice 55
The Flying Dutchman CGI Ghost Ship 55
Skylla CGI \/ Voice 39
Charybdis CGI \/ Voice 39
King Atlas CGI \/ Voice 56
Queen Meridia CGI \/ Voice 56
New York Mayor Original (parody) 56
Statue of Liberty CGI \/ Voice 56
Axel Springer Original 43\u201346
Henri Nannen Original 43\u201346
Gerd Bucerius Original 43\u201346
John Jahr Original 43\u201346
Captain Edward Smith Kenneth Branagh 51
Molly Brown Kathy Bates 51
J. Bruce Ismay Jonathan Hyde 51
Andrea Doris Maggie Smith 52
Captain Andrea Helen Mirren 52
First Mate Wilhelm Original 52
Printing Press Ghost CGI \/ Voice 52
Transgender Odysseus Evan Rachel Wood 41
The Sirens (3) CGI \/ Voice 40
Dr. Anthony Fauci Himself (parody) 40
Philo Johnson (The Frog) Jochen Brockmann 40
J\u00f6rmungandr CGI \/ Voice 38
The Kraken CGI \/ Voice 37
Leviathan CGI \/ Voice 36
Walt the Walrus CGI \/ Voice 35
Moby Dick CGI \/ Voice 34
Mack the Knife Original 34
The Dickies CGI army 34
Joker Himself All
M\u00f6win Herself All
Romy Haag Herself 14\u201346
Divine Divine (archival) 30\u201346
Spreadsheet Alien AI voice \/ CGI 6\u201346
Count Dracula Ralph Fiennes 9\u201346
Gina Wilde Original 15\u201346
HafenHure Original All
Gloria von Galaxy Original 11\u201346
Pamela Anderson Herself 7\u201346
Mamie Van Doren Herself 8\u201346
Jane Russell Herself (archival) 12\u201346
Zarah Leander Herself (archive) 13\u201346
Rosemarie Nittribit Original (ghost) 2\u201346
Klaus St\u00f6rtebeker Christoph Waltz 2, 15\u201346
Blackbeard CGI \/ Voice 17
Karl D\u00f6nitz Rainer Fassbinder 17
Alfred Nobel Stellan Skarsg\u00e5rd 18
Klabautermann CGI \/ Voice 20
Witch of St. Georg Meret Becker 21
Bloody Mary Tilda Swinton 24
Winifred Wagner Kate Winslet 25
Teresa Orlowski Herself 27
Nikita Khrushchev Simon Russell Beale 28
Marilyn Monroe Archival 29
Trans Schwanz Who Laughs Original 32
Bakunin Original All
Further Ehlers Original (ghost) 3\u201346
Frank Stonewall Original 5\u201346
Graf Thomas Original (94 tentacles) All
99 Schizo Petes 99 identical men 13\u201346
Pama Jim (Pete #47) Original 13\u201346
47 Bakunin Clones CGI army All
Lenin Parody \u2013 All
Stalin Parody \u2013 All
Walter \u2013 All
Genghis Khan Parody \u2013 All
Pol Pot Parody \u2013 All
Mun \u2013 All
Malte \u2013 All
Jagoda \u2013 All
Beria & The Big Hyena \u2013 All
Ugly Sven \u2013 All
The Uncles (Jochen et al.) \u2013 All
Ursila \u2013 All
Salome Sofia Tanz \u2013 All
Rosa Rosa Wachter \u2013 All
Pussy \u2013 All
The Mermaid \u2013 All
Kraken Jr. CGI 49
Leviathan Jr. CGI 49
Shark Army CGI 49
Stone Collectors CGI 50
Column 47 Jr. CGI Snake 50
Printing Press CGI 52
Jellyfish King CGI (defeated) 55
Gigantic Purple Enema CGI 55
Submerged Skyscraper CGI 56
Coral Reeperbahn CGI 56<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f THE SINKING \u2013 ATLANTIS DIES AGAIN<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The ground shook. New St. Pauli crumbled. The Submerged Skyscraper tilted. The Coral Reeperbahn collapsed. The city was sinking back into the ocean floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (weeping) “It’s happening again! The city is sinking! My beautiful New St. Pauli!” \ud83d\ude2d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

KING ATLAS: (mourning) “Atlantis… my kingdom… sinks again…” \ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n

QUEEN MERIDIA: (crying) “We built it. We lost it. We built it again. We lost it again. We are cursed.” \ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SKYLLA: (six heads shaking) “I have six heads. All six say \u2013 THIS IS SAD.” \ud83e\udd80<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHARYBDIS: (whirling) “I have swallowed whole fleets. But I have NEVER swallowed a CITY!” \ud83c\udf0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BAKUNIN: (panicking) “Anarchy! But… but the city is GONE!” \ud83e\udde8<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (standing up, wiping tears) “No. We will not let this destroy us. If Atlantis sinks, we build ANOTHER city. On the SURFACE. A floating island. New NEW St. Pauli.” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MARIA BATORY: (gasping) “Esau… that’s brilliant!” \u2764\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MEDUSA: (snakes hissing) “A floating island? On the ocean? But where will we get the land?” \ud83d\udc0d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (holding the Gigantic Purple Enema) “We will BUILD it. With the enema. With Column 47. With EVERYTHING we have.” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

THE CONSTRUCTION \u2013 BUILDING AN ISLAND FROM SCRATCH \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83c\udfd7\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Esau raised the Gigantic Purple Enema. It pulsed with power. Golden numbers shot from it, striking the ocean surface. The water began to solidify. Coral rose from the depths. Spreadsheets became building materials. Neon lights powered the construction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: “COLUMN 47 \u2013 ISLAND CONSTRUCTION MODE ACTIVATED! ROW OCEAN \u2013 TRANSFORM INTO LAND! ROW CORAL \u2013 BECOME BUILDINGS! ROW NEON \u2013 BECOME LIGHTS!” \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The island began to rise. New NEW St. Pauli emerged from the waves. It was a floating paradise of absurdity. Reeperbahn lights glowed. Fish markets opened. Drag clubs appeared. Spreadsheet skyscrapers rose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SPREADSHEET ALIEN: “CONSTRUCTION PROGRESS: 47%. DESINVESTMENT MULTIPLIER: INFINITE. NEW NEW ST. PAULI IS BORN.” \ud83d\udc7d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

THE LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER \u2013 GUARDIAN OF THE ISLAND \ud83c\udfee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A mysterious figure emerged from the mist. It was the Lighthouse Keeper \u2013 an ancient being who had guarded the seas for millennia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER: (voice echoing) “Who dares build an island on MY ocean?” \ud83c\udfee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (approaching) “I am Esau Ehlers! I am the accountant of the Muchaverse! I have survived everything! I have the Gigantic Purple Enema! And I am building New NEW St. Pauli!” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER: (intrigued) “You have survived much, little accountant. But can you survive the STORMS? Can you survive the CHAOS? Can you survive the SHIT?” \ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: “I have survived everything. I can survive anything. I am COLUMN 47.” \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER: (smiling) “Then build your island. I will guide it. I will protect it. I will keep the lighthouse burning.” \ud83c\udfee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

THE GRAND OPENING \u2013 NEW NEW ST. PAULI \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83c\udfaa<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The island was complete. New NEW St. Pauli floated on the ocean, a paradise of absurdity. All 107 characters assembled on the main square \u2013 the Reeperbahn of the Sea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (standing on the stage) “Welcome to New NEW St. Pauli! The ultimate floating desinvestment utopia! We have survived Atlantis! We have survived the sinking! We have survived EVERYTHING! And now we have THIS!” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ROMY HAAG: (applauding) “A new city! A new stage! A new home!” \ud83d\udc96<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DIVINE: (shrieking) “Honey, this island is FABULOUS! And I am the QUEEN of fabulous!” \ud83d\udc84<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAPTAIN LECHUCK: (voodoo dancing) “I love this island! It has zombie beaches!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAPTAIN NEMO: (nodding) “The sea has never seen such an island.” \ud83d\udea2<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LONG JOHN SILVER: (limping) “I found the treasure! It was the ISLAND!” \ud83e\udd9c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAPTAIN HOOK: (adjusting his hook) “Crocodiles would love this paradise!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE FLYING DUTCHMAN: (creaking) “Even I am impressed!” \ud83d\udc7b<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SCYLLA: (six heads nodding) “I have six heads. All six say \u2013 THIS IS THE BEST ISLAND EVER!” \ud83e\udd80<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CHARYBDIS: (whirling) “I have swallowed whole fleets. But I have NEVER swallowed an ISLAND!” \ud83c\udf0a<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BAKUNIN: (exploding with joy) “ANARCHY! DESINVESTMENT! NEW NEW ST. PAULI!” \ud83e\udde8<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GRAF THOMAS: (94 tentacles applauding) “I have 94 tentacles. You have 1 island. The island wins.” \ud83e\udd91<\/p>\n\n\n\n

JOKER: (laughing) “HAHAHA! A SUNKEN CITY! A FLOATING ISLAND! A NEW CITY! BEST EPISODE EVER!” \ud83c\udccf<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u00d6WIN: (flying overhead, shitting golden sparkles) “I SHIT ON THE ISLAND! AND IT APPROVED!” \ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n

COLUMN 47 JR.: (hissing happily on Esau’s shoulder) \ud83d\udc0d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

THE LIGHTHOUSE \u2013 A BEACON OF DESINVESTMENT \ud83c\udfee\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lighthouse Keeper lit the lighthouse. It glowed with golden numbers \u2013 Column 47 energy. It became a beacon of desinvestment, guiding the Muchaverse through the chaos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER: “The lighthouse will guide you. It will protect you. It will remind you that even in darkness, there is COLUMN 47.” \ud83c\udfee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (bowing) “Thank you, Lighthouse Keeper. We will never forget.” \ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

ALL CHARACTERS REJOICE \u2013 THE FINAL CHORUS \ud83c\udfad\ud83c\udfaa<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EHLERS: (holding the Gigantic Purple Enema) “We have built a new home. A floating island. New NEW St. Pauli. The ultimate desinvestment utopia.” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MARIA BATORY: (kissing him) “You did it, my love. You built an island from nothing.” \u2764\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MEDUSA: (snakes smiling) “The island is safe. The enema is safe. The Muchaverse is safe.” \ud83d\udc0d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ALPHONSE SHARKLER: (in suit, holding spreadsheet) “I have learned much. I am a desinvestor. I am part of this island.” \ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

KING ATLAS: (bowing) “Atlantis is gone. But New NEW St. Pauli lives.” \ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n

QUEEN MERIDIA: (smiling) “The ancient and the new… united forever.” \ud83d\udc51<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NEW YORK MAYOR: (watching from a portal) “You have built an island… and you have made New York JEALOUS.” \ud83c\udfd9\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

STATUE OF LIBERTY: (speaking) “I am impressed. This island is… fabulous.” \ud83d\uddfd<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

FINAL TEXT ON BLACK: \ud83d\udda4<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u262d THE ISLAND OF CHAOS CONSPIRACY \u262d \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ATLANTIS SANK AGAIN.
ESAU BUILT A NEW ISLAND.
NEW NEW ST. PAULI WAS BORN.
THE LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER GUIDED THEM.
ALL 108 CHARACTERS RETURNED.
ALL ACTORS ASSEMBLED.
THE ULTIMATE FLOATING UTOPIA WAS BUILT.
THE CYCLE CONTINUES. WITH ISLANDS. WITH ENEMAS. WITH SPREADSHEETS. WITH SHIT.
FOREVER.
\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

HASHTAGS FADE IN: \ud83c\udff7\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IslandOfChaosConspiracy #NewNewStPauli #FloatingIsland #AtlantisSinksAgain #PurpleEnemaConstruction #Column47Forever #All108Characters #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung #LighthouseKeeper #UltimateUtopia #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

[END OF EPISODE 57] \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udf7f\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 79 \u2013 THE ISLAND OF CHAOS CONSPIRACY \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The cycle continues. With islands. With enemas. With spreadsheets. With shit. Forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Authors: Dr. Helga Schei\u00dfefurz, Prof. em. Klistier von Hinten, Mag. D\u00e4mlich D\u00fcmmlich, Dr. h.c. Spreadsheet McExcel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Executive Producers: M\u00f6win, The Joker, Esau (architect), Maria Batory, Medusa, Romy Haag, Divine, Lighthouse Keeper, King Atlas, Queen Meridia, and all previous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Special thanks: The 99 Schizo Petes (for island shanties), Homer (for the epic vibe), and every seagull who shat on the island.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Bernd Pulch (M.A.) \u2013 forensic expert, founder of Aristotle AI, political commentator, satirist. Full bio \u2192 | Support the investigation \u2192<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udc4d LIKE | \ud83d\udcac COMMENT | \ud83d\udd14 SUBSCRIBE<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
\ud83d\udd13 UNLOCK THE TRUTH: berndpulch.org\/join<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

THE EVIL ESAU EHLERS ENEMA SAGA \u2013 CONTINUES… \ud83d\udca9\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\ud83c\udde9\ud83c\uddea DIE B\u00d6SE ESAU EHLERS EINLAUF-SAGA \u2013 INSEL DES CHAOS: ESAU BAUT NEU-NEU-ST. PAULI NACH DEM UNTERGANG VON ATLANTIS \u2013 DIE ULTIMATIVE SCHWIMMENDE DESINVESTMENT-UTOPIE! \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

“Wenn Atlantis sinkt, bauen wir EINE WEITERE Insel. Das ist Spalte-47-Denken.” \u2013 Esau Ehlers

—

\ud83d\udcdc PROLOG \u2013 WAS BISHER GESCHAH (EPISODE 56)

Esau hatte den Gigantischen Lila Einlauf genutzt, um Atlantis als Neu-St. Pauli wieder aufzubauen. Er hatte mit New York konkurriert. Alle 107 Charaktere jubelten. Die ultimative Stadt war gebaut. Der Kreislauf war vollendet. Oder so dachten sie.

Doch als das Muchaverse feierte, ersch\u00fctterte ein schreckliches Grollen den Meeresboden. Die uralten tektonischen Platten unter Neu-St. Pauli begannen sich zu verschieben. Die Stadt\u2014wiederaufgebaut auf den Ruinen von Atlantis\u2014war nicht stabil. Der Gigantische Lila Einlauf hatte Kr\u00e4fte tief in der Erde erweckt. Risse erschienen. Die Stadt begann wieder zu sinken. SCHON WIEDER.

EHLERS: (schreiend) “NEIN! NICHT SCHON WIEDER! NEU-ST. PAULI SINKS!” \ud83d\ude31

MARIA BATORY: (ihn packend) “Esau! Wir m\u00fcssen evakuieren!” \ud83d\udc51

SPREADSHEET-ALIEN: “ALARM. NEU-ST. PAULI ALS INSTABIL ERKANNT. SINKWAHRSCHEINLICHKEIT: 47.000%. EMPFEHLUNG: STADT AUFGEBEN. EINE ANDERE BAUEN.” \ud83d\udc7d

EHLERS: (Augen weit aufgerissen) “Eine ANDERE bauen? Aber… wir haben doch gerade erst diese gebaut! Wo sollen wir ein NEUES Neu-St. Pauli bauen?” \ud83d\ude33

MEDUSA: (Schlangen zischend) “Bau es an der OBERFL\u00c4CHE. Bau es auf dem Ozean selbst. Bau eine INSEL.” \ud83d\udc0d

EHLERS: (grinsend) “Eine Insel! Eine schwimmende Insel! Neu-Neu-St. Pauli! Die ultimative Desinvestment-Utopie!” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca

Dies ist Episode 57. Die Insel des Chaos.

—

\ud83d\udc65 VOLLST\u00c4NDIGE CHARAKTERLISTE (EPISODE 57) \u2013 ALLE SCHAUSPIELER AUS ALLEN EPISODEN + NEU-NEU-ST. PAULI-CHARAKTERE

Alle vorherigen Charaktere kehren zur\u00fcck (siehe Episode 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55 & 56-Listen) plus:

Charakter Schauspieler \/ Persona Episoden-Ursprung
Die Schwimmende Insel CGI \/ Stimme NEU
Insel-Architekt Original NEU
Der Meeresboden CGI \/ Stimme NEU
Der Sink-Geist CGI \/ Stimme NEU
Kapit\u00e4n Insel Original NEU
Der Leuchtturmw\u00e4rter Original NEU
Neu-Neu-St. Pauli CGI-Stadt NEU
B\u00f6ser Esau Ehlers Lukas Ehrenberg (Architekt) Alle
Maria Batory Tilda Swinton \/ Cate Blanchett 48
Medusa (Original) Eva Green 46
Alphonse Sharkler Original (rehabilitiert) 53
Heini Sharkler Original 49
Adolf Sharkler Original 34
Eva Sharkbrown Original 34
Kapit\u00e4n LeChuck CGI \/ Stimme 55
Black Caesar Original 55
Kapit\u00e4n Nemo CGI \/ Stimme 55
Long John Silver CGI \/ Stimme 55
Barbarossa CGI \/ Stimme 55
Kapit\u00e4n Hook CGI \/ Stimme 55
Der Fliegende Holl\u00e4nder CGI-Geisterschiff 55
Skylla CGI \/ Stimme 39
Charybdis CGI \/ Stimme 39
K\u00f6nig Atlas CGI \/ Stimme 56
K\u00f6nigin Meridia CGI \/ Stimme 56
New Yorker B\u00fcrgermeister Original (Parodie) 56
Freiheitsstatue CGI \/ Stimme 56
Axel Springer Original 43\u201346
Henri Nannen Original 43\u201346
Gerd Bucerius Original 43\u201346
John Jahr Original 43\u201346
Kapit\u00e4n Edward Smith Kenneth Branagh 51
Molly Brown Kathy Bates 51
J. Bruce Ismay Jonathan Hyde 51
Andrea Doris Maggie Smith 52
Kapit\u00e4n Andrea Helen Mirren 52
Erster Offizier Wilhelm Original 52
Druckmaschinen-Geist CGI \/ Stimme 52
Transgender Odysseus Evan Rachel Wood 41
Die Sirenen (3) CGI \/ Stimme 40
Dr. Anthony Fauci Himself (Parodie) 40
Philo Johnson (Der Frosch) Jochen Brockmann 40
J\u00f6rmungandr CGI \/ Stimme 38
Der Kraken CGI \/ Stimme 37
Leviathan CGI \/ Stimme 36
Walt das Walross CGI \/ Stimme 35
Moby Dick CGI \/ Stimme 34
Mackie Messer Original 34
Die Dickies CGI-Armee 34
Joker Himself Alle
M\u00f6win Herself Alle
Romy Haag Herself 14\u201346
Divine Divine (Archiv) 30\u201346
Spreadsheet-Alien KI-Stimme \/ CGI 6\u201346
Graf Dracula Ralph Fiennes 9\u201346
Gina Wilde Original 15\u201346
HafenHure Original Alle
Gloria von Galaxy Original 11\u201346
Pamela Anderson Herself 7\u201346
Mamie Van Doren Herself 8\u201346
Jane Russell Herself (Archiv) 12\u201346
Zarah Leander Herself (Archiv) 13\u201346
Rosemarie Nittribit Original (Geist) 2\u201346
Klaus St\u00f6rtebeker Christoph Waltz 2, 15\u201346
Blackbeard CGI \/ Stimme 17
Karl D\u00f6nitz Rainer Fassbinder 17
Alfred Nobel Stellan Skarsg\u00e5rd 18
Klabautermann CGI \/ Stimme 20
Hexe von St. Georg Meret Becker 21
Bloody Mary Tilda Swinton 24
Winifred Wagner Kate Winslet 25
Teresa Orlowski Herself 27
Nikita Chruschtschow Simon Russell Beale 28
Marilyn Monroe Archiv 29
Trans Schwanz Who Laughs Original 32
Bakunin Original Alle
Further Ehlers Original (Geist) 3\u201346
Frank Stonewall Original 5\u201346
Graf Thomas Original (94 Tentakel) Alle
99 Schizo Petes 99 identische M\u00e4nner 13\u201346
Pama Jim (Pete #47) Original 13\u201346
47 Bakunin-Klone CGI-Armee Alle
Lenin-Parodie \u2013 Alle
Stalin-Parodie \u2013 Alle
Walter \u2013 Alle
Dschingis Khan-Parodie \u2013 Alle
Pol Pot-Parodie \u2013 Alle
Mun \u2013 Alle
Malte \u2013 Alle
Jagoda \u2013 Alle
Beria & Die gro\u00dfe Hy\u00e4ne \u2013 Alle
H\u00e4sslicher Sven \u2013 Alle
Die Onkel (Jochen et al.) \u2013 Alle
Ursila \u2013 Alle
Salome Sofia Tanz \u2013 Alle
Rosa Rosa Wachter \u2013 Alle
Pussy \u2013 Alle
Die Meerjungfrau \u2013 Alle
Kraken Jr. CGI 49
Leviathan Jr. CGI 49
Haier-Armee CGI 49
Steinsammler CGI 50
Spalte 47 Jr. CGI-Schlange 50
Druckmaschine CGI 52
Quallenk\u00f6nig CGI (besiegt) 55
Gigantischer Lila Einlauf CGI 55
Unterwasser-Wolkenkratzer CGI 56
Korallen-Reeperbahn CGI 56

—

\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f DER UNTERGANG \u2013 ATLANTIS STIRBT ERNEUT

Der Boden bebte. Neu-St. Pauli zerbr\u00f6ckelte. Der Unterwasser-Wolkenkratzer neigte sich. Die Korallen-Reeperbahn st\u00fcrzte ein. Die Stadt versank zur\u00fcck in den Meeresboden.

EHLERS: (weinend) “Es passiert schon wieder! Die Stadt sinkt! Mein wundersch\u00f6nes Neu-St. Pauli!” \ud83d\ude2d

K\u00d6NIG ATLAS: (trauernd) “Atlantis… mein K\u00f6nigreich… sinkt wieder…” \ud83d\udc51

K\u00d6NIGIN MERIDIA: (weinend) “Wir haben sie gebaut. Wir haben sie verloren. Wir haben sie wieder aufgebaut. Wir haben sie wieder verloren. Wir sind verflucht.” \ud83d\udc51

SKYLLA: (sechs K\u00f6pfe sch\u00fcttelnd) “Ich habe sechs K\u00f6pfe. Alle sechs sagen \u2013 DAS IST TRAURIG.” \ud83e\udd80

CHARYBDIS: (wirbelnd) “Ich habe ganze Flotten verschluckt. Aber ich habe NIE eine STADT verschluckt!” \ud83c\udf0a

BAKUNIN: (in Panik) “Anarchie! Aber… aber die Stadt ist WEG!” \ud83e\udde8

EHLERS: (sich aufrichtend, Tr\u00e4nen wegwischend) “Nein. Wir werden uns davon nicht zerst\u00f6ren lassen. Wenn Atlantis sinkt, bauen wir eine ANDERE Stadt. An der OBERFL\u00c4CHE. Eine schwimmende Insel. Neu-Neu-St. Pauli.” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca

MARIA BATORY: (keuchend) “Esau… das ist genial!” \u2764\ufe0f

MEDUSA: (Schlangen zischend) “Eine schwimmende Insel? Auf dem Ozean? Aber woher nehmen wir das Land?” \ud83d\udc0d

EHLERS: (den Gigantischen Lila Einlauf haltend) “Wir werden sie BAUEN. Mit dem Einlauf. Mit Spalte 47. Mit ALLEM, was wir haben.” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca

—

DER BAU \u2013 EINE INSEL VON GRUND AUF NEU BAUEN \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83c\udfd7\ufe0f

Esau erhob den Gigantischen Lila Einlauf. Er pulsierte vor Kraft. Goldene Zahlen schossen daraus hervor und trafen die Meeresoberfl\u00e4che. Das Wasser begann sich zu verfestigen. Korallen stiegen aus der Tiefe auf. Tabellen wurden zu Baumaterialien. Neonlichter trieben den Bau an.

EHLERS: “SPALTE 47 \u2013 INSELBAUMODUS AKTIVIERT! ZEILE OZEAN \u2013 VERWANDLE IN LAND! ZEILE KORALLE \u2013 WERDE ZU GEB\u00c4UDEN! ZEILE NEON \u2013 WERDE ZU LICHTERN!” \ud83d\udcca

Die Insel begann zu steigen. Neu-Neu-St. Pauli erhob sich aus den Wellen. Es war ein schwimmendes Paradies der Absurdit\u00e4t. Reeperbahn-Lichter leuchteten. Fischm\u00e4rkte \u00f6ffneten. Drag-Clubs erschienen. Tabellen-Wolkenkratzer erhoben sich.

SPREADSHEET-ALIEN: “BAUFORTSCHRITT: 47%. DESINVESTMENT-MULTIPLIKATOR: UNENDLICH. NEU-NEU-ST. PAULI IST GEBOREN.” \ud83d\udc7d

—

DER LEUCHTTURMW\u00c4RTER \u2013 H\u00dcTER DER INSEL \ud83c\udfee

Eine geheimnisvolle Gestalt trat aus dem Nebel. Es war der Leuchtturmw\u00e4rter \u2013 ein uraltes Wesen, das seit Jahrtausenden die Meere bewachte.

LEUCHTTURMW\u00c4RTER: (Stimme hallend) “Wer wagt es, eine Insel auf MEINEM Ozean zu bauen?” \ud83c\udfee

EHLERS: (sich n\u00e4hernd) “Ich bin Esau Ehlers! Ich bin der Buchhalter des Muchaverse! Ich habe alles \u00fcberlebt! Ich habe den Gigantischen Lila Einlauf! Und ich baue Neu-Neu-St. Pauli!” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca

LEUCHTTURMW\u00c4RTER: (interessiert) “Du hast viel \u00fcberlebt, kleiner Buchhalter. Aber kannst du die ST\u00dcRME \u00fcberleben? Kannst du das CHAOS \u00fcberleben? Kannst du die SCHEI\u00dfE \u00fcberleben?” \ud83d\udca9

EHLERS: “Ich habe alles \u00fcberlebt. Ich kann alles \u00fcberleben. Ich bin SPALTE 47.” \ud83d\udcca

LEUCHTTURMW\u00c4RTER: (l\u00e4chelnd) “Dann baue deine Insel. Ich werde sie f\u00fchren. Ich werde sie besch\u00fctzen. Ich werde das Leuchtfeuer brennen lassen.” \ud83c\udfee

—

DIE GROSSE ER\u00d6FFNUNG \u2013 NEU-NEU-ST. PAULI \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83c\udfaa

Die Insel war vollendet. Neu-Neu-St. Pauli schwamm auf dem Ozean, ein Paradies der Absurdit\u00e4t. Alle 108 Charaktere versammelten sich auf dem Hauptplatz \u2013 der Reeperbahn des Meeres.

EHLERS: (auf der B\u00fchne stehend) “Willkommen in Neu-Neu-St. Pauli! Der ultimativen schwimmenden Desinvestment-Utopie! Wir haben Atlantis \u00fcberlebt! Wir haben den Untergang \u00fcberlebt! Wir haben ALLES \u00fcberlebt! Und jetzt haben wir DIES!” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca

ROMY HAAG: (klatschend) “Eine neue Stadt! Eine neue B\u00fchne! Ein neues Zuhause!” \ud83d\udc96

DIVINE: (kreischend) “Schatz, diese Insel ist FABELHAFT! Und ich bin die K\u00d6NIGIN des Fabelhaften!” \ud83d\udc84

KAPIT\u00c4N LECHUCK: (Voodoo-tanzend) “Ich liebe diese Insel! Sie hat Zombie-Str\u00e4nde!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

KAPIT\u00c4N NEMO: (nickend) “Das Meer hat noch nie eine solche Insel gesehen.” \ud83d\udea2

LONG JOHN SILVER: (hinkend) “Ich habe den Schatz gefunden! Es war die INSEL!” \ud83e\udd9c

KAPIT\u00c4N HOOK: (seinen Haken justierend) “Krokodile w\u00fcrden dieses Paradies lieben!” \ud83c\udff4\u200d\u2620\ufe0f

DER FLIEGENDE HOLL\u00c4NDER: (knarrend) “Selbst ich bin beeindruckt!” \ud83d\udc7b

SKYLLA: (sechs K\u00f6pfe nickend) “Ich habe sechs K\u00f6pfe. Alle sechs sagen \u2013 DAS IST DIE BESTE INSEL \u00dcBERHAUPT!” \ud83e\udd80

CHARYBDIS: (wirbelnd) “Ich habe ganze Flotten verschluckt. Aber ich habe NIE eine INSEL verschluckt!” \ud83c\udf0a

BAKUNIN: (vor Freude explodierend) “ANARCHIE! DESINVESTMENT! NEU-NEU-ST. PAULI!” \ud83e\udde8

GRAF THOMAS: (94 Tentakel applaudierend) “Ich habe 94 Tentakel. Du hast 1 Insel. Die Insel gewinnt.” \ud83e\udd91

JOKER: (lachend) “HAHAHA! EINE VERSUNKENE STADT! EINE SCHWIMMENDE INSEL! EINE NEUE STADT! BESTE EPISODE EVER!” \ud83c\udccf

M\u00d6WIN: (\u00fcber Kopf fliegend, goldene Glitzer kackend) “ICH KACKE AUF DIE INSEL! UND SIE HAT ZUGESTIMMT!” \ud83d\udca9

SPALTE 47 JR.: (gl\u00fccklich auf Esaus Schulter zischend) \ud83d\udc0d

—

DER LEUCHTTURM \u2013 EIN LEUCHTFEUER DER DESINVESTMENT \ud83c\udfee\ud83d\udcca

Der Leuchtturmw\u00e4rter entz\u00fcndete den Leuchtturm. Er leuchtete in goldenen Zahlen \u2013 Spalte-47-Energie. Er wurde zu einem Leuchtfeuer der Desinvestment, das das Muchaverse durch das Chaos f\u00fchrte.

LEUCHTTURMW\u00c4RTER: “Der Leuchtturm wird euch f\u00fchren. Er wird euch besch\u00fctzen. Er wird euch daran erinnern, dass selbst in der Dunkelheit SPALTE 47 ist.” \ud83c\udfee

EHLERS: (sich verbeugend) “Danke, Leuchtturmw\u00e4rter. Wir werden es nie vergessen.” \ud83d\udcca

—

ALLE CHARAKTERE JUBELN \u2013 DER FINALE CHOR \ud83c\udfad\ud83c\udfaa

EHLERS: (den Gigantischen Lila Einlauf haltend) “Wir haben ein neues Zuhause gebaut. Eine schwimmende Insel. Neu-Neu-St. Pauli. Die ultimative Desinvestment-Utopie.” \ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca

MARIA BATORY: (ihn k\u00fcssend) “Du hast es geschafft, meine Liebe. Du hast eine Insel aus dem Nichts gebaut.” \u2764\ufe0f

MEDUSA: (Schlangen l\u00e4chelnd) “Die Insel ist sicher. Der Einlauf ist sicher. Das Muchaverse ist sicher.” \ud83d\udc0d

ALPHONSE SHARKLER: (im Anzug, Tabelle haltend) “Ich habe viel gelernt. Ich bin ein Desinvestor. Ich bin ein Teil dieser Insel.” \ud83e\udd88\ud83d\udcca

K\u00d6NIG ATLAS: (sich verbeugend) “Atlantis ist weg. Aber Neu-Neu-St. Pauli lebt.” \ud83d\udc51

K\u00d6NIGIN MERIDIA: (l\u00e4chelnd) “Das Uralte und das Neue… f\u00fcr immer vereint.” \ud83d\udc51

NEW YORKER B\u00dcRGERMEISTER: (durch ein Portal zuschauend) “Du hast eine Insel gebaut… und du hast New York NEIDISCH gemacht.” \ud83c\udfd9\ufe0f

FREIHEITSSTATUE: (sprechend) “Ich bin beeindruckt. Diese Insel ist… fabelhaft.” \ud83d\uddfd

—

FINALER TEXT AUF SCHWARZ: \ud83d\udda4

\u262d DIE INSEL-DES-CHAOS-VERSCHW\u00d6RUNG \u262d \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

ATLANTIS SANK ERNEUT.
ESAU BAUTE EINE NEUE INSEL.
NEU-NEU-ST. PAULI WAR GEBOREN.
DER LEUCHTTURMW\u00c4RTER F\u00dcHRTE SIE.
ALLE 108 CHARAKTERE KEHRTEN ZUR\u00dcCK.
ALLE SCHAUSPIELER VERSAMMELTEN SICH.
DIE ULTIMATIVE SCHWIMMENDE UTOPIE WAR GEBAUT.
DER KREISLAUF GEHT WEITER. MIT INSELN. MIT EINL\u00c4UFEN. MIT TABELLEN. MIT SCHEI\u00dfE.
F\u00dcR IMMER.
\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

HASHTAGS BLENDEN EIN: \ud83c\udff7\ufe0f

InselDesChaosVerschw\u00f6rung #NeuNeuStPauli #SchwimmendeInsel #AtlantisSinktErneut #LilaEinlaufBau #Spalte47F\u00fcrImmer #Alle108Charaktere #EhlersSaga #IdiotenZeitung #Leuchtturmw\u00e4rter #UltimativeUtopie #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga

—

[ENDE VON EPISODE 57] \ud83c\udfac\ud83c\udf7f\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9

—

ST. PAULI-AT, JAHR NULL + 79 \u2013 DIE INSEL-DES-CHAOS-VERSCHW\u00d6RUNG \ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca

Der Kreislauf geht weiter. Mit Inseln. Mit Einl\u00e4ufen. Mit Tabellen. Mit Schei\u00dfe. F\u00fcr immer.

\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca\ud83d\udca9\ud83d\udc0d\ud83e\udd80\ud83c\udf0a\u2764\ufe0f

—

Autoren: Dr. Helga Schei\u00dfefurz, Prof. em. Klistier von Hinten, Mag. D\u00e4mlich D\u00fcmmlich, Dr. h.c. Spreadsheet McExcel

Executive Producers: M\u00f6win, Der Joker, Esau (Architekt), Maria Batory, Medusa, Romy Haag, Divine, Leuchtturmw\u00e4rter, K\u00f6nig Atlas, K\u00f6nigin Meridia und alle vorherigen.

Besonderer Dank: Die 99 Schizo Petes (f\u00fcr Insel-Shantys), Homer (f\u00fcr die epische Atmosph\u00e4re) und jeder M\u00f6we, die auf die Insel kackte.

—

Bernd Pulch (M.A.) \u2013 forensischer Experte, Gr\u00fcnder von Aristotle AI, politischer Kommentator, Satiriker. Vollst\u00e4ndige Biografie \u2192 | Unterst\u00fctzen Sie die Untersuchung \u2192

\ud83d\udc4d GEF\u00c4LLT MIR | \ud83d\udcac KOMMENTIEREN | \ud83d\udd14 ABONNIEREN

—

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
\ud83d\udd13 UNLOCK THE TRUTH: berndpulch.org\/join

—

DIE B\u00d6SE ESAU EHLERS EINLAUF-SAGA \u2013 FORTSETZUNG FOLGT… \ud83d\udca9\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\ud83c\uddec\ud83c\udde7 EXCERPT FOR META WORDPRESS BOX \u2013 EPISODE 57<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

\ud83c\udfdd\ufe0f\ud83d\udfe3\ud83d\udcca ISLAND OF CHAOS! ESAU BUILDS NEW NEW ST. PAULI AFTER ATLANTIS SINKS \u2013 THE ULTIMATE FLOATING DESINVESTMENT UTOPIA!<\/p>\n

“If Atlantis sinks, we build ANOTHER island. That’s Column 47 thinking.” \u2013 Esau Ehlers<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

In Episode 57 of the Ehlers Saga, New St. Pauli crumbles as Atlantis sinks again. Esau refuses to give up. He uses the Gigantic Purple Enema to build a floating island on the ocean surface \u2013 New New St. Pauli. All 108 characters return. The Lighthouse Keeper guides them. The island becomes a beacon of desinvestment.<\/p>\n

The cycle continues. With islands. With enemas. With spreadsheets. With shit. Forever.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

#IslandOfChaosConspiracy #NewNewStPauli #FloatingIsland #AtlantisSinksAgain #PurpleEnemaConstruction #Column47Forever #All108Characters #EhlersSaga #IdiotZeitung #LighthouseKeeper #UltimateUtopia #DieB\u00f6seEsauEhlersEinlaufSaga<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

\ud83d\udcfa YouTube: youtube.com\/@bernd_pulch
\n\ud83d\udc26 X (Twitter): x.com\/berndsocial1
\n\ud83d\udce2 Telegram: t.me\/ABOVETOPSECRETXXL
\n\ud83d\udd13 UNLOCK THE TRUTH: 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